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This is a question Never Meet Your Heroes

They're bound to disappoint - like the time we booked Wayne Hussey for the B3ta Radio Show. Five minutes before we're due to record, Wayne
phones, lost on the M25 with his Brazilian wife screaming in the background. Not so much the King of Goth, as a hen-pecked flake.

(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:17)
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This question is now closed.

Rory McGrath
He jumped in the queue at a pasty stand in King's Cross station a couple of weeks back. I told him off.*

100% of fact
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:55, Reply)
Famous Slapper
Many moons ago I worked in a hotel as a barman. One evening there was an charity auction attended by several 'Z' lsit celebs including Welsh gravel throated supremo Bonnie Tyler who demanded as much attention as a sick child and complained to the manager that i'd put hardly any wine in her spritzer (That's why the give you stirrers you dull mare 'cos the wine sinks to the bottom).

Besides she dressed like a $10 hooker, smelt like a $10 hooker and had a face like a dropped pie!
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:48, Reply)
Bitch TiTs
About 3 years ago daniel radcliff (harry potter) visited my school where my friends and i cornered him and demanded that he sign my friends bitch tits but he was a prudey cunty fucker and made up some bull about it being against his contract

now there is a closet thats harder to get out of than the 1 some kids locked him into at westminster
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:43, Reply)
Short tit
Many years ago, before the dizzy comedy heights of The Office, I walked past Ricky Gervais in London. This was back when he had a short segment on the 11 O'Clock Show, or whatever it was. That show with that fit bird Daisy Donovan on it, you know the one.

Anyway, Gervais was walking with someone else, braying something suitably inane that I promptly forgot when I rounded the corner. I guess David Brent is just Gervais with a suit - and a few extra pounds round the middle. He was a short tit even then.
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:43, Reply)
Not So Bonet
Not really hero's of mine, but I met both Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet (Angel Heart/The Cosby Show) years ago when they were still married. Lisa was a hessian eating crusty who didn't believe in shaving. Her legs were like fur and the hair under her arms was almost long enough to braid. She kept on making fun of my English accent - but just sounded like a twatty American who can't do accents. Lenny was nice (v thin legs). I had a migraine & couldn't make it to a party so had to retire to bed. He came in and sat with me for a while...*swoon* I think he appreciated how depilated I was...
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:38, Reply)
random c-list and z-list
I've never bothered actually looking for celebs, just bumped into them and been just plain indifferent. none of them were heros except the time i was walking through covent garden a few years (around 98-99 i think) back and bumped in to Tony Adams and David Seaman, but i just froze, so don't know if they live up to the status we've/i've given them.

But mostly, people around Newbury - Basingstoke know that the likely hood of bumping into a Meridian TV presenter or Wild Life presenter are quite high, Chris Pakham and Michela Strachan being the most common, though Phillipa Forrester has been seen around some caffs.

I used to work in an office below Bruno Brooks broadcast company, they do petrol forecort radio, buggers kept having issues with their station that kept jumping into our phones (bizarre)

He doesn't talk to anyone bar the local Suni store round the corner

I chatted up one of the Blakely twins from Neighbours when i was at college (thats going back a bit!) it was the one with the straight nose, who was performing at the Anvil, i say chatted up, more 'dribbled' (was a kid) give me a chance now! an i wouldn't, tho shes probably getting on now

That Felicity Barr that presents the sport on ITN used to live down the road, tho i think she was one of those products from the Natasha Kaplinsky/Andrea Catherwood school of plastic clones that don't associates themselves with local scum, just looking for thier own tv exec to shack up with.

Edit - Just read TBL's post, I met Alex P at a Gods Kitchen bash in Tenerife a few years back, i gatecrashed the VIP area, he was fcukn ace
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:34, Reply)
Just remembered another one. Walking along Teignmouth beach one weekend (shitty little seaside town in deepest, darkest Devon) i saw Dave Lee Travis with his dog.

I excitedly pointed this out to mates who, frankly, couldn't have given a rats arse. I turned round to see Dave's dog sprinting towards us and the next thing i know the fucker is trying to chew through my leg.

Much shouting and cursing later, a very contrite Mr Travis offers his apologies, buys me a cup of tea to help calm my nerves and then trundles off on his way.

Very nice man, but his dog is a bitch...
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:33, Reply)
Lenny Henry
When I was a young boy I saw Lenny Henry in Forbidden Planet comic shop in London. I went up to him, not even to bother him for an autograph, just to say "alright Lenny?"

And he told me to fuck off. I was about 9 years old.

I hope to meet him again one day. They'll be no "alright Lenny?", more "how come you're still not funny after 30 years you pig shagging, has-been cunt? Step on up if you fancy some. I'll kick your fucking face off."

(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:26, Reply)
I'm 27 at the moment,
but when I was six I met Princess Diana. It seems that soon after that meeting, she turned into a bullimic, attention seeking trollope. Who died, becasue she was too stupid to put on a seatbelt in a car travelling at high speed in a chase through busy Paris streets.

Maybe it was all my fault all those years ago.
Oh, I also met the head of the Medical Research Council once and (I was hammered at the time) berated him for not looking enough like an academic. He was thin, fit and wearing a stylish suit. I thought, No! Old! White beard! Tweed jacket! Elbow Patches!

Nice bloke though.
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:24, Reply)
To baldy go where no man has gone before
I once had a piss in Paddington Station next to Patrick Stewart. When i was little i wanted to grow up and be the captain of the USS Enterprise.

Unfortunately after seeing the legendary Captain Picard i was put off the idea. He was a lot shorter than he looked on telly and i could hardly see where i was pissing due to the light reflecting off his baldy head.

Still i managed to shout "live long and Prosper!" as i was running out of the toilet at warp speed to inform my mates of my celebrity encounter. I thought it would be funny but then realised that saying was from a completely different series and in no way did he look anything like Spock. I think i should just stay clear of celebs, they just seem to fluster me.
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:23, Reply)
I have worked in clubs for years, and have met nearly all
the so called "famous" DJ's over that time, worse twat of them all was Sash! not a word of fecking english, (back then) a real grumpy cnut and with a crowd of doped up hangers on that loved him so much, they even went to the bogs with him.. I can only hazard a guess as to what for.. next in line, Judge Jules... what a weedy little git... and Jeremy healy.. big nosed arogant twat. (who did not like our Hayzee Fantayzee poster on the wall, the humorless git)

anyway, just to balance it out, Brandon Block and Alex P - top blokes !!! (now they are real party animals....
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:20, Reply)
Bill Bruford (who he ??)
Yes and King Crimson drummer - met him twice and insulted him both times. Third time he'll slot me I'm sure.

1/ King Crimson 'playback', in the queue to get cd booklet signed. Bill turns to his page and I say; "Nice dungarees Bill, (blue and white vertical stripes, very Andy Pandy) still got 'em ?" - Stone faced response - "Yep, and I like 'em".

2/ Peter Gabriel concert, deserted mezzanine, apart from Bruford, cool as fuck in black suit and black turtle-neck. Asked for his autograph ("No, no lads I'm just hanging out" - yeah, hoping to be recognised), and as he's signing I say; "What's up Bill, couldn't get the gig ?" (e.g. drumming for Gabriel). Stone faced response "Not interested, Jazz is what I do now"
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:18, Reply)
Condoleeza Rice
Met Condi at a ball at Stanford when I was studying for my PhD (she was Provost (similar to Vice-Chancellor) there at the time).

I'm glad she's US Secretary of State mainly because she's one scary woman.

Charming intelligent eloquent quite attractive (in a strange way) and at the same time...scary.

PS : Please vote for me. I'm not a Republican (hell, I'm not even an American) but please vote it'd be nice to make it into the "Best of..."
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:17, Reply)
Richard Gropely
A couple of years back to help make ends meet I was doing a bit of work in a restaurant near Leeds that was frequented by Countdown's very own recently-deceased host Richard Whiteley.

To this day, I cannot understand how he gained a reputation of having a friendly, jolly persona. Every time he came to our restaurant, without fail, he would be a complete and utter cunt, wallowing in his own self-importance, leering and groping at the waitresses, getting shit-faced while shouting out unreasonable demands to the restaurant staff. In general, making life very unpleasant for everyone because he could 'do what he damn well liked'.

It's a pity he died before the 'crap meals out' thread came around. He might have discovered what happens if you're unreasonable with restaurant staff...
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:14, Reply)
Hermione Granger
I once ejected Emma Watson from the Theatre for not having a ticket, if that counts?
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:12, Reply)
Celebrities what i met.
My heroes goldfinger, i tried to get a picture taken with them, but their bodyguards said no.

Are they like untouchable or something?

John prescott came to visit our office. They threatened to send him up to our floor to inspect.

We saw him. He didnt come up to our floor, so we stayed looking out the window slagging him off.
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:05, Reply)
dahling, I worked with all the (C-list) stars...
...and I shall summarise them (well, the ones I can remember meeting) in two words.

bill oddie: grumpy bugger
stephen tompkinson: wet handshake
charlie dimmock: stubbly armpits
anne robinson: strange beret
joseph fiennes: on drugs?
pat cash: surprisingly stupid

ok, I suppose only bill oddie was a hero of mine but still... faintly depressing that they were all a bit of a let-down. anyway...
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 15:02, Reply)
Wheelchairs? Bollocks!
I was subjected to Harrogate a few years ago, and for those of you not well versed with Yorkshires finest....it's as dull as it sounds.


We were aimlessly roaming around the shops when Chris Tate (the now dead...on screen...gimp in the wheelchair) from Emmerdale farm.

Thing is, the bugger sprinted past us. Then, about 5 minutes later he sprinted past again with his arms full of dry cleaning!

I didn't/don't really care for soap people. My Gran on the other hand, was somewhat (ironicaly) upset to find he could use his own legs.

Utter disbelief on her little face....And for upsetting my gran Mr. Tate, you're a tit.
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:54, Reply)
Nick Cave
In the early days of Xfm Radio I booked all the interviews and live sessions. During one of our trial broadcasts I'd arranged for Nick Cave to come in, and he turned up a bit worse for wear.

I took his PR girl aside and had a word - "look, we've got to be careful here, we're tying to get a broadcasting license and can't afford any cock-ups - is Nick going to behave himself?" She went away, spoke to the singer and came back, saying that he'd promised to be good.

So he goes on the air, and the DJ greets him by saying "So, Nick, thanks for coming in. How are you?"


It was years before I could listen to the Bad Seeds again.
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:53, Reply)
When I joined b3ta...
... I thought Reckless Rik was some kind of demi-God.
Now, having met him several times, I know he's just a speccy Irish caaant. Love you, Rik!
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:52, Reply)
I met Ronald McDonald when I was younger, don't be fooled, he actually ISN'T a paedophile
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:49, Reply)
Prince Andrew
Came in in a bloody great chopper and did a tour of the school i was attending.

Up close he's just some fat guy
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:45, Reply)
Mine Story
Age 8
Met John Noakes
Asked for his Autograph
He Said No
The End
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:43, Reply)
I met Darth Vader
Well, David Prowse in the suit at Milton Keynes shopping centre when I was aged about 6, sat on my Dad's shoulders.

I shook hands with him, he crushed my hand and made me cry the Evil Sith Lord
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:37, Reply)
Last week...
I bunked off work to go meet Ray Harryhausen. He rocked.
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:36, Reply)
I went to one of Lord Robert Winston's lectures.
Not once did he do a Groucho Marx impression. Bah.
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:34, Reply)
In defence...
Ok, I know it's counter to the question, but sometimes heros can be all you wanted...

...I used to work at London Zoo, and we had loads of celebs in (good, bad, indifferent). But one...

Johnny Morris - Animal Magic - came in several times to do film work. On one occasion he was running early, so we sat him down in our office and he began to chat - about all the things he'd done around the world, he even did the voices of the animals! I was 10 again, fascinated by a man who gave a camel a nasal whine!

Later on, I walked him across the main area, past the staff canteen - glued to the window were some of the UK's most eminent scientists -many of whom cited him as one of the reasons for becoming an animal scientist in the first place.

However, the postscript - one of the keepers spotted two cans of larger in his briefcase as he was waiting to leave...
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:33, Reply)
never let your heroes meet my brother
At glasto a few years ago, my brother sneaked into the VIP bar with his mate and blagged a couple of drinks. Noticing some other guys sitting around, he shouts in his drunkenest voice at one of them: "Fuck me, its garth out of waynes world!".

It wasnt, it was tom rowlands out of the chemical brothers.
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:30, Reply)
Hee Hee
My first first!


I do not know what the question is!

If you see this as text in a post, b3tamonkey has fluffed it up when i chose quickedit.
(, Thu 25 May 2006, 14:23, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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