FFS it's time for a newslink
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-20523950

So apparently bestiality was made legal in Germany in 1969. What the fuck are these jokers up to?

Alt: Your sexy animal stories please.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:25, 123 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

sexy, sexy goats.
That Kiok chap came out with the splendidly epic quote a couple of days ago, while campaigning that he should still be allowed to be up to the back wheels in his dog, that "mere morality has no business in making laws"

Genius.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:29, Reply)

When I was stationed out in Tunisia
The new CO asked me what we do about the lack of women where we were stationed. I said we just used the camel. Later that night I came out to find the CO standing on a bar stool fucking the camel. I told him that we usually use it to ride to the brothel in town.
( Peej, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:29, Reply)

Yeah thanks Benny Hill.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:33, Reply)

Try making a non shit thread
if you want non shit answers.

I presume that the law legalising bestiality was something along the line of it not being cruel. Whats the difference between a horse breeder wanking off a horse and some slapper sucking one off for specialist art moves?
( Peej, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:35, Reply)

I suspect they're more concerned about gentlemen being up to their nuts in labradors
then ladies fellating horses. but I believe what's happenening here is that you're suggesting that bestiality is fine. Careful, this could be the next "rob fingers kids"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:38, Reply)

I don't think its fine and personally I would only go with sheep or larger
What i'm actually saying is that though bestiality may not be illegal I bet animal cruelty is and if they deemed an animal was harmed what being buggered they would still be breaking the law.
( Peej, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:42, Reply)

The problem with specifying a size limit for the animal
is you're clearly discriminating against those poor gentlemen with smaller penises. It's no good them being allowed to fuck a carthorse if it doesn't even touch the sides.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:44, Reply)

Sexy sexy carthorses

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:44, Reply)

You're perhaps giving this a little too much thought Badge old boy
or do you have a confession that you wish to share with the group?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

I love horses
best of all the animals
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:46, Reply)

I was only specifying my own personal size limits based on whether or not I would hurt the poor creature
they call it making love for a reason.
( Peej, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Thank you for your constructive feedback
My point was that I could maybe understand a situation where a country had never made bestiality illegal but I couldn't really fathom why a country would go to the bother of making it actually legal.

What kind of person lobbies parliament so that he can shag his horse, for example?
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:38, Reply)

Well, in Germany, Michael Kiok.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:39, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/links/52486
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Something about your dad, some peanut butter, a great Dane and Dane Bowers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:32, Reply)

You're not even trying are you?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:33, Reply)

Their nuts, from the sound of it.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:34, Reply)

Much better link:
New York City celebrates day without violent crime - www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-20536201
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:34, Reply)

that's presumably only true
until they find yesterday's bodies.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:36, Reply)

I once fucked a goat.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:36, Reply)

It's not bestiality if you're a pig, though.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:41, Reply)

want some pig loving?
You sexy badger.

Also, are you coming to the next adjective animal club meeting?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:49, Reply)

When is it?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:53, Reply)

i dunno,
I think its only you, me and glued eel.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:08, Reply)

A kitten once licked my thumb and made me feel all tingly
Mind you, I was 11 so carved table legs, an art deco building or just breathing had the same effect.

Changing the subject, my company end of year do is Black Tie. Not being overly tall, stunningly gorgeous or a psychopath I don't own a dinner suit. Should I rent one, buy a cheap one or invest in a bespoke >£500 masterpiece?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:38, Reply)

are you going to wear it again?
you can pick up a just about OK one for about £100, or check out charity shops. probably at least £50 to rent one, I'd have thought, so might be worth buying one if you think you'll get one more use out of it.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:41, Reply)

That's the crux of it
There'll probably be more black tie company events. Plus it would come in handy for James Bond fancy dress.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:42, Reply)

Hire full Highland Dress
The ladies will be frothing at the clopper.

HTH xxx
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:43, Reply)

But what should I wear underneath it?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:44, Reply)

nowt, obviously.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Also, this.
The number of times I've been borderline sexually assaulted by drunken harridans whilst wearing a kilt is quite amusing
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Exactly this.
Our Christmas night out is in Birmingham and me and my mate are the only ones from north or the border.

We're having to pack a shitty stick.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:47, Reply)

I'm not sure if that reads terribly well.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:48, Reply)

makes sense to me

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:48, Reply)

I thought someone might have misconstrued the 'shitty stick' reference as some post anal issue
that would certainly fend them off.

I may have overthought this.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

best go and have a cup of tea and a little lie down, I think.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

I think you might be right

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:52, Reply)

Do you wear the funky shoes with the laces that go up the ankle?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:50, Reply)

ghillie brogues? yeah.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:50, Reply)

Whatever you do
don't get a notched lapel like a business suit, ask for peaked or shawl lapels. Traditionally shawl collars go with cummerbunds and peaked with waistcoats. Try to get a jacket without a vent in the rear.
( Kroney, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:46, Reply)

and don't wear a winged collar shirt
you're not a waiter.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Quickest way to spot the cunt that doesn't know what he's doing:
Winged collar, pre-tied bow, notched lapel, non-patent leather shoes.
( Kroney, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

I read a thing about formal wear do's and don'ts
which made the same points. Cheers chaps.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:51, Reply)

www.gq-magazine.co.uk/style/articles/2012-08/30/black-tie-guide-suit-shirt-how-to
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:12, Reply)

Good guide.
Don't wear braces though, whatever they say. Wear a waistcoat or a cummerbund. Not wearing one is popular at the moment because of Daniel Craig. Your shirt will show between your jacket and trousers and your trouser waist and button etc will show. It looks messy.
( Kroney, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:20, Reply)

I don't have any sexy animal stories. sorry.

(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:39, Reply)

Not surprised
Bestiality would be pretty fatal with most animals in Oz, except the sheep?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:42, Reply)

They've been breeding them with Paraguayan Killer Sheep to improve wool yield
but have instead created a terrifyingly aggressive hybrid.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:43, Reply)

they have acidic spunk

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:45, Reply)

pretty much yeah.
And we're not kiwis...
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Would you like Battered to make one up about you?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Not really.
One horrible made up story is enough.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:50, Reply)

After Kriss Akubusi fucked a cow
He whispered "aMooooooooooga" in her ear and patted her on the fanny.
( Peej, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Well, thats fucking horrible.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 29 Nov 2012, 10:48, Reply)

Phwoar, eh?
catsthatlooklikepinupgirls.tumblr.com/
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:09, Reply)

nsfw yurt prick

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:10, Reply)

Sorry everyone - some of these cats are naked.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:11, Reply)

Naked pussy is NSFW, surely?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:14, Reply)

I've been sick twice today, might go to the disabled loo and be sick again.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:19, Reply)

Nora virus innit

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:19, Reply)

I probably caught it off the third bottle of red I opened.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:22, Reply)

What you needed was a minimum price per unit to stop you.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Bloody binge drinkers
I bet he pissed in a bus stop, too.
( Kroney, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:31, Reply)

i bet he pissed in a labour MP's office

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:36, Reply)

Why to the disabled loo?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:20, Reply)

There's usually some middle aged bloke squeezing one out in the normal toilets.
I think that'll put me off my vomming.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:22, Reply)

You work with Pooflake?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:26, Reply)

Sink and bog next to each other
in case of simultaneous eruption from both ends.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Straining bars

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:27, Reply)

the only time for a newslink is when you are terminally short of lols
i have a networking workshop this afternoon, taught by actors in a theatre. i am not sure if this will be great or not.

it's not sexy, it's gross, but my budgie used to love me a bit too much when i was a kid. one day i picked it up and it did the usual bobbing spectacles thing that budgies think are so attractive. but i could feel... something.... pulsing against my hand (the budgie was a girl, btw). i turned it over and the poor deluded bird had stuck out this little bright red ring, expecting me to stick it with some hot male budgie loving.

fucking rank. i immediately dropped it, the budgie squawked but flew off, and we never spoke of it again. in fact, i'd blotted it out altogether until just now. thanks dude. thanks a bunch.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:40, Reply)

Swipe fingers birds.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:47, Reply)

Haha it thought you were male.

( Kroney, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:48, Reply)

she's like a sexy male cuttle fish

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:51, Reply)

did you know the male cuttlefish delivers it's sperm in small packet's by passing them down a tube in a specialised tentacle
it then finger bangs the female delvering it's spermy tic tacs
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:52, Reply)

what I'm saying is swipe has special tentacle that she uses to try and impregnate budgies with cuttlefish sperm.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 11:59, Reply)

She fingers birds?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:02, Reply)

in a word, yes

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:03, Reply)

This is the only plausible explanation
for an attempted lesbian budgie scissoring that I can think of.

Well done, Nakers, another mystery solved.
( Kroney, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:05, Reply)

I'm shocked and appalled
I thought it was only a cockatoo
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:08, Reply)

The image challenge is quite good this week.

( Kroney, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:15, Reply)

I agree, I'm almost tempted to do one.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:24, Reply)

I bet by the time I get home it's already been done though.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:26, Reply)

Do "Memento"

( Kroney, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:27, Reply)

That could be quite good.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:29, Reply)

Yeah, I thought so.
Draw all over yourself, include a couple of crudely drawn cocks to gain a few cynical /board upvotes, take a photo on a polaroid and you're done.
( Kroney, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:39, Reply)

oh man I'm getting bullied by Legless again

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:32, Reply)

link it tyhe

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:35, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/internetcrazies/post1794102
( Kroney, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:44, Reply)

i don't undersatnd the trouser story or the fat wife meme
please explain
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:50, Reply)

A common attempt to make AB angry is to
reference a photo that was posted of him and his wife together. It never works.

Some guy posted a story about how unfair his dad was for getting angry at him because he turned up to a christening in jeans after his dad specifically asked him to be smart for once in his life.
( Kroney, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:54, Reply)

This one:
b3ta.com/questions/dad/post986596
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:56, Reply)

in here
He really is a godawful prick.

www.b3ta.com/questions/internetcrazies/post1794102
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 29 Nov 2012, 12:44, Reply)