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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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dunno bout you but I'm still lolling at that last thread
any plans for the midweek weekend?
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:05, 138 replies, latest was 10 years ago)
I'm running to help depressed people with their depressional issues. Whilst being no cranley I do my bit for the big society.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:07, Reply)
you're a credit and a lesson to us all

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:10, Reply)
I like to do my bit for crying pansies who need to pull themselves together

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:12, Reply)
is that why Darth's back?

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:12, Reply)
we all need to rally round our chum during his time of increased cloying neediness

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:15, Reply)
needy people need love too

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:18, Reply)
...our clean-shaven chum

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:20, Reply)
afternoon off innit
Got a tile specialist coming to look at my floor.

Oo er!
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:09, Reply)
Sexy as fuck.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:11, Reply)
What do you walk around on at home?
You seem to have been sorting your tiles out for over two years: b3ta.com/search/posts/63456?q=tiles
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:29, Reply)
you can't rush these important life decisions

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:30, Reply)
I was doing the restoration myself but I need a pro in, bit off more than I can chew

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:31, Reply)
you mean you've fucked it right up

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:34, Reply)
no, just needs professional attention.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:37, Reply)
does this professional attention involve chiseling up your crazy paving and starting again?

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:42, Reply)
No.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:50, Reply)
I can't think of any reason you'd have called in an expert which doesn't involve you having done something inept

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:06, Reply)
When I was a letting agent, the dude who fitted tiles and carpets was grossly overweight and had really long toenails (presumably because he couldn't reach them)
The other workmen said it was like having a giant budgie clicking around the flats when he was working...
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:34, Reply)
I've just cum.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:37, Reply)
He had the breath to match, if you want something for those aftershocks

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:39, Reply)
you should definitely share more of these fascinating tales of letting agencies

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:38, Reply)

I fully intend to, thanks!
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:45, Reply)
Hahahahahaha names are funny!
Tonight's plans involve turning some field recordings and other noises into something I might like to listen to.
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:27, Reply)

I nobody ever
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:28, Reply)
Frog might buy a copy.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:29, Reply)
Nah, he learned his lesson the first time
Although he does like some epically shit stuff, so you never know
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:30, Reply)
he has questionable taste in birds for a start

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:33, Reply)
don't think there's any question

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:34, Reply)
Poor lemmy, what did he ever do to you?

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:36, Reply)
not as in feathered gay pets, sweetcheeks

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:38, Reply)
There is nothing gay about lemmy
He's macho as fuck
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:41, Reply)
I could kill him with a loud noise.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:43, Reply)
oh no not more internet hardmanning

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:44, Reply)
I could jump off a dolls' house

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:44, Reply)
lemmy's a budgie, babes
The bentest of all the birdpets.
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:51, Reply)
He could wing wrestle you to the ground and fuck you and your moribund yowling cat before breakfast

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:53, Reply)
I'd just step on the fucker and squash him.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:55, Reply)
I don't believe this as you like animals and cried when grace died

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:56, Reply)
Of course I did m8, the surgical removal from my bot bot stung a bit.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:59, Reply)
No it was because you formed an emotional attachment after caring for a small animal and missed the company it gave you

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:00, Reply)
it was the rectal removal, honest

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:04, Reply)
haven't posted this for a while

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:07, Reply)
dude ... harsh

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:04, Reply)
that sounds well gay but I hope it brings you great pleasure

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:28, Reply)
like most gay things

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:28, Reply)
I'll be doing it together with another man, so it may be a bit gay

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:28, Reply)
Sexy as owt.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:29, Reply)
It'll be barley audible

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:28, Reply)
or perhaps, a-maize-ing!
lol
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:35, Reply)
Well these are corny

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:37, Reply)
these serial puns are terrible

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:39, Reply)
Wheat

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:40, Reply)
Wheatsnake

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:41, Reply)
Ear we go again

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:42, Reply)
It'll need sheafing shortly

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:45, Reply)
what the chaff are you on about?

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:47, Reply)
It goes against the grain to admit it

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:48, Reply)
typical lawyers, always with harvested interests at heart

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:49, Reply)
You think lawyers have hearts? How bulgar

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:52, Reply)
He seems keen...wa

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:54, Reply)
crop it now

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:56, Reply)
recording in a field?
Do you shag sheep?!!!!

Lol!
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:30, Reply)
only 3 sleeps till h-h-h-holiday :D

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:27, Reply)

m.youtube.com/watch?v=xJiXdGJFcDo
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:29, Reply)
YES!

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:36, Reply)
People that say "sleeps" are shitcunts

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:07, Reply)
sorry, only 3 more sleep till h-h-h-holiday :D

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:27, Reply)
HEY KIDS!
So yeh! about 10pm my youngest throws up all over herself, the carpet and my bed! YES!!!! After the clean up she throws up all over her own bed DOUBLE YES! after that clean up she throws up all over the sofa, FUCKING TRIPLE YES! 4.30am finally settled and no longer throwing up. I curl up under a blanket and sleep. 6.15 alarm goes off. AREN'T KIDS AWESOME!!!!!!1one1112111fdshkjal
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 8:59, Reply)
Same again tonight with the other one then.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:00, Reply)
The other one is at least old enough to stick her head in a bowl

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:03, Reply)
is she really that ugly?

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:08, Reply)
I'm her father

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:17, Reply)
STAR WARS

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:26, Reply)
Winter vomiting virus is about apparently
our youngest did a fair impression of the girl in the Exorcist last week, all over the kitchen floor (which being tiles is easily cleaned at least).
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:05, Reply)
your children sound flawed
you should kill them and start again
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:05, Reply)
Can't fault you on the first part, or even the second
but I can't start again due to genital mutilation.
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:18, Reply)
I am confident that your missus will find a way with or without you

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:24, Reply)
I've watched her find ways that I didn't even know existed.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:26, Reply)
I have no problem with that

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:27, Reply)
Oh boy you are the luckiest man alive

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:05, Reply)
I have you considered keeping them outdoors?

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:06, Reply)
Worst journey ever :(
1:20 delay, then train terminated early now standing on another rammed train
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:06, Reply)
lol train wanker

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:07, Reply)
I may have frostbite in my toes

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:11, Reply)
lol commuters

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:07, Reply)
Lol fannypacks

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:15, Reply)
oh man this is cutting
I might get out of bed in a bit for a cry.
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:28, Reply)
Failchester more like!!!

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:08, Reply)
We can't all have a half a shag pad in town :(

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:11, Reply)
Gutted

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:12, Reply)
How was Benidorm? As ghastly as one imagines?

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:13, Reply)
Yes, the touristy bit was shit but the proper bit of Spain hidden away wasn't nearly as terrible and the food and wine in that area was pretty good.
However, I would not return, even if it was another freebie.
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:16, Reply)
so not even a minute and a half late and you are moaning
I despair at people in this country
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:13, Reply)
It's my Japanese heritage

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:14, Reply)
Oh dear the travails of a provincial peasant struggling into the capital to sell his pig in a poke

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:14, Reply)
I quite like the idea of farming, aside from the getting up early and shit

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:15, Reply)
I'm wiv you there bruv

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:17, Reply)
Pedigree beef cows I reckon, maybe some pigs as well

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:21, Reply)
Fack all money in beef at the moment. Although dry farming is the easiest.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:22, Reply)
I quite like the Alex James method
Become a multi millionaire through music then potter around pretending to be a farmer while making cheese
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:26, Reply)
It's the lifestyle as opposed to any particular work he was after. I'm quietly confident it's the hired help who do everything round his farm.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:28, Reply)
Exactly
hence the pottering around
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:30, Reply)
Same with that huge-furry whippingtool bloke. I've been to river cottage on numerous occasions and he's never even there.
His team of trainee chefs did cook me a banging meal on the house once though so can't complain.
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:32, Reply)
Some nice subtle bragging here^

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:33, Reply)
of course, free bottles of aspalls cider all night too.

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:35, Reply)
ewwww
Spose they have to get rid of it somehow.
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:37, Reply)
it's alright mate. a giant leap up from strongbow, koppaberg, stowford press and thatchers gold white lightening and k..
but it's no cheddar valley, kingstone black or burrow hill or black rat.
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:43, Reply)
Cider is shit and for cunts and students

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:51, Reply)
or people from Dorset

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:52, Reply)
I only ever really drink cider when it's the mucky stuff straight from a farmers bucket
I've got a few bottles at home that are "oh ... nine percent? maybe ten or eleven?" ... which is the sort of scientific accuracy I like in my booze.
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:56, Reply)
does "I've been to a restaurant" count as bragging now?

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:35, Reply)
nah, he's just trying to be difficult

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:36, Reply)
Because you've been "loads" and got a "free" meal
suggesting you have some sort of affiliation with a minor celebrity's restaurant
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:38, Reply)
I think you're confused.
I've only been once and I paid.
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:43, Reply)
Nah, I just used to live pretty close to there, and I played in a functions band that was regularly hired for weddings on the premises
shit...am I still bragging?
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:44, Reply)
would have been easier to cook it on the stove ahahahahaha unless the house was on fire ahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAJAJAJJJ

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:34, Reply)
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahaha
ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

*wipes tear*
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:35, Reply)
^thats funny

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:35, Reply)
should be on the Front Page

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:37, Reply)
here here

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:37, Reply)
defo

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:38, Reply)
If I'm honest I've considered this for around 10seconds so haven't really looked into the nitty gritty

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:26, Reply)
Yeah with dairy you'd be up at 5 seven days of the week, and they still need to be milked on your hollibobs

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:29, Reply)
Fuck dairy, worst of all the farming

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:33, Reply)
I've never met a dairy farmer who didn't smell of cow shit
it seeps into their bones
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:35, Reply)
You must be a bull farmer then

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:35, Reply)
no ... my family were mostly arable
I've an uncle who farms beef but we're not related by blood
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:36, Reply)
Shambles has a small steak in the business

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:38, Reply)
have I bullocks

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:41, Reply)
you heifer so

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:43, Reply)
See also butchers, they always smell of raw meat

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:40, Reply)
Which is SUPER SEXY

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:41, Reply)
It is if you're a meat snake

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:47, Reply)
Just download 'farmville' then

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:17, Reply)
Your train sounds flawed
You should kill it and start again.
(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:19, Reply)
I would if I could

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:22, Reply)
hahaha

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:25, Reply)
alright, doctor beeching

(, Wed 10 Dec 2014, 9:27, Reply)

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