Last time I was in hospital was for minibadger's birth.
which was nice*

Which makes a change from being in hospital to have bits of my skeleton screwed and plated back together, which is what I'm usually there for.

*wasn't really nice at all, except the final outcome.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:05, 1 reply, 11 years ago)

It's amazing how quickly you forget how traumatic a birth is.
Actually, I'm not sure I have, but I'm pretty sure the wife has forgotten just how shit those few days were.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:08, Reply)

In our case wasn't really that shit for her.
since she was off her tits so didn't notice all the doctors debating why the baby's heart kept stopping and what they should do about it. So she only really found out about that afterwards.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:10, Reply)

epidurals all the way

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:11, Reply)

yes,
emergency ceasarians, less so.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:15, Reply)

ah, fair dos
either way my wifes line on the matter, is fuck that natural birth shit, get me some cunting drugs.

/docker
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:16, Reply)

Mrs Cow must have loose twatflaps
As Calf 1 took less than 4 hours from waters broken and Calf 2 was under 2 hours
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:18, Reply)

the doctors sticking his arm in her up to the shoulder probably helped as well

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:20, Reply)

Yeah, but that was the other hole

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:27, Reply)

If you ever have a Calf 3 it'll be bungee jumping on the umbilical cord

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:20, Reply)

I just made it to the hospital for Calf 2
Nearly gave birth on the A189
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

Plus, right, the thing that gets me about this sort of thing is, right..... there's a PERSON crawling out of ANOTHER PERSON.
Not only that, the PERSON is covered in BLOOD and GUTS. And it has a fucking CORD coming out it's bellow, and it [hopefully] can't stop SCREAMING and SHOUTING.

All because you put your willy in there 9 months before.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)

if it's covered in guts, something has gone VERY wrong

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:15, Reply)

There was no crawling in our case
there was being forcibly removed with the biggest pair of stainless steel salad servers I have ever seen in my life.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:15, Reply)

ARGH
I cannot watch any programmes with poorly kids/birth woes now. They shit me right up
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:15, Reply)

one of my mates, the baby got stuck
so they got out the forceps, and then the forceps got stuck.

Apparently, you haven't lived if you haven't seen 3 doctors arguing for 20 minutes about what to do whilst your wife is lying there with a pair of massive tongs jamming out of her vajoo.

Poor bloke looked like he's done two tours of 'Nam when I saw him in the pub later.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:17, Reply)

FUCK

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:18, Reply)

apparently "she has an odd shaped vagina"
so not only was it utterly harrowing, and ended with an emergency C, they also slagged off her cunt as well. Fucking NHS, eh?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Is she a duck?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:23, Reply)

She's a snowboarder
I don't know if this is relevant but I feel some SCIENCE coming on.

I need a volunteer to thoroughly test the vagina shapes of lady snowboarders. Who's in?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:24, Reply)

About 6 a night, I've heard

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)

Too many 540s put twists in it, maybe?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:27, Reply)

we had ventouse birth, but luckily didn't get a baby with a cone head

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:19, Reply)

That happened with micro as well. Forceps are gruesome eh?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Reminds me of the time I tried to sit in the booths at Brooklins Dinner.
I was alright when I sat down, it's just, getting up was post-burger.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:48, Reply)

The fact that women often do it more than once is how I can scientifically prove that giving birth is less painful than being kicked in the balls
no man will ever say, "you know what, I fancy getting kicked in the balls again"
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:12, Reply)

Especially if being kicked in the balls
meant that for the next year or two you would get little or no sleep, have zero disposable income and have to spend all your free time tidying up toys, cleaning bottles, making bottles, cooking very small portions of food and having no spontaneous fun at all.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 15 Oct 2013, 10:14, Reply)