Morning!
How is everyone today?

Due to some crappy flights home yesterday, I've not slept all night, now I have to try to stay awake until tonight. Should be fun.


( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 7:44, 361 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

morning Mr Duck.
Good luck with the staying awake all day. Just OD on pro plus and coffee and you'll be fine.
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 7:48, Reply)

You might be onto something there Lusty
Although last time I did that I ended up with an involuntary eyebrow twitch that lasted for a week :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 7:50, Reply)

The twitching just means it's working.
It's the heart palpitations you should worry about.
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 7:53, Reply)

It was a bit awkward though
because everyone I saw that week thought I was winking at them.

Including my office cleaner, who I'm sure is the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal's less attractive sister. She wouldn't leave me alone for a while after that. *shudders*
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 7:55, Reply)

oh dear.
It might be best to leave the pro plus alone then and stick with class A drugs.
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 7:58, Reply)

If anyone knows
then where I can get hold of some Amphetamines within about 10 minutes walk of a former RAF base in the middle of nowhere in Warwickshire, it'd be greatly appreciated :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:08, Reply)

pm me
and Ill give you dodgy dans number :)
(Miggyman, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:20, Reply)

Morning Lusty, Duckster
I had a can of Irn Bru 32 last week, which is a Red Bull equivalent but more potent. It certainly kept me awake, but I had the serious shakes and was wired to the moon all afternoon.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:20, Reply)

morning K2k6
I haven't tried that, I did how ever have half a can of that red bull coke stuff the other week. It tasted like a headache.
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:25, Reply)

Irn Bru 32
comes in a 330ml can, so although it's got the same caffeine content per ml as Red Bull, you get rather a lot more of it. And I never drink tea or coffee, hence my caffeine intake is pretty low. So when I have a good slug of it, I get a huge rush!

It tastes quite nice too.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:27, Reply)

My next door neighbour
is a rep for Red Bull, and he gave me a crate of Red Bull Cola to thank me for helping him out.

It's the rankest cola I've ever tried. I'd rather drink Panda Cola. The only reason I've kept the remaining cans is to demonstrate its pure rankness to guests.

Edit: for energy drinks, it's Tesco Kick for the win. It's their equivalent of Red Bull, but it seems to be stronger. Either that or the fact that £1 buys you a litre of the stuff...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:30, Reply)

Morning All!
Hope everyone's happy this morning...
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:30, Reply)

@rubberduck
Kick and vodka makes me go mental. You've seen me on cider...Imagine that with added shoutyness and more vomiting.
Not a good look!

Morning edmund :)
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:36, Reply)

Ningalings
How are we all?

Ducky, you best be awake tonight, I'm making a special trip to visit you*!


@Wander

*MORE* shouting? is that possible?


*may be a work trip
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:38, Reply)

Morning Ethel, Edmund
I've never tried Kick. I do drink Red Rooster on occasion, which is a cheap energy drink. It's all the same really. Just swallow it and stay awake.

Which is a good maxim in other fields too...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:41, Reply)

k2k6
Movie marathons?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:42, Reply)

@Ethel
Er, yes, possibly.

Not the example I had in mind, but valid nonetheless.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:43, Reply)

@Lusty
This I want to see :)

*mixes up large batch of Kick and Vodka*

Ethelred - I'm still planning to be there. Apologies if I start spouting incoherent bollocks though. Mind you, that's not much different to normal.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:46, Reply)

Morning all!
Drinking espresso is a much better way of ingesting large amounts of caffeine than drinking energy drinks. It's a different sort of caffeine and doesn't have the huge sugar content that makes you feel horrid.

Top tip: make the coffee in an espresso machine (I usually use a moka pot), then load it with more coffee grounds, put the coffee you just made back where the water goes, brew it again, and repeat based on how long you need to stay up.

I find once you get past the fourth cycle you get coffee that will curdle the milk you put in it, and give you heart palpitations. Keeps you awake for about four days though.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:47, Reply)

Morning Miasma
You are probably quite correct but just the smell of coffee makes my stomach turn.

So I'll stick to the fizzy stuff for my caffeine fix!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:48, Reply)

@ethel
Yes, yes it is. Tis why I no longer drink vodka mixed with kick.
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:48, Reply)

Does anyone know where I can get an installer for Firefox 2?
Preferably the last version before 3.

Installed 3 by mistake and I really don't like it.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:53, Reply)

Good morning.
@Rubberduck - any chance of a power nap? Might do you good.

I'm in a good mood this morning as I have booked my flight to America in January.

Let's see how long it will last before my boss winds me up again.
( girlinthehole, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:53, Reply)

'nings all
I'm liking the talk of energy drinks this morning. For me, it's Relentless all the way. It comes in a beer can and is at least as good as Red Bull. Admittedly, what with me being diabetic, it's not the most advisable of drinks but when you've missed breakfast on a morning, it works a treat!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:55, Reply)

I could do with an energy drink
*falls asleep at desk*
*wakes up, hugs everyone*
*goes back to sleep*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:59, Reply)

Do I hear
a plea for amphetamines?

I've got a tub on my desk.

Miasma, I've got Firefox 1 if you want it :P Can't find 2 for the lift of me. It's probably at home if you want it.
Edit: www.mozilla.com/en-US/firefox/all-older.html
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:00, Reply)

Aaah thanks himjimminy
There's so many Flash websites that don't work with 3!

Do you mean Ritalin then?

@ Pirate Monkey - glad to see I'm not the only one who abuses my diabetes with the forbidden sugar... Caffeine is OK though, according to my doctor. Good job, I drink so much of the bloody stuff there's no way I could've given it up.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:06, Reply)

Nah
I've got Concerta. Not prescribed it any more, but my Doctor prescribed me a shitload more than I needed ages ago.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:09, Reply)

Pretty much the same stuff though isn't it
Just slower release to stop you selling it to people I think lol

Never been a fan of amphetamines tbh, coffee is my main stimulant.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:14, Reply)

Grind it up with a couple of codeine tablets
and stir it into a glass of Bells and you've got an instant Friday Night.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:16, Reply)

LOL
I remember the (school) days of extracting the codeine from Nurofen Plus with cold water filtration...

All about lying in a dark room listening to psychedelic rock. Makes you itch like a bastard though
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:17, Reply)

I've never even taken pro plus
*is sweet and innocent*

*hides sig*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:18, Reply)

What filth and naughtiness have you been up to then TGB?
Er, I mean, allegedly been up to..

I remember 'acquiring' a big bag of purified guarana powder a few years ago. Instant caffeinated anything: milk, beans on toast, the list is endless.

Maybe I should put myself on the waiting list for a heart transplant already, it can't have many years left.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:21, Reply)

Sodding B3tans...
making me go out and drink beer on a Monday night. Lusty, you were a good girl to go home.

Ning everyone.
*attempts to hug*
*ends up leaning*
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:23, Reply)

I never had the itching problem
I remember the first time I had Tylex when I did my knee in playing Rugby. I was having trouble sleeping, and my mum suggested I have a small glass of wine... Wow.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:24, Reply)

Well Misasma
[text removed for graphic content]
So I woke up with a big smile :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:24, Reply)

Badger
what is this filth?

MY EYES!

*rocks*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:26, Reply)

Wow, I never thought you'd get up to anything like that!
Not sure if the rest of you could see the text or whether your web filters blocked it... I'll leave it to your imaginations ;)

clendrix - I'd like to dispute your signature... *lifts t shirt to check*
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:27, Reply)

My fellow b3tans, I need some advice
My boss lent me a book to read.
Clean Cut by Lynda LaPlante.

It bored me senseless, so I haven't finished it. She however, proper bummed it. I've had it for a few weeks now and I think it's about time I gave it back as I have no intention of finishing it. The thing is though, I'm worried she's going to quiz me on it.

What should I do? Should I be honest and tell her I thought it was shit and I couldn't be bothered to read it (I know this will hurt her feelings and as much as she annoys me I don't want to upset her) or should I just say yeah it was ok and hope she doesn't ask any questions? I've been trying to find a synopsis online but as it's a murder mystery no where has the ending!

There was only one bit of the book I enjoyed, I don't think it was meant to be funny but it made me laugh...

'Look at me,' she said. Then: 'Just you damned well look at me, Detective Chief Inspector James Langton!'
He looked up into her face.

Imagine that kind of passion for 503 pages and I think you'll see why I disliked it so much.
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:30, Reply)

Mr Nong b3tanetters!
I am currently in the office wearing my winter coat and Thinsulate hat. Bastard gas has run out.

On the plus side I have homemade soup and fresh poppy seed rolls for breakfast :)

How're we all today?

Edit: lusty... tell her it wasn't really your cup of tea, and lend her a copy of Filth by Irvine Welsh :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:31, Reply)

Miasma
Don't worry, I'm not saying that all men have moobs even if they're slim. It's just I have a very slim friend who complained about his moobs; I still doubt their existence, but he claims there is 'jigglage'.

Lusty, if quizzed make up some crap. It's bound to be accurate. Or tell her you couldn't finish cos it was too high-brow for you.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:33, Reply)

@No3L
Isn't there some law about requiring a minimum indoor temperature? You could go home!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:33, Reply)

Wow Lusty
That sounds riveting. :p

I dunno can you not just skim read the last few pages to see who did it?

Hey Noel!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:33, Reply)

Morning no3L, wanderlust
I've never read a Lynda LaPlante book although I do like my detective novels.

If you think it's shit just tell her, everyone's entitled to an opinion! (this may not be the most diplomatic suggestion)

Or post it to me, I'll read it super fast and email you the plot.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:35, Reply)

I got as far as google searching it
and one of the first sites was passion-books.co.uk or some other sappy rubbish.

I decided to stop there.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:36, Reply)

Hey hey!
Yes, K2, there is. But this mickey-mouse outfit don't live by the rules. I don't even get minimum wage :(

The more sensible option is to ask one of the drivers to go across town and put some gas on the card. I think I'll be doing that now.

Edit: *dances @ Miasma's sig*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:37, Reply)

@ K2K6, No3L
16C, assuming you're in an office.

It can vary depending on the type of work you're doing though. www.hse.gov.uk/contact/faqs/temperature.htm

I'd love it if it was 16 in my office, it's about 23 usually!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:37, Reply)

@clendrix
I think you're right with the too high brow!

I think I'll just tell her it wasn't my kind of thing and leave it at that.

I've just skim read the last few pages. All I have to say on it is LOLZ!
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:40, Reply)

Morning all
How are we all today?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:42, Reply)

Do you know the song then No3l?
I was listening to it last night and the sample tickled me so I changed my sig.

I tried to find out where it was from originally and failed miserably...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:44, Reply)

Hello Dok!
Have you got your hair in a mental style today?
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:45, Reply)

No Drixy
My hair is in it's normal style today.

Going where it wants.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:46, Reply)

Yo Dok
I think I will imagine you with a flat top hairstyle today
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:48, Reply)

Yes
I think it's off Xen Cuts on Ninja Tune I think.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:48, Reply)

Correct, a Cabbageboy song
Don't know whether it's on any Cabbageboy albums, I only have it on the Xen Cuts thing as well.

I really want to know where the sample's originally from though!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:50, Reply)

Nice...
and I shall imagine you with one huge spike of hair in the middle of your head.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:50, Reply)

TGB
How short a flat-top?

Or will it be like the one in Eraserhead?

Drixy, Like a fluffeh Unicorn?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:50, Reply)

I wanted a flat top
But then realised I'm not Wesley Snipes so I probably couldn't pull it off, and settled for scruffy long ish hair with random balding patches (it's my style, honestly. Takes hours to do in the morning)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:53, Reply)

Now that
I don't know :)

Great tunes though, great tunes. It cropped up a couple of nights back... I'm in the process learning how to mix using an old version of Traktor... looking to get myself a newer version cos it's a bit clunky.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:55, Reply)

Mornin' my dears
I just got to work.
55 minutes late, woo, go me.

*frowns*
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Do you do it with a mouse and keyboard or use a controller?
I can mix vinyl but never got on with Traktor apart from if its Final Scratch, even the little wheel controllers are too much like CDJs for me and I don't like them.

Which version you got? They're all pretty easily available.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Morning!
Hello everybody, hope you're all ok this splendid morning.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:57, Reply)

Less fluffy than that Dok
Dammit someone in the office was singing Can't Touch This.

*dances*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:58, Reply)

Morning Kaol!
I've been at work for three hours already :)
Edit: I've got v3. I can't do big downloads cos my phone is my only net connection. I'd really like CD decks but they're too much :( so software mixing is my only option atm.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:58, Reply)

Mornin Kaol and Lucy.
Arriving together, eh?
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:58, Reply)

Hi Kaol, Hi Lucy
Nice one Kaol 55 minutes late, none too shabby.

I'm good today LvP, How are you?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 9:59, Reply)

Er...
*hastily buttons shirt*

No...
I don't know what you mean.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Hello clendrix!
Hi Dok! I'm ok thanks, helping my parents decorate this week so having quite good fun actually. It's nice to have some company.

Morning Kaol!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:00, Reply)

Gosh,
I'm sure I didn't mean anything at all!



;)
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:01, Reply)

Cool Badger
I never like the hair in that film.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:01, Reply)

Yay for company
It's the finest thing there is.

Oh Drixy, you know you did mean something!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:02, Reply)

'ning all!
I don't want to be here.

I've just been told I MAY have to be in court tomorrow in London, and have to prepare a statement answering some questions. This means I no longer have 2 days to finish my cases before my week off, I now only have, hmm, today.

Fuckity ballbags.

That aside, my hair today is in it's angry/alert/aroused state.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:03, Reply)

Oh Dok,
how could you say such a thing?

In happy news, I'm about to take my admin team to Patisserie Valerie for a cake-fest a meeting.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:04, Reply)

Morning Lucy *grins*
And everyone else :)

I was up to late last night again, but I actually slept.
The sleeping meant that I didn't want to wake up though.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:04, Reply)

Yay for mad hair.
I thik today should be 'Mad Hair Day'.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:04, Reply)

Ooh Clendrix
I want to be in your admin team!

And I'd like to see Labs aroused hair.

And erm, hi Kaol.
*blushes*
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:05, Reply)

Drixy
Get a meeting for me while you're there, please. But you always mean things dont you?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:06, Reply)

LvP
My aroused hair is in my profile pic, although it's currently shorter as I had it chopped the other week.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:08, Reply)

Lucy,
We agreed not to talk about it.
*frowns*

Anyway, my exciting day involves maybe driving to London and back, but "That depends on stuff", apparently.

*shrugs*

*settles down for a day of b3ta*
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:11, Reply)

How lovely it would be if the petty cash tin
would stretch to a Patisserie Valerie B3ta meeting.

Dok, yes, I always mean it. Be true to your word!
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:11, Reply)

@Miasma/No3l
I used to use vinyl, but just found it too much hassle to carry everything around with me.

I've found the perfect solution though - I've a pair of Denon DN-S3500 CD decks that are lightweight, portable and a piece of cake to use. I've got them hooked up to a Pioneer DJM-600 mixer, which has some neat sampling and effects capabilities, but only a 3-band equaliser, which is a little shite but it'll do.

In short though, I'm a shit DJ but the kit makes me sound like a pro :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:11, Reply)

oh yes Lab
So it is.
Aroused hair, what a lovely start to the day.

I need to ring the gym today about getting an induction, I like going to the gym but I need to motivate my mum as she said she'd come with me.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:12, Reply)

LvP
My running-fanatic housemate, who just did the polar icecap marathon, is trying to get me to go to the posh gym with him, as he has free tickets.

I don't mind the gym, it's just seeing other people in there that I hate. Y'know, the slender, ultra-fit ladies on the treadmills, and the bronzed Adonis' hogging the weights. Little ol' me, who can't run because of his knee, looks like 6 cubic feet of fail in comparison.

(if you include the mo', I'm 6ft tall ;P)
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:17, Reply)

If I could afford CD decks
I'd jump at the chance. I had a play with some hip hop on some Denon ones and they were ace. Just too far out of my price range.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:18, Reply)

Gym people?
I hate gym people.
And their stupid music.
And their spandex.

In short, gym people make me want to leave a nailbomb on the seat of the rowing machine.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:21, Reply)

No3l & Rubberduck
I used to DJ a cyber/industrial night in Liverpool using CD decks, a Denon set I seem to remember, which were a joy to use.

Nowadays I only DJ our work's summer BBQ, but have a tidy little DJ console (Hercules) that hooks up to my Macbook. It's pretty basic, but does the job nicely.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:21, Reply)

Officelol, again
In my office I've just said "Who has ate all of my Ginger Nuts?" And then burst out laughing.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:21, Reply)

Lab
I do agree with that actually. So much so that I'm going to a ladies only gym.

Normally it wouldn't bother me but the gym I used to go to had lots of big bulgy muscled men with maHOOsive arms who would wait for the equipment whilst I struggled away with my teeny little weights.

And also cos mum said she'd feel happier in the ladies only gym.
And I'm a good girl and do what my mummy asks.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:21, Reply)

@No3l
They're not that expensive if you know where to look. I bought mine from an auction at a fraction of the retail price, where a lot of the stock was from a bankrupted AV retailer :)
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:22, Reply)

Ladies Only Gyms?
Not heard of them before, are they common? I'd prefer just a nice, quiet gym, with no loud music or queues for equipment.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:23, Reply)

DJ gear?
Back when I used to run the rock/metal/punk nights, we had some pretty awful CD decks.
Cheap-as-hell Numarks. *frowns*
Fuckin' awful, they were.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:24, Reply)

Unfortunately
I'm of the 'perpetually skint' stage at the moment. Time for a new job methinks!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:25, Reply)

I go away for
a bit to listen to an exciting story of car theft and GBH and everyone arrives!

*hugs new arrivals*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:29, Reply)

"new arrival"?
I deserve better than that, dammit!
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:31, Reply)

@LM
I go to the local sports centre gym. It's not got the mega muscled men and toned women there, just a nice mixed bunch of folks just trying to keep fit.

Edit - there's even a fully-fledged geek that comes to the gym and reads a book while he's on the treadmill.
( girlinthehole, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:31, Reply)

Fine Kaol
You can have special "awesome person" hugs.

I was just told I was "suspiciously happy". Which makes me think people perceive me as being miserable normally :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:33, Reply)

I've used the Pioneer 1000s
which are pretty much the industry standard, and I'm not even a fan of those. Just not as tactile as vinyl. Hence why I consider Final Scratch et al to be the best of both worlds (not having to carry a back breaking record bag round is a bonus)

No3l - Traktor 3 is the latest version isn't it? I agree it is clunky, you have to use a soundcard with 4 outputs and mix it on an external mixer, crossfading with a mouse is long! And also there's the controlling it issue.

Edit: (sound engineer hat on) and don't use a DJM600. They're superb at putting out distorted signals even before the red lights come on, there's far too much gain available in the things to let DJs at em. And what DJ mixer are you thinking of that has more than 3 bands of EQ? Not sure I've ever seen one.

Edit 2: Morning Lucy & Kaol!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:34, Reply)

TGB
It just means they think you're up to something...

What are you scheming?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:38, Reply)

*drum roll*
It's only me, innit? Morning folks!

*still a wee bit jet lagged, but back at work and grumpy!*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:39, Reply)

@Miasma
Dunno, haven't looked. All I know is the manual says it's 2005 and I thought there must be a newer version out there.

A mate who did a wedding I went to recently uses some different software which looked good, I'll be finding out what that is. Pity he used it to play Hi Ho Silver Fucking Lining though :(
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:39, Reply)

@Miasma
Completely agree with you on the DJM600, even though I've got one. There's nowhere near enough fine-tuning available on the channels either, so you get an output signal that's either completely lacking in any definition or far too much top/bottom end. I've not managed to get a happy medium out of it yet. Grrr...

At least it was cheap.

Edit: Re: the 3-band EQ. I'm used to dealing with an installed system at the nightclub I occasionally work at, which has an A&H GL-series desk. Completely overkill I know, but I can get it sounding spot on every single time.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:39, Reply)

@BGB
Unfortunately, our local leisure centre is the one dominated by the ultra-fit people. My housemate wants us to go to the local health spa type posh gym, so maybe that'll be better.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:40, Reply)

"Suspiciously happy" Badger
I don't believe you! I think you're just happy.

EDIT Hello DiT, have a good holiday?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:40, Reply)

*evil laugh*
Why the same thing I plan every night Miasma to take over the world! /Brain

DiT! *hugs* What did you bring me from Vegas?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Formula Sound FTW
Not what you'd call budget mixers though...

No3L - just looked and 3 is the latest version, they're probably on 3.something though. It is a bit clunky but that's just NI's style, you'll get used to it I'm sure.

There isn't that much competing software I don't think, Traktor is definitely the main one. Unless you want to use Ableton, but that's a different way of approaching it really.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:41, Reply)

Hehe
Hey, Herr Dok - Fantastic holiday, thank you!

TGB - I barely came home with the shirt on my back. ;)

Las Vegas - a fantastic city. A huge, overwhelming, neon cesspit of desperation - of the school of thought that says 'the next buck will net me a million'. People win just often enough to keep the illusion alive. It's the first genuine 24 hour city I've ever encountered - one morning I got up at 4am to walk in to the Desert to see the sun rise and the gaming floor was absoulutely packed. It never ends.

The food is excellent, although we had to stop eating 'American Breakfasts' after 3 days if we had any chance of being able to get on the plane home/not contracting some kind of serious digestive disease. The people are incredibly friendly, welcoming and accomodating.

Hooters is the best place I have been in my life, bar none. ;)

Pimps line every road, and if you keep your eyes open late at night you'll see streams of Hookers making their way in to Hotels for private shows.

In short, there's a real reason why they call Vegas the Sin City. It's buzzing 24 hours a day, it never ever stops. I had an absolutely brilliant time there, and would definitely go back again. Only next time, I'll see some shows. And maybe try and get some access to World News - because watching American news gets you nowhere.

Phew. I'm knackered!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:50, Reply)

Hooters!
I went there with three gay men and two gay women. Very odd, but OMG the fried chicken...
*drools*
*cries*
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 10:53, Reply)

Hahaha
It's kinda bizarre how Hooters is a kind of 'family' restaurant.

A picture graces the internets of me and the Hooters girls... *fulfills stereotype*

Quiet in here today, innit?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:03, Reply)

Hey all
Hey Tightly. Glad to hear you had a good time.

I had a really very dull morning at uni today. It was awful. And cold.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:06, Reply)

Yeah
You scared them all off with your manliness :)

Good to hear you had a good holiday. Vegas is supposed to be mental.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:07, Reply)

Hi Folks
Hope everyone's good!

*distributes huggles like cake*
*distributes cake like huggles*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:08, Reply)

Only since you arrived, DiT
(hi btw)

I keep trying to come back and post but people keep phoning me with irritating issues that aren't really my problem. I just had to print a PDF that a user has access to, on a colour printer that is installed on their computer, because they didn't want to look at it on screen and they'd rather phone me than press print.

I was planning not to do anything apart from surf b3ta and the net today, and the bastards seem to be out to sabotage me.

Edit: Morning Pingu, BK

I went to Vegas once and it seemed like a den of iniquity even to an 8 year old. Quite fancy going now you've mentioned it but have nowhere near enough cash to fritter away!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:09, Reply)

BK!
*hugs*
*noms cake*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:09, Reply)

*hugs TGB*
Hiya!

It's carrot cake.

*noms*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:10, Reply)

Hmmm
Hello, Miasma. You raise a good point. *cries*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:12, Reply)

ooh I love carrot cake!
I am deciding if tonight I be good and drive (as I have destroyed my feet and can't really walk) or get drunk so I can't feel the pain :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:14, Reply)

Miasma
could I ask for a little help with some firewall rules on a router if you know that kind of thing?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:14, Reply)

Be good and drive
It's cheaper not to drink too :p
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:15, Reply)

@ Badger
How have you destroyed your feet?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:17, Reply)

Indeed, himjim
What are you trying to do, and what router is it?

(I'm guessing port forwarding for p2p?)

I much prefer fixing IT problems on here to in the office, it's quite satisfying that someone is paying me to help run the b3ta helpdesk...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:17, Reply)

Morning all!
Feeling like a cold is coming on, I'm not impressed...

or a happy camper

How is everyone else?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:17, Reply)

Look up gangrene on Wikipedia
There's some ace pics of feet on there, do yours look like that?

(someone sent them to me in an effort to stop me smoking, it hasn't worked as my feet don't look like that)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:18, Reply)

With the price of fuel at the moment
surely it won't be long before it's actually cheaper to drink than drive?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:18, Reply)

Nah
I want to boot everyone off it in my house as a warning.

Problem is the router assigns IPs automatically, as per the users settings.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:18, Reply)

I wore some boots BK
that were not made for walking :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:23, Reply)

They not been paying for the internet then?
Two simple ways, off the top of my head:

If your housemates aren't computer savvy, set it to fixed IP instead of DHCP (automatic asign). Then you put your IP address in manually and you can connect, their computers will look for a DHCP server and not find one so won't be able to connect unless they think of setting their IP manually, and then they'll need to know what range it's in.

Or just change the wireless network key (I assume you're using an encrypted connection?) and don't tell them the new one! This assumes everyone is connecting wirelessly though, it won't stop anyone plugged into the Cat5 ports.

There's more advanced shiznit you can do like filtering on MAC addresses and only allowing certain IPs to connect and things, but I'd have to know which router you had - a lot of your basic home ones don't have this sort of functionality.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:23, Reply)

@himjim
Could you not use MAC address filtering? Relatively easy to circumvent, but it should deter non tech-savvy users...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:24, Reply)

@TGB
Those thigh high ones you were telling me about?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:28, Reply)

I hope TGB
hasn't been lying when she out to be truthing, or gambling when she ought to not bet.

That would dreadful.

Morning you revolting examples of humanity, I hope you are all fluffeh and gorgeous as per usual.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:29, Reply)

No, everyone pays for the internet
but there are guidelines in the house about not downloading stuff, or taking up the bandwidth. As per usual they ignore these totally and quite regularly have trouble even connecting to the wireless network, let alone do anything worthwhile.

Hence I post mostly at work.

The Router is a fairly advanced Netgear, and I can boot people off the wireless network with Mac filtering, but the majority connect via Cat5.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:30, Reply)

No they
definitely weren't made for walking :p

Al that made no sense to me whatsoever
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:31, Reply)

woo!
If I recycle the three crappy old phones I have found in my room then I can make over 40 quid!

Not bad for junk.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:33, Reply)

MAC address filtering should work on wired connections as well....
Every network interface has a MAC address.

If you want to get really geeked out about this and serious about enforcing limits, the best way would be to buy a shit £30 computer, put two network cards in it and run routing software.

This would give you a lot more control than your current router, you could control what times people were allowed to log on, their data allowance, blocked site lists, etc etc. A bit of work to set up but probably the best way of doing it.

Assume the Netgear's some variation of a DG834? Most people's are. If you let me know exactly which one I can see what can be done on that first if you want.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:34, Reply)

Did you see the thing in the paper about that Lucy?
Apparently most of them are sent to Africa and recycled, but lots of them are being used to aid identity theft...

Make sure there's no personal information on them - although it is hard or impossible to completely wipe a phone.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:35, Reply)

@TGB
I was taking the lyrics form Nancy Sinatra's "These boots are made for walking" and applying them to you since you said your boots weren't made for walking which made me think of the song These boots are made for walking by nancy sinatra, the words of which are what I put in my earlier post but since you didn't get my slightly strange reference to these boots are made for walking by nancy sinatra then you thought I was writing gibberish.

Which obviosuly I never do.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:36, Reply)

Ooh Miasma
No I didn't see that.

Mr VP works with phones and is very good with them so I'll get him to look at them before I send them off.
Thanks for the warning!
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:36, Reply)

I see
I obviously don't know the lyrics of that song as well as I thought I did :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:39, Reply)

Lucy
www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2008/sep/25/news.mobilephones

Probably scaremongering to some extent (the only data on my phone is texts, and people's phone numbers, and I don't think there's anything sensitive in the texts) but still worth thinking about.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:39, Reply)

I think I'll make a separate thread
for this or Gaz you :)
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:39, Reply)

oh my god
people would have a field day with my texts. and picture messages
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:45, Reply)

TGB
I think i'd be ok. Most of mine are fairly tame.

I went through a filthy phase but now I'm a bit boring.

Edit - I mean textwise, not in general. I don't live the life of a nun now, I just don't send rude pictures.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:47, Reply)

I have to do it
This is directed at TGB and LvP.

PICTURES or it didn't happen
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:51, Reply)

*no replies to thread while everyone's imagining LVP & TGB's texts...*

(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:51, Reply)

Argh!
Complete subject change (sorry!), but I have to go to a fancy dress party on Friday.

2 things:

1) I hate (H-A-T-E) fancy fucking dress. It costs a fortune, it isn't fun, and I just hate it, OK?
2) WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO GO AS?

And breathe.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:52, Reply)

Go as Reverend Jesse Custer
and just smoke and beat people up.

Sorted.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:53, Reply)

People would get the Fear
If they read through my messages.

Inbox: Fairly normal.
Outbox: Fairly normal.
Picture messages: None.
Drafts: HOLY FUCKING JESUS! This man needs to be locked up, or I need to run far, far away.

See, when I'm out and about I have ideas for song lyrics, I write a blank message and save it as a draft.
Most of my songs involve dismemberment, murder and insanity.
So my "Draft Message" folder reads like a disjointed, rambling catalogue of madness.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:53, Reply)

Al
But I don't have any pictures!

I did used to do all that but then I kept having handset issues and having to send them back I stopped doing it.
God knows how many sony ericsson people have seen plenty of me though.

Oh well, I hope they enjoyed it as much as Mr VP did.

Edit - Kaol I use my drafts for things I remember all of a sudden too.
But my music taste is a bit chirpier than yours (for chirpy, read shit).
For example, at the moment I have, Werewolves of London and Club Tropicana in my phone drafts.
Two fine songs.
(Lucy Van Pelt embracing ginlovers, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:53, Reply)

Fancy dress is fucking shit
People attempt to force me into it every Halloween but I refuse as it's my birthday and I'll cry not get dressed up if I want to.

Just go as one of your mates, and borrow their clothes. Job done. Extra points if they have any distinctive hairstyle/fashion sense/piercings/funny voice etc you can emulate.

Or just do what I do and go in normal clothes, and say 'a boring cunt' when asked what you're dressing up as.

Edit: I'm using my Drafts to remind me of music that I've suddenly thought of and need to download later.

It currently reads:
Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band
Deltron 3030
Majic Ship
Earth
Om
The Bug
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:55, Reply)

Hooray!
DiT is back!

Woooo!

*does the welcome home DiT dance*

*with biscuits and silly string*

How was Vegas? Did you have any kerazee adventures? Or lose any money?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 11:56, Reply)

Sorry
I couldn't possibly show you people the pictures, but they received good reviews.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:00, Reply)

TGB
As the resident critic, I think I should be allowed a viewing to allow a rating on the "Kaol Scale".
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:02, Reply)

Is it
an exponential scale, in the style of Mr Richter?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:02, Reply)

I've tried the 'Casual Clothes Monster' line, and been told I can't use it again. Nor can I just put on some black lipstick and say I'm a vampire.

Cunts.

AND:

Hey Al! Vegas was super! Won a bit o' money, annoyed a pimp, ran away, your usual kind of holiday...
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:03, Reply)

Miasma
Nah, it's just a particularly harsh 1-10.
I'd never give anything a 9.
An 8 would be an epic masterpiece, with nothing that annoyed me.

Hellboy II got 4.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:05, Reply)

The Kaol Scale
Normal < ...... > *frowns* < ...... > *drinks* < ...... > *Red Diesels* < ...... > *stabs* < ...... > *slices* < ...... > *dismembers* < ...... > *buries along with the hookers*
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:06, Reply)

Al...
That's the "Kaol's Hot Date" timeline.

*frowns*
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:08, Reply)

You scored a two! :)
Fancy dress... buy a fuckload of bandages and safety pins from Boots or somewhere and go as a mummy. Sorted.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:13, Reply)

Back again
Lengthy meeting, I apologise.

As for phones, I don't take rude pics on my phone, as I know how much phones can store on them, and how to go about retrieving said stuff.

Mind you, an awful lot of people take rude pics with their phones. I wish some of them wouldn't though *shudders*.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:22, Reply)

You of all people
Would know that, Mr. Lab.

I've never taken, or indeed received a rude picture on my phone.

*shrugs*


Also, this news story made me laugh.
A lot, out loud.
I think I'm a bad person :(
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7694560.stm
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:26, Reply)

Kaol
Never received one? That's a pity :/

Maybe someone on B3ta will send you one? It doesn't have to be of themselves.

Edit: Darwinism should've taken out the parent and instructor, rather than the kid. Ah well, guess we'll have to fill in for ol' Darwin.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:28, Reply)

Note to self:
Don't let lab near my phone
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:29, Reply)

*shrugs*
Doesn't bother me much :p

I'd rather go for the actual product than the picture on the label.

Or something like that.

Oh dear, that's a terrible analogy.
*frowns*
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:30, Reply)

I just officeloled at that, Kaol
Especially this quote from the boy's father:

"This is a horrible event, a horrible travesty, and I really don't know why it happened"

Er, because he's EIGHT YEARS OLD, and you let him fire an UZI?!?!?!

I think mandatory euthanasia is the answer here. Fancy going on a killing spree across America?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:31, Reply)

TGB
That's a red rag to a bull. Protect your phone!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:34, Reply)

To be fair,
A killing spree doesn't seem that urgent, they seem to be doing a good job of fucking themselves up at the moment.

Especially Uzi Boy.
Hahaha!
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:35, Reply)

True
He really should've shot his dad as well though, so I feel duty bound to sort it out for him.

I was talking to someone about this the other day, my theory is that our advanced medical technology is keeping too many fuckwits alive for breeding, and weakening the gene pool.

I shut up when the similarities to Nazi eugenics were pointed out, but I stand by my opinion...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:37, Reply)

Morning folks
If it makes you feel any better kaol I laughed at that story too. I love the taste of irony in the morning afternoon.
( Captain V, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:39, Reply)

*hides phone*
I get called a Nazi all the time Miasma :( Only because apparently saying all chavs should be put in gas chambers is a mild form of genocide.

I need less hippyass save the tree type friends..
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:42, Reply)

That's not genocide
It's pest control. Rentokil should branch out into it. Or maybe Rentokaol...?

Ethnic cleansing FTW

(no, my name is not Josef Mengele....)

Edit: LOL @ a 'mild form' of genocide

'It's alright, we're only slightly massacring you'
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:43, Reply)

Seeing this talk has only just reminded me
I sent 3 old phones off for the recycling lark last week.

I didn't clear a single thing off of them.

What a prick.
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:44, Reply)

You've triggered this out-pouring, miasma...
Right...
I've worked in Health and Safety for a while now.
People are fucking stupid.

When I'm in charge, there will be no safety notices. No warning labels. No zebra crossings.

Natural selection will play a bigger part in every-day life.

If you're in hospital, following a massive electric shock from trying to make toast in the bath, they won't re-start your heart. They'll leave you to die.
Because you're an idiot.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:45, Reply)

Woo, lunchtime!
Today I'm having Jew sandwiches with Third Reich chutney.

Kaol - we shall discuss health & safety when I come back, I have myriad caustic opinions on said subject...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:47, Reply)

Kaol
aren't you in charge yet? Come on! I'm desperate for a new regime.

Patisserie Valerie cakes FTW, BTW.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:49, Reply)

hehe
well I dunno if chavs count as a specific race :p

I say vote this guy for president of the world
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Arpaio

*loves him*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:50, Reply)

I'm sure that
TGB will have something to say on Health and Safety too.

Although I'm a little more "on the front line" than she is.

Means less paperwork for me though :)

In brief though, H&S should be common sense.
If you put idiots in charge of making plans based around common sense, it leads to shit like banning of school sports days.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:51, Reply)

Is
Patisserie Valerie the one just north of Oxford Street down teh Marble Arch end?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:51, Reply)

Grrrr..
Elf and Safety.

That's the rules that stopped me from going out driving a Range Rover Sport rolling chassis with a seat on it.

Apparently my justification of 'it looks fun' wasn't good enough :(.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:51, Reply)

Al
They're everywhere now, so possibly. My one was off Tottenham Court Road. Yum.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:54, Reply)

Well then, Kaol,
I'll vote for you.

Things that annoyed me about America:

It's against the law to Jaywalk. When being berated for crossing a road, but not using a crossing, my response was "sorry, I come from a country where we are trusted to be able to cross roads on our own."

On the hairdryers in the hotel:

"Do not use in shower."
"Warning - may get hot."
"Do not press hot parts against skin."

And, my favourite, "Not for internal use."

Just what had to happen for that label to get put there?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:55, Reply)

I have nothing to say on H&S
*is being made redundant cares even less*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:57, Reply)

Praps I should take
all this Health and Safety talk as a warning...

I am about to attempt to move a heavy wardrobe and a set of shelves on my own. There will be no-one to hear me scream if the wardrobe squashes me.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 12:59, Reply)

In contrast
to the above, our health and safety goes along the lines of, always wear hard hats, high viz clothes and steel toes boots when using the drilling rig, I once dropped a fire extinguisher on my foot and think steel toes boots are essential, and don't carry two 25kg bags of Bentonite at once as it will probably fuck your back.

Oh and don't use the compressor inside as the fumes will probably kill you quite quickly.

I just ate a Mars Bar. I want another one.

I will give a massive snog to the first person to bring me a mars bar.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:02, Reply)

Well Fuzzy,
I'd offer my mighty strength, but you are quite a long way away...
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:03, Reply)

Fuzzy
If I hear you screaming, I'll come to help.

Of course, you'd have to scream rather loud.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:03, Reply)

According to Dee Snider
I WANNA ROCK! And you know what, I think he's right.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:04, Reply)

It's okay
you can all stop rocking and start posting again now the song has finished now. Instead Ugly Kid Joe are telling me how they hate everything about you.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:11, Reply)

I think everyone's at lunch
But it's ok, Alec Empire is telling me that he's addicted to me. Which is nice.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:12, Reply)

Emma Scott is on
telling me nothing.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:14, Reply)

Which slim man
with moobs did you meet Clendrix?

In other news, did anyone watch Dead Set last night? I thought it looked pretty good.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:15, Reply)

I'm here!
On the phone to PPD

Edit: Dead set was a lot better than I thought!

Although as I hadn't seen any ads for it I was just informed it was "zombies and big brother" so my expectations were low :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:16, Reply)

Thanks Kaol and Lab
Your thoughts are appreciated!

But hurrah! Two hurrahs in fact!

Ex is poo just texted to ask if he could come round for a cuppa, so HE can move the wardrobe! And I think I just got a job :)
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:16, Reply)

I can't put his name anywhere on the web, Al.
He's traumatised by his moobage and he might somehow find my post and slice me like a ham.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:18, Reply)

Congratulations Fuzzy!
On both counts!

Make PooEx do the heavy lifting, then boot him out the door and dance with joy at the possible new job :D
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:18, Reply)

*reappears*
On the H&S thing, I was out in Australia last year and there's a large rock outcrop overlooking the sea (which is full of sharks!) at Indian Heads on Fraser Island. There are no handrails or even proper paths. You're left to your own devices. They do however have warning notices, which read:

"Please take care. Your safety is our concern, but your responsibility"

I think that's great. To me it means: Right, we've told you it's dangerous - you should be able to see for yourself that it is, because it's a GBFO rocky cliff with sharks 100 feet below in the sea, so watch out. If you fall of and die it's your own bloody fault.

H&S needs more of this.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:21, Reply)

*hugs Fuzzy*
That's good news on the job!

*flexes at clendrix*

Ciggie time I think:D
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:21, Reply)

ooh job?
*fuzzy hugs*

*jumps around* where where where doing what what what wnen you start start start?

*has to go sit down*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:23, Reply)

I love that casual flex, Beekeroo!
*casually swoons*
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:24, Reply)

Frase Island for teh fucking win!
I love that place. I saw this heowge manta ray thing just pop up flap around on the surface a bit then dive away and vanish and also a massive shark swimming along while sitting on Indian Head.

I like the dingo talk they give you and the massive slope you can roll down at Lake Wabbi (sp?) and Lake Mackenzie with that pure white sand. Just everything about that place is fucking awesome.

I really wish I had the time to go back at christmas. But I don't.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:28, Reply)

*casually fans clendrix*
Yay, I'm all scoffed and nicotined up.
Ready for the afternoon now!
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:29, Reply)

@K2k6
I misread the header of your above post as '*reapers*' and I was afearded.

Mr ning everyone, how are we all today?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:31, Reply)

Ohhhhh Fraser Island!
*misses*

*has a serious case of wanderlust*

*counts change in pocket*

*realises it's not enough for a plane ticket*

*sobs*
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:32, Reply)

Health and safety
is 50% common sense that you should do if you're not an idiot, and 50% pointless red tape drawn up by bureaucrats to waste your time.

I had to write over 100 pages of method statements and risk assessments for a music festival, not fun.

My sisters went to Fraser Island a few months ago and said it was amazing, I'm jealous..

Hi fuzzy - and congratulations! A job doing what?

And how's your Egyptian empire building coming along?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:32, Reply)

*huggles Lusty*
I have 50p if that helps?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:34, Reply)

Fraser Island
is the absolute business. I'd go back tomorrow if I could.

I swam right across Lake MacKenzie. And back! Great place.

*reminisces pleasedly*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:37, Reply)

cheers BK
If only I could get every b3tan to give me 50p I think I'd have more than enough for a ticket.

*hints*
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:37, Reply)

@al
I saw that Dead Set last night, and have to say that I wasn't as impressed as I'd hoped.

It was like an episode of Big Brother, but with the occasional Zombie, and lacked any genuinely scary moments. Plus, why does Charlie Brooker always have to write TV producers as such totally and utterly unbeliveable shitehawks?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:38, Reply)

@Lusty
I'd take you with me tomorrow if I were going.

Except that there's at least one person who wouldn't be too pleased at this*, and I'd probably get the sack from my job for going AWOL.

So on balance it's probably not really a good idea. Sorry.

Here, have 50p.

*understatement
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:40, Reply)

is that person
your bank manager K2k6?

Lusty sorry I don't have any money till payday so have an IOU for 50p *writes*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:42, Reply)

OK
make that two people....!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:44, Reply)

@K2k6
It's ok. I understand.

£1 and an IOU...nearly there
*feels better*
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:44, Reply)

I'll have to write you an IOU as well lusty
and you'll probably have to join a very long line of my creditors....

Bert - have you ever met a TV producer?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:45, Reply)

H&S
gets a lot of bad press, and if you have common sense then yes it does look like a lot of waste time, but the problem is that lots of people don't have common sense and with the increasing litigious society in which we live the only way to show that somebody thought of the safe way to carry out a task and showed someone else is to have a paper trail of risk assessments.

We have to do method statements and risk assessments for the Environement Agency to show we aren't going to pollute groundwater.

I know we aren't going to pollute groundwater and the actual risk is minimal, but there are cowboys out there, and also people who are genuinely unaware of how their actions may affect the environment.

So there are always going to be stories in the papers about sports days being banned and stuff, but we all know that a lot of them are plain lies, while the remainder are just bending teh truth to make an interesting sounding story.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:46, Reply)

Since nobody's even acknowledged
my arrival, I'll just insert this £2 coin up my bottom for you to retrieve, if you so wish, Mrs wanderlust.

@Miasma I have not, but at a guess I'd say that they were probably outrageous cunts, although they'd probably be believable outrageous cunts.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:46, Reply)

I wonder what happened to Bert.
Haven't seen him in ages.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:47, Reply)

@Bert
I realise that, but it was the first episode, and we all knew it was going to have zombies in it, plus it's a tv programme and therefore unlikely to be that scary, I think it showed promise for the rest of the week.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:48, Reply)

Everybody must have me on ignore!
*unzips flies*

*dances*

You're right about that, al, next week should be better. I was wrong to expect more from a TV programme, the ad breaks really ruined it for me.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:48, Reply)

Bert stop
being such a big whinging turd burglar.

Oh and I have 40p you can have lusty.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:49, Reply)

@Bert
I like Charlie Brooker.

He hates TV like Barry Norman hated most of the films he reviewed, but in a much more cynical way.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:50, Reply)

@al
I'm not whinging :D but I will burgle your poopy.

@BK I LOVE Charlie Brooker, have done every since he was a journalist about a decade ago, and Screenwipe was ace.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:50, Reply)

*gets hit in head with flailing cock*
Oh, hi Bert :)
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:51, Reply)

That wasn't
Berts cock.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:51, Reply)

Yeah, the litigious (read, Americanised) culture is definitely partially to blame
It's just that it is usually so inflexible and massively boring, and a lot of it makes no sense. It's putting almost unbearable strain on a lot of small companies because of the sheer amount of paperwork involved.

Method statements as well. What was wrong with just doing risk assessments? Well, quite a lot, but there was no need to make us do method statements as well.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:52, Reply)

Oh, hi clenders!
I hope I didn't give you concussion a mild tickling sensation with my oversized miniscule dong pecker.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:52, Reply)

@Bert
I'm a recent convert after I saw a couple episodes of Nathan Barley.

Muchy enjoyed Dawn of the Dumb.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:54, Reply)

@Miasma
As I said, most people get it right anyway, but preparing a method statement for the work you intend to carry demonstrates that you know what you are doing and why.

Before all this was needed people would work any way they wanted and most people would be fine, but some people would go about things in a stupid way, and that would lead to injuries and deaths.

Doing risk assessments and showing that you are aware of the need to minimise these risks by whatever means you choose means that people will be safer. Yes it's a hassle, but it really comes down to what price you put on peoples life and welfare?

It also makes stopping cowboys easier as if you turn up to a site and they have no method statements or risk assessments then you can immediately go, if you can't be bothered to do that, you probably aren't bothering to work safely and stop works until you are sure they are.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 13:59, Reply)

Hello Bertram!
It was all most lovely, thank you.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:02, Reply)

What happened to this thread?
It was proper borked a minute ago. The rest of the internet was still ok though.

@al I just read your sig, it's completely your fault, you meanie.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:11, Reply)

Yeah, it was all
Slow and rubbish.

Anyway, I'm back now.
Just gonna phone up about an informal job interview, wish me luck!
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:14, Reply)

oh I thought that was just my internet being weird
I blame you Bert, it was working fine before you got here :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:14, Reply)

*puts on latex gloves*
*get the KY out*

*thinks again and doesn't bother*

Bend over Berty. I want that £2!
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:17, Reply)

Lets
all blame Bert.

Booooo Bert. Stone him, stone him like a cherry!

I'm sorry for repulsing your mrs so much she turned into a lezza though.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:17, Reply)

Bert broke b3ta!
Get the torches and pitchforks folks!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:23, Reply)

*stabs office temp*
Well, I'm angry now.
I called up about that job, and they'd said that it was open 'til the end of next week.

But no...
They told me on the phone that the position had been filled.
*frowns*

Anyone got any jobs going in London?
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:27, Reply)

Hello
...all!
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:33, Reply)

It's all gone a bit quiet
*twiddles thumbs*
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:42, Reply)

Ho Hum
*twiddles lustys nipples*
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:43, Reply)

regrettably
I have that effect on people occasionally :(
(Eds Meds Mathskillz=1,Socialskillz=0, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:43, Reply)

*twiddles al's nipples in return*
*enjoys*
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:45, Reply)

Mmmmmm
*lactates*

That's good twiddlin'
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:46, Reply)

*is amazed*
*as Lusty starts playing music*

Hey Al I think you tuned her into Radio 1
*dances*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:46, Reply)

Oh Noes!
I didn't mean to tune her there!

*twiddles lustys nipples frantically until he gets Planet Rock*
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:48, Reply)

Oh hang on
she's switched to analogue. Now where could teh analogue/DAB switch be?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:48, Reply)

*frowns*
So...
Moral dilemma...
Do I pretend to work that I've got an informal interview on Friday, or not?

They know that I'm looking for another job, and they're fine with that.

They've said that I can have the day off if I need it...

So, to abuse the system, or not?
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:50, Reply)

Ouch al!
Not so hard!
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:50, Reply)

@al
DAB* sounds shit, so that's a clue as to the location of the switch.

*don't get me started on that again, please!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:52, Reply)

*applies KY to fingers*

*switches to digital*

Oh you keep your change in the same place as TGB!
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:53, Reply)

I've discovered
that if I pull the plug going to the loudspeakers half way out of my laptop, I can pick up Radio Tay!

I'll be keeping it plugged in...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:55, Reply)

I'd say no kaol
but only as it's family run :p

Al I hope you haven't been stealing my change whilst I was asleep *counts*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:56, Reply)

Take the dy off Kaol!
I would.

'Noon all.

Al, what are you doing to Lusty?

EDIT You know that makes sense K2k6!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:56, Reply)

Definitely take the day off Kaol
And agreed on DAB, I won't get into a long rant about bit rate though...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:59, Reply)

So that's a yes and a no...
More votes please!

EDIT: That's two yes, one no.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 14:59, Reply)

@al
and now you're rummaging through my purse?!

Goodness!
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:03, Reply)

I would never
steal change from a sleeping Badger. What sort of man do you think I am.

Kaol- take the day off. But remember to act annoyed when you go in on monday about not getting the job.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:06, Reply)

I'd say go for it, Kaol.
As long as it won't get you in to trouble, and they've OK'd it, and you get paid, why not?

I really need to sleep. But I can't get away with it today. :(
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:07, Reply)

Oh...
Important bit of info, I won't get paid, I only get money for the hours I'm clocked in.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:08, Reply)

Kaol
What else would you be doing that day? The day Fallout 3 is released...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:09, Reply)

Ahhh
well if you ain't getting paid, don't take teh time off.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:10, Reply)

I was going to say do it
but then I saw that you wouldn't get paid.

To be fair, if you could do without the cash for a day, then I'd still say yes but that's more because I'd jump at any chance to get out of this office!
(Pirate Monkey is not the goddamn Batman, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:10, Reply)

I'm sorry Al
*sorts out change, hugs*

I have beat my high score on all three Minesweeper difficulties today. I am strangely proud
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:11, Reply)

Ah.
Well, if you can afford the day off, then take it!

Me, I can't afford owt at the moment. I have got myself a new flat (deposit went down today), and I need to buy the furniture for it.

Just when Christmas is on, it goes off again... :(
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:12, Reply)

Kaol
I cannot vote. I am not neutral.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:17, Reply)

Where's Kaol when you need him.
I need a good stabbing.

I'm sat here daydreaming and actually looking forward to going to the gym this evening.


Aarrgghhhhhhh!
( girlinthehole, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:17, Reply)

@TGB
I did that at my old job! -I got a score of about 6,000,000,000 on Windows Pinball.

@al I've stolen your profile pic, I'm going to show it to Mrs Monkeysex in the hope that it will drive her crazy with cock-lust, and off the minge for a while.

@wanderlust Did you take that £2? Because I've put a fiver in there, a bit further up if you want it?

@Kaol I vote that Friday be renamed Stabbyday, and you take the day off for a rampage of random slaughteriness.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:18, Reply)

A good stabbing?
*raises eyebrow*
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:19, Reply)

@Bert
Mrs Monkeysex likes the ladylove now?

Is she quite butch? I'm only asking because I might be interested.


Edit - Kaol - slight suffocation with a bit of a slap might do the trick.
( girlinthehole, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:20, Reply)

@BGB
Sorry, she's not. She's quite petite, but busty.

I wouldn't let you anywhere near her, a woman like you would ruin a girl like that.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:22, Reply)

Do you get paid sick days Kaol?
Take it as that if so...

I've come back to a place I worked a few years ago and was warned not to treat my sick days as additional holidays this time.

As far as I'm concerned, if I've run out of my (miserly) holiday allowance and need a day off, better to take it paid sick than unpaid - I'm entitled to a certain amount of sick days under my contract!

The fact I took all my paid sick days in each of three years I worked here apparently didn't go unnoticed.

I only have one sick day this year which I probably won't bother using - but I'll see... (just booked all my holiday days so might need another one!)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:22, Reply)

@Bert
Did you not feel me having a feel about?

Am I going to have to go elbow deep?

Shall I keep asking questions?
( wanderlust, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:22, Reply)

Mrs Monkeysex
is a pale thin delicate little creature. Easy to bend and fold the way you want.

I can imagine that the thought of my massive tongue and googly eyes would be enough to drive any ladies out of their comfortable shoes and onto Berts cock.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:23, Reply)

*twitches*
*takes a deep breath*

Er... BGB... Are you trying to get me going, or is that purely innocent intent?
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:24, Reply)

@lusty
Bert is so loose down there now that he couldn't feel an elephants trunk.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:24, Reply)

it's fucking snowing
bastard weather
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:26, Reply)

I once had four elephants' trunks up there
and a Huge Manatee. Lusty, you can dive in if you want, I'm sure you'd probably find some ancient artefacts up there that could be worth a few bob.

al, that's not Mrs Monkeysex, she is all of the bronzed and strong-willed and so forth. Plus, any woman would be lucky to have you, you cavalier-esque sack of handsome, you.

@TGB It's not snowing here, you lucky git.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:28, Reply)

Sorry Kaol.
Purley innocent.

I forgot your propensity for violence can be lustful.


I just need some sense knocking back into me.


@Bert - Ok then.

*wanders off dreaming of KD Lang*
( girlinthehole, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:28, Reply)

*sighs*
That's not fun at all...

In other news, I've found independent proof of my claim to QOTW King-ship:

"I too have won a QOTW and not in the newsletter. But of me its just one mark step in becoming a proper QOTW winner.

It goes like this:

Get a front page answer - TICK
Win the QOTW - TICK
Get on the newsletter.
And the hardest one. Get your suggestion put up as a QOTW :)

(Miggyman, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 8:19)"
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:30, Reply)

TGB
It's not snowing here either, although it is raining a little :(
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:32, Reply)

I don't want to walk home in the snow
it makes my cigarettes all soggy :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:34, Reply)

Do you
keep your cigarettes in your shoes?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:35, Reply)

@BGB
This may sound a little ignorant, so I apologise in advance, but why do you think that some lesbian women are attracted to butch women?

I'd have thought butch = manly, so why not just have a man, but not use his cock?

I think femininity is pure win.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:35, Reply)

TWAT
I've just poured half a cup of boiling tea down myself and all over my desk, cos my hand slipped when I was trying to drink it. My t shirt is soaking wet and I think I may have burnt my nipples. Least I brightened up my colleague's day though...

I'm such a ham fisted spaz with drinks. Strangely it's only drinks really, I'm alright the rest of the time but there's a 50/50 chance I'll spill what I'm drinking either on the floor or down myself.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:36, Reply)

It's not snowing here
only raining, as usual. I want snow!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:37, Reply)

Yay!
The wardrobe and shelves are safely moved and I am full of happy.

The job isn't certain yet... bit convoluted this but bear with me (if you're interested).

I applied online for a Christmas temp job at Boots, nowt exciting but it would get me through Christmas. The one I applied for was Lancaster which is half an hour's drive from me.
Got through the initial application and was invited to do an online test to determine my suitability. So I did it and while I was there I noticed they were advertising for temps in Kendal too, which is 45 minutes away but I thought it would be a good idea to apply in case nothing came of the Lancaster one.

Got an email the next day saying they were sorry I'd withdrawn my application for the Lancaster one. Whut? I didn't!
It turned out the Kendal application cancelled out the Lancaster one :( and as I has been shortlisted for an in-store assessment in Kendal I didn't want to re-apply at Lancaster in case I didn't get shortlisted there.

So. I passed my assessment in Kendal and they offered me a job - but only part time. There's no way I'm driving an hour and a half five days a week for 6 hours work. But they said they would pass on a recommendation to Lancaster for me. But Lancaster only had part time hours too :(

Found out the other day that my local chemist ten minutes away is now owned by Boots and rang them on the off-chance that they needed staff. It turns out they do! And I spoke to Kendal again and they said they would recommend me for it. As I have already been through the selection process I feel fairly confident, which is nice! :)

It'll only be 4 days a week initially but they will be looking for someone full time in January, and I will extensively trained in healthcare stuff too (which I wouldn't have been at Lancaster or Kendal as it would have only been shelf stacking). And as I live out in the sticks where jobs are scarce I will happily take a 4 day a week job nearby rather than have to travel further every day.

So woo! All that faffing around last week may be paying off :)

Oh and my Egyptians went on strike :( I wasn't paying enough attention to them and they felt that I wasn't meeting their needs.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:37, Reply)

@Bert
I think femininity is FTW too, but then I'm a (straight) bloke. Similarly, from the man's point of view, would you like to go out with a lesbian knowing that she doesn't want your cock?

I wouldn't.

Not to say I wouldn't fancy her for her looks/personality/whatever, but there's surely a sexual mismatch there.

Just my tuppenceworth.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:38, Reply)

@K
I'm not saying I'd go out with a woman who wasn't interested in what I keep in my trousers, but I have been in some relationships (particularly my marriage) where there was the odd occasion when I allowed myself to be used, like a piece of meat, to satisfy the woman I was with, without her having to use my cock.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:41, Reply)

But
not all lesbians like butch women, in the same way that not all straight men like tiny beanpole women and not all gay men like little camp chaps.

Everyone of every sexual orientation has different preferences
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:42, Reply)

@Bert
Some lesbians like butch and some like feminine. It's just a matter of what floats your boat. I used to look quite androgenous and was often mistaken for a bloke but my past girlfriends were also quite boyish looking too. Some butch lesbians like to look like a man as much as possible and will only go out with very feminine looking women to accentuate their butchness. Some very feminine women only like very feminine women. There are no hard and fast rules and it's just what you find attractive.
( girlinthehole, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:42, Reply)

Nice one!
It's definitely a step above a standard shop monkey isn't it, Boots train their till staff to give quite a lot of advice and guidance on OTC medicines etc...

Considering getting into a career in pharmacology then or just need some work?

(obviously you've failed at being a Pharaoh, glad to hear you've found something you can do! :P)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:43, Reply)

I know, al
that's why I said some. I was just wondering.

EDIT Good answer, BGB. I shall consider myself enlearned.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:43, Reply)

You're right Fuzzy
That was convoluted, but it had a happy ending so that's awesome, congratulations!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:43, Reply)

fucking snow
it's really coming down fast. And starting to settle
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:46, Reply)

@TGB
Where are you?! I want some SNOE.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:46, Reply)

Badger
If you don't want the snow send it down here, if it snows a lot I'll have to not go into work due to the fucked up public transport system here!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:48, Reply)

In snowy
Leamington spa!

It doesnt look like it's going to stop any time soon either

*starts shipping snow to b3tans*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:51, Reply)

Bah!
It's still not snowing a mere 20 minutes down the road! It's unfair!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:52, Reply)

Can you put some
in a jiffy bag and send it to me at work please?

My address is

althegeordie
althegeordies office
Scummy new town
Tartfordshire
SL4 GZ5
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:53, Reply)

Just
in need of a job, Miasma. I didn't plan on being redundant and certainly not for as long as I have been, so I've been prepared to do just about anything to earn money. Getting something which has training and long term prospects is better than I had hoped :)

Yeah, thankfully my pharoahing skills won't be part of the job spec :)

Lab, glad you stuck with it!
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:53, Reply)

I hope it snows here tonight
Snow looks extra nice in the dark.

TGB, make a snow angel, that will make up for the soggy cigarettes.

@al Now I have your address! Bwhahahahahaha!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:53, Reply)

I'm going
to use my snow to make an enormous snow cock to scare small children with.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:55, Reply)

No snow in stratford?
*sends some over*

Al it's in the mail
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:57, Reply)

scare impale.

Too easy.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:57, Reply)

Yeah, managing to get any work at the moment is impressive
Let alone something with prospects! :)

Doesn't sound like a b3ta-friendly job though...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 15:58, Reply)

hehehe
small childrenmrs monkeysex.

Two can play at that game.

*Bobbi Browns*
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:00, Reply)

Don't care what you're saying
two can play at that game

*even more running mans*

That's not very nice, Mrs Monkeysex would have to have a cold, giant snow cock in her mimsy.
I'll have to warm her all up again with my mouth.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:01, Reply)

I shouldn't
count my chickens... I don't know if they've already interviewed other people, they might have found someone already trained. But still, it's boosting my morale :)

You're right though, there would be no b3ta to fall back on to keep me sane.

I've been looking into becoming an independent courier for Parcelnet or DHL, does anyone know anything about this?

Also, the sky is blue here and the sun is shining making all the trees look lully. Is the snow going north?

*would quite like snow even though it's October*
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:09, Reply)

Girl!
Think about it before you leave,
Bobbis got a brand new swing,
if you wanna do your own thing,
I hear what your saying
Two can play at that game,


Yeah!

Okay, I promise not to use my giant snow cock on mrs monkeysex.

Any other volunteers? TGB?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:09, Reply)

@al
You know TGB would, she's pure filth. She's probably out there now, making her own.

*wanking in the air, floating in the moonlit skies*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:10, Reply)

It's snowing in Warwick too
but hardly surprising seeing as I'm only about 4 miles from TGB
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:10, Reply)

Snow!
Thanks TGB, it's snowing hard here now!

Damnit, spoke too soon, it's gone back to rain. This sucks!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:11, Reply)

If it keeps going at this rate
I will be able to build a giant snow cock by about 7.

I've only just noticed the comments up there *coughs* I'm not filthy nooooo must have me confused with someone else
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:11, Reply)

Independent courier as in your own vehicle?
Don't touch it with a bargepole. They don't pay very well, especially when you consider wear & tear on the van, and they always give you one or two more drops than you can sensibly manage in a day's driving.

I know people who've done it and it's a pretty thankless task. All the big companies are taking on more and more owner drivers as it slashes their overheads...!

If you're on about driving someone else's van, still not amazingly fun but a bit better. The best money is in point to point special courier work, where they need one box in Paris by lunchtime tomorrow, that sort of thing. Not sure how much call for that there is up your way though!

Will keep my fingers crossed for you on the other job then :)
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:14, Reply)

She probably
makes the snow dirty before she uses it as the pure whiteness of it in it's natural state isn't filthy enough for her.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:14, Reply)

al
Now I'm imagining TGB smearing herself with yellow snow, moaning and writhing naked in the cold.

That girl is absolute, unmitigated, torrid filth. I can't believe anyone could do that, but I'm sure she would.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:17, Reply)

How dare you disparage TGB!
She's as pure as the driven slush!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:18, Reply)

How did you guess Al
Then I make myself icicle dildos
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:20, Reply)

@Lab
You mean that slush that collects by the side of the road and is full of muck? Yeah, I'd agree with you there, she's gutter slush.

(I'm just kidding TGB, I don't know you very well, I'm sure you're lovely really)

@TGB Doesn't the ice ever freeze to your delicate parts?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:21, Reply)

I've got a great
mental image of a naked TGB writhing in the snow now.

But seriously, we shouldn't be so mean, TGB is as lovely as a lovely cake. And twice as tasty.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:22, Reply)

I'm sure she is, al
She's been to see System of A Down. Twice.

I know because I was watching her through one-handed opera binoculars.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:24, Reply)

O_o
img.photobucket.com/albums/v417/jimbo2117/image-upload-172-752538.jpg
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:25, Reply)

Icing sugar covered cars!
Yummy. I'll have the Fiesta please.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:26, Reply)

Well you have to contain
the ice in something and make sure it has slightly melted so you have an icey core but no risk of sticking...

erm.. at least that's what I'd imagine you would have to do.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:27, Reply)

Ingenuity and filth.
I'm beginning to think that Mrs Monkeysex has competition.

Do you also have very, very low standards when it comes to men?

EDIT Or, you could make your faff really warm somehow (friction, maybe), and slowly melt all of the ice.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:28, Reply)

Would you really
want a very cold sex toy? would not a slightly warm one be better?

You could make one out of chocolate.

@himjim - Woooo! Snow! I was expecting a picture of TGB naked though.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:28, Reply)

Awe
I wish it was snowing here. :(

It is cold though. Anyone fancy a wee bout of Gladiating to warm up?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:29, Reply)

Don't put yourself down Berty boy
I'd lower my standards to include you anytime.

Edit - I'll gladiate!

*dons leather codpiece*
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:30, Reply)

Sorry Al
they're all on her phone!
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:30, Reply)

Afternoon
I haven't read any of the thread but has any one else noticed that the ginger bread people on the sign seem to have CDC for faces?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:31, Reply)

@al
*smiles bashfully*

@DiT Gladiating? Would this be naked gladiating, in the snow? I'd be up for that.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:31, Reply)

Mrs Liveinabin
is now offically filth too.

How did I not see that?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:32, Reply)

I can't believe I missed that
and I think we should recreate that naked wrestling scene from that Barbara Streisand film.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:33, Reply)

Nope, I didn't spot it either!
Afternoon Mrs Bin...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:34, Reply)

@al I'll be the skinny one
You be Oliver Reed.

Does anybody have some baby oil and a fireplace? Anyone?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:35, Reply)

well cold toys
and a nice warm man are a great combination!

Bert I'm sure I wouldn't have to lower my standards for you. Take that any way you like ;)

Sorry Al, I;ll see if I can get anyone in the office to take a picture of me dancing naked in the snow
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:35, Reply)

YAY Mrs L
I was wondering if anyone would notice. I picked that pic on purpose...
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:35, Reply)

@Badger
You're either saying that I could be attractive, or that your standards are already very low.

I'll go for the latter in the hope that it makes me seem more endearing, thus hopefully lowering your standards (and frozen panties) even further ;)
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:37, Reply)

@ Bert
The skinny one - You mean Alan Bates.

@al
And Barbra Streisand wasn't in it.
It was Glenda Jackson.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:37, Reply)

@BK
I don't care what his name is, I just want to grapple with al, naked, and accidentally ram my fist up passed his rectum, right up to my elbow.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:39, Reply)

Quick bit o' Trufax
That naked wrestling scene was filmed in the Manor House of the University I went to.

*basks in reflected glory*

*rolls away in atlasphere*

*comes back and edits spelling*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:39, Reply)

@Bert
*nods knowingly*

Ah, that's from the extended scene on the DVD.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:41, Reply)

Ah
thanks for that Miasma, I did think it probably wasn't as good as they made it sounds in the advert.

*doesn't touch with bargepole*

I have baby oil and a fireplace. But I haven't read the whole thread, so I'm not sure what I'm offering myself up for...
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:41, Reply)

@DiT
Coo! Nice atlasphere.

*climbs in*

Now there's nowhere for you to go, I'm going to give you 360 degrees of manlove.

*spins*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:42, Reply)

It was used in
the video for woman in love too wasn't it?

Or am I just combining two totally unrelated things in my brain?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:44, Reply)

*runs away*
Shit, no matter what I do, he never gets any further away!

*succumbs*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:45, Reply)

Baby oil and a fireplace?
*mind drifts off to a happier place*
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:45, Reply)

I haven't seen the film, so I'm confused
I was initially imagining Last Tango in Paris, but that's butter isn't it? And not what you'd strictly call wrestling.

If it involves naked wrestling I'm well up for it though, it will give me the chance to use my massive cock as a weapon instead of my puny arms.

Edit: no problemo fuzzy, I am a mine of information that is useless about 95% of the time but occasionally comes in handy...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:46, Reply)

@al
I know she did that song, but not sure if it's related to the film.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:47, Reply)

@DiT
*inserts pugil stick*

Actually, my little girl was conceived in front of an open fireplace on a sheepskin rug. Romantic eh?

Unfortunately, I was watching Eurotrash at the time, completely oblivious to what the then Mrs was doing.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:50, Reply)

^Pfft
So if she ever asks you how she got in Mummy's tummy, you'll say...?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:56, Reply)

I'll tell her
it was all Antoine De Caunes' fault.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:57, Reply)

Woo, home time!
I'll probably catch you all over a post work ale when I get back...
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 16:58, Reply)

Sorry got distracted there
So how are people?

Does everyone have the horn at the moment?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:02, Reply)

Going now
Bye-bye everybody!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:04, Reply)

See ya, Bert!
And hullo, Mrs. L!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:07, Reply)

how do
thought I'd kill my last 15 minutes at work in here with you folk
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:09, Reply)

I'll see some of you fuckers
later, at the pub.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:10, Reply)

Hey Mrs. Bin.
The horn?
Maybe.
I think I'm just feeling the cold lately, so need some human warmth to steal.
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:12, Reply)

I'm supposed to be working
but I'm not.

I need someone to persuade me to get stuff done. My boss is absent.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:20, Reply)

Right-o, folks, I'm off!
Maybe one good night's sleep is all I need!

Have a good one, see you tomorrow!
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:38, Reply)

*pokes clendrix*
Oi! Work!

G'night DiT, hope you get good sleep :)

*looks around*

Helloooooooooooooo...
( Cawl, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:42, Reply)

I'm still here.
It's the quiet hour - shall we start a new thread?
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:51, Reply)

oooooooooooooooooOOOOOOO
*echoes*

I am full of Thai sticky rice and in bed with my hot water bottle. I have things to do but b3ta, warmth and bejewelled seemed like a better option.

*cosies*
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:52, Reply)

OK
I've started the evening thread on OT.

Come on over there and chat.
( thealternativefact, Tue 28 Oct 2008, 17:54, Reply)