Gid Moaning!
Are we all well, apart from Batman having a hurty bottom?

I have thought of a proposed shake up to the tube system this morning ('A shake up?' I hear you cry 'But it's perfect as it is!') - you know how the announcements say 'there is a good service' on all London Underground lines? Well, that's not enough info for me.

So now, instead of:

Good
Minor Delays
Severe Delays

I propose:

- Excellent Service (you'll get off whistling and not at all sweaty)
- Above Par (you'll get off smiling, a little hot but nothing that can't be dealt with)
- Average (Not too moody, no dampeners have been put on your day)
- Below Par (You have a bit of a sulk on, and there are sweaty patches)
- Terrible (There is a black cloud above you, a thunderous expression marks your face, you are drenched in sweat)
- Abominable (All it will take is one tourist to stop randomly as you're trying to get along the platform and your head will explode)

This, I feel, which be a much more accurate description of the journey you're about to undertake.

Once again, TFL, my consultation fee is 300,000, to be left in locker 24a at Victoria in non-sequential, used twenties.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 2 Oct 2008, 9:58, Reply)