soap stars? pah
had the misfortune of meeting Ian Kelsey (one time Emmerdale and Casualty has-been) outside a club in Leeds. I say met, more a case of he tried to barge to the front. All it took was one "FUCK OFF TO THE BACK" from me, and off he toddled!!

also have a photo of me n jimmy saville, but it presents me in a bad way!!

apologies for depth, but not for length or girth
(a_monkey_on_a_mission, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 18:02, Reply)

Minnie Driver is a twat...
About 14 years ago, I did some work as an extra on a shit Channel 4 film called 'God on the Rocks' starring Minnie Driver and 'Auf Weidersehen, Pet' actor Bill Patterson. I must have been 15 at the time and got a massive £25 per day and a few days off school. Nice.

Bill was a real nice bloke, he chatted to all us grunts, posed for pics and signed autographs. He didn't even kick off when I rode into him when I lost control the half-tonne 1920's bicycle I had to ride for the scene. He even let me ride in the 'Stars' van back to base (all the other extras had to walk). Not once did he try to touch my tail or my bottom.

Minnie Driver, on the other hand, was a complete fucking prick. Acting like a diva and treating everyone as if they were tramp-cocks as she lovied around the director.

At one point she came up to me, giggling like a stupid little girl, then pretended to be a passer-by (even though her face was practically screaming "look at me, I'm Minnie Driver, how lucky are you?!") and asked what the film was all about. I just looked at her as if she was the most pathetic brick-faced bint in the whole wide world.

You know what? I think she still is...
(tinpixel, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 17:37, Reply)

Also Roni Size
My mate idolises the guy. She was more than peeved when he refused to sign her cleavage.
( eponymous Oh!, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 17:04, Reply)

Bugger!
Just remembered this - far too late.

But I did meet a presenter from regional news show - I think it was North-West Tonight. Her name was Chrys somebody - (I think that's the wrong spelling.

Anyway, I knew her boyfriend and at a party he suddenly appeared half-naked from a bedroom and yelled:

"Look at this!!"

So we all had a look in the bedroom and there was Chrys - bollock-naked with a ballgag in her mouth and tightly wrapped in clingfilm....

I think they finished that night....
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 17:01, Reply)

Timmy Mallett
rachelswipe - gah, I'm glad you said that. I was on the Wide Awake Club, too. I had the temerity to ask Timmy for his autograph. "SAY PLEASE!" he barked. I did, meekly. He signed something illegible and then walked off muttering something which I was far too young to understand.

And for the past 22 years I thought it was just me he didn't like, rather than his being a sociopathic weirdo.
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 16:55, Reply)

cerys matthews
met cerys matthews from catatonia when i was 15, best day of my life. well the fact that i had a pic with her. she wasn't all that friendly though. and it was her fault that the band split up in the first place. grrrrr
(CathT, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 16:47, Reply)

Hmmm
Looking at some of these, especially the last one about Timmy Mallet, I propose a new QOTW for a later date:

"Which TV 'personality' would you most like to beat into a bloody pulp and why?"
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Thu 1 Jun 2006, 16:31, Reply)

wish this was mine...
... but sadly it was the same friend whose supermarket abusing father won me the QOTW on "Lost" all those months ago.

as a young child of about 10, she was thrilled to be chosen to be on "Wackaday", featuring the ever lovely and popular timmy mallett. she was also pleasantly thrilled at how easy the questions were, and was racing ahead.

until the commercial break, when timmy bounded over to the kids. when he reached my friend, he dropped his friendly tv persona like a cup of cold sick.

"for god's sake shut up and give the others a chance little girl!" he hissed evilly, before grinning at the others and waltzing off.

she was so upset that she lost after that. timmy mallett. what a twunt.

but then, we all knew that anyway didn't we?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 16:06, Reply)

PROPER metal
Met Slayer at ozzfest 2002, and they were thoroughly lovely lads. Very disappointing, I wasn't held down and fiddled with at all. also met LostProphets, who were as I expected them to be- rude, self congratulatory in the extreme and thoroughly BORING. (Met Faye from Steps too, who is a lovely lady and didn't mind me drunkenly shouting 'WE HAVE THE SAME NAME' at her at least five times.)

Oh, and Daveh- it's Ronnie James Dio, and he's a lord amongst men. Well, in my books.


Ah, I must edit this, due to people stamping that we're not doing it properly. I met Spiderman and he stabbed me in the eye with a pencil.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 15:38, Reply)

You're Keith!
Got inadvertently knocked to the floor by Ewen Macintosh (aka Keith from The Office) on Tottenham Court Road.

I looked up and saw this big chap, realised who it was and said "You're Keith!"

He left me on the floor.
(Buster Gonad needs to borrow your wheelbarrow on, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 15:29, Reply)

Gandalf drinks Stella...
... saw Ian McKellen in the queue next to me at Waitrose in Canary Wharf. Bought the same special offer Stella as me.

He's got a terrificly good dress sense for an OAP. Well, he is a gayer....

(As everbody else just posts whatever celeb they spotted, i'll simply jump on the bandwagon. Haven't even seen LOTR)
( bierbelly, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 15:22, Reply)

w00t w00t
My best friend met Ville Valo. He made a pass at her. Meanwhile, my friend was a 14-year-old goth bird, and he was a very seriously drunk, loud, misbehaving singer.
She treasures this moment.
(Cyndia has shuriken in her pompoms, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 14:47, Reply)

John Wayne
Not me, my dad's mum claims this one. She was in her 30s and working in an ice cream parlour in St. Andrews. John Wayne came in one day and bought some dark cholcolate and a box of cigars. They chatted for a bit. Several scenes for some war film were being filmed not far away, which explained his presence. (No idea which film it was personally).
He was a nice guy according to my grandmother, who was never in the least bit anything less than mentally sharp.
(What I mean is, she didn't make it up).
(you_always_felt_like_suede, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 14:17, Reply)

Not me again...
My dad told me a story about how he met Bon Jovi in Moscow.

It was still soviet USSR in those days and there were only two hotels that Westerners stayed in. Bon Jovi were playing Moscow at the time and they happened to be staying in the same hotel.

On their last night before leaving for the UK, my dad and his pals had decided to have a bit of a party in the hotel bar and stockpiled as many bottles of vodka as they could. Bon Jovi came back to the hotel after their show to find they couldn't get a drink because the six scousers in the corner had bought it all.

So they came over to try and buy a bottle and get told to either sit down or fuck off. Jon BJ got the hump and went to his room but the rest of the band stayed and joined the party.


I thought it was a bullshit story until I saw the photos...
(Buster Gonad needs to borrow your wheelbarrow on, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 13:04, Reply)

Not me...
My mate picked up Simon Pegg in his taxi once. Tried to start a conversation as you do and got told to shut the fuck up.

Guess it was that time of the month although I have heard elsewhere that Pegg is a cock.
(Buster Gonad needs to borrow your wheelbarrow on, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 12:43, Reply)

Samantha Morton.....
...the psychic girl from 'Minority Report'walking down Oxford Street with badly dyed black hair, bawling her eyes out.

Woody Allen in South Kensington sitting on the pavement during filming eating out of bright orange take away containers with the rest of the crew of some Scarlett Johanssen film. He had the body of a withered 8 year old boy.

Both immensely talented and both looking incredibly morose.
(MizStinky, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 11:14, Reply)

Alan Rickman-absolute gent
Met Alan Rickman at The Barbican when I went to see Hamlet starring the tiny Michael Maloney. Mr Rickman was standing near the bar so two friends and myself approached. He happily signed an autograph and had a conversation about his tight tight costume he had to wear the next day...*dribbles* Thoroughly nice chap.Nice one. Also met Bewitched on an AerLingus flight. Nice girls.
(TheSadisticThespian, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 11:04, Reply)

Angelina Jolie
adopted me.

so ner.
(nappy rash, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 10:52, Reply)

Aaah .. almost forgot
Ronnie Size - an absolute cunt.

I was in a club with a musician friend, and over walks Ronnie Size. It turns out my friend knows him quite well, and introduces me. Then, said friend says I won't be a minute, and goes off for a piss, leaving me and Mr Size standing there next to the bar.

I thought I may as well make some polite conversation. What followed is probably the rudest, most twatty exchange I have ever had in my entire life.

Me - 'So, how long have you known xxx?'
Size - '...' (blatantly ingnores me, tuts, and looks at the floor)

At this point, I though he might have a hearing problem. Cue 5 more polite conversation starters, with RS completely ignoring each one in turn, oozing nasty attitude, and staring at the floor, occasionally shaking his head and smiling in a 'you are not worthy', pitiful manner. Eventually, I just came out and asked him if I'd done something to offend him, at which point he .... tutted and stared at the floor some more. I was gobsmacked.

My friend came back, finished off the conversation, and RS went off somewhere. I told my friend what happened. He said ' Sorry about that. He is actually widely known as a complete cunt, and I only talk to him in case he has any work going.'

Fucking twat.
(8-Ball, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 9:47, Reply)

Don't care
When i was about 5 i was mad on the Care Bears.
One half term we went to Brighton and i was strolling down the seafront when out of nowhere, i saw the Carebears cloud car come hurtling towards me. I screamed and run away back to my mum. The driver of the cloudcar (who was dressed as Lucky bear; my favourite) jumped out and said somthing along the lines of 'I can't see fuck all with this head on' and took the carebear head off. Me and my sister started crying because we thought the guy had killed lucky bear.
We got free tickets to the Care Bears LIVE! at the Brighton Centre for all the upset so it wasn't all bad.
(wendythegoat, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 9:00, Reply)

I Met..
Zodiac Mindwarp, He was slumped on the bar in the old camden palace in 1987, When he did stir what he said might as well been in chinese as I couldn't understand a word of it, then he went back to slumping, Was gutted at the time but now looking back, It just added to his coolness value as the greatest rock star ever. My dad took me to meet Alvin Stardust when i was a nipper & got to sit on his knee, Looking back, just glad Garry Glitter wasnt there, Alvin was alright, just seemed a bit odd seeing a man dresses like he did hanging around a car showroom. Status Quo nicked my cigarettes when i was 13, I was not amused! My great uncle was a well known stuntman & was one of the birdmen in Flash Gordon!! He was also in the guiness book of records for the highest jump onto a 6ft square landing pad surrounded by spears...blah blah..

aplogies for something but cant quite grasp it..
(meaty helmet, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 8:31, Reply)

Lennox Lewis
I was in Las Vegas around the time of Lewis' title fight with Rahman at the MGM Grand.

So I'm leaving my hotel one morning and walking through the Casino floor when this huge great big Canadian/Cockney fella barges into me. I look at him and point my finger and shout at him. He looks back and says "I can do what I want, I'm Lennox Lewis". Well I wasn't taking that! I punched him in the face and he went flying back into a fruit machine, knocking it over.

Then he comes at me, trying to jab and hook. I skillfully dodge each punch before laying him out again with a kung-fu kick to his chest. By this point a crowd has gathered around, clapping and chanting "fight, fight". They've formed a circle around me and Lennox.

Lennox gets up again and swings wildly. I twat him right in the head with my forearm and follow it with an uppercut which knocked him straight out. He groggily opened his eyes and started crying, begging me not to hurt him anymore. I shrugged my shoulders and walked away to the cheers of the crowd.

I've also beaten up Mike Tyson, Joe Frazer and George Foreman.

Yes I have.
(Andrew Avetoom, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 7:59, Reply)

Disappointing... for the hero.
Two mates of mine were lurking on the street on day having a cigarette (each) when international roots singing superstar Ben Harper approaches, wearing a large furry coat, big sunglasses and accompanied by two minders.
"Look!" screams one mate, "It's Macy Gray!"
Both then double up laughing while the two large minder glare menacingly and and outraged Ben scuttles off.
( difficultchild, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 3:54, Reply)

This may never have happened...
Do you ever have memories that you aren't sure are real?
Well I have a vague recollection of meeting Warrick Davis of 'Willow' fame (a top movie from childhood) at a games convention in London when I was wee. Think he was playing some new card game or other.
If it was real then good on him, may have been a freakishly real dream though which is disappointing, I guess.
Does that count?
(tomfacedkillah has not tossed a dwarf since, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 2:07, Reply)

Blues heroes
Met Stevie Ray Vaughan after his last (only?) gig in Manchester ... now he was a really nice bloke. We blagged our way onto his tour bus to chat and do the autograph hunty thing.

John Lee Hooker was a miserable cunt though, he can fuck right off.

Fucking miserable twat.

Fuck off John Lee Hooker.
( Gilgamesh gazed in wonder as Frampton came alive, Thu 1 Jun 2006, 1:55, Reply)

This question has deviated horribly, but whatever.
Roni Size nicked half of my pizza, the tosser.

I was loitering in the promoter's office of the QMU after Roni's gig, having previously ordered in food. Roni walks in, chats briefly, makes a b-line for my pizza and scuttles to safety with a hefty chunk of it. Bah!
(You're kidding me., Thu 1 Jun 2006, 1:14, Reply)

Women's Wrongs
Me and some friends were standing chatting in Cambridge's University Library (a huge, redbrick cock of a building) when a grey-haired woman came rushing past us, and down the stairs to the exit. This uncommonly brisk and impolite passer-by was accompanied, roughly five seconds later, by a putrefying smell best described as the 'bowels of hell'. It was only at that point that we all put the face to a name.

Germaine Greer had guffed in our corridor. It was terrible.
(ProudClod, Wed 31 May 2006, 23:41, Reply)

ahhh bisto.
I've just had the best shit ever... One of the laviathons that seems to never end, and then dissapears into the murky depths with ne'er a splash... miraculously requiring no wiping.

Now I'm sat here, complimenting the bliss with a glass of whiskey... Here's to quality turdage.

*************************************

Sorry.. Just felt the need to share.... Carry on!!
( ogwen69 has returned from Reddit, Wed 31 May 2006, 23:32, Reply)

my hero was wayne sleep
wayne sleep is a ballet dancer from plymouth and i met him in the swallow (local) one time, he seemed really nice at first but then as i went to the shitter he folowed me, there was £2 coin (unbeknown to me, glued...)on the floor, as i went to pick it up i felt my trackys slip down and a slimy penis start to penetrate me, i turned around shocked as wayne ran away screaming like a mincer, from that day forward i never went to watch his ballet recitals or the young mens christian association with him ever again, ever.
(James_Bailey uhn tiss, Wed 31 May 2006, 22:26, Reply)

About 3 or 4 years ago Murderdolls' guitarist Acey Slade did a guitar workshop in Guildford. I went and he signed a poster for me and he was just lovely.

Last year I went to see Nightwish at the Astoria and whilst hanging around outside the venue I met 4 members of their support band, Tristania. They all gave me an autograph. And then Nightwish's bassist Marco Heitala walked straight past me.

Gonna be meeting Dragonforce soon hopefully. They're doing a signing tent at Download. Woo!!
(WaffleMonster, Wed 31 May 2006, 21:01, Reply)