Bad phone sex…
So it was a fair few years ago when mobiles where all new and special. And everyone had just got one and would answer every call as if their life depended on it.

I was dating a filthy young girl from uni, who shall remain nameless for now, but if you ever fly the orange airline, she works for them… anyway, one amorous night we got it on and played hard.

The young girl had a penchant for bum sex, and well, that was bloody good fun. So while we were getting it on, the request came up for the other side, and I duly obliged my big breasted friend.

“Now… hang on a minute, your new phone has a ‘vibrate’ function doesn’t it?” oh yes it does thinks me, would you like me to try it on your front end while I take you like this? “well, yes I would*” she replies.

So, the new mobile function got a hard and heavy playing, much to the delight of the excited girl. And it wasn’t long before we both finished with mutual satisfaction… and all was good. Until the morning after.

The telephone rings, its Mother Cornish… ‘hello mum, what can I do for you?’ …”well Stanley, I got a call from you last night, and ahem, all I heard was ‘funny’ noises. I just wanted to check that everything was ok?”

Arse. Yup, my mum got to listen, not sure how long for, to my filthy nocturnal activities with a complete, and loud, filth bag. Didn’t use the vibrate function again… she just bought a vibrator instead.


*she’s from Essex and in now way talks like this.
(CornishStanley can't post hyperlinks, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 13:46, Reply)