Good morning to you.
Monday morning 'review your weekend/outline your upcoming week/make a lol joke about sex and someone's mum/use the word 'quender' like a cunt/crap on about some dismal tone-deaf Ghanain bongo album you've recorded/etc etc etc' thread.

Alt: see if you can go a whole day without being shit. Go on, I bet you can't. Alright, why not start by trying to manage a whole morning first. Let's not run before we can walk eh.

Altalt: I read on the weekend that Paul McCartney 'always thought there was something dodgy about SirJimmeh'. If only he'd have been a member of the most famous pop group in the world whose every utterance was hung upon and debated over like he had something of global importance to say even when he was just wittering on about an egg man or some shit, then maybe he would have been listened to. If only eh. Yeah thanks for your fucking help Macca you wanker.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:10, 142 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Let's not talk about shit eh?
I've been pissing rusty water out of my ringpiece for the last 36 hours.

How was the rest of Friday evening?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:19, Reply)

No idea at all.
I should imagine it was lots of fun.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:20, Reply)

Lack of memory of the rest of the night or did you piss off as well?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:22, Reply)

It's all a bit of a blur.
Had a cracking time with the nipper on Saturday though. Drew a picture of Nogbad the Bad and Graculus.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:28, Reply)

I did fuck all for the rest of the weekend apart from sit on the toilet.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:31, Reply)

'bad pint'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:40, Reply)

Nah. Picked something up from my daughter.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:42, Reply)

herpes?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:45, Reply)

Hahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:52, Reply)

you flailing deacon

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:29, Reply)

^ Typical 'quender' talk here

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:30, Reply)

^ Typical spastic utterance here

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:31, Reply)

^ Typical JUST SHUT UP YEAH?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:33, Reply)

someone's done
A really bad guff on my train. One of those that smells like sulphur.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:38, Reply)

That's simply wonderful news.
Do keep us updated.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:40, Reply)

invoking the Shaggy Defence here
Plus I would ruin Rihanna. Plasterer's radio etc etc.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:43, Reply)

I don't think she's especially good looking TBH

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:53, Reply)

shame,
She said you were a very handsome fellow.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)

You're talking about Rihanna Keller yeah?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)

I'm not remotely surprised to hear this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:06, Reply)

Alt: Too late - I'm already shit.
Altalt: There is something of a leap between thinking someone is a bit dodgy and making public accusations about them being arguably the most successful paedophile of modern times.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:54, Reply)

What an accolade. Scaryduck's got someway to go yet.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:55, Reply)

I don't think any paedo could top Savile's efforts.
I mean, he got into a position where children would write to him begging to meet him and be granted favours.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:01, Reply)

I'm a little concerned about "Noel's Christmas Presents" now.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:03, Reply)

They should put that on his poster.
'The most successful paedophile of modern times'.

(As oppose to the most successful paedo IN 'Modern Times', which was Charlie Chaplin).
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)

i like this.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:59, Reply)

good, good.
If I just go away now then, I may have fulfilled Monty's briefs of not being shit for an entire morning.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:01, Reply)

Hmm...
There shouldn't be an 's' on the end of brief.

I now appear to have written the phrase 'filled Monty's briefs', which is very disturbing.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:02, Reply)

Errr, bend-er!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:05, Reply)

I suppose someone needs to fill your briefs, cos I bet you don't.
^Tiny penis joke right there.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:08, Reply)

Oh dear.
You were doing so well, too. OK so tomorrow your time to beat is 9:08am.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:12, Reply)

Hello.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:56, Reply)

It is, rather, isn't it?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:57, Reply)

Too right.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)

Alright Windle

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:57, Reply)

Alright Tangers.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 8:58, Reply)

This really isn't going very well.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:14, Reply)

Oh put a sock in it.
DO YOU GET THIS JOKE?????
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:15, Reply)

I understand what you are saying, however I wouldn't agree that it's a 'joke'.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:17, Reply)

EPIc fail.
LOLOLOLOLOL
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:18, Reply)

Someone please pass me some industrial strength tape to hold my sides back together.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:22, Reply)

That'll be a hernia you fat shit.
That book is fucking great btw. Thanks so much.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:45, Reply)

My pleasure. Let me know if you need any help with large words.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Can you believe that incest apologist and epic oddball Enzyme is a nullo?
I was as shocked as anyone when I found out.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:15, Reply)

found out made up this rumour and spread it around the internet.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:20, Reply)

Well, maybe.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:21, Reply)

Still, it is very shocking.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:22, Reply)

What's that you're saying?
You know for a fact that Enyme off b3ta is a nullo?

Seriously?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:22, Reply)

I heard this at the same time I heard that Plumdozer had libeled Lord McAlpine.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:23, Reply)

It's one of those 'Kennedy assassination' type events isn't it?
Everyone remembers where they were when they heard that Plumdozer off b3ta had repeatedly libelled the completely innocent Tory peer Lord McAlpine, alleging that he was a paedophile.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Worse than 9/11.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Worse than Nakers.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Wait, that's what he libelled him with?
I thought he said Lord McAlpine was a nullo.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:38, Reply)

I also heard this.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:51, Reply)

It's what I've been hearing on the internet grapevine.
If we have learned anything from the whole Savile scandal, it's that we should not ignore rumours and hearsay, no matter how unpleasant and potentially life-ruining they may be to the people involved.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:24, Reply)

Has he learned NOTHING from Dozer?
I suspect Enzyme's lawyers will be in touch shortly.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:24, Reply)

Morning.
In true old lady form, my feet are fucking killing me today : (
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Best get back to bed then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Feet are for girls
You want some of those wheels fitting

Morning darling x
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:37, Reply)

They're certainly not for old ladies : (
I see you're still sporting the beard.

And I'm not talking about Ms Foxtrot lol
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:48, Reply)

AltAlt: Mark Chapman's gravestone should read "The gun held six bullets dickhead"
Morning everyone.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Hang on, can I change my answer?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:28, Reply)

Depends
What to? I hope it's along the lines of elaborating on where the other four should have been apportioned. Leave Ringo out of this, he was the only one who really managed a decent tache.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:34, Reply)

I want to change my answer to 'nullo'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:35, Reply)

I want to know why you want to change your answer to 'nullo'

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:37, Reply)

I thought the question as 'what is Enzyme off b3ta?'
To think, I've sat next to him at dinner. Sickening. All that time, he was a nullo, if Tangles here is right, at any rate.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:39, Reply)

I see
Or at least, I might, if I was on as many massive drugs as you clearly are.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:41, Reply)

How has this become my story?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:43, Reply)

Oh right.
Backpedalling now are you?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:44, Reply)

All I will say on the matter is that I can neither confirm nor deny the rumours about Enzyme off the internet.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:52, Reply)

Bit late for that, old boy.
You libelling cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:53, Reply)

Please address your comments to Dozer's lawyers, who will be handling this case from now on.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:55, Reply)

That'll be rory then, will it?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:56, Reply)

It's all part of your customer journey.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 9:57, Reply)

I was merely browsing this particular libel, I have no intention of repeating it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:01, Reply)

I'm afraid that by reading the libel you are now its client.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:04, Reply)

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:02, Reply)

hahahaha!
*click*
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:04, Reply)

I read that as
"why not start by trying to manage a whole morning fist"
( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:05, Reply)

Did you really.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:10, Reply)

On the other hand....

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)

I know the French are infamous for putting their hands up at the slightest provocation, but this is too much.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:18, Reply)

I did.
Well. This is good.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)

Clearly he wishes to widen the circles of his friends

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:11, Reply)

He's hoping to penetrate their intimate circle.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:13, Reply)

Either that or he's the worst kind of ventriloquist

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:14, Reply)

This thread seems to have run out of batteries.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:21, Reply)

Just like your mum's sex toys

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:22, Reply)

Hers are mains-powered.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:23, Reply)

Perhaps if we were all more positive and fluffy?

( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:24, Reply)

Cunt off.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:25, Reply)

You're challenging Kroney to a 'cunt off'?
Good luck with that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:26, Reply)

I don't even have an cunt

( Kroney, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:40, Reply)

It used to be really good on here back in the day,
That was until all the good people left and it became like /talk 2.0.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:25, Reply)

Might as well merge this place with /talk

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:27, Reply)

merge this place with /talk jump
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:37, Reply)

Go ahead

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:38, Reply)

*nose/point*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:39, Reply)

who said that?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:39, Reply)

That record is the closest I have to a 'guilty pleasure' I think.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:41, Reply)

How you accompany your masturbation is entirely your affair

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Hello

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:34, Reply)

Ah, there you are!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:35, Reply)

I DUN GONE A NEW THREAD

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Nov 2012, 10:42, Reply)