Internet bullying, right here.
I shall banhammer the fucking lot of you. Cunts.

A student on my fb feed has just posted this, from one of her uni friends. Reminds of certain b3tans.

Dear Iceland,

I am writing to you to express my gratitude, today was a great day in my life, in fact it was a day I will not be forgetting in the near future. Why you ask, oh tell you I will.

I am one of those dirty, stinking, poor students who get by on the little things in life. Firstly I would like to thank the local Iceland store in Luton for being right next to the University-of Bedfordshir
e
, this makes my life one hell of a lot easier.

Anyway, lets get to the point, today feeling a little worse for wear after having a raging mental one last night, me and Nick headed to the store in question to take advantage of your 2 for £7 offer on Frosty Jack's Cider (cheers for that) whilst we were there, still hanging from last night we decided to get some of your lovely chicken dippers.

Now this, this is where the magic happened, the packaging advertised that we would be receiving 25 chicken dippers, now this sounds fair for £1.50 but this obviously posed the question of who would get the extra dipper. Well upon opening the pack still squabbling over who would have the extra dipper we thought it would be best to count them, to our delight/ecstasy/surprise we found that there was not only 1, nor 2, but 3 more dippers than the advertised amount.

Now that is 28 dippers for £1.50, oh my heavens.

We worked out that in a pack of 25 (as advertised) each dipper is worth 6 pence, that means we technically owe you 18 pence, we're more than happy about this because they were 3 of the most delectable chicken dippers we have ever come across, you know what they say, all the best things in life are free.

Once again thanks a lot, we love you lots and lots like cheap shots
Two very happy customers
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:23, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

No you won't, you can't ban fuck all.
HA
( Kroney, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:24, Reply)

Keep poking the bear.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:25, Reply)

Oh, now I'm a fucking bear, am I?
You just wait, baldy.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:26, Reply)

Only in the sense that you're a big, hairy gay man.
I don't think he meant you're an animal. That'd be well rude.
( Kroney, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:27, Reply)

a fucking
fucking a
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:27, Reply)

why strikethrough fucking and then add fucking?
you crazy?
(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:29, Reply)

What?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:29, Reply)

He's lolariously implying that I'm fucking a bear.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:30, Reply)

10 points to b3thers
honestly, I thought it would be fairly obvious. Once again it appears I've overestimated this place.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:32, Reply)

I GOT IT, I JSUT THOUGHT YOU WENT ABOUT IT IN A STUPID WAY

(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:38, Reply)

i think he means afucking

(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:31, Reply)

stupid fucking tags!
didn't work a minute ago, did you??

pricks
(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:32, Reply)

I didn't know if there was some secret code for swapping words over that the non-cool kids like me don't know
so I just swapped them over by strikethrough. I know it's friday afternoon but it's not that difficult.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:31, Reply)

trust a scientist to take the long way of doing something simple

(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:32, Reply)

how would you do it simply?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:33, Reply)

a fucking fucking a
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:33, Reply)

its not exactly brain surgery

(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:34, Reply)

You've still had to type the same number of words, though.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Just to be clear, this is a new low for both of us in terms of online debate.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:36, Reply)

his is clearer though

(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:37, Reply)

I'm not strictly sure that's really any simpler than wot I did.
but, fair enough
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:34, Reply)

It's obviously simpler.
Honestly, if you can't understand why that is the case I suggest you go away and find your tailor and discuss your latest suit alterations.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:37, Reply)

it's obviously simpler to a retard or a toddler.
yes.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:40, Reply)

i tried it up there a<--->fucking

(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:33, Reply)

see? fucking tags are fine in this one
fucking prick website
(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:34, Reply)

now that I can get.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:35, Reply)

typical fucking scientist
needs everything fucking explained for him.

GOD INVENTED IT THAT WAY, YOU DICK
(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:37, Reply)

?
and also

?

I said I got it, Q. as in "that makes sense and is simpler"

Fucking hell.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:39, Reply)

ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, I HATE YOU

(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:42, Reply)

HARSH BURN.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:45, Reply)

quick play dead

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:27, Reply)

I'm glad I was able to liven up your shit thread
by turning it onto a 'pick on b3th' session.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:29, Reply)

Fuck off B3th.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:29, Reply)

This is all well and good
but who's going to pick up the pieces when my meds fail to kick in and I head to KFC?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:32, Reply)

AW.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:33, Reply)

Is that 'aw' as in 'sympathetic noise'
or 'anotherwanker'? Because honestly, I think I'd rather be committed.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:34, Reply)

Anotherwanker.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:35, Reply)

You'll be sorry when I'm dead.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:38, Reply)

I really won't be.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:39, Reply)

: (

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:40, Reply)

I will, b3th.
Don't you listen to these awful people. If you need a cuddle - any time - I'll be on the next train down. We can pop on a bit of Wogan and get mad busy.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:43, Reply)

You could take her up the pier.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:43, Reply)

YOU REALLY MEAN 'ARSE'!!!!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:44, Reply)

I wouldn't if I were you
I heard she couldn't reach properly so it never really gets wiped.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:45, Reply)

I have some vomit in my mouth after reading that. Thanks a bunch.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:47, Reply)

I will be

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:39, Reply)

I'm just trying to divert people from picking on me :(

( Kroney, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:32, Reply)

Stop being a twat then.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:38, Reply)

everyday is a pick on NA day

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:37, Reply)

So it should be.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:38, Reply)

pipe down pintsize

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:39, Reply)

+poppet raper

(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:41, Reply)

he's like a rapey russian doll

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:41, Reply)

he hider inside a bigger rapist?
what does psychochomp have to say about this?
(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:46, Reply)

is the bigger rapist inside a van?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:47, Reply)

van helicopter
(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:49, Reply)

Oh a height 'joke'.
How original.

You fucking cretin.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:41, Reply)

you should write a story about him having a wank, that'll learn him

(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:43, Reply)

please don't

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:44, Reply)

"...and Naked Ape contorted about the bed as his semi squirted fathoms of white juice all over his He-Man bedsheets, spattering the walls and his signed Jimmy Osmond photo with his fresh, hot semen"

(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:46, Reply)

I'd click "I like this" but I don't want to give the wrong impression

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 14:21, Reply)

I'd rather not if you don't mind.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:44, Reply)

Nakers' heavy Neanderthal brow furrowed with concentration,
his tongue hanging out like that of a cross-eyed bulldog locked in a Range Rover on a hot day, whilst his simian digits flailed helplessly around his nipple-sized acorn-cock. He wailed like a Downser with a dropped ice cream as he fumbled gradually towards the balsamics. Grunting with ever-increasing urgency, his over-long hairy arm became a blur, and his bleating hit the upper registers.
Then it all seemed to happen at once, as first a tortured, whining fart and then an oily, otter-like stool flew from his distended anus, splattering every seat within a six foot radius of where he sat on the bus.

'Don't do that, dear', said his mum slash wife, dabbing a foetid mixture of ordure and semen from the back of the man in front's coat. 'It's not your birthday 'til tomorrow'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:48, Reply)

phwoar

(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:48, Reply)

well I don't know about you but I could cut glass right now.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:49, Reply)

i like that he added more to it

(quintsy, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:51, Reply)

AND MORE.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:53, Reply)

Like Bravo Two Zero it get's better with every read

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:53, Reply)

Thanks 'Paul Ross'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:54, Reply)

actually i think it was better without the last paragraph

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:54, Reply)

actually fuck off you bent spastic

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:57, Reply)

I will do just that, as i'm off home and to the pub, bye bye

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:59, Reply)

bye bbz x x x x x

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:59, Reply)

*standing ovation*
so to speak
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:50, Reply)

the less succesful follow-up to "pop-up pirate"

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:46, Reply)

Haha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:29, Reply)

what a pikey

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 26 Oct 2012, 13:24, Reply)