So, long term unemployment.
Have you ever had a job just because you were out of luck trying to find something in your choosen field? Done a degree fir years and years only to realise that although you're interested in the subject, that subject won't put a roof over your head? How did you get into your current place?

would you rather be average with amazing collegues, or amazing with average collegues?

Tell me about your job, do you love it? do you want to move on to something else? If this is a stopgap, how are you going to get out of the rut?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:42, 200 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

My subject is certainly not helping me find a job
things could be worse though
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:45, Reply)

I was unemployed on and off for 6 months
I worked a lot of 2 day to sort of 1 week temp jobs though.

I'm having to write a formal complaint about my work at the moment. :S
(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:47, Reply)

You're OT's pre-eminent resident cross-board social butterfly
what on earth is going on in /talk today? It's not normally that mental in there.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:50, Reply)

They are tearing themselves apart

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:53, Reply)

bm is off his meds
Real life friends are getting pissed off.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:53, Reply)

Succinct and saves me trawling through posts
Thanks!
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:54, Reply)

I did an art degree and spent the rest of my life in an office.

( girlinthehole, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:51, Reply)

I go through phases of loving/hating my job
The big boss decided to reduce my commision last month though because he's employing more people so he can't afford to pay me as much. After mentioning breach of contract about 5 times he agreed to pay me what he owes me but from here on in looks like my pay is going down. Fucking money grabbing cunt who doesn't give a shit about any of his employees
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Isn't sales commission a percentage thing? I mean, if you sell something what have other sales employees got to do with what you earn?
Or is he lowering sales commission to cover the basic pay of the newbies?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:55, Reply)

I get 1% of online and phone sales
He's using his brilliant Turkish logic to say if he employs four people who make 500 a month then 1/2% of that is better than if I was by myself making 100 and getting 1% of that.

Basicially he is a cunt. He told me he couldn't afford to pay everyone (there are two of us) 1% then proceeded to tell me he had just hired a marketing manager.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:58, Reply)

What a prick!
I recommend you start stealing stuff and sell it at boot fairs.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Would you like to buy any bathroom items?

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:00, Reply)

If they are cheap then yes I would.
Do you have a brochure? Then you could steal to order.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:01, Reply)

Well I have about 40 suppliers so I can get hold of most things.
So I can order to order
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:04, Reply)

No five finger discount?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Is this another reference to Grammo's enormous vag?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Very harsh. How big is it?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Having never experienced it, or even met her. And going purely by the cruel jibes of others
I can confidently state that it is of aircraft hangar proportions.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

This is what it takes to get her off
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Mine is that big.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:44, Reply)

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.
Echololz
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:44, Reply)

I would too, perhaps in the New Year

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Try recruitment consultancy. They reward good salespeople well
and we, in particular, go through staff like water so there's bound to be an agency after staff somewhere near you.

It's about the only industry experiencing growth at the moment too, due to companies only employing temporary staff that they can give the boot at a moment's notice.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:03, Reply)

I dunno if I would want to listen to people wibbling on about their dream job
then make them go work in a flea ridded hellhole of an office
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

flea ridden hell hole of an office Post Office sorting depot.

Edited for facts.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Part of me thinks I'd quite like being a postman.
But I hate early mornings. And people. And I'd get mauled by cats
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Well, I don't know how the Post Office works
but you should be able to stipulate that you're not able to deliver mail to cat households. Pretend it's your religion or something.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:17, Reply)

I went straight in to work when I was 17.
It puts a roof over your head but at the end of the day it is work. Fucking get on with it.

If you enjoy your job then you are very lucky.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:53, Reply)

I only have a degree at all because I didn't want to get a job.
I only have a good degree because I realised it was easier to make stuff up than research it and so did creative writing.

And now I'm in IT, so.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Ah, IT.
The refuge of the dribbling masses. ;-)
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:57, Reply)

*IT high fives*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:58, Reply)

I am an insurance cock.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:00, Reply)

cunt
not really
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:02, Reply)

You are right.
I get paid to be a dick to people. At the moment it's large financial institutions so nobody minds.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:04, Reply)

In that case, you GO SISTER!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:04, Reply)

*clicks fingers, shakes head*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Weeeell, I realised at about 25 that the reason I didn't want to do anything was because I'd only been exposed
to academic schoolwork and office admin stuff and that I was bored rigid. I tried a few bits, discovered I was good at building and fixing stuff and went from there.

It takes a lot of luck to get into anything practical if you've got zero experience and haven't done an apprenticeship, but I eventually found something that let me lie sufficiently convincingly on my CV to get an IT job.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:00, Reply)

I've never been unemployed for more than about 2 weeks
Managed to get a job within the first month of moving to Congleton, started at McDonalds whilst still doing that other job, and I still worked at McDs when I started at my current place.

I think I'd go insane if I had to spend too long unemployed.

Average with awesome, every time. McDonalds was great fun, despite it being a bit of a crap job.

I'm not a huge fan of my job, but I don't hate it. Things have improved since my boss moved next to me, as we just have a laugh. I nearly did move onto something a couple of months ago, if I'd got the job I think I'd have left here pretty damn quickly.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:55, Reply)

you seen revenge of the sith?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Aye, only ever seen it once though

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:57, Reply)

didn't like it very much
you ever read Cinderella?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:01, Reply)

too many questions
someone dilute this for me plz
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Just think up some food/tv puns
Then fuck your sister. Or something, I don't care I've got you on ignore.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:58, Reply)

AND I'VE BEN FUCKEN BANNED
FUCK'S SAKE
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Soon I'll be leaving a fairly well-paid job to go and have adventure (and hopefully not unemployment) in Edinburgh.
I'm a bit scared but a bit excited.
The scariest bit is clearing out my massive Steptoe flat.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:57, Reply)

You dirty old Roota

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Why Edinburgh?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:58, Reply)

I proper love it.
And if I'm leaving my favourite city in the world then I'll have to go somewhere equally boss and full of culcha.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Fair enough
Best of British to you.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeee eeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeee

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:00, Reply)

See, this is where you are going wrong
The funny time was the first time you posted this, not the third
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:03, Reply)

i only done it twice
you got maths problems?
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

no, this is where you are going wrong
bert is not funny unless he is screwing his sister. LOL.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

oh that int nice, that's like really wrong and shit

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee zeeeeeeeooowwwwwwwwmmmm

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

I did a 4 year apprenticeship scheme at Newcastle University in their networking department
Getting the same train to work each day I often spoke to a lad who worked as a techy in the library there as we often worked together when they needed new cabling done. His mate worked at the company I'm now at as we got talking on the train to and from work each week.

He ended up being my boss for 2 years then left and I've been here for 14 years now. I do like my job. It isn't particularly well paid, but it is interesting and the lads I work with are a great bunch. Without wishing it to sound like shitfest "The Office", there is always some joke/stupidity going on, pisstaking, etc and that is what gets me here and has kept me here. The thought of working in an open plan office where no fun was allowed scared the shit out of me.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:58, Reply)

I'm in an open plan office
Every other department is expected to be well behaved and stick to bathroom break schedules and stuff. Then they walk past our department and get annoyed by the way we're always fucking about.

I think IT staff are generally pretty juvenile.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:04, Reply)

Yep, agree 100%
*throws sponge dart*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

*flicks rubber band*
*changes phone ringtone*
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:37, Reply)

*Pops M and N keys out and swaps them over*
*also has keyoboard swapped*

FUCKIMG CUMT!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:21, Reply)

It's open plan here, but I can't ever recall a single day without pisstaking going on

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

My "real" job, photographer is brilliant, in fact it's so good, it doesn't feel like work.
I also work part time in a net cafe, which is a bit shitty. It's good that I can surf most of the time, but shitty, in that's in a multi-user centre, about 20 groups use the place, and we all share a kitchen. I haven't been a member of kitchen politics, since halls of residence. Ie, bringing in my own teaspoon because some cunt keeps nicking them, and hiding my coffee in my filing cabinet.
I also have to attend meetings, performance reviews, diversity training, one to one confabs etc, which are a fucking mystery to me.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 10:58, Reply)

They are a mystery to everyone.
I have managed to get my review down to "Good year" or "Bad year". The rest is a waste of oxygen.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Next month,
I have to "set personal goals and targets for action plan", "reflect on work, ie challenges/successes", and "discuss milestones".
What in the name of blistering fuck is THAT about?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:07, Reply)

New shit you can do for us next year.
Tell us what you did for us this year.
Tell us whether you did all the shit we asked you to do last year.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:15, Reply)

*Awards Plain English Award*

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:20, Reply)

holiday jobs every school/uni holiday since the age of 14
full time job since the age of 21. never been unemployed

i like my job, it's challenging, it has loads of opportunities, i have great colleagues and clients, it pays very well. it's also tiring, often leads to 14 hour working days and working weekends, often the actual things i have to read are so so anally dull, and you constantly feel stupid at what you do not know.

i reckon another 2-5 years, then i might shop around.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:04, Reply)

I was unemployed for about 2 years after leaving university.
My choice of degree subject may not have helped, but it was mainly due to my being an idle layabout who didn't want to work.

My current job is OK, decently paid, nice people and work that I sometimes enjoy, I'll stick with it indefinitely, unless I suddenly have some revelation about what I want to do with my life, but after 36 years I doubt it.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:04, Reply)

That's what I like to see.
A bit of ambition. ;-)
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Never claimed to have any.
I harm no one, I've never seen why ambition is necessarily seen as a good thing. Many great people have had ambition, but so have many bad people. It's not that I don't want to better my self, I'm just not interested in doing it in a work sphere.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:20, Reply)

A girl that works with me
is so ambitious it's embarrassing.

She does a good job but is a total cunt. I asked the powers to move her away from me because I could barely keep a civil tongue.

Normally, I'm a pussycat.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Sadly there is often a pretty hight ambition/cunt corellation
This, of course, means I'm lovely.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Combined theatre and peace studies weren't the best choice of degree then?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:08, Reply)

Close, English Lit. and Philosophy
I enjoyed studying and I studied what I enjoyed.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:21, Reply)

I came in as a grad
interviews, testing, presentations and live projects.

Great company to work for, well paid, good pension contributions, bonus, benefits like life assuarnce, health insurance, critical illness etc etc

so yeah, not much to see here really
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Despite being quite lazy, a little slow and not really qualified to do anything
I have only ever been unemployed for about 2 weeks.
I hate it when meeting new people who ask about what you do for a living. It does not define who I am in any way, it is just a way of earning money to live.
I have been in this stop-gap now for 12 years and it is looking increasingly unlikely that I could ever make money out of my hobbies, which lets face it, is one of the few ways one could enjoy their job.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:07, Reply)

*slacker fives*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

I would, but I can't really be bothered to raise my hand.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

I dunno, if you're a rentboy it probably does

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Depends on whether you became a rent boy out of necessity or because sucking other men's dicks was already a hobby

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

A little of column A, a licking to column B

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

But enough about your hobbies...

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

my first proper job was working for a sex toy wholesaler
people are still ask me more about that than my current job
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:07, Reply)

all of tlak is having a serious breakdown right now
might have to come here permo like
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:07, Reply)

My current job although boring and I can't take sickies, is a breeze.
Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have it.

Oh and I don't have work colleagues, which could be a double edged sword.
( girlinthehole, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:09, Reply)

I get a bit mental with no-one but the dog to talk to.
Then as soon as I get round some actual people, I go all sort of motormouth and can't shut up.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:13, Reply)

I've never been unemployed.
Worked in industry after my PhD and then moved back to academia. It's incredibly hard work but very rewarding, both teaching and research. And, I get to fuck shit up in a mad scientist way.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I thought teaching was for those 'who can't?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:11, Reply)

a) no
and b) I think that's supposed to refer to school teaching rather than lecturing.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:13, Reply)

; )

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:13, Reply)

*shakes fist*

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:14, Reply)

fist willy
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I wouldn't want to have someone's eye out.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Or kill any bears or whatever your sig used to say

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:25, Reply)

he used to sneak up on the catholic buggers whilst they were shitting in the woods

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Are you trying to make me cry, Gonz?
Are you? Is that what you're trying to do?

As it turns out, the degree in languages - that I was assured in 1992 would be the dog's bollocks - is worth absolutely fuck all. Who would have thought that, eh?

I honestly don't care what job I do, as long as it keeps me entertained. I have a staggeringly low boredom threshold. Something creative, where I can talk to people and listen to music at the same time, would be cool. If I could also fuck about in here too, it would be awesome.

You know those really smug cunts who know what they want to do when they're seven, then get into that job and so it for forty years, and love every single day of their working life? Yeah, mr b3th is one of them. Bastard.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:12, Reply)

lololol
www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2056875/Liz-Jones-baby-craving-drove-steal-husbands-sperm-ultimate-deception.html
(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:16, Reply)

good god, what a fucking psycho

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

the other fifteen cats are just out of shot

(Zoz prayed for twink on, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

fucks sake
No wonder men think we're all psychopathic.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Women are getting pregnant all over the place and yet she couldn't manage it.

( girlinthehole, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:22, Reply)

To be honest, I'm not sure I'd have much more success than her if I tried, what with my endometriosis and that.
Which is quite a good thing really. Pregnancy would be a horrible STD to catch.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Because she was turning a condom inside out and and shoving it up her cunt.
That's not how you do it.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Psychochomp MD

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:45, Reply)

i've dated guys who take this exact approach to sex
with all that stubby-fingered delicacy and finesse.

then they wonder why they can't even get it in.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

I haven't

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

well, no
i have never dated you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:50, Reply)

I haven't dated guys like that.
It was a joke, see?
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

no, i don't
jokes are funny.

and nothing about hamfisted fingering that makes your cunt turn into a clam is funny.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

You have a terrible sense of humour.

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

you wouldn't say that if you had been on the dates in question

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Actually, if I had seen you on these dates, I'm pretty sure I'd have spent a lot of my time laughing.

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

which is what i was not doing
one of the least amusing guys i've ever met told me he wanted to be a standup comedian.

piston would have been far superior!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Jesus fucking titty christ
she's got to be trolling us, now ... surely?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:23, Reply)

How can she have thought that that was in anyway a reasonable way to act
the 'father' would have been legally responsible for the resulting child
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Men really do need more protection by law.

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

How do you prove it though, rather than just the condom breaking.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:37, Reply)

If she publishes her story in a national newspaper you should be ok.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

they are protected in this case
they'd just have to prove it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Not true, recently a chap was told he had to pay for child the woman had created with his sperm that she 'stole' from the sperm bank
they had already split up
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

I'm sure it's more complicated than this in that particular case
there's a legal defence of deception in child support cases.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:44, Reply)

OR
they could just not fuck weirdos like her!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

actually, this is a point
if you put your penis anywhere fucking near Liz Jones you deserve absolutely everything you get.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

i read her book "how one single girl got married". unbelievable. horrifying.
although i'd never heard of her then, as i don't read the fail.

mind you, the most frightening thing was that i quite liked some of her housekeeping ideas, like the scent she uses for her pillowcases.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:45, Reply)

I can only imagine, for her, it would be essence of rohypnol?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

I bet it's made with the tears of a desperate woman.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

I suspect that it is.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:02, Reply)

she has this compulsion to tell personal details
it's a year or so since i read it, but i remember something about her describing the whiff of his farts in some detail.

why woman, why?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

So the moral is:
Women are psychos, no matter now sane they may claim to be and you can never be too paranoid.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:28, Reply)

At least you know now.
Especially us older ones who are childless.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Indeed, the prospect of dating anyone around my age is quite scary
all you can hear is the sound of biological clocks ticking.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Nothing a litre of gin and a coathanger can't solve.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:37, Reply)

I think mine's broken.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:38, Reply)

Shall I insert my key and wind it up for you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

Hurr hurr.
No thank you. I intend to be a barren old crone, and enjoy it.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

intend to be am
+I
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

what?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

like "family guy"
me and my 3 remaining eggs are having the BEST time.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Oh god oh god oh god I think my eyes are bleeding.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

it's a refugee from hurricane talk!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:41, Reply)

my mate's friend worked in a sperm bank (the same one that wouldn't accept ginger donors)
and she stole her new bf's sperm (shoved it in a camera film case) to check if he was fertile. he was, and so she carried on dating him, and now they are married with a kid.

but he still has no idea. i think this is pretty low, myself.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

borderline stalking

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:46, Reply)

If I ever discovered a woman had done that to me
I'd be appalled and would probably end up leaving her.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

it gets worse, actually
she hasn't worked since getting up the duff. she expects him to pay for everything, which he does. and she hasn't slept with him since she got pregnant. the child is now 3.

it makes my head explode with rage.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

I imagine it probably makes his balls explode, if she hasn't slept with him in three years.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Your friend is a fucking sociopath.

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

not my friend
my mate's friend.

if she wants a second kid, then she'll have to do something about it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Isn't your mate's friend..... you?
Or do you know someone with more than one friend?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

haha!
definitely not me. i do not have a 3 year old child or a husband. even i would have remembered that!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Are you really a trucker called Dave?
I'm reliebly informed that most 'women' on the internet are truckers called Dave.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

steve!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

He's probably cheating on her.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

she suspects this may well be the case
but doesn't care - she has a fancy house, nice car, baby. she is happy.

it boggles my brain.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Wilmslow?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

no, she went of her own accord.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

WITH A SPOON!!!!!11!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Haha

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

nah
they live in scandy now.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Ahh, fair enough

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:04, Reply)

or gay.
or both.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

you and your gay obsession
not everyone is gay, sweetheart.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I would be prepared to bet that if he hasn't had so much as a cheeky nosh off her
in 3 years, and he isn't cheating, then he's gay.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I'd smack her about a bit first.
And be completely within my rights.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Are your lefts not as good?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:53, Reply)

The right uppercut is a knockout.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

How did she steal it?
Wipe it off her norks when he wasn't looking?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

i think it was more pretending to swallow
and then spitting it into a handy container
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

if she did that it wouldn't work.
proteolitic enzymes in saliva, innit? I assume she just waited for it to leak out.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:51, Reply)

oh maybe
or scraped it off the bed or something. i remember being told that they were slow, after a night in the cold, but still moving, so she knew there was a good chance he was super fertile.

which he was.

much good it did him.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

To be honest I would give pretty much any woman that asked
a sperm sample as long as they extracted it.

I wouldn't even ask what they wanted it for.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Here ya go.
media3.picsearch.com/is?UkX0l1pzNSmx8TVyTI3K8DhBLcbPCdSlFim2i7w_liI
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:02, Reply)

I've never been unemployed, I don't see the point of it. Why would you want to not have a job or money? Doesn't make any sense to me.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Wise words, mate.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:35, Reply)

HIJACK
I need to buy guitar strings. I know nothing about guitar strings. Please advise.

kthanxbye
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Ernie Ball are good and reasonably priced.
Depending one the type of guitar and your ability the type of string will vary, but Ernie Ball Slinkys are a good all round choice, assuming an electric, about £5 on ebay.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Go to a shop that sells guitars
tell them what type of guitar you want to buy strings for. Buy strings.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

They will however spot that you don't know what you want
and they will ask you something like "What gauge do you want?"
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:38, Reply)

which is why my advice of just getting some decent fairly standard strings off of ebay is the best. :P

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:39, Reply)

the correct answer to this is "OO"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

She can't really go wrong
because either the guitarist will be too noobish to notice the difference or will be good enough to know that each gauge has its application.
( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:43, Reply)

Hmm
I feel you have cursed me by saying I can't go wrong
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Electric or acoustic guitar?

( Kroney, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Stick with CQ's advice and buy online
Guitar shops are staffed by grown-up adolescents whose only way of feeling better about themselves is knowing that they can play better and know a little more than most of their customers. Think: more pathetic version of the guys in High Fidelity.
As for gauge, I would recommend you choose 0.010 (or "tens"), these are about medium.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Kroney speaks the truth.
the only other point is that thicker gauge strings last longer but sound more "deep" and thinner ones last less time but sound a bit sharper, sort of. And they hurt more.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:37, Reply)

The thinner ones however
Are much better when beheading a Nazi tank commander
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:25, Reply)

I worked on a premium rate Tarot line when I was at uni. For teh gullible.
The sex line girls were in the next office, they used to patch us in to the calls, some of which were hilarious.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Were they fat middle aged women with 40-a-day Lambert and Butler habits?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:33, Reply)

On my face.
Edit: I thought you were asking where?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Pretty much.
The best calls ever were from Captain Chicken. His fantasy was that he was a naughty chicken, chased round the garden, caught, throttled plucked, cooked and eaten. Fucking legendary.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:40, Reply)

That's great.
Did he make sexy clucking noises?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:42, Reply)

No, just orgasm grunts.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Oh dear.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

That's me done.

( JessAction Give me all your expensive brandy and hubcaps., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:49, Reply)

I worked on a premium rate tarot line at university too.
But they diverted the calls to my house. Some of the wrong numbers were people wanting sexy talk. "Do you want a general spread or something more specific?" is not a good question to ask 'em.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Did you have to actually know what you were doing
or did they give you a script to work to?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:55, Reply)

I just pulled 5 cards, with a script on, and bullshitted and waffled for an hour or 2.
The brief was, keep the idiots on as long as possible, this is premium rate and we're coining it.
I had a basic wage, but also commission, so it was to my benefit to do this.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I love tarot cards, me.
I have four sets.
I think part of it is my autistic fascination with collections of things.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:01, Reply)

No script, but they didn't test my 'psychic abilities' before giving me the job

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:00, Reply)

Been unemployed for the first time in my life since I finished Barrister training.
If it wasn't for the voluntary work I'd have gone mental by now.
( WormuIus, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Surely with these skills
There must be a Costa in need of someone to make coffee
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 3 Nov 2011, 12:27, Reply)