I've got an arse like the Japanese flag today.
What have YOU got today?

Alt: I'm going to a wedding on Saturday. I hate weddings. You?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:14, 137 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I just complained to a company on facebook.
I'm all 2.0 and shit.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:14, Reply)

Was it Tesco about a mouldy apple?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:15, Reply)

Nah it's about my mobile phone.
Yes i know you're deliberatly delaying delivery so that you decrease the time between having to shell out for something and getting your commision from Orange, but get it sorted yeah.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:17, Reply)

I still haven't forgiven John Sainsbury for STALEBREADGATE last week.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:17, Reply)

WHAT AN AL!

(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:19, Reply)

I don't like it when people run with their own memes :(

(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:25, Reply)

Oh.
Sorry.

I just like the way it almost read "anal"
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:29, Reply)

the way it almost
ad ceiving
( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:38, Reply)

That was fucking brilliant
I sat in a costa last night reading the comments
( Peej, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:20, Reply)

Oh man! I read it on a train platform!
We should be "reading facebook comments buddies" when I come and stay with you we can sit and read facebook comments together!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:25, Reply)

You're ignoring them?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:15, Reply)

some mini cheddars
good weddinsg are good, shit ones are shit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:15, Reply)

I want some mini cheddars
and a pint to wash them down.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:18, Reply)

Very little motivation on this
dull never ending project.

I like weddings if there is a free bar
( Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:16, Reply)

A hangover. Including the shakes.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:17, Reply)

Man you were so pissed last night.
I bet you don't even remember me being there.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:18, Reply)

I've got a flag like your arse.
Alt: Depends whose wedding it is.
If it's one of my friends, I quite like them.
If it is one of my wife's friends, less so.
If it is the evening do for one of my wife's work colleagues in a country hotel in the middle of nowhere and I've got to drive, fuck off.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:17, Reply)

I am WAY too antiscocial for weddings.
All that forced jollity makes me fucking sick.

And people have fucking discos at weddings are revolting peasants who should die.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:19, Reply)

I'll be outside smoking.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:20, Reply)

I've got to nip out to the shops.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:18, Reply)

ni
ut t
the shops

LOL!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:20, Reply)

Oh not again...
You rascal.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:20, Reply)

I have bright eyes and a bushy tail.
I am not going to a wedding on Saturday. I shall be watching films and drinking booze.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:19, Reply)

Today, I have resentment
I turned up late for work having called in to say that I felt like hell, but would be in as I'm on the late shift and I knew no fucker else would cover it. So when I arrived I get this wall of bullshit from the cunts I work with. I am this close to telling them exactly why none of them's had a bonus in two years.

MORNING :-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:19, Reply)

I hear you're not a prick. Well done.

( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:20, Reply)

Who's been spreading such scurrilous lies about me?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:23, Reply)

Battered.
I don't believe a word of it, myself.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:23, Reply)

Nor should you
He's not even that short, the lying cuntrag
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:25, Reply)

Ha ha.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:25, Reply)

sad to have missed you yesterday

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:20, Reply)

And you sir
Sorry I couldn't stick around
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:22, Reply)

*makes whip noise*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:28, Reply)

Fuck off you horseblowing cuntjockey

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:29, Reply)

How hungover are you given yesterday was your first time on the beer for some time?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:30, Reply)

Hungover, not at all
I do feel like shit however, the tickly cough and accompanying headache that have been bothering me for a few days have ramped right up. I'm sure this is nothing to do with lowering my immune system last night.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:33, Reply)

immune system britches
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:34, Reply)

Yeah, but he's right though, isn't he.

( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:31, Reply)

I fail to see what that has to do with it

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:39, Reply)

I asked if I could work a NIGHT SHIFT next week and I won't even get paid more for it I dunno what's wrong with me please send help
Alt: I've only been to a few weddings but ye, they were shit. No interest, just have a party instead.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:19, Reply)

Kenny Ball from Kenny Ball and his Jazmags is dead!

( Peej, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:20, Reply)

I like jazz mags

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:23, Reply)

they are nice

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:28, Reply)

I have a sinking feeling of despair and dread.
So, usual stuff then.

Alt: I enjoyed my own wedding. A couple of friends got engaged at New Year, so there'll probably be more in the offing.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:21, Reply)

I feel fucking chipper today chief
I shall shortly have a Subway footlong meatball sammich too and my plumber who I told to fuck off hasn't charged me a penny

I like weddings as it is an excuse to dress nicely and eat/drink loads
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:23, Reply)

So the difference is you dress nicely?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:24, Reply)

yes
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:24, Reply)

I am eating an omelette right now. Amazing.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:24, Reply)

All eggs are good eggs

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:25, Reply)

Except fertilised ones.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:25, Reply)

Still taste nice
NOMNOMNOM
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:26, Reply)

omelettes - worst of all the eggs
\ac
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:29, Reply)

^egg fail
Omelettes are fucking great.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:30, Reply)

NOOOOOOOoooooooooo
Not Omelettegate again
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:33, Reply)

I too have had omelette for lunch
They are full of win*

*Actually I had smoked ham, onion, celery and cheese
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:06, Reply)

I fucking hate Subway

( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:25, Reply)

The Oban - its OK, I havent got you one

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:27, Reply)

Actually getting one for me would be alright
It's going into their awful shops that I hate most
( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:28, Reply)

I'm stuck at work
Chris is getting them in
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:29, Reply)

Chris is a good lad really, shame about when he fucked up the Faversham accounts but he's worked hard and put that behind him

( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:31, Reply)

I NO RITE

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:31, Reply)

Drunken bastard

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:41, Reply)

\o/

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:42, Reply)

It's the smell that I don't like.

( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:29, Reply)

Needs MOAR garlic

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:30, Reply)

It's the rigmarole that gets to me
"Hello Mr Subway can I have a ham and cheese salad sandwich please?"
-What bread do you want?
"Yes bread please"
-No what bread
"I don't know, I haven't been here before. What bread should I have?"
-Plain then. What salad do you want?
"Yes ham and cheese salad please"
-No what salad
"Oh, all of it? I suppose"
-Olives?
"Yes?"
-Chili?
"OK then, bit weird but when in Rome!"
-What sauce?
"What sauces do you have?"
-These sauces
"Oh, no then, thank you. They all sound awful."
-Want it heated up?
"LOOK JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING SANDWICH I HAVE BEEN IN HERE FOURTEEN HOURS YOU SLACK JAWED CUD CHEWING PRICK"
-Want to make it a meal deal?
( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:33, Reply)

I feel the same way about coffee.
Just give me a cup, yeah, of, right, fucking, you with me, COFFEE!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:35, Reply)

I'm genuinely not trying to be a prick in coffee shops but I can't remember anything other than 'large black coffee'
My brain is too full of everything else
And then they look at me like I'm mad :(
( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:36, Reply)

I ask for a medium cappuccino.
If they start asking question I stare at them until they give me a medium cappuccino. You just have to know how to deal with these cretins.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:37, Reply)

If you ask for a medium cappuccino in the afternoon in my coffee shop you'll be asked to take your business elsewhere
Heathen scum
( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:38, Reply)

Does it make it any better if I say that I only ask for that because they don't do filter coffee?

( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:40, Reply)

I don't really care what you drink, fill your boots you son of a bitch

( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:41, Reply)

Validation!

( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:42, Reply)

Hahahahahaha.
Yesterday in Nero's I made a sobbing noise and said "I just want a cup of coffee". The girl told me to sit down and brought over a cup of coffee. With some milk on the side. See, that's all I wanted.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:40, Reply)

I've only been to a Nero's once and when I was there I saw an elderly lady tell a black gentleman that he should go back to his own country
Coffee 6/10
Entertainment value 8/10
Shocked tutting after 10/10
( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:42, Reply)

My grandad started talking to a black nurse in Swahili, once.
Of course, the nurse was from Brixton, so it just looked like the racist old prick was making ooger booger noises at the monkey man.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:43, Reply)

Do you want some racism with that Mocchachino?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:45, Reply)

^ this ^
And the food tastes rank.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:36, Reply)

I forgot to mention
I just had some NikNaks.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:30, Reply)

WHAT FLAVOUR?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:31, Reply)

Rib'n'Saucy.
Not my favourite, but I had Nice'n'Spicy yesterday.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:36, Reply)

This is acceptable
Both are correct
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:38, Reply)

I'm glad they brought back Scampi'n'Lemon
I boycotted them after they replaced those with that awful Pickled Onion flavour one. I like to think that made the difference.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:41, Reply)

That's nice dear.
I had a nosebleed. My desk looks like the prom scene from Carrie.

I suspect I am dying.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:31, Reply)

I've got a burrito with hot sauce so hot I think I am having a stroke.
Alt: I quite like weddings. Laugh, innit.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:31, Reply)

Are you sure you're not actually just having a stroke?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:32, Reply)

It's deffo the caliente sauce.
I had my stroke check this morning. Daily ritual.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:37, Reply)

Probably wouldn't harm for you to check, eh.
Y'know, man in your condition and all that.
www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Stroke/Pages/Symptoms.aspx
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:33, Reply)

FATS

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:35, Reply)

Hellooooooo Baaaaaaabyy.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:37, Reply)

bebbeh

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:38, Reply)

You've persuaded me to go to the Peri peri place and get a chicken burger with super hot sauce now.
I hope you're proud of yourself.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:45, Reply)

Skillz.
I couldn't finish the burrito.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:08, Reply)

An achey breaky heart
think it's probably wind

weddings are shit fuck cunt bollocks. And that's swearing.
( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:40, Reply)

Hey Chompy
I took a look at affordable mobiles, they look like utter useless cunts.

I hope this helps
( Peej, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:42, Reply)

Yeah, they really really do.
No payment up front though, so I haven't lost anything.
They just replied to my facebook thing saying "we're waiting for approval from the network" OH REALLY, then why did I get direct debit confirmation from the network last week?!?!?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:43, Reply)

Yeh I looked and there seem to be a lot of people asking where their order is
Oh and people complaining that they got credit checked even though they cancelled
( Peej, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:45, Reply)

To be honest, it's cheap and a good deal for me.
So I don't mind waiting, I'd rather they just were honest about timescales rather than just "we'll process everything in 5 mins and you'll have your phone in 20 minutes"
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:47, Reply)

After you get it we'll go over to the one bedroom flat they are running out of
and honda accord both of them.
( Peej, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:48, Reply)

I just got a new work printer.
Didn't have a USB connector included. What's the point in that? What am I going to print, air?

It's all go today as you can tell.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:43, Reply)

Wireless?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:45, Reply)

Roaming users at work keep calling from home
all hopeful because they have these new wireless printers and can we install them etc.

They're on VPN.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:48, Reply)

And?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:50, Reply)

Unless you had some kind of remote control software you'd not be able to connect to install

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:50, Reply)

Surely if your company is big enough for it's own IT support then said IT support would enusre that some form of remote login was available
We don't have in house support, but our IT company can log into our machines remotely and install and do stuff.

I'm not saying that Kroney is shit at his job, but lets face it, I'm an IT novice and I clearly know more than he does.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:58, Reply)

I'll let Monsieur K respond

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:59, Reply)

The printers wireless address is on the home LAN
but the VPN is on the office IP range.
( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:58, Reply)

Can you not use GoToAssist/GoToMeeting etc?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:00, Reply)

Dunno why, but the company doesn't allow that stuff.
We do have Citrix, but you can't have both. Meaning VPN users are stuck using USB cables to print.

*shrug*
( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:01, Reply)

So what your saying is, it's not teh fact that they are on a VPN that is the problem, but that your companies IT infrastructure isn't good enough to allow people to work from home properly.

(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:03, Reply)

The problem is that when you install a printer at home, it's on your home LAN, right?
But VPN connects in a way that gives the machine you're on an internal IP address. Like if your home LAN address started with 192, for example, and the office started with 10. The printer would have a 192 address whilst your work laptop would have a 10 address whilst it was connected to VPN.

Meaning you can't print to your wireless printer whilst you're on VPN. Can't see it, see?
( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:06, Reply)

But it would be a simple enough job to allocate the home network ip code as starting with 10
takes two ticks.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:08, Reply)

Only if you had access to it and it wasn't 3rd party stuff

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:10, Reply)

Wouldn't work, they'd still be two different networks.
You'd have to do it properly and use your own kit
( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:10, Reply)

It would work
you're just shit at IT.

You're like nakers on a bad day.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:15, Reply)

I enjoy crushing dreams

( Kroney, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:52, Reply)

dreams grapes
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:57, Reply)

That's a plan...
I'm sure I still need some addition unless it's built in

*flicks through 3 page manual*
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:48, Reply)

Get a girlfriend

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:55, Reply)

*boy
Got one, cheers
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:03, Reply)

Back in the day when a USB lead was 15 quid they never came included.
But now they're 25p each they really should
( Peej, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:46, Reply)

Do you not have a bloke that does that for you?
Or are you that bloke?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:47, Reply)

We have an external IT bloke
who comes round sometimes and charges an extortionate amount for clicking some buttons and has all his work on a pen drive.

I'll sort it. Nee bother.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:50, Reply)

I really feel like calling someone a fucking cunt today
I don't just mean Nakers, I mean like properly venting my anger against someone who's been a fucking cunt.

Al?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:55, Reply)

I'll be your cunt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:55, Reply)

cunt c-cunt cunt, c-cunt cunt cunt

( Theoban What of it, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:56, Reply)

r-r-r-r-r-r-remix

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:58, Reply)

You're no use to me here Sporters
am too ill to bullshit you, so here'e the brutal truth; you're a top bloke and therefore not pertinent to the situation at hand
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:56, Reply)

Thank you kindly

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:58, Reply)

Too orangey.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:57, Reply)

For crows, not cows

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 12:58, Reply)

Enough VPN/wireless printing issues
NEW THREAD TIME
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:07, Reply)

I've got a ham sandwich.
I've also got odd socks on. And a moustache. And long hair. And a pair of jeans. And a tshirt. And a slightly achey shoulder. And a watch. And 5 rings. And a bottom. And a willy. And 2 balls. And oh god, when can I stop naming things?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Thu 7 Mar 2013, 13:08, Reply)