You know you're getting old when
You've got a really good answer to last weeks question and get so befuddled that you answer the week before thats question in the same post.

I inadvertently stumbled upon Pulp doing a signing at HMV in Bristol, I had the album at home and didn't want to buy it again so I got Jarvis to sign the first thing to hand; a postcard of Captain Kirk (all hail 'the Shat')up to his waist in Tribbles that I had just bought in Forbidden Planet.He wrote "a lot of trouble!!! Jarvis" thus proving that he knows his Star Trek and giving me a truly odd piece of memorabilia. I'd scan it for you if I could be arsed to peel it off the fridge.
(Attica, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 18:25, Reply)

Well, in the fore ground really...sort of
I was the baby in the infamous Danepak danish bacon advert. Yes, the one with the nudist family, where they move objects just in time. It's quite funny really.

They did about 50+ takes to get all the timing right. My mum shows ti to everyone.
(Ukatoton, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 18:17, Reply)

Mid-Summer murders
My Dad,

Now retired, got a call to "dep" (deputy, stand in for another drummer) on a gig. He's retired now, so spends much of his awake life, drumming.

He's told this is a film job so will be required for 2 days. MU rates, and all the food he can stuff away.

Day 1: Sit around allll day, setup drums, eat, go home.

Day 2: The filming begins...

The first take, the band situated in a the Mid-summer Fate, they're the fate band. So they knock out a number, full volume, the crew (not to interested in the camera, just the audio). They then stop and ask the band to do the same number, but miming, no sound whatsoever.

This is when John "Bergerac" Nettles steps in, and delivers his line. LINE, one line, this takes his 8 attempts no less. He must have been drunk. Anywhoooo they get it right in the end and wrap up....

The best bit, the reason why band always look pants on TV dramas is they are miming, so they have no idea where the beat is, the speed, where they breath of anything...

Apparently its called "Mid-summer Orchid" or something with Orchid in it.. and it takes them about 12 months to edit it all up... so next year sometime....
(Coffee Monkey, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 17:29, Reply)

I Was A Whore In The Movie From Hell
HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION, BY ME, AGE 17:

When I was 17 (mid-eighties) a friend had a job working for an extremely low budget film company. When he mentioned they needed girls my roommate and I thought "what the hell, we're not doing anything in particular this summer." We went over to meet the producer, who turned out to be running his film company out of the back room of his father's insurance office. He asked to see our legs, and we dutifully pulled up our skirts. (We were kind of thrilled. I think we half-hoped he'd try something so we could go off on him. Remember, we were 17.)

He asked us if we could dance, we told him yes, and he said "OK, you're hired." The movie turned out to be a western (?!?!?) and they shot it at a theme park that was closed down for the season, halfway up a mountain in North Carolina. When we got there they hadn't left us any instructions for getting TO the park itself - the parking lot was at the bottom of the mountain - and we had to talk a security guard into turning on the skilift.

They put us up in a rented condo with five other girls, one of whom wore three inches of makeup and never took it off, she just kept adding layer after layer. She looked like a half-melted wax dummy and turned out to be the producer's girlfriend. There was another chick who kept nattering the entire time about how she'd been an extra in a Chuck Norris movie. She wouldn't shut up about it. It was her answer to everything. If you asked her to pass the butter at breakfast, she'd tell you they had much better catering on the goddam Chuck Norris movie. I bet their toilet paper was softer, too.

The main things I remember: The cameraman was baked the entire time. He kind of fancied me, and once he took me out to his equipment car and showed me the glove compartment, which was completely stuffed with pot. He once passed out behind the camera - in the footage you could see the picture just sort of slowly drift toward the ceiling - and the guy who wrote the script wound up running the camera for an entire afternoon. Also, someone had left the beer taps loaded in the "saloon," and the bunch playing the bad guys became very dangerous to be around fairly quickly. We were supposed to go sit on their laps and generally act like saloon whores, and we learned very quickly that an accidental elbow to the crotch or a high heel in the instep would distract them long enough to get away.

I also remember I had to improvise a can-can, flipping my skirt up and showing undies. Unfortunately I was wearing my own, it not having occurred to me that they were going to be immortalized on film. They were very little-girl white cotton bikinis with Garfield the cat on them. The wardrobe woman took me in the bathroom and made me hand them over, and quickly stitched scraps of black lace all over them, and I went back to my can-can. I was the proud owner of the world's only pair of black lace Garfield panties. I thought they were hilarious, and I kept them for years, thus tying into LAST week's question as well.

The check bounced, the producer moved and they spelled my name wrong in the credits. I'm not going to tell the name of the movie, because I live in mortal fear that it will rise from the grave to haunt me some day.

Apoligies for length - hope it was worth it!
(RedQueen, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 17:26, Reply)

War! What is it good for? About £60 a day. £10 extra if you go in the sea.
10 Days to D-Day: Channel 4 doc playing a Canadian, American, Englishman and a Nazi.

Pearl Harbor: I'm about a pixel high in the trailer where I walk out of Badminton House. I was a lowly officer, although some kind person promoted me on IMDB to the British Air Commander - good work if you can get it.

Also in the background of regional kids programme 'Freeze Frame' on TSW back in the 80s, Strawberry Switchblade and Go West also featured. We were the only school who had to wear school uniform.
(geetoo, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 17:23, Reply)

Honest
The All Saints movie - and my only film appearance. The whole film is the worst thing I have ever seen and I'm proud.
(the joe factory what makes joes, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 17:22, Reply)

Famed for taking a wrong turn?
My friend and I went to a nearby town to visit a mate and ended up taking a wrong turn through some "temporarily opened" police barriers onto a section of street that had been closed for a Royal Horse Parade or some such nonsense.

Of course, once we'd gotten inside the barriers we couldn't get out so the whole procession (which was televised nationally and I'm pretty sure included Princess Margaret) was lead by two idiots in a crappy blue nova.

We just had to wind the windows down and wave to the crowds as we went. And thousands waved back at us with expressions ranging from entertained bemusement to apopleptic rage.

Sheer bliss.
(PCheese, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 17:02, Reply)

My brother was on the news...
...when he was 6 or 7. It was something about teaching young children to cook. My brother had just made a pizza and was on screen with the reporter the whole time. However as my brother was shy at the time he just looked at the floor through the whole report. At the end the news guy stole a slice of the pizza and my brother stood up and started shouting his head off. The TV people quickly managed to swap back to the studio.
(Tragic Magic, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 17:02, Reply)

Does this count?
I have a friend who is very proud to have been sick on the very roundabout shown in the opening titles to The Office. No? Didn't think so.
( Olembe Refuses to write in this space, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 16:48, Reply)

I was a zombie extra in Shawn of the Dead
I had to spend two days, with 5.30am call times (thats technical movie speak for when we have to arrive) waiting around, in uncomfortable white contact lenses and a dodgy 1980s yuppy costume. The only really worthwhile part was frightening the hell our of passing school children. So, I went to the cinema and checked the film out. It's a good film, but I didn't get a credit. I know the scene I'm in (the one where they grab the Jag and hit a few zombies with a cricket bat) and if you hit pause/freeze frame at just the right time on the DVD, then I am an obscure blur in the top right background of the shot...Hollywood beckons!
( iodax, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 16:29, Reply)

My brother
was in a REALLY dull film called The Kremlin Farewell about stalin's russia. He was part of a huge brass band. They got the boys for this band from all the little villages near where we lived.

It meant that for a time (around 1989) all boys between about 7 and 10 in the area were bald.
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 16:06, Reply)

taggart
When I was in primary four, we were informed by our teacher that the taggart crew were coming to film us at school. the day came and they drew some chalk lines in the playground and told us to stay within them and pretend like it was playtime. i'm not really sure what the storyline was, but the scene we were in was when some guy stopped at the traffic lights outside the playground in his car and watched us, so it was probably some episode about a paedo or something.
I was also in the audience of Funhouse when I was in primary 7. Pat Sharp came to talk to us in between filming but wouldn't sign any autographs cos he claimed he "wasn't allowed to". the cunt.
(ginblossoms, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 16:03, Reply)

i was once in an episode of 'food and drink'
i even got a line!
('I'm starving!')
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 15:53, Reply)

'Dirty Pretty Things'
in Stephen frear's deppressing film, i'm a shadowy silhouette in the background, when the main haracter is driving a cab through central london
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 15:52, Reply)

Ant 'n Dec
I once appeared on Live TV with Ant 'n Dec it was not long after they had finished their stupid pop career and they had started presenting Kids TV.Now with me hating manufactured music I figured its time to get them back for all the crappy music.
At the time I was employed by the BBC as a stagehand part of the job was to put on stupid costumes and actthe prat in front of the camera On the day in question I was dressed as Frankenstein's Monster bashing around the set knocking stuff over when i spotted my target. I ran forward and knocked Ant over hurting his knee.
And being a monster I got away with it cos monsters are allowed to do stuff like that.
Revenge is sweet.
( Terry Oblong There's nobody here but us chickens on, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 15:39, Reply)

Even got a stalker.
In my old job 'oop north' I worked at a University.
Said Uni got it's webcams on the news because of the vast amount of hits it got involving some toy pigs we used to keep in the server room. So as the most photogenic of the network admins (believe me, that doesn't say much) I ended up on the BBC news demonstrating various things.
We had Ellena Morris and her crew in our Tiny office next to the server room. She's a right cow.
My friends and family almost choked on their dinners when they saw me on the 6 O'clock news.

A few days later some weirdo kept phoning asking to speak to 'the nice man with the webcams!'.
( Evil Bastardo, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 15:08, Reply)

Remembrance Day concert (Royal Albert Hall)
I sing in a male voice choir. Two years ago we were asked to take part in this, (you know, the one where the poppies drop from the ceiling,) and I was seen on telly.

Also I used to be in The Tall Club of Great Britain and whenever we were asked to do some publicity for regional tv I would be seen mugging away in the background.
(Glen Moranjie, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 14:51, Reply)

Sky News
Some security firm in Dublin that transports the cash to and from the banks went on strike during the summer with the result of lots of ATM machines not having any cash in them. I went up to one such machine on Baggot St., attempted to put my card in and the machine told me that it was out of order. I made a face and screamed "YOU FUCKING CUNT!" at the machine. This woman taps me on the shoulder and asks me if I could do it again without the swear words. I was on Sky News every hour for the rest of the evening.
(ReiToei, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 14:48, Reply)

I haven't been in anything
but my sister was an extra in 'Jude the Obscure' you can just see her walking down the street when Kate Winslett is talking to Dr Who.
( Roxy_Hart is so so old, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 14:48, Reply)

Annoying Phillipa Forester
Me and my bro went to St Michaels Mount in Cornwall to watch the solar eclipse in 1999. The BBC had set up a 'scientific' investigation into whether birds roost when there is an eclipse, and not sparing any expense had 2 chickens in a cage and Phillipa Forester to comment on what happens. We couldn't believe their cheapness so everytime the camera's rolled and she started talking bollocks we jumped up and down squeaking and flapping our arms around. I got several dirty looks and my brother got told off by the camera man. We told her to go fuck herself and walked off to buy an ice-cream and look at tits.
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 14:45, Reply)

Brace yourself...
I was an extra in "The Darling Buds of May" when thay filmed at my house.
Me and my grandma had to sit in the back of this auction thing and keep quiet....that's all...simple?
Not for my grandma she thought it was bloody real and kept making "oo" and "ah" and "how much!?" noises.
Took most of the day to film a 10 second scene because we kept having to stop every time she made a noise.
Daft cow.
(I've done it so many times it's boring now..., Fri 12 Nov 2004, 14:25, Reply)

Legend of Billie Jean
This movie was shot in my town, Corpus Christi Texas, when I was in high school - most of the girls in school got paid 15 bucks each to sport the crappy hairstyle featured in the movie, and when they were shooting a chase scene in the Padre-Staples mall, I decided to skip school and watch it.

I was standing off to one side of the shooting when one of the production people came up to me and yelled 'YOU! COME OVER HERE!' (even though I was standing right in front of him, he had to shout at me... I was baked to the tits and not very responsive) so I ambled over to where he was pointing and watched the show from there.

In the movie, right after they've all run down the escalator with the waterfall, the lead chick runs right past me. I'm on screen for maybe 3/4 of a second.

Needless to say, my command performance didn't make me any money, get me laid, or open any career doors. I also got detention for ditching school. Bah.
( davelog, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 14:16, Reply)

i am dc dennis in bad girls
in an episode in (about i think) series three, called in to investigate after a guard is bottled and killed in the hot bed of dykes and forbidden love that is televised womens prison units.

i got free fondant fancies and a haircut - and the back of my head immortalised on ITV for 20 seconds.

fifteen minutes? my arse.
(magictorch, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 14:09, Reply)

Top Gear
I'm not sure if anyone caught the 'best of' episode of top gear before the new series started?

Well that part of the cool-wall, where Clarkson slaps cars on a guy who's super uncool?

That'll be me...

Oh and the B*stards included it on the 'best of' Top Gear DVD that was free with Top Gear magazine... so immortalised for ever.

And my workmates recored it on Tivo... so there's even copies of it circulating the net via bittorrent.

Bah
(Wildchild, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 13:58, Reply)

My legs were in an episode of Inspector Morse.
As John Thaw was chasing some fella on a bike through Oxford, Thaw had to push him off said bike. The next scene involved various members of the public standing around looking at the bloke (minus his bike.) When it came to be shown months later, I sat with mates around the TV awaiting my claim to fame, only to discover that I had in fact been filmed from the knees down. As the bikeless fella was filmed at ground level.
Ah well, my feet were seen by millions.
( Hankster, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 13:51, Reply)

When living in a flat above a row of shops
I returned one day to find a camera crew set up outside my front door filming a scene for Cold Feet. After squeezing past them I went upstairs and my flatmate and I took up our usual summers day position outside our front window on the veranda that covered the shop fronts for a few beers and some people watching. We were barely settled when we were accosted with furious shouts from the crew telling us to shift because we were in their shot. Well, we felt strongly disinclined to move of our own window ledge, and politely refused. Much persuasion followed, almost in the style of a policeman trying to talk down a suicide jumper. In the end they went into the off-license and tempted us down with a couple of packs of Carlsberg Export.

So, in short, I wasn't actually in Cold Feet by accident at all, but this seemed relevant.
( supermoore: HUNG, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 13:44, Reply)

I was an extra in Excalibur.
I've never been able to spot myself. Which is probably just as well, cos I was wearing a simple suede tabard. And tights.
( pxyzyzygy, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 13:33, Reply)

i'm a NY yellow cab driver in Eyes Wide Shut
if you get the DVD version and pause it, squint really hard, then you still can't tell it's me, 'cos it was at night.
(shot on the back lot at Pinewood studios, not in NY BTW).
Oh and my nan's local fish and chip shop is always in Grange Hill (Manor Way, Borehamwood).
( Beardo, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 13:30, Reply)

no crappy background on second thing
my mates bird is the blonde girl in this ad. he gets off on watching her get killed!

www.thinkroadsafety.gov.uk/campaigns/drinkdrive/download/crash.mpg
(antony07, Fri 12 Nov 2004, 13:29, Reply)