we have a terrapin
He's pretty cool, like a little dinosaur, and he's great to watch. He basks under a UV light and sometimes will stick one leg out, which makes for great comedy. He's not the dog of our dreams, but he's ours and we love him dearly nonetheless.

Anyway

About 3 years ago we got him some cuttlefish, and after great japes and surfing, it eventually sunk to the bottom of the tank where he would nibble at it. One evening we were sitting on the sofa when we noticed something black and shit-like poking out of the middle of his tail. I took mild interest, because I'd never seen him take a crap before, and pointed it out to Chris. But this crap got bigger...and bigger. Eventually, our terrapin was under water, bouncing on top of a medium-sized mushroom looking thing poking out of its tail.

'HOLY SHIT CHRIS,' I cried, 'OUR TERRAPIN'S HAVING A PROLAPSE!'

Actually, it turns out that terrapins have some of the most terrifying sexual organs in the natural world. This thing was a bulbous sac about the size of his torso. we had the good sense to google 'terrapin prolapse' and turns out we weren't the only ones to have this reaction. The most interesting thing is the cuttlefish. He had nibbled it into a shape oddly resembling another terrapin - there was 4 pointy limbs, a head and tail, and before the prolapse he had started floating in front of it and scratching at his neck, a thing that male terrapins do, apparently, to woo the ladies. Supposedly this is quite a rare and beautiful sight and we should consider ourselves lucky to have seen it. In actuality, I'm scarred for life.

tl;dr - our terrapin made a sex doll and then got his terrifying bits out.
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 13:38, 8 replies)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bybYCwjkm_s Ducks.
(speedevil, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 14:21, closed)

No ta
I don't actually have an interest in animals bits
( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 15:31, closed)

:D

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 14:35, closed)

This is the most arousing thing I've read all day.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 16:51, closed)

I could write for Razzle, me

( SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Sun 3 Feb 2013, 17:02, closed)

Hahaha!
Fucking hell. Filthy animal..
( Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver I have very beautiful lips, Mon 4 Feb 2013, 12:48, closed)

Did he then whittle the cuttlefish into a blade,
get drunk on binbag hooch, shank you, and escape in the laundry basket?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 4 Feb 2013, 16:32, closed)

The advice I get previously was don't Google tortoise penis. DON'T google tortoise penis!
(Benzyl, Wed 6 Feb 2013, 20:43, closed)