xmas thread about xmas stuff and other non xmas stuff

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 8:44, 89 replies, latest was 7 years ago)

Xmas is well bent. Lolz.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 9:01, Reply)

I know m8, but we need to get it out the way so we can celebrate my birthday

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 9:10, Reply)

When is your birthday?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 9:12, Reply)

haha, like you've forgotten!!!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 9:19, Reply)

Sound like you have forgotten

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 9:26, Reply)

I never forget when I'm getting presents

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 9:33, Reply)

You should get a Sodastream
And then spend your days trying to make Rio.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 9:36, Reply)

I'd like one of them, haven't found that citrus rio anywhere else yet

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 9:43, Reply)

Xmas is well lush. Lolz.

( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 10:23, Reply)

so r u m8

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 10:33, Reply)

no you!

( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:01, Reply)

Xmas is ok I suppose...
We're going to get the fire going this year. Will be nice and toasty.
No roasting chestnuts though.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 10:49, Reply)

We're not because the kid likes sitting in the fireplace.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 10:55, Reply)

We're not because we have central heating

( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:01, Reply)

sticks of straw woven by your cousin cletus' cloven hooves and burned in the middle of the floor is not central heating

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:07, Reply)

Sucking 50 cocks and swallowing doesn't constitute a hot meal but it doesn't stop you doing it every evening.

( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:11, Reply)

hey come on now, we do half each

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:17, Reply)

Kids will do anything for a Slab of Tyskielea

( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:36, Reply)

So do I!
I forgot to turn it down before bed last night, and it was like the fires of Hades.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:34, Reply)

Which is where you're going when you die you despicable abomination!

( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:35, Reply)

Better pack some suncream then!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:36, Reply)

Suncream does not work as a flame retardant.
HTH
( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:38, Reply)

You're the retard.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:55, Reply)

posted by your own retard

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:57, Reply)

I hope it's clean!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:36, Reply)

I FUCKING LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!
I now have no work to do although I am, as the comedian says, here all week.

Sainsbos mass text system has gone haywire and is telling people wrong order, wrong location and wrong time pick up info.

I wruv them wrong time.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:55, Reply)

Nearly a year since I did a real job lol gutted, and I'm going to have a better xmas bonus

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:56, Reply)

You're robbing them blind!

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:58, Reply)

Make sure you get your Xmas wages from the boss.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:02, Reply)

Double time as I'm 'working' xmas day

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:11, Reply)

And a day off in loo!
Are you oop noorth for Xmas?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:13, Reply)

London xmas day, Essex Boxing Day, Kent day after then The North after that for NY. Then a week then Barbados and my birthday.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:16, Reply)

Whoa! Busy, busy. Sounds fun.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:39, Reply)

I'll be doing my food shop in Aldi...
Christmas veg is 19p. What a bargain.

Get some meat from the local butchers. Job's a good un.
Already had 2 cases of wine delivered.

Im ready for it.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:57, Reply)

I think you mean 'boxes'

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 11:59, Reply)

It's all about the prep, GJ.
My ham is currently bathing in apple juice. Turkey pick up and veg tomorrow.

My Mrs will reveal the location of the Xmas booze tomorrow although to be fair I haven't been out every night this year and gone home looking for it.

Got some champers to take home tonight. All presents are done.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:01, Reply)

^ ham bather

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:29, Reply)

ham?
you're a worse jew than gonz.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:33, Reply)

Christmas+ham. WWJD?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:40, Reply)

Sodastream Black
Power is the most advanced SodaStream carbonation system, letting you create the freshest fizzy drinks at the touch of a button.

It features a sleek, minimalist design of the award-winning SodaStream Source, but elevates the user experience to the next level, with automated carbonation with the touch of a button.

There are three fizz levels to make perfectly consistent sparkling water as you like! There is also LED light indicators and snap lock bottle mechanism to easily insert bottle for unparalleled ease of use.

Well worth £190.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:05, Reply)

My wife gave me a sexy wink told me she's bought something to wear for me for Xmas and informed my she won't be on her rag at Xmas
So I reckon I'm getting socks
( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:05, Reply)

Wahey, Peej!!
Won't just be Santa emptying his sack!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:09, Reply)

Or cumming down a flue

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:38, Reply)

Or stockings...cor

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:11, Reply)

A nice tie
with a turkey holding a sign saying "go veggie"
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:25, Reply)

Chastity belt

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 13:09, Reply)

i have used 15 rolls of wrapping paper this christmas
bah humbug
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:33, Reply)

And yet I am still to receive my gifts

( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:34, Reply)

STRIKE - Wrapping
Have a good shit mate!

#SnakeLOLZ
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:36, Reply)

lol

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:53, Reply)

i thought this when i typed it
hahaha
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 14:52, Reply)

Might get up in a minute.
Have a shower and think about starting my Christmas shopping.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:37, Reply)

That's a nice day. Except for the shopping.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:41, Reply)

Gonna stay in and avoid the pub this evening
Might watch Die Hard and order a curry.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:43, Reply)

Hey babe, I negotiate million dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:48, Reply)

Now I know what a TV dinner tastes like.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:56, Reply)

Might leave the shopping and watch telly instead

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 12:56, Reply)

My brother's back for his first family christmas
in 6 years.

At the last one he was working as a pub chef. Got massively pissed and badly scalded his hand in a bowl of soup. He spent all of Christmas dinner, fucked up with his hand in a bowl of water.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 22 Dec 2016, 13:34, Reply)

hope he didn't fall asleep

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 13:41, Reply)

Bowling for soup

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 13:50, Reply)

Ha!

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 22 Dec 2016, 14:01, Reply)

why did he put his hand in the soup??

( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 14:51, Reply)

To get to the cullen skink

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 16:37, Reply)

Because he's an alcoholic calamity with bent hair.

(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 22 Dec 2016, 16:56, Reply)

I just went to the shops and bought 6 bottles of red, a slab and a bottle of whiskey
Xmas can start now
( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 14:09, Reply)

SLAB for life

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 14:12, Reply)

I need to get a slab in, and some sloe gin.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 14:50, Reply)

Sloe gin is the taste of Christmas.
I had a flask full at the panto last Saturday.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 15:11, Reply)

imma make a sloe gin cocktail innit

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 15:17, Reply)

Niiice.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 15:28, Reply)

We have sloes growing everywhere yet I have never bothered to make it
My mate does and I can confirm its way better than shop bought
( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 15:11, Reply)

I'd have a go at making it if it wasn't so much easier to buy it

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 15:17, Reply)

sloe juice and bought gin plus sugar. It's the future.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 15:28, Reply)

you should have a lads' weekend in your seaside place next year
no drinking or massive drugs, just you and monty and snake and jeff etc making sloe gin and knitting.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 15:42, Reply)

No way

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 16:07, Reply)

No way

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 16:31, Reply)

Ma-nah-na-na

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 16:31, Reply)

he just shoves sloes and sugar in a wine bottle and tops up with gin then leaves for a few months
Its right lush
( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 15:47, Reply)

I collected sloes in Swanage, froze
them for 2 months then tried to make the sloe gin. It's sour as fuck, too ripe possibly.

I've got Ardbeg scotch so there'll be posh drinking for me tonight.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 22 Dec 2016, 17:00, Reply)

Not enough sugar

( Peej, Fri 23 Dec 2016, 8:24, Reply)

Well done Dave, you've save beethreetah

( Peej, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 15:49, Reply)

Just doing my bit mate, nothing else going on today apart from a trip to the dentist earlier

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 15:53, Reply)

er
you have a Christmas List as long as a donkey's dick
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 15:57, Reply)

Shut up

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 16:00, Reply)

^ Little Donkey

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 16:30, Reply)

I've been obsessively watching
Christmas films for a while and have run out. I even watched Bernard and the Genie.
Any suggestions welcome, excluding the ones telling me to fuck off etc.
(Ooooh_cuntroversials_sockpuppet Make O/T great again., Thu 22 Dec 2016, 21:01, Reply)

Nah, they're all the same
There's a Christmas 24 channel on Sky devoted to the bloody things. All it's taught me is that everyone in America is followed around by either Richard Clayderman and his piano or a 96 piece orchestra, or both. Load of bollocks all of them.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 22:00, Reply)

^ wishes he was a yank

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 22:10, Reply)

I wish I was a little bit Yankee, I wish I had a hanky

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 22 Dec 2016, 22:55, Reply)