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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I am wearing my new trousers, it's pay day and it's only 28 more snoozles until chrissypoodlemass!!!!!!!!!!!
Can today get any better?
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:11, 81 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Depends. A bacon sandwich could improve it further. Treading in dog shit could make it worse.
Guess what I'm hoping happens to you...
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:21, Reply)
Yes.
With the addition of lesbians. Proper lesbians like those in the documentaries - not the ugly attention-seekers.
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:22, Reply)
the first step in the day improving will be Battered's messy, lonely suicide.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:23, Reply)
Ain't gonna happen.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:26, Reply)
Clicken this!

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:27, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2127864
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:30, Reply)
Also: from the last thread.
Bon Jovi are fucking shit. Like Kiss only too scared to raid their mum's slap.
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:29, Reply)
Kiss are fucking shit as well.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:29, Reply)
Kiss are worse I reckon
I quite liked a bit of BJ when I was a kid
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:30, Reply)
You disgust me.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:41, Reply)
I'm sure you've had impeccable musical taste since you flopped out of your mums gaping cunt hole haven't you?

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:43, Reply)
We all have skeletons in our closets
That, however, is more a cellar full of the defiled bodies of children conceived by your incestuous ways.
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:46, Reply)
Bon Jovi are, and always were, excruciatingly bad

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:33, Reply)
Truly dreadful.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:34, Reply)
but enough about your misogyny

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:35, Reply)
Misogynistic? Me? Nah.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:37, Reply)
Battered only hates the sluts who won't fuck him and the ones who DO.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:38, Reply)
He gives love a bad name

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:41, Reply)
Polish prostitutes wanted
Wanted, dead or alive.
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:44, Reply)
Tommy used to wank off the the ducks
you knew ben on strike went down on his locusts toe, hoe oh!
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:39, Reply)
^ drinky hand gesture

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:40, Reply)
He's started early on the 'bad medicine'

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:41, Reply)
I haven't even had any caffeine yet!
The wife decided less items would be thrown if there wasn't any caffeine in the house so I have to come to work to get a coffee!
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:43, Reply)
Hey mate, what's that strange red mark on your forehead?
I'm not sure, but it looks a bit like a thumb print
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:44, Reply)
It's where the book hit me

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:46, Reply)
I hope I get a violent spiteful wife who hates me one day.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:44, Reply)
Well work hard at school, stay away from drugs and booze and eat your green vegetables and see what happens.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:47, Reply)
You're asking me to change my *whole* life here.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:48, Reply)
WHAT?
So she doesn't have the willpower to avoid coffee if it's around?

Mental.
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:44, Reply)
Thats not quite it.
She just went out and bought decaf shite and theres no normal stuff in the house. I have a wide selection of caffeinated products in my office though.
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:46, Reply)
Tggi

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:43, Reply)
Come on now they were half way there

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:39, Reply)
They're no Def Leppard.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:01, Reply)
The trouble with Bon Jovi is all the "OMG THIS IS MY SONG ITS ALL ABOUT ME !!! WOOO WOOO !!!! [inaudiable]......HALF WAY THERE....[inaudiable]....READY OR NOT" slags down the pub

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:58, Reply)
You've got it wrong
Yesterday was pay day and I was off work.
Today will be full of work, so yes it can get better, but it probably won't.
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:43, Reply)
No, no, pay day is EVERY Friday.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:45, Reply)
How quaint.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:49, Reply)
Who gets paid weekly?
Dole scum that's who
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:51, Reply)
I haven't been paid monthly since 2001

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:51, Reply)
That's weird isn't it?
Normally it's only temp jobs and the very lowly paid that are paid weekly
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:53, Reply)
Dunno, I wouldn't say I'm lowly paid.
The old job was 'old school', dunno why the new one does it. I like it though.
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:55, Reply)
I thought that was fortnightly?

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:57, Reply)
I thought they got paid every other week.
I don't get how people can live like that, I probably spend more on fags and cabs than they get.
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:57, Reply)
Doesn't stop the Daily Mail claiming they all like in mansions

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:29, Reply)
'spesh the brahn ones, inni.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:52, Reply)
Alright tangiers?
I'm up to Cov tomorrow!
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:46, Reply)
You lucky boy.
Are you meeting up with Poofers and Placid?
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:48, Reply)
the Richards and Jagger of the pub bore circuit

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:51, Reply)
But twice the weight

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:54, Reply)
Oh yeah we're gonna have a jam, tell long co vaulted stories and drink heavily

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:52, Reply)
So are you staying here, or are you just up for the day?

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 8:58, Reply)
Just the day I'm afraid/pleased to say
I totes would have met you for a pint of yaks milk otherwise
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:06, Reply)
Maybe next time, eh
I'm sure you'll want to come again
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:12, Reply)
I feel like I've been gargling broken glass but I'm trying to stay positive (weak thumbs up)
I have a lebkuchen (or however you speel it) to eat later so, er, yay! I guess.
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:17, Reply)
Tuesday morning meeting time!
YAY!
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:28, Reply)
For those of you still uncertain about what to get me for Christmas, look no further:
tinyurl.com/k5zzdkm
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:29, Reply)
It's blocked :(
Will socks do?
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:31, Reply)
No, find a solution to your blocking problem

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:32, Reply)
*blows nose*

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:33, Reply)
I just don't *feel* very Christmassy, you know?

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:36, Reply)
Maybe try a Christmas username?

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:37, Reply)
NOT UNTIL THE ADVENT PERIOD

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:38, Reply)
*feels frogs baubles*
Better?
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:38, Reply)
Well, it's nice, but it doesn't *feel* very Christmassy, you know?

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:39, Reply)
I'n wearing a sexy santa costume

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:40, Reply)
You have now ruined Christmas.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:41, Reply)
*cancels Grotto visit*

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:41, Reply)
I'm gonna fill your mums grotto with gifts from my sack

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:43, Reply)
try hawking a loogie into the Grand Canyon at the same time and see which fills up quickest

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:48, Reply)
I loogied a hawk up your mums arse

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:48, Reply)
She's not looking forward to the other 11 days

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:53, Reply)
Your Mum was hanging out her stockings when I finished filling her with festive joy.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 9:48, Reply)
wtf is with all the christmas wankery? it's november you cunts

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 10:15, Reply)
MERRY CHRISTMAS SWIPEYPOOS!!!!

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 10:18, Reply)
quiet you or I'll send you a yule log in the post

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 10:19, Reply)
oooh lovely
make it a really pungent flaky one, and send it c/o mr naked ape, that marketing agency, somewhere near where swipe works, London.
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 10:21, Reply)
I know! November and I just don't *feel* very Christmassy, you know?

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 10:20, Reply)
do you have a beard and a great big belly that you can shake like a bowl full of jelly?

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 10:21, Reply)
I don't know, but what good would this sexay dancing you describe do?
I'm just not *feeling* Christmas yet, you know?
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 10:23, Reply)
It's the first of Dec on Sunday. Mrs V is getting very excited about putting up decs.

(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 10:24, Reply)
strikethrough ecs
replace with icks

lololol
(, Tue 26 Nov 2013, 10:44, Reply)

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