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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I am rewriting my CV, it is a crushingly boring taskWhat's lies have you told on your cv or in an interview? Did you get found out?
What was your first job?
Alt: who is your 'hero'?
Altalt: why do we hate new people so much when this place dies a little with everyone that leaves?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 13:50,
179 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
I haven't had a CV for a long time, Just moved jobs on reccomendations and invites.
My first job was cleaning the classrooms after school at my school, bit rubbish, but needed the money.
Alt: I don't know who my hero is, I never really put a lot of thought in to it, but i will now.
altalt: I like new people.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 13:52,
Reply)
well, i did have a CV, and it was full of lies, like how many courses i'd been on, and how great i was, but they become a bit redundant in my industry.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 13:55,
Reply)
I've seen some brilliant CVsI got one through written in comic sans. I binned it straight away.
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 13:58, Reply)
i got one handwritten (scribbled) on a scrap of graph paper once from a guy who looked like a geography masteri'd have given him the job if it had been down to me
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:05, Reply)
we've just had a fuck ton of CV's from the New students coming in, it's amazing how many different ways that people manage to stretch "i've never had a job" to 3 pages.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:05,
Reply)
My first job was working in a maise maze back in the long hot summer of '96(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 13:53,
Reply)
not the one in Oxfordshire?Millets Farm I think it is.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 13:55,
Reply)
Nah was in South BucksThey were the maise maze boom years
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 13:57,
Reply)
man, i remember the little flags, and weeing in the dead end.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:06,
Reply)
You had a job losing kids on a farm?Fucking hell Ape, you're worse than that balding overweight tit wank captain placid!
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 13:55, Reply)
Unfortunately not, the maise wasn't tall enough or dense enough reallyAlso everyone carried a flag so they could be spotted from the watchtower!
Te maze was the shape of a dragon, cavy would have loved it
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 13:58,
Reply)
All that time there and you never learned how to spell maize.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:25,
Reply)
First job was sticking labels on tins of paint in a warehouse.Very very dull. It was only for a few weeks before I started an aprenticeship though.
Alt: R V Jones
Altalt: We all like to bully people, its only natural.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 13:55,
Reply)
so does that mean it's yours or malcs?(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 13:56,
Reply)
Time to send away for those DIY abortion pills.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 13:57,
Reply)
What more can you do Q?There's no helping some people.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:01,
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I've got to do that, I fucking hate it and find anything else to do instead.Actually I'll do my CV tonight, that way I'll clean the kitchen and do my washing before hand.
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:01, Reply)
YesAnd use assorted characters from Wingdings to separate the different sections.
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:09, Reply)
I'm going to put that background on that makes it look like it's written on a note pad.(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:24, Reply)
Make sure you use bold, underline and italics for your section headings. It helps them stand out.(
crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:26,
Reply)
altaltI like new people as long as they bring something. Q has made a place for himself after starting as a comedy account.
Pedo boy is another matter, but even him I gave helpful advice to.
I'm loverly, me.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:06,
Reply)
this is even more hurtful than when tracey refused to look at my trouser bulge today*i'm wearing tight trousers today
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:11, Reply)
Aw, you know I loves ya PorgyHow tight are we talking?
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:12,
Reply)
not like those stupid skinny jeans poofs wearbut jsut soem nice chocolate brown trousers i haven't worn for a few years
they're squashing me bulbs
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:14, Reply)
get this righti saw my mrs at lunch, and as i walked her back she grabs me by the tie, sticks her tongue down me throat and grabs me crotch
just as Becky walks by (becky's worked with me before and now works with the mrs, she's safe as). she laughed her head off and said she was going to tell the whole office about my horny old dear
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:18, Reply)
Never does the reputation any harm to let word spread around that you have a woman that throws herself at you in public(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:19,
Reply)
well, it was never that funnyAnd to some extent you still are.
But you have your moments, son.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:12,
Reply)
that was probably the creepiest thing i encountered in my early days hereyou and some other bender claiming to have adopted me like some civil partnership benders with a chihuahua
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:15, Reply)
We still think of you son.It saddens me that you're ashamed of us. :(
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:58,
Reply)
Huh, yeah rightLike I'm posting that sort of information here. It would take you seconds to track me down, and one of you would be knocking on my door and going through my bins and all sorts.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:08,
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I live in the crawl space in your loft.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:10,
Reply)
ChristWell you could at least tidy up a bit. It's a mess up there.
I passed my white belt thing. 100% as well. Look at me, eh?
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:11,
Reply)
I'm very proud of you, i'm going to bake you a well done cake.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:16,
Reply)
NahCorporate nonsense, Q. I'm embarking on a heady journey into the world of Six Sigma. Qualifications that work will pay for, innit.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:18,
Reply)
When Windy bakes me a cakeImma cut it up using my KARATE CHOP™
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:21,
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I've never had a real job(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:22,
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that's a different sort of job(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:33,
Reply)
My first job was picking orders in a NurseryIt was well cool - I got to drive a quad bike and a little tractor and smoke two cigarettes in each 15 minute break we had, with all the weirdos who did this as their job for life.
Alt: Naked Ape off the internet.
Altalt: I think there is plenty of hate for everyone old and new, but when a new person posts everyone likes to rally round for some new hating.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:22,
Reply)
Did your quad bike ever get stuck in the ball pool?(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:26,
Reply)
No, small children offer surprisingly good traction.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:27,
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It was certainly shit.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:30,
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Maybe you can't burn through iTunes itselfbut they're just mp3s, right? Couldn't you just go to the library folder and burn them straight from there? I may try this.
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Kroney, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:37,
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iTunes abandoned DRM two or three years ago, apparently.So I don't see why you couldn't.
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Kroney, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:47,
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psychochomp hates freedom(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:48,
Reply)
marksama bin ladendish more like(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:57,
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I want it on my desk by tomorrow morning(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:32,
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They're not mp3's either, he's stupid.They're protected M4V, and you can't do it without buying some illegal software or using a bunch of different shady software that may or may not be legal.
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:44, Reply)
That is such a bag of shit.Apple does not use DRM anymore. Apparently. They may be M4v files, but you can easily convert between file types. You can even do it online if you want. Some converters are licenced software, some are open source. A cursory google search brings up pages of the fuckers.
K, if you like I will look into it when I'm not at work.
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Kroney, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:57,
Reply)
new people are shit, you're shit.fucking hell, ask a better question you poof.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:31,
Reply)
done anything nice today?(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:44,
Reply)
not really, went to the guitar shop, that was it really. Doing a bit of office work today, well, not really getting anything done.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:48,
Reply)
You bastardI hate people that don't buy guitars. I've never not bought a guitar in my life, and I'm not stopping now.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:52,
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how many of them can you play?(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:56,
Reply)
there's at least one type of guitar you can't playan alli-guitar!
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:14, Reply)
first one was my brother's, given to me as he got bored of it, a Peavey Predator Pro (paedy name for a guitar, but there you go)and someone on freecycle is giving one away as 'the strings are broken and the plug on the amp needs changing'
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:13, Reply)
Haha, bloody hellSo because they can't be arsed to change the strings, they're giving it away for nothing? Do you know what it is? Brand, model?
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:16,
Reply)
probably nothing special, but worth a looki suspect that if i asked they'd have a breakdown. broken strings was another reason my brother gave me his guitar, to be fair it has rose flint tremolo locking (whatever that means) strings, so they're a bugger to change, took me all day as i'd never done it before
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:18, Reply)
Shut the fuck up, you dick.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:31,
Reply)
You're right, it does feel kinda good.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:32,
Reply)
i had to cut the strings and unscrew like two things and positiont eh strings and then screw them back onand then one of them pinged off and i had to redo it and i didn't even know you're only supposed to take off the old strings one at a time so i had to retighten the coils as well
i felt like an engine man
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:30, Reply)
Yes, total pain in the arseI was obsessed with double locking trems right up to the point that I got one.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:34,
Reply)
Just like most things with guitar, it's neither better nor worse...jsut differentThe idea is that they're more stable than a regular vibrato system (like that found on a Stratocaster). If you really hammer a Strat trem, the strings will normally go out of tune quite easily. With a locking trem, the idea is that the strings return to their original position, make tuning much more stable. It all depends on how well it's set up though. My one was pretty good, but it still went out of tune with heavy use.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:43,
Reply)
Skip to about 2:05www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t2n9TMudi8
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:44,
Reply)
I tell you MumpsIf that cunt next door doesn't pack it in with the fucking hammering, I'm going to break him into tiny pieces, eat them, then poo them out in his front room.
HOW DOES IT TAKE FOUR MONTHS TO DECORATE A HOUSE???
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:33,
Reply)
If he is only using a hammer, it could take a lot longer.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:36,
Reply)
Especially with the painting.The circular bit won't hold much paint, so you'll get maybe three or four strikes before you have to dip it in the paint again.
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Kroney, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:38,
Reply)
start a decorating warcan you get a hardhat on over the two existing ones?
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:55,
Reply)
Mrs Hats has already said "We'll get our own back when we do the hall stairs and landing"She's a vengeful woman.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:56,
Reply)
well a new runway is just going to piss all the other neighbours off too(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:58,
Reply)
maybe he is trying to call for help, he might be trapped under some fallen masonry, living on Plasterboard and Paint, using all his strength to try and signal for you to call an ambulance.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:38,
Reply)
I'm surprised he can hear him, to be honest. Must be hammering hellish hard.Pubs are usually detached.
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Kroney, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:39,
Reply)
RRAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:41,
Reply)
I'm no longer dignifying this with a responseI'm better than that, Windy.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:42,
Reply)
and most wine bars are semi-llon
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:54,
Reply)
does he say "oooh betty" a lot and does his cat do a whoopsie on the carpet?(
mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:43,
Reply)
If he stopped with the hammering for five fucking minuteshe can say whatever the hell he likes
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:52,
Reply)
perhaps he's killing a lot of polish prostitutes, not doing building work at all.or he has hammers for hands and is only trying to make a cup of tea.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:53,
Reply)
he could be opening a very large bag of brazil nuts.or an exceptionally large slab of toffee.
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mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:56,
Reply)
The girl from St Etienne?Would.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:00,
Reply)
kev said he's been to see the sphinxi asked how does it smell, he said 'like dirty ragheads'
lol kev!
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:59, Reply)
He's kerrrrazzzzzzzzzzy!(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:01,
Reply)
AltAlt: What's this "we" you cunt?I only hate the existing posters.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 14:31,
Reply)
First job was in a hippy shop. I got my piercings from there.Heroes: John Berger, Andy Weatherall, spankyhanky.
Altalt- because you touch yourself at night.
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:01, Reply)
My CV is all true these daysIt had the usual padding when I had no experience, nothing interesting, never found out.
My first job was in a record shop I think, over Christmas, it gave me an abiding sympathy for those in retail.
My hero may well be Billy Bragg /tedious left-wing answer
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:14,
Reply)
Yup, I nearly put him too.I saw them together at Latitude 2 years back I nearly cam ein my pants.
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:24,
Reply)
OMG IVE BEEN TO A FESTIVAL TOO!!!!!!!(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:31,
Reply)
I don't think I have ever burned a man.I once had a hot rock burn through my shirt.
That burned :(
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:33,
Reply)
Bet you weren't in the Performers Area*smugs*
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CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:47,
Reply)
Just delete it.I know this sort of thing is usually frowned upon, but if you follow it up with deleting your account, I'm sure no one will mind.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:30,
Reply)
There's a story on BBC news about Bristol starting it's own currency but it's a bit meh
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:32, Reply)
It's also about a month old you FUCKING SLAGCUNT(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:36,
Reply)
Says updated 18th Sept you bent spazI hope your earholes turn into arseholes and shit runs down your neck
(, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:38, Reply)
I always thought giving someone a bristol pound was something else entirely(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:36,
Reply)
You'd like that wouldn't you?! Well maybe I just will, then you'll be sorry!WHHHHHAWWAAAAAAAAAAAaaaAA
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:33,
Reply)
I've never lied on my CV or in an interview, as I'm too worried about getting found out.First job was deliverying papers, first proper job was the one I've got now.
Alt: My Dad, he's ace.
AltAlt: People are spastics.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 19 Sep 2012, 15:25,
Reply)
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