I'm going to buy some fruit trees

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:26, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

They will match your fruity dog
* is actually jealous of fruit trees *
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:27, Reply)

Apparently Aldi are doing 2yr old ones for £2.99

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:29, Reply)

We dont have Aldi in the lakes mate
Boothes or Waitrose. And also the Coop in the village
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:31, Reply)

worst letter of claim i ever had to write
dear garden centre

5 years ago, my boss bought a monkey puzzle tree from you.

it has now died.

please replace it, or he'll sue you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:33, Reply)

and actually
dear carpet people

my stupid dad bought a pale cream carpet from you.

he immediately stained it in several places by failing to take off his shoes as he came in.

the stains won't come out.

give him a new one, or he'll sue you.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:33, Reply)

2 reasons why people hate lawyers right here folks^

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:35, Reply)

it worked though
I got my boss a new baby monkey puzzle tree, and my dad got a new carpet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:35, Reply)

Why would anyone replace a 5yr old tree?
fucking idiots. However you realise that you probably caused them to put up the price for everyone else
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:41, Reply)

Don't tell her that, she'll put her prices up too

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:43, Reply)

35p per handy J
its extortion I tell you
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:45, Reply)

negotiation, like all these things
essentially my boss spent a fortune in there on a regular basis because he had exotic fish, and they didn't want to lose him. so they gave him a baby tree as a compromise, everyone was happy.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:48, Reply)

Everyone should have a lemon tree and ALL TEH URBZ

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:38, Reply)

i'd love to have pretty lemon trees or something on my balconies
but I am simply too inept to look after them properly, and they would die.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:40, Reply)

Don't you have a guy to do that? I can get you a guy if you want, I have guys who get guys.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:43, Reply)

So Jay then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:46, Reply)

I don't trim bushes, dear.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:49, Reply)

i need windy pig
turned the light on in my lounge last night; the lights flickered wildly and I could SEE orange flamey stuff moving around behind the plaster work, and the switch started smoking.

I panicked and spent about an hour in the dark staring at it (may have been drinking) before thinking fuck it and going to bed. now I need a bastard electrician.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:52, Reply)

Yeah that's not healthy!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 11:59, Reply)

When was the building last rewired?

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:01, Reply)

When they split all the flats in half

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:03, Reply)

i had all the electrics overhauled when i bought it about 7 years ago
and then I had the light fittings replaced about a year ago...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:06, Reply)

Wiring should be fine then
It may well have just been a surge at the transformer...

Best thing to do:
when you get in take a shower and ensure that you are still wet from head to foot...

If possible have a bowl of water handy to stand in...

Turn on as many electrical items as you can...

and then run your (still wet) hands over the plaster work to see if you can locate any charge.

HTH's
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:10, Reply)

do you really think that will work?
I already have curly hair, I don't want a perm...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:13, Reply)

Insert a lightbulb (low wattage)
into your rectum to ensure the current doesn't go to your hair
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 31 Jan 2014, 12:16, Reply)