Brad Pitt.
My reply? "But I've got a fucking great beard!"

The reply from her? "I thought it was a disguise you bought from a joke shop"
(David Fishwick Minibus Sales - notmad.co.uk, Thu 31 May 2007, 19:45, Reply)

Only the one time....
Once, while enjoying a quiet lemonade or five in a local(ish) pub. (My actual local is full of chavs wanting a fight) A random bloke approched my collective and asked, quite openly, If I was Danny Wallace, of Castaway and Dave Gorman fame, we were all so taken aback, he wouldn't take "no" for an answer* so I signed his copy of "Yes Man" in the most illegible scrawl possible as to avoid any possible confusion it had really been signed by anyone who could actually write. He seemed more than happy though.

*This, inconveniently being the truth
(apatao, Thu 31 May 2007, 19:44, Reply)

Oh the fun I have.
...eating pork and inciting jihads, and letting him take the blame.

Omar Bakri Mohammed (The Tottenham Ayatollah) and Tepid Halibut (You 'umble B3TAN.) I forget which is which !
( Tepid_Halibut felt like a cold, empty shell of a human...until, Thu 31 May 2007, 19:41, Reply)

My Dad
Way before he met my Mum, my Dad was taking a girl out for the first time and decided to take her to a posh pub in London. No sooner had he crossed the threshold than the landlord ran over and said "You! I've told you you're never coming back in here!" Despite Dad's protestations that he had never been there before the landlord remained unmoved, and this first date turned out to be the last.

I regret I never got a chance to thank that landlord - if he hadn't made the mistake Dad would probably never have met my Mum.
(eesnahk, Thu 31 May 2007, 19:39, Reply)

i was once mistaken for someone who gave a fuck...
i dont!
( Zank Frappa Who let the lefties in?, Thu 31 May 2007, 19:28, Reply)

Another boring QOTW
Apparently I look like a young Jane Torville, the Ice skater when she was famous for that Bolero music some time back.

Then there was the Mel Gibson lookalike I met about 4 weeks ago that was absolutely gorgeous. I told him and he said, yeah loads of women tell me that. Got a load of texts off him.

No. Too complicated. He's a Lorry Driver (a very fanciable one. They do exist !!) He was up for it but I'm married :-(

Sometimes you just have to bite the dust.

Mind you I think James Tiger Woods looks a little bit like Tiger Woods......??
( Tiggy the diver, Thu 31 May 2007, 19:18, Reply)

Taaaaaatvaaaaaaa
I have been mistaken for two people and one band (no really)...

Once outside a nightclub during my mid 1990's indie period. Some girl wandered past me and shouted something. My mate shat himself with laughter and finally, with tears running down his pimply mush explained she had said "Hey it's that Crispian Mills from Kulashaker". I then called him a cunt for not telling me earlier "Because I coulda pulled".

Secondly until my hair went spiky people kept thinking I was Mackenzie Crook, the goofy one out of The Office. Not funny.

And whilst entering a pub once a VERY drunk geriatric man shouted "It's fucking Blur" at me. My mates giggled while I turned a deep crimson... later on the same guy suddenly flopped out a guitar, plugged it into a suitcase (which had an amp and speaker inside, no I don't know why either), his mate whipped out a clarinet and they started playing/singing together. Halfway through the first song and I was struggling not to laugh at which point the old guy stops playing and once again shouts..

"It's fucking Blur".

Then they started playing again. The pub emptied in less than three minutes, no word of a lie.

OAP cunt.!
(elfinpunk Touching Cloth Since, Thu 31 May 2007, 19:15, Reply)

Christ...
Well I suppose I'll never meet any of you.

I was in a restaurant once and when I sat down the girl on the next table squealed and tried to feed me some of her ice cream. Then her face fell and she said "oh sorry love I thought you was Elton John".

In Manchester a chav walked past and said "fookin ell I thought that was Elton John".

And people occassionally refer to me as "Elton".

So either the entire world has colluded to make me feel paranoid about my appearance, or I lool something like Elton John. :-(
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 31 May 2007, 19:14, Reply)

b3ta mistakes me frequently
just look here
i was mistaken for a he-person.

b3ta.com/board/7238777

Outrageous
( Dr Scunner She’s a he, technically, but she’s scalding hot, Thu 31 May 2007, 19:08, Reply)

I haven't been truly mistaken for him yet...
...but when my hair was a lot longer I was told that I looked like this guy:



My last girlfriend has met Sean Bean and says that I look a lot like him.

*shrug*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 31 May 2007, 19:07, Reply)

It's me darling !
A woman who used to work at the same electronics factory as me many years ago, used to mistake me for her husband; because every wednesday night,she used to let me take her out for a couple of drinks, then shag her senseless in the back of her car !!!!! Result
(Betty Boothroyd's Love custard Tourettes at the KOB, Thu 31 May 2007, 19:06, Reply)

John Leslie.
When I worked in our local Shopping center I used to be stopped almost daily on my lunchbreak to be told that "I look really like John Leslie"

That sucked.
(Huw Edwards #notalljews, Thu 31 May 2007, 19:06, Reply)

Every Day!

With my twin brother.
Leading to endlessly hilarious consequences.

Someone who knows both of us: Hey Cat Fiddler
Me: No. I’m Dog Botherer!
Swkbou: Oh. HAHAHAHAHA
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Swkbou:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Or even funnier

Someone who doesn’t know both of us: Hey Cat Fiddler
Me: No, I’m his brother DogBotherer.
Swdkbou: Fuck off Cat, it’s you isn’t it.
Me: No really, I’m his brother.
Swdkbou: Stop it.
Me: No really…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Swdkbou: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Or best of all

Someone who knows both of us: Hey DogBotherer
Me: No. I’m Cat Fiddler!
Swkbou: Oh. HAHAHAHAHA
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Swkbou:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: I got you HAHAHA I’m really DogBotherer HAHAHAHA
Swkbou:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And don’t get me started on the fun we had a school…
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 31 May 2007, 19:04, Reply)

Shave off the beard and sort out the lips, and this man is me


He is Kristian 'Varg' Vikernes, Norwegian murderer, Nazi, black metallist, church burner and general tabloid fodder extraordinaire. His Wikipedia is here, which gives a bit more detail on the man's ideals and crimes.

The resemblance is so strong that many a pissed up metalhead has asked me why the hell I'm in Belfast and not composing pathetically faux-artistic ambient bullshit in some Norwegian prison cell. I simply smile enigmatically, wink and say 'Beer is good, ja?'

Then they buy me Guinness all night in return for on-the-fly fabricated anecdotes about how I wrote such and such a song and why the icy fjords are so hauntingly beautiful and other such patent bollocks. They leave with a sense of understanding and mild awe, and I leave very very drunk indeed.

Every cloud etc.
(SurferRosa causing the lamentation of the womenfolk since, Thu 31 May 2007, 18:56, Reply)

Tallest man in britian
I remember when i was younger, i was knocking about with my best mate richard and his cousin neil just in the back street havin a kick about. Anway this particually day this bloke came to neil's house that mustve been about 7 foot tall, while where fannying about not from from him. I proclaimed to neil while winking at richard on the sly "Christ! i know him, he was on the telly last nite, its the tallest bloke in britain!" Neil bein neil ran in the door before him, grabbed a pen a bit of paper and says "excuse can i have your autograph please, ave never met the tallest bloke in britain before!" The bloke replied quite sheepishly " neither have i, ave came to check your electric meter!"
Was funnier at the time :P
(She is the walrus superMinx, Thu 31 May 2007, 18:52, Reply)

NOT AT ALL RELATED
Oh how they laughed when they found out where I was going. Being anally raped horrible, you know. Word of advice- NEVER go to France. The people there smell.
(abignumber, Thu 31 May 2007, 18:46, Reply)

Worth it!!
I was in a pub in my home town, minding my own business when a random guy walked to my table and sat down. I looked at the guy who then said "I'm really sorry Macca, I've been mening to give this back to you for ages" and thrusts an envelope in my hand. He then stood up, said "no hard feelings then mate" and left by the side door.
Strange, I thought. On opening the envelope and finding a cash sum not unadjacent to £700 in used 20's I made my escape.
I am not Macca. I don't know anyone called Macca.



I haven't been in that pub since, he might want his money back!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 31 May 2007, 18:19, Reply)

Kill me now....
A girl once said to me "You're Daniel Bedingfield! Christ you've put on weight!"

I told her I was Daniel Bedingfield, and I've put on weight it's because I sleep with my sister.

You would though, wouldn't you?
(rhyswynne - on every social network mullarkey known to man, Thu 31 May 2007, 17:59, Reply)

Baby mother
When my sister was a ickle kiddie, we had to take her for check-ups every so often (mostly because she had dodgy eyesight). My mum was out somewhere and couldn't take her, so good old dad said yes, and since it was a school holiday, took me with him. We sat around, my sister had a few tests done - one particularly nasty one where she had to look through a pair of specs and tell the nurse if she could see the object in 3D or not: she certainly saw it, and has been afraid of flies since :P - anywho, the nurse brought her out and said 'Is this your mum and dad?'....My dad's face was a picture :)
( its_hatorah_bitch is b3ta the devil you know on, Thu 31 May 2007, 17:59, Reply)

Old Joke
But on topic...


Jesus made his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.

"See here, old fellow," said Jesus kindly, "This is heaven. The sun is shining, you've got all you could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play-- you're supposed to be blissfully happy! What's wrong?

"Well," said the old man, "You see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only, dearly beloved son at an early age. And here in heaven I was hoping more than anything to find him."

"Tears sprang from Jesus' eyes. "FATHER!" he cried.

The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, "PINOCCHIO!"

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 31 May 2007, 17:56, Reply)

Gordon Brown?
I went to a kiddy birthday party last Sunday and a random woman - without a hint of introduction said, "Are you related to Gordon Brown? I saw a documentary about him, and you look a lot like him when he was younger."

I didn't really know how to take this - and it left me feeling a bit unsettled and sulky.

Anyway, I've just googled him, and I can now see (sort of) what she meant.

But still, it's an odd thing to say to someone you don't know.


( rob, Thu 31 May 2007, 17:53, Reply)

Oh God...
.
Early 80's, pissed out of my skull and I mangaged to trap off with a lovely girl. We arranged to meet in the same bar the following week.

I turned up. She turned up with one of her mates (who was there when I orginally pulled her) and I walked over and kissed the wrong bloody one!

Oops!

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 31 May 2007, 17:53, Reply)

Have you ever had 50 West Ham fans on a match day
gather around a statue of Bobby Charlton and friends and chant "Mick Hucknall" at you?

Frankly, I don't see the resemblance.


( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Thu 31 May 2007, 17:50, Reply)

Executed to perfection...
I was in the VIP stand at Haydock Racecourse a few years back with some mates, enjoying a bevy or two, as you do. We spotted a couple of Liverpool players, namely Ian Rush and Jan Molby. As they walked by our table my mate shouts “Aldo!”, looking Ian Rush straight in the face. Jan Molby pisses his sides at the embarrassed Rushy, who was by now shaking hands with our guests and being acknowledged as John. My mate knew exactly what he was doing, which just added to the whole incident. For all you non-football fans, John Aldridge was the double of Ian Rush back in the 80’s. Still makes me smile when I recall the stunt.
(minky, Thu 31 May 2007, 17:50, Reply)

Mistaken.
For someone that's funny.
(beatpig understands subliminalesbianmessagaying., Thu 31 May 2007, 17:43, Reply)

Canal Club Wolverhampton
Late 90's. With a few friends on our regular friday night outing.

Tonight however I had taken a few acid(instead of E. (felt like a change)*. All was well chatting shit and drinking with friends.

Then about half way thru the night this girl comes up to me and starts talking, hows it going, having a good night etc. Wey Hey me thinks she's not a bad looker so respond to the postive that yes great night and im absolutely off it.

At this point she say's, "can you sort me out with that gear then?"
Now i know im tripping the light fantastic so I ask her what she's on about.

She replies, " You know when we talking earlier you said you could sort me out some E's"

I tell her that this is the first time I've spoken to her in my life and Vice Versa but she is adamant that I go see the club 'Dealer'

I point out that I happen to know where he hangs out and point her in the right direction saying that I dont get drugs for other people.

She gets all off with me at this point telling me that I promised her.

It's getting really freaky until she looks round and say's to me, "sorry it wasnt you it was him"

So I looks round to see someone who looked JUST fucking like me!!!

Being on acid just seemed to make it even more freaky..

He looked at me we made eye contact and just a single nod. Then said goodbye to the girl as she went off to her correct friends and I turned back to mine and I never saw them again that night.

That is all....

I tell it better in person...

* Substance names changed to protect the innocent
(keeping tradition alive)
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 31 May 2007, 17:38, Reply)

My Uncle...
....was sat on a bus in Reading about 10 years ago with one of his mates, when he sees these two little hotties a few seats infront keep turning round and smiling at him.
He plays it cool, they've obviously got the hots for him, as they keep giggling too each other and blushing when he smiles back.
Eventually one of them works up the courage to come and introduce herself, or ask him out for a drink. Huzzah he thinks, except when she walks over she says....

"Excuse me.... are you Keith Chegwin?"
(Nyphur, Thu 31 May 2007, 17:37, Reply)

Who's that beardy twat from the Friday Night Project?
I've been stopped twice outside pubs in Edinburgh and asked if I was the guy from the Friday Night Project. I'm not a fat fuck, I don't have a shaggy beard and shity hair, and I don't talk with a fucktard accent! Why is that happening? Are Edinburgh pub-goers just blind dumbasses, or what?
(cuntymints Cuntymints, Thu 31 May 2007, 17:34, Reply)

Nyet Kulturne
I very often get mistaken for a Russian. It happened every now and then in England, but when I was in Israel it was constant. There's thousands of Russian immigrants there, and whenever I went out the first language people would address me in would usually be Russian.

This wouldn't have been so bad if the Russians hadn't done so as well! I soon learnt how to say 'I don't speak Russian' in Russian, but to be honest, sometimes I didn't help myself much. I went to the market once to buy ingredients for soup. It was high summer, so I was wearing a red headscarf to protect me from the sun. In my rucksack I had potatoes and carrots, and sticking up out of it above my shoulders were several leeks, plus I was wearing a long skirt. A couple of older Russian ladies who obviously spoke not a word of Hebrew saw me. Headscarf, long skirt, carrying vegetables - they started chattering away to me and asking directions. They became very confused when I said I didn't speak Russian.

"But...you have a red headscarf on! And you're carrying leeks sticking out of your bag! Even though it's the middle of the city, you MUST be a Russian peasant girl.

*sigh*

Oh well, people in the UK just assume I'm muslim...(and possibly Russian as well)
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Thu 31 May 2007, 17:29, Reply)