Monday morning Suckers
So some newish website has crashed already
metro.co.uk/2013/03/25/buzzfeed-uk-has-arrived-bring-on-the-cats-corgis-and-more-cats-3556362/
What have you broken lately*?

Alt: Has any one has any fun getting to work today*? I watched this Muppet Car skid into a brick wall this morning, boy racer prick

Alt: I have left over Roast Chicken and peri-peri sauce to snack on till dinner, what are you going to snack on till lunch*?

* Awaits YM comments
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 8:46, 127 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

FIRST!
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( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 8:49, Reply)

Fuck a duck, I forgot about that :(
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 8:50, Reply)

\o/

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 8:53, Reply)

no one likes your new thread harters

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 8:55, Reply)

it's fucking shit

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 8:58, Reply)

Nahhhh thats your reflection in the mirror

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 8:59, Reply)

Maybe I should have done one about
Salted Peanuts
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:01, Reply)

Leftover lentil and parsnip curry
BOOM
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 8:59, Reply)

I feel sorry for anyone downwind from you today

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:00, Reply)

My colon is evil and must be punished

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:03, Reply)

colon is colleagues are
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:04, Reply)

The girl who sits behind me is a stuck-up cowbag
COINCIDENCE?!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:05, Reply)

Ha ha, Flatulence is the answer
How is the shoulder?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:07, Reply)

Can't feel a fucking thing mate
That'll be the drugs though. Doctor's tomorrow, then we'll hopefully work out where the problem lies. Thank you for asking.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:08, Reply)

Wouldn't a chiropractitioner be better?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:17, Reply)

Yes, it's definitely a good idea to go to a woo bullshit merchant rather than a trained medical specialist
for a serious musculoskeletal problem. Definitely.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:21, Reply)

Is it?
Oh, bugger, it took me a week to get a doctor's appointment. Ah well I'll cancel it if you think it's a dead end.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:24, Reply)

I can't see a single flaw with going to see an practitioner of an medically dismissed alternative therapy in this, DF.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:26, Reply)

You know how much your opinion matters to me MB.
I'm even going to start using "an" rather than "a" before words beginning with M now.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:27, Reply)

And P, apparently.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:31, Reply)

It's a silent P, you pfucking philestine.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:04, Reply)

My brother-in-law see's one* once a month
He goes in walking like an 80 year old, after half an hour massage and manipulation he walks normal
*He only deals with musculoskeletal problems,
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:32, Reply)

"manipulation" eh?
IFYEWKNOWWHADDIMEAN
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:36, Reply)

*facepalms*

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:36, Reply)

Yes
Some chiropractors are excellent masseurs, and orthopaedic specialists will often refer patients to some of the less "woo" chiropractors out there post medical diagnosis.

The key word is "post" ... Anyone that goes to a chiropractor with an unidentified problem and asks for a diagnosis is a fucking idiot. A bit like asking the man standing by the fruity in your local pub for financial advice, really.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:59, Reply)

"Hold the bells"

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:59, Reply)

lentils make me do horrendously smelly shits.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:03, Reply)

Bonjour
do freeze and re-insert
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:07, Reply)

Morning all
I have broken a paint roller last night. The handle fell off mid-paint

Alt:
Quiet roads this morning - no snow up here

AltAlt:
Peanut butter on toast and coffee
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:13, Reply)

I'm going to gloss over this.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:17, Reply)

I'm not sure it really matt-ers

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:18, Reply)

Silken responses gentlemen

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:27, Reply)

Chunky or smooth?
This is important
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:18, Reply)

chunky or smooth roller?
You monster.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:18, Reply)

Sometimes Badge you're just to vanilla
embrace a bit of variety
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:21, Reply)

maybe so, but some things are just a step too far, hh

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:24, Reply)

Chunky
Its the only way
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:27, Reply)

This is the correct answer

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:30, Reply)

So on the walk into work in my delicate, hungover state
I saw a short, fat woman in dirty, pink terry-cloth tracksuit bottoms stuffing Greggs cakes into her face. A more disgusting, sorry excuse for a person I'd struggle to find. I am fully revolted. I hate people.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:34, Reply)

Morning Kroney
How is office girl?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:36, Reply)

Hungover.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:40, Reply)

hehe

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:43, Reply)

Man, I want a Greggs pastie now

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:43, Reply)

At least put on a clean pair of pink terry-cloth tracksuit bottoms first.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:46, Reply)

This is going well.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:46, Reply)

I noticed that.
It's a shame Cider and Salted Peanut threads have already been done
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Who the fuck is R Jimlad?

( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:51, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/users/profile.php?id=15007
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:53, Reply)

i think he's hilarious
why?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Cos Nakers mentioned that he came in here and did some deleted
But I have no idea why Nakers is telling me that
( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:54, Reply)

I thought he was your mate on here
Maybe that's another pirate themed account
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:43, Reply)

You think Piston is hilarious?
sadface, online.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:02, Reply)

He had to have got her into bed somehow.
It sure as fuck wasn't his looks.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:17, Reply)

wait, what?
really?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:20, Reply)

Oh yeah, they had a "thing".

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:22, Reply)

bloody hell.
admittedly I've only met him briefly, but still... I mean, has she heard his stand-up?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:24, Reply)

I thought everybody knew.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Quite possibly, I mean I don't really pay that much attention to who is boffing who.
I'm not getting the memos these days.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:26, Reply)

Best she's ever had, apparently.
I got a bit grossed out at that point and stopped listening.
( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:27, Reply)

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Well, I think there's a lesson for all of us in ladywooing in that.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:42, Reply)

It's Piston Broke.
If you remember him?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Is it?
As well as being resident board virgin The Luggage?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:01, Reply)

I dunno about the luggage
R Jimlad is what Piston changed his name to years ago.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:03, Reply)

Luggsy was outed by Rory a few weeks ago, backed up with empirical evidence from Gypsyzippi/Woodside.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:06, Reply)

I broke my relationship LOL!
Alt. No fun at all, in fact I was 7 minutes early. There's no snow in Pastyland you see.

Alt Alt, Honey roasted peanuts.
( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 9:52, Reply)

Alt:alt: I tried some of the Levi Roots Reggae Reggae Peanuts & Cashews last night
most of the stuff he sells is crap, but I was quite impressed with them
www.waitrose.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductView-10317-10001-89128-Levi+Roots+reggae+peanuts+&+cashews.html?storeId=10317
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:03, Reply)

Levi Roots is shit

( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:05, Reply)

Yes I agree, His reggae reggae product taste like HP sauce with a bit of chilli
The nuts were extreamly good though.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:23, Reply)

I just got an email telling me one of my colleagues is off today 'with a swelling in his mouth'.
I am the only one crying with laughter at this. What is wrong with everyone?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Alt: I left my flat rather late but as I got to the tube platform my train was approaching
didn't even have to hurry. \o/

AltAlt: Just had a sausage sandwich from the canteen - fortunately I unwrapped it there to add sauce and discovered he'd made me a bacon sandwich instead. I got THAT changed, thankyou very much.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:01, Reply)

I hope they let you keep both as an apology

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:04, Reply)

I broke my car this morning
Bloody coil pack failure again, what was wrong with a distributor grumble grumble. ..

altalt: biscuits and coffee as usual, without these no work will be done.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:05, Reply)

I went to a murder mystery night on Saturday
I was a secret agent in the 1940s, don't I look dashing. Shame thats the only suit I own so completely wrong for the 40s
( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:09, Reply)

Jesus man, tie your tie properly, have some respect.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:11, Reply)

No. Ties are fucking shit

( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:12, Reply)

Your wife isn't going to suck your cock if you tie your tie like that.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:14, Reply)

if you tie your tie like that
( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:14, Reply)

In the Forties, everyone wore a tie.
Even to be shot at.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:15, Reply)

Look forget the fucking tie
I was showing off the lady not the tie
( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:17, Reply)

Is that Mrs PJ?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:21, Reply)

It is.

( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:21, Reply)

She doesn't look like she hates you.
she might have numbed it with the gin, of course, but that seems slighly positive.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:23, Reply)

She doesn't hate me
We are having issues thats all.
( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:26, Reply)

The occasional literary contretemps

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:29, Reply)

No wonder they're in trouble. I'd hate him for wearing a poor, innocent tie like that, too.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:30, Reply)

I'm drinking sailor jerrys too
I'm a fucking philistine
( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:31, Reply)

I think he's gone down in most people's estimation after posting that.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:31, Reply)

I'm not sure "never wearing a tie" is an excuse for not knowing how to tie one
I mean, I've never dangled my cock and balls into a tiger's open mouth, but I know not to.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:44, Reply)

Well, quite. This is the root of my shock, right here.
If you hate them and never wear them, then fair enough, but to not know how?
( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:46, Reply)

I'm confused
I mean thats a four in hand knot, Its towards the end of the evening and its loose, but it was tied correctly
( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:49, Reply)

And a hat.
Where's your hat, Peej?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:17, Reply)

A hat indoors?
Are you fucking mad? Thats worse than not being able to tie a tie
( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:18, Reply)

I'm appalled. A grown man incapable of dressing properly.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:16, Reply)

I was playing a frenchman
It was part of the act
( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:17, Reply)

You'll find the French can tie a four-in-hand without looking like a leper.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:18, Reply)

I was pissed and I hardly ever wear a tie?

( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Is that you're mrs?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:20, Reply)

I am what?

( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:22, Reply)

You tapping that ho', 'cus if you are then playah got game.
Getting all Liberian up in the house.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:30, Reply)

Do you mean librarian?
as in, the way she looks?

/note to class - this is actually the first time I've been confused by a Gonzism
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:41, Reply)

He might be referring to the Michael Jackson song.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:42, Reply)

Maybe he wants to be dominated by a vicious dictator and catch AIDS?

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:45, Reply)

One of those people who control the way books are ordered on shelves.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:54, Reply)

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:45, Reply)

Ooof.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:46, Reply)

The book cover actually says For My Beautiful Wife too
I love Google search
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:49, Reply)

Hahahahhabahahaaaaaaa

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:46, Reply)

I like this

( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:49, Reply)

Oh God, why does it always have to be really busy when I'm least capable of handling it?

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:15, Reply)

Because the baby Jesus hates you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:16, Reply)

I hate you, too.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:16, Reply)

I've only got a week to live :o(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:19, Reply)

And we're all thankful for that.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:20, Reply)

This should really go on the calendar.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:21, Reply)

I bet you need that news like a hole in the hand.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:21, Reply)

When you die a few people might pretend that they liked you and say things like "Nakers wasn't really that bent and he was only a mild spastic"
So its not all bad
( Peej, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:28, Reply)

Don't worry, I shall be there to loudly correct them.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:31, Reply)

I'll be back in 3 days to enjoy all the nice things that you said

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:39, Reply)

FUCKING HELL
Why are some people just CUNTS?!?!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:41, Reply)

Because he's french

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:41, Reply)

Haha, fuck off.

( Kroney, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:43, Reply)

Milf hunting again this morning

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:44, Reply)

Well I can't speak for the other cunts, but it's probably something to do with being a bitter old misanthropist.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:44, Reply)

In this case that would be preferable
At least you're aware that you're a bitter old misanthropist. A little self-awareness would go a long way here.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:46, Reply)

Be warned - being aware of it only makes you more bitter and resentful.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:51, Reply)

I'm hoping making the person in question more aware of their faults
might encourage them to die horribly
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 25 Mar 2013, 10:52, Reply)