My disaster of a housemate...
My friend John was the kind of rugby boy who would always regale us with stories of ridiculousness after a night out which would generally turn out to be a regurgitation of a story someone else told him. Every now and then though...

We decided to drink the last of our money and walk the 5 miles from campus to our house on a Thursday night, I'd just been dumped and ended up snogging an inappropriate girl-friend who still doesn't talk to me (this was in 1996 and I'd known her since I was about 5... ah well) so being more drunk made sense.

John decided he needed to thieve something. We passed a petrol station and he attempted to swipe the only thing that wasn't bolted down. A swinging sign advertising 'Camping Gaz'.

He was cheered up, I was cheered up... for all of 12 seconds - at which juncture a police car rounded the corner, drove across the road and stopped next to us.

Cock.

We spent the night in the police cells, he got a caution, I got a warning and we were let out just in time to get back to the house, grab our stuff and get back to campus for labs...

Another morning, I knocked on his door to see if he wanted a cuppa, he grunted and I slowly opened the door to check if he was ok... he was sat upright on the bed. 2 pint glasses in one hand, a cocktail shaker in the other, a life ring from the side of the Trent around his neck, a bar price list under his arm and he was missing one shoe, on the leg that was soaked up to the knee (the rest of him was completely dry). The look of confusion on his face as he surveyed his winnings was priceless.
(Ross McBingobangobongo bingobangobongo, Wed 2 May 2012, 14:00, 1 reply)

Wow, must have been a posh area.
Where I went to uni all the cells were too full for the police to arrest anyone for that -- we just got told to put signs back. Same for where I live now also -- you'd generally have to be violent or have broken and entered for them not to just make you return it.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 2 May 2012, 17:28, closed)