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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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If I was chancellor I'd totally guff in the face of my front benchersbit what would you do?
alt: piss play massage?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:07,
218 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
my friend in Oz got given 10k to do up their first houseunbelievable
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:09,
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for now, you know these things go up and down(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:10,
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Which is why it's important to rip the piss now, another 20 year period of embarrassment could be around the cornerDid you see the highlights of their test in India at the weekend? Fucking hell that bodes well. Their bowlers were getting carted all over the shop.
(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:13, Reply)
nah, was it on normal telly? that's all I gotr ya see(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:14,
Reply)
Nah, SkyHappened to be at the folks' at the time. Seriously, it was comedy. Although one of the Aussie bowlers made 99 on the same track, have to assume pitches in England will be less batsman-friendly.
(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:16, Reply)
Tax free loans to pay for season tickets new car sort of thing makes sense to me.(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:11, Reply)
*votes for Chompy*it's a long game but one that can work I think
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:09,
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I'd do a hell of a lot more chancelling than this joker seems to be prepared to do.Seems to spend most of his time going on about the ecomony instead. What I want to know is, whilst he's doing that, who is doing the chancelling?
It's probably been outsourced to Bombay SORRY 'Mumbai' or something.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:09,
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I'm holidaying in Rhodesia this year, gonna shoot me some blackies!(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:10,
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Poor old Biggles(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:26,
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Wipe the cum out of your eyes then.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:16,
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I'd announce that I have loads of money and don't know what the plebs are on about.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:09,
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:11,
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if you were chancellor you'd not be able to afford her(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:14,
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this is a joke about the state of our eceomny and the national debti hope this explanations helps you all lol
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:18,
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Increase tax to 95% for Nakers, Battered and Stunned.Invest it all in public services.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:15,
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:( those two are considerably reecha than moie
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:16,
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I'd announce that I was one idea short of a full setand that I'd take on board and implement any suggestion, from any politician of any party there present, as long as they were prepared to do the Gangnam Style dance all the way around the chamber and back to their seat.
Then I'd just stand there, stony-faced, until someone thought I meant it and got up. Then I'd giggle coquettishly and call them a cunt.
(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:15, Reply)
I'd love to wander around saying "And what do you do? Oh really? How nice...I pay someone for that, you know"(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:21,
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Who was it that went on a visit to the Warburtons bread factoryAnd went on about how they have a bread maker and do it all themselves.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:25,
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It's this lack of self-awareness that makes LOLiticians the loveable characters they are(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:27,
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'Eat a lots of plums, do you?'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:25,
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Your grammar failures are so rare that I obviously have to crucify you for this onealthough it could be that you're mocking the supposed speaker by suggesting he or she has too many plums in his or her mouth to achieve perfect diction.
(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:27, Reply)
It's ok - it doesn't matter what else Gid does now.He's ditched the fuel escalator and cut beer duty.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:21,
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I'd reintroduce the window tax of 1696 just piss off all the shedpricks on here.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:21,
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I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS. RIGHT. FINE. OK THEN.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:22,
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Get that tandoor and we can talk OK?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:23,
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not after you called his close personal friend Doris an "it" and a "munter" and "fat scrouger"(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:23,
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I did not call her the last one.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:25,
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it was implied and now she has killed herself in a lonely motel room just to send you a messageI believe her funeral was on the same rainy day as her beloved "nan"...no body went Battered, nobody went.
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:27,
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Her nan's funeral is today, and starts in......about two minutes I think.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:29,
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As do I, dear boy, but she's from Morecambe, they don't have a pissing clue up there.LESScambe MORE LIKE!!!!!!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:31,
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THE STUPID FUCKING CRYING WANKER. (
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:31,
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I bet the government had to pay to safely and hygeniclly dispose of her nans bodyFFS what is the world coming to?!
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:33,
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So this was just another low Blow then?b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1905805
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:31,
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What a complete and utter AL(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:33,
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hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:28,
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It's funny really - you got so wound up about people on benefitsthat you were at a very real risk of having one of your 'benny fits'.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:33,
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Well yours is more of a bread oven than a shed, right Loafsy?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:30,
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what the fuck does that even meanIn other news I've just made a two gallon pitcher of iced tea for myself
I feel like this is going to be the best day ever
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Lisette von Falcon, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:21,
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LaserQuest in like 3 hoursIs it acceptable to be overly competitive when up against 7-year-olds and one's mother-in-law?
(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:32, Reply)
why are you doing laser quest?and why are you doing it with 7 year olds and your mother in law?
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:34,
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They're going to kick the shit out of you.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:34,
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Yeah, I'm thinking I need to try bloody hard to beat themwithout LOOKING like I'm trying. So when I inevitably get battered by a bunch of infants, I can be all magnanimous and say I didn't want the birthday boy to lose
(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:37, Reply)
I'm afraid not.In fact, it marks you out as a 'woolly woofter'. Soz.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:34,
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I miss laser quest. The one here is gone.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:35,
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Our one closed down years agoIt was the biggest one in Europe at the time.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:38,
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I went to that with my dad once. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:41,
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Ah, lovelyIt's a car park now. But you probably already know that.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:47,
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sometimes I like to run around the car park making laser noises. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:51,
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i just wanted to play. :((
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:06,
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nothing set in stone yet,not sure if i'm going to have a car or not for that weekend. but if we do come down over easter, i'll drive wahtever car i do have through your front window.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:31,
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AND I'LL CATCH IT BETWEEN MY TEETHMake sure you let me know this time, knoblet.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:36,
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I'd probably do my best to create a budget that would do the best for the country, As well as trying to protect working people from unnecessary taxation. I'd also kill anyone on benefits that hasn't worked in 5 years unless they've got a proper disability.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:34,
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You've got my vote, if you reduce it from 5 years to 2.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:35,
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When we start talking about this sort of thing at homeIt becomes painfully clear quite how right wing Mrs Hats is. It's frightening, actually.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:40,
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does she want the scroungers dead too? (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:41,
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ladypig is similarly right wing at times. She gets angry because she's registered blind, so could easily spend her life on a fairly good disability benefit, but she's managed to work hard to find a place that is willing to cater to her special computer needs. In her mind, if she can overcome blindness, why's that fat cunt get a free ride?
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:45,
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Ah, now that I understandWhen you 'soldier on regardless' and you see other people scrounging....yes, it's irritating.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:47,
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admittedly, We use a blue badge when really we could do without it.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:49,
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You've been given something that you are legally allowed to useI don't see anything wrong with that.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:51,
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That's what I said to the doctors when I had to get that Dyson removed from my groin.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:53,
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The vaccum cleaner, I understandbut the hand dryer, Monts? The hand dryer?
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:59,
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stupid questionhow blind do you need to be to be registered blind?
like blackness or super blurry or summit else
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:50,
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You don't need that prefix on your posts, Nakers.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:53,
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There's all manner of levels before blindMonty's ex I think is registered visually disabled. A while ago I had an optician who wanted to do the same for me - luckily I found a better optician.
(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:55, Reply)
I dunno the exact rules, But Bex has a thing from birth, during development in the womb, parts of her eyes started to calcify, so she had her eyes moved to see round them, but the trade off is that she has one focus point, so can see fine at about 4 inches in front of her face, then from there it gets steadily blurry until about a foot where she can't see anything but splodges of colour.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:58,
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Wait, back up there...She had her eyes moved??
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:59,
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yeah, Operations every year for about 10 years to move where the eyes pointed until they found a focus point good enough for her to be able to read.
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Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:03,
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it was a funny moment when the penny finally dropped that she couldn't see, (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:04,
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that must suck, she sopunds like a fighter though(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:00,
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I can't sayIt will reveal too much about my own identity.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:42,
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You know the odd thing here is that thinking about thisI realise that to my knowledge Lusty and I have never had a single conversation about LOLitics in the years we've been together. Normally I just climb up on a chair and start bellowing about lebensraum and she goes out.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:43,
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A Place in the Oven MORE LIKE!!!(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:45,
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it's a great way to keep a relationship fresh. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:45,
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HahaWe don't talk about it too often, as it normally descends into a row. She's particularly passionate about unplanned pregancy and the benefits system. It's terrifying. Imagine Hitler, but female and not racist.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:45,
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Bollocks you are.You wouldn't go full DC unless she was up for gassing darkies.
At best, you're sporting a lazy lob.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:24,
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If you storm out and cry at window talk you'll probably kill yourself if she talked about politics.(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:29, Reply)
I'd kill everyone who's ever willingly watched and laughed at Little Britainor bought a Robbie Williams album
or described James Corden as a comedian
or decided that Premier Inn looks like an adequate holiday destination thanks to Lenny Henry
or endorsed Vernon Kaye in any way, shape or form
Suddenly we'd have loads of space (once all the bodies have been shunted into Scotland), money to spare and other countries would be begging us to share our clever ideas on account of the national IQ average jumping 30 points
But no-one to work in McDonalds
(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:41, Reply)
May I propose an addition?Anyone that uses the expression "You ok hun?" on Facebook, with no sense of irony.
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Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:43,
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can we add anyone that doesn't understand irony? (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:46,
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We have no jurisdiction over America any moreIn fact it's been some good time since we did, around 250 years I think. Keep up winders.
(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:47, Reply)
I don't recognise the declaration of independence as a legal document. (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:50,
Reply)
Tweet Obama and let him knowwe'll have them forming cricket teams by teatime
(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:51, Reply)
excellent (
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:52,
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Similar to the GolgafrinchanB Ark
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Locus213 Slightly to the left of Bakunin, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:47,
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I realise that this is intended as a humorous post, but these proposals would actually be quite damaging to the economy.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:55,
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On /talk you get a 'hide this post' option.What's all that about eh?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:45,
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If you wanted to 'hide' a particular 'post', you could click that button and, hey presto, it is hidden.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:52,
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Sorry hang on I'm not sure I'm getting this.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:54,
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I think I'd probably make a sandwich.(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:47,
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Tsk. It's all about the nommy pulled chorizo these days.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:51,
Reply)
Ah, you mean you'd explain how each individual sandwich component worked as a metaphor for societyand that the butter you were using represented your budget, holding it together?
Yeah?
(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:48, Reply)
No, I mean I'd have some lunch.(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:55,
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Ant not tell any cunt what I'd put in it.(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:56,
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I've just had some lunch. Trufax.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 13:57,
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1% less bacon and 1% more butterthus leaving it indistinguishable from before, but proclaim that the rate of increase in bacon borrowing has slowed, whilst butter production has grown enough to herald the end of recession and the dawn of a new age of uninterrupted growth and prosperity?
(, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:00, Reply)
is this 'satire'? I think it is, isn't it?You want to get yourself one of those doubleseats mate.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:05,
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I only clicked it 'cause it mentioned bacon.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:06,
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if you'd written a sitcomand you had managed to score an appointment to go and pitch it to some Important People, but you didn't have a fucking clue what to call the fucking thing......... what would you call it?
let's say hypothetically that it was about life in general, bad dates in particular...
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:09,
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"How I met your mother whose cunt i shat in"(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:12,
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i can't even choose a proper username let alone a name for a sitcom(
Lisette von Falcon, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:14,
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I don't get this one.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:19,
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I'd watch a show called this fo' sho'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:20,
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'Some cunts in a really unlikely situation'(
Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:15,
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Cunt Monkeys - The Felching Years(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:16,
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'Allah is a fucking gay cunt'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:16,
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only tools and arsesi really wish so much we could use this.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:41,
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It Ain't Half Shit Mum(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:18,
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ALSO THIS.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:21,
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'The Greggs of Humanity: one woman's tale'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:19,
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OH NOES!www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-21855378
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:42,
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Life & loves of a fat ginger northern tart(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:20,
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game, set and match.com(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:20,
Reply)
actually that's quite goodalthough they'd probably sue us for copyright.
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:21,
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well these are all exactly what i would expectthank you all very much indeed, you're wonderful human beings.
wait, the other thing.
UTTER CUNTS.
xx
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:20,
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"It's a roflcopter from me"(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:22,
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'One Poo Over the Swipey's Chest'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:21,
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Pink Days and Brown Nights(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:23,
Reply)
Shaving GraceGrace would be the main character with horrific body hair issues. Her constant need to run a razor over her legs, fanny and chin lead to all sorts of problems mid-date
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:26,
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Grace also being the name of Dozers rodent. (
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:33,
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Add a motoring element and a Greggs hat and you'll getTop Queer.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:27,
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Last Of The Bummer's Whine?(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:36,
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i should have made this a thread of its owni haven't seen you lot so animated in years
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rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:27,
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Last of the Summer pity fucks.(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Wed 20 Mar 2013, 14:32,
Reply)
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