Should've joined the circus.
When I was a cocky young Porky of about 16 I took to baiting my Mum. Frequently. And for any reason. Just because I could. This is the incident which caused me to be a mite circumspect.

When we were young Mum’s cooking wasn’t very inspiring; well prepared, filling and nourishing yes, but not what you would call exciting in any way (I later found out this was due to Pater’s rather bland palate and his inability to conscience any “Forrin Muck” ie meals had to be prepared just as his mother had made it for his father). One afternoon I had arrived back from school and was standing at the other end of the kitchen taking the piss while she stirred some odourless grey mess (mince I think). I obviously went a little too far as the next thing I knew a large serving fork was quivering gently in my right bicep.

I learned three things from this.
1) Watch out for warning signs
2) Check what implements mother has to hand.
3) Scars last ages.

She did teach me how to throw knives though, just as her older brother had taught her.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 17 Feb 2010, 11:57, Reply)