Morning all...


How are we all?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 8:13, 310 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning PB
Is it just me or is this the longest week ever?

Hows you this morning?
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 8:21, Reply)

Morning PB, Lusty
It's possibly just you, Lusty. I've only worked two half days this week so far though, so maybe I'm just being spoiled.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 8:22, Reply)

I thought as much.
This week really seems to be dragging. I also feel like death warmed up today which isn't helping matters.

Oh well, I've only got today and tomorrow left and them I'm free!
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 8:30, Reply)

Is that 'free'
as in 'redundant', Lusty?

That isn't really good.

On a lighter note, I've just been reading some Bushisms on the BBC's website:

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7809160.stm

Maybe you've seen it already, but I hadn't.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 8:36, Reply)

Morning everyone.
Don't normally post here but I need a vent and my colleagues are sick of my whining. So it's your turn as i know you are kind, loving and patient b3tans.

What is it with the old codgers? Whining on about needing more help with heating bills. BOLLOX! My house is heated perfectly adequately over the winter and no-one has ever had hypothermia in it. My combined gas and electric bills for the "big" quarter are only about £300. Perhaps if we paid the old gits the heating allownace in January (or even february) they might actually use it for bills instead of Xmas presents as they do. Rant over. Thanks. Have a nice day. :o)
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 8:39, Reply)

Morning Porkylips
It would perhaps be a better idea to give some of the money to contractors who would insulate old folks' houses better so they don't need to spend so much on heating in the first place.

Or if they're giving the old folk heating allowances, surely it's not outwith modern technology to pay off part of their bills directly with the supplier?

Alternatively the government could just give them nothing and solve the nation's demographic issues at the same time? Don't think that one would really be a vote winner though as it's a bit cruel.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 8:44, Reply)

Hi all
I am not that good. I have just found out my last dog is going to be put to sleep this morning. I probably will not be posting again today.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 8:48, Reply)

K2k6
It's 'free' as in I don't want to do this anymore so they've got someone in to replace me.
I know work might be sparse at the moment, but I live in London so there's always going to be something about. I only need temp work to last me for the next two months so I'm sure I'll be fine.
*crosses fingers*
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 8:53, Reply)

@Lusty
Do you have a job lined up then? Or are you marrying a millionaire in March?

Bad news about the dog, PB. You have my sympathies.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 8:58, Reply)

Morning all
Nearly the weekend again!

I would have stayed in bed when my alarm went off this morning but I'm trying not to take any days off this month.

The thought of lunch is keeping me going though as I have some excellent sandwiches today.

How are we all?

Edit: aaarghnhnhnghgnghngh I fucking hate this Jason Mraz song. And why can't he have a proper name?
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:08, Reply)

Old people and heating
This is a tricky one for me.
A lot of old people in this country aren't properly looked after. We don't have the kind of culture where parents go to live with their children when they can't look after themselves.

Old people aren't always aware of what they're doing either so they wouldn't understand how to budget for heating costs.
My grandad pretty much lost the plot before he died, he had no idea who I was and I'd visit him 3 times a week.

My point is, we don't look after each other here and although there are amazing charities such as help the aged who do an incredible amount of good work, there's only so much they can do. Sometimes it's easier for the government just to chuck money at things.

The majority of pensioners have worked and paid their taxes. Why shouldn't they be allowed to be warm in their own homes?

K2k6 is right about the insulation though. Decent insulation would make a hell of a difference and save a lot of money in the long run.


Edit: @Sam, I take it you've got radio 1 on?

@K2k6, March is when I go to Canada :)
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:11, Reply)

Morning you lovely people
I don't want to be at work! I have a splitting headache and I think I'm comming down with the lurgee.

Cheer me up please.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:14, Reply)

You can get free insulation if you're old I think
My grandad is getting his done, more for the fact that it's something he can get free from the government than the fact he wants to save money (he's loaded but really stingy) or the environment.

As pointed out above though a little education might go a long way towards it, they don't need the amount of money they're being given as long as they get shown how to use the money wisely!

Personally I haven't had the heating on in my room yet this winter, and I still keep the window open, because I like a bit of fresh air. It doesn't cost anything to put a jumper on if you're a bit cold, I think heating is such a waste of money.

Edit: @ lusty yep sadly so, I'm going to go and put the Mothers of Invention on now though in retaliation.

Where in Canada are you going? I'm planning a short break to Vancouver this year as my mate's just moved out there to do his PhD so I've got somewhere to stay!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:15, Reply)

Morning!
I'm tired today, I kept getting distracted last night, so I didn't finish the comic 'til half two.
Then I couldn't sleep :|

*yawns*

The trainee is making me coffee though :D
( Cawl, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:17, Reply)

Old folk and heating
I think that the Government should do more for our old people, after all look at the things that they have done for the country.

The problem with the free insulation is that a lot of old people just won't ask for it, they look at it as being a handout and have spent all their lives working so they could support themselves an dtheir families, and so they are less inclined to take what they see as charity now.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:20, Reply)

Canada, eh Lusty?
Very nice. Living up to your wanderlust moniker then. How long for? And will you still be around here giving us reports on your progress?

As for the old folk - I agree that they should have a right to be warm and comfortable in their houses, but everyone's different. They won't all use the money for its intended purpose, although I'd guess that most sensible people would do.

Some folk will just spend the money on fags and drink. Others will stash it away and not spend it. Some may buy their grandchildren presents with it.

In a way, it doesn't matter, but as it's being given out as a heating allowance, it would make more sense to have it allocated to the supply companies to reduce bills.

There are also some pretty rich old folk who have no need for it whatsoever. Running a country is a difficult job!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:25, Reply)

I say kill all the old people
Dependency ratio's been getting too high anyway, need to thin out some of the dead wood. Credit crunch on doncha know. Every man for himself.

If you give me a minute I'll fire up Excel and knock up a cost benefit analysis for euthanising everyone over 65.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:25, Reply)

I think that the government
Should put the names of every man, woman and child in a gigantic hat, and draw out 1 million "lucky winners" to go on a "super-fun secret holiday"*.

*Be shot into the sun in a gigantic rocket.
( Cawl, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:26, Reply)

We need to get rid of more than a million though Kaol
Maybe 8 or 10 million if we're gonna make any discernible difference.

I say start from the oldest and work down in age order.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:27, Reply)

Kaol
The sun wont like that and we already know you're not in his good books...

Morning folks!
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:29, Reply)

Morning you fruity, fruity bastards!
I saw a large flock of seagulls flying around outside my window, so I thought I'd see if I could scare them off. I ran outside going 'Rah!' and waving my arms around and promptly slipped on the ice, falling flat on my arse! I have a lovely graze on my hand to show for it.

The gulls have gone though :)

How're we all today?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:29, Reply)

No, you can't do that
Don't just get rid of old people.

Get rid of chavs instead. Sam, could you make up an Excel spreadsheet to calculate the worth of each person to society in general, and then take the bottom 10% and send them tickets for the 'holiday'?

Bugger me, this is getting sick. Bert would be proud
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:30, Reply)

@CU
Their bills should just be paid for them. I agree.

If I had it my way all the old people would be sent to a farm (like my beloved cat puffy) where they could live out the rest of their years chasing birds playing bingo, knitting jumpers and having tea dances.

@Sam, I'm starting in Toronto and working my way across to Vancouver. That's as much as I have planned. I'm happy to just see what happens!

Morning kaol! *waves*
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:30, Reply)

I think that maybe you're right...
Old people are ok.
So yeah, let's work closely with the benefits office and The Sun (newspaper) to run a campaign...

"A Place In The Sun", free for every reader.
( Cawl, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:33, Reply)

I think
K2's idea is the most practical and ethical. Hell, while you're at it Sam could you do the same thing for the population of the world? We could relocate the most worthy people to richer, more developed nations and all the unworthy to places like Zimbabwe. I'd be very interested to see what the consequences of that would be.
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:33, Reply)

Right,
So that's the world sorted.

What next?
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:37, Reply)

Morning all
The world has been put right and I turned up too late for the moaning about the government/utility companies/Americans/etc?

How is everyone?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:42, Reply)

Alright PJM
Life's ok cheers :) How's you?

And are you bashing in York?

Edit: and I really like croquet - great fun, and a brilliant game when you're drunk.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:44, Reply)

Morning all
The tv just made me giggle. Some woman on Jeremy Kyle (yes, I continue to watch it) got annoyed at some guy who wasn't listening to her, and said "It's like talking to this trying to talk to you", as she pointed at a very thin sheet of wood, which i think actually flexed when she pressed it.

I think I've been indoors for too long.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:50, Reply)

@CU
Can we please have pimms and cucumber sandwiches too?
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:51, Reply)

Croquet FTW
Morning PJM, yep the world's sorted already, and it's not even time for the first fag break of the day yet!

Edit: Morning Pingu!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:52, Reply)

Good morning you lovely b3tans
How is everyone today?

I'm here for the Pimms and cucumber sandwiches, and also to try and add some Bertiness to HSH. But mostly the Pimms thing.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:54, Reply)

We're all doomed
Credit crunch! Global warming! That's why all the apocalyptic thinking.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:56, Reply)

Ahhh.... Completely Underwhelmed
you have fallen into my cunning trap.

Now be a good boy b3tan, spit in my spunk hole and call me Jaffa.

edited - bloody stupid prejudice means I assume everyone is male grumblegrumblegrumble

You'll still spit in my spunk hole though, right?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:57, Reply)

Psssst...
Burt... CU is a lady :p

Yeah... What she said.
( Cawl, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:58, Reply)

The sun
The beautiful part of sending all the Sun readers to the Sun is that there wont be anyone left to complain or write things like "U R WIV GOD NOW MY LOVLY ANGLE XXXX" all the time. No one would complain, and maybe the scousers would also shut up for a bit. The more I think about this, the more I'm starting to build a giant space rocket ship.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 9:58, Reply)

Sorry CU
I'm sure we've spoken before, I don't know why I assumed that you were male.

Can you pretend to be a boy, for me?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:01, Reply)

Hi No3l
Yes, I'm bashing in York. I'm looking forward to meeting you.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:03, Reply)

Yeah...
We could have two giant rocket-ships.
They wouldn't need much fuel, just enough to get 'em out of Earth orbit.
( Cawl, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:03, Reply)

Morning Bert
Raising the hilarity stakes again today, hehe.

Speaking of the Sun, has anyone seen the headline with the Wind Turbine?

Balls it's a UFO, I've seen the U-tube video and the turbine simply breaks and tears itself apart.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:05, Reply)

I'm quite excited about York
I might even have somewhere free to sleep!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:05, Reply)

Look, Bert's here
Quick, puke on his cock and insert a goat rubbed in chilli up his rectum!

ahem. as you were peeps
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:09, Reply)

I was excited about York
but me and Tourette's have had to pull out for fiscal reasons.

arf. pull out...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:10, Reply)

Oh CU, you are awful
Can I bring Perkins? He's my gigantic spikey club, but don't worry, I'll only use him on myself.

PJM I'm not sure if raising is the right word. Adjusting maybe. Anyways, how are you doing cocknose?

Ah, D's G, you know exactly how to turn me on. Now add Bill Oddie doing the funky gibbon to that mix, and we're onto a winner.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:11, Reply)

One Bill Oddie circa 1974
coming up...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:13, Reply)

Now get him to describe
badgers procreating in a really angrily sexual way.

I love you, Bill.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:15, Reply)

*wheels out three-seater tandem*
Funky Gibbon, did you say?

Excellent.


@PJM - what always puzzles me about UFOs is that if they're supposed to be alien craft who've navigated over the timeless voids of space©, why do they always seem to need lights at night when they get here?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:17, Reply)

*thwumps*
Bwhahahaha

*violates*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:17, Reply)

M25
If we've sorted out old people and heating, can we turn our attention to fixing the M25, which is shut for three whole junctions due to an accident.

My 45 minute journey to work has just taken almost three hours. :(

Mind you, it beats working, I guess :)
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:18, Reply)

I'm terribly sorry
but Bill Oddie's interrupting again...

Shut it, Bill. It's Bert's turn.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:19, Reply)

When did we sort out old people?
Has there been a cull?

I vote death camps for the over 60s.

sorry Nana

*click-click*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:19, Reply)

Oi Bert
If you're not up to much at the moment can I borrow one of your goats?
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:19, Reply)

Morning all!
Who missed me?
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:21, Reply)

Sure Lusty
I've got one that I think would be perfect for you. He's young, full of energy and vitality, lovely shiny coat and pointy horns. £10 per hour or £50 for the night.

If you're looking for something cheaper, I can put my Goat cossie on. That's only £5 for the night, but does involve virulent anal infections and diseases. One previous lady owner.

Morning darras! I missed you, because you're a girl. I remembered that one.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:22, Reply)

*lunges at darras*
*misses*

Erm, me I suppose.

morning.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:22, Reply)

@PJM and K2k6
Did you hear the report about the UFO/turbine story on Radio 4 this morning? They interviewed one of the people living nearby who said they'd had various accounts, mostly about "weird lights in the sky hitting the turbine" including one which claimed to have seen "tentacles."

Whoever this chap was, he said "to remove that blade, you'd need a force equivalent to the weight of a cow," which caused Ed Sturton to respond with

"So, your theory is that it was a flying cow?"

Never thought I'd hear a story involving flying cows and flashing UFO tentacles on Radio 4...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:22, Reply)

That's quite the offer
you're running there Bert! What a generous man :D
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:23, Reply)

Can anyone
Provide me with a link to this story somewhere? I feel it would be rather worth a read.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:24, Reply)

Brilliant
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7809160.stm
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:25, Reply)

It's in the Sun
Death Penguin, I feel that the Sun can make even the most boring story entertaining with 'poetic license' and therefore is my morning reading of choice :D
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:25, Reply)

PoD
Google is your friend.

You f-ing lazy BASTAD
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:25, Reply)

Cheers Bert.
It's not actually for me, though I must say that's a pretty good deal you're offering!

*plots and schemes*
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:28, Reply)

In fact,
you can listen to the original article here:
news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_7817000/7817258.stm

(Apologies, I've misquoted, and it was an engineer that they interviewed)
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:28, Reply)

Google is indeed my friend
All my other friends don't like me :(

And I am indeed lazy, but I'm a student, so I feel it's allowed.

I have now found and read it. Awesome.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)

Cap
I have a book of Bushisms. I used to alternate between sending a Viz top tip and a Bushism of the day to my colleagues via email.

That's before I changed jobs and moved into an office full of humourless bastards...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:29, Reply)

One of my (many and varied, occasionally wonderful and mostly not imaginary) friends
dropped contact with all his friends when he got with his latest girlfriend a year ago(because he's fucking wierd).

So, is it wrong of me to have told a filthy lie (that his old best friend was pregnant by the guy he hates) in an sms to him yesterday to see if he would actually talk to me?
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:30, Reply)

@K2k6
If aliens can avoid asteroids, comet dust and customs duty then a wind turbine should present no problem. Besides, what the heck would intelligent and highly evolved aliens want in Lincolnshire?

Am chuckling at the Bush-isms...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:31, Reply)

Bad deal
Davros. But don't let that stop you sending them humourous emails! They'll develop a sense of humour sooner or later. (Either that or have a nervous breakdown - either way, fun is had!)
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:32, Reply)

One Bushism that springs to mind
And this is not a direct quote, but it went something like:

"Sometimes, I think that being in a dictatorship would make things a lot easier. As long as I was the Dictator".

Loveable, word muddling old fool?

Or, just a cunt?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:35, Reply)

^ A lovable old fool
would be someone like Prince Philip. You can't take him anywhere, but at least he doesn't wield any real power.

If you give someone like that 8 years' presidency of the US, then you start to have problems...
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:37, Reply)

@PJM
Perhaps Lincolnshire plum bread? There's a shop in Louth which sells a rather nice one...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:38, Reply)

Word up peeps
*violates Bert*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:40, Reply)

darras
I wish I had time to send humourous emails at the moment.

And yes, I am posting on b3ta just now, but it's really a distraction as I'm trying to complete a questionnaire for an away day next week and my brain is a bit fried this morning.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:41, Reply)

Bush
Apparently he's supposed to be a very precise writer.

(Source wasn't Crayola, amazingly)

I expect great things from Obama, lets face it he's guaranteed to look like he has more of a clue than his predecessor.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:41, Reply)

PJM
I worry that it's the Blair factor all over again. Initially promising, but after a while completely disappointing.

If there isn't another Iraq situation he might be OK.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:43, Reply)

Badger!
*mounts*

:edit: In other news. Somebody from New York has been looking at my profile on match.com Not sure how she managed that as, as far as I'm aware, I'm not able to search for profiles of people outside the UK. Odd.
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:46, Reply)

*licks Lusty all over*
*fondles Badger*
*waves at everyone else*

Morning, you lazy bastards.
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:47, Reply)

Morning Badger & clendrix!
That Bushisms page is pretty funny. Well, it'd be funnier if he wasn't the most powerful man on the planet.

I saw in the news the other day that Bush Sr is tipping Dubya's son to be president at some point... please, not a third one!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:48, Reply)

*gets mounted*
*waves at Clendrix from under V*

If you come closer I could probably give you a good morning grope as well
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:48, Reply)

*enjoys being licked*
Oh clendrix. You do know how to brighten my day!

*grins*

*licks back*
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:49, Reply)

Erm...
I think I'll leave you all to it...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:49, Reply)

How are the puppies
Lusty?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:50, Reply)

Oh DG,
stop being shy.

If Daleks had tongues, you'd be up for a licking, I'm sure.
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:51, Reply)

*climbs off Badger again*
I couldn't live with myself if my actions denied Clenders a good groping!
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:51, Reply)

Oh. My. God.
There are girls on the internet.
And they're talking about their bits :0
*brain explodes*
( Cawl, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:52, Reply)

Morning again
How are you lovely lot of miscreants today?

I am still feeling like death warmed up.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:52, Reply)

Good morning Clendrix
I had to laugh at "*fondles Badger*".

Fnar, fnar.

I need to get out more.

As for Obama, I sincerely hope he's not a Blair; all spin and no substance. I suspect not but lets not underestimate the task he's got in front of him. We've got fighting in the Middle East (again), Iraq, Afghanistan, A resurgent and belligerent Russia not to mention a borked economy.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:53, Reply)

Clenders
not being shy, just really should be doing some work as i'm not in this afternoon...
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:54, Reply)

PJM
I agree. Let's not misunderestimate the job he's got ahead of him.
( Cawl, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:55, Reply)

Morning PJM!
*waves*

DG...oh yeh. Work. Shit.
*shuffles off*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:56, Reply)

@clendrix
The puppies are doing well, all bouncy with wet little noses.
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:57, Reply)

Lusty,
I think it was Badger asking about the puppies, but I can't say I wasn't interested in your response :)
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 10:58, Reply)

Sorry!
I just assumed that it was the kind of question you'd ask clendrix.
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:01, Reply)

Well, Badger is actually my sock puppet.
*inserts hand*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:03, Reply)

ooooh
I'll be your puppet whenever you like Clendrix ;)

Wet noses? Have you been covering yourself in something moist? *licks it off*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:07, Reply)

ummm badger
that might not be the best idea.

*shames*
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:08, Reply)

Morning you sexy daythreaders!
How are we all this morning?

I'm currently in a taxi on the way to deepest darkest north west London.
(bill, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:10, Reply)

Clendrix made me do it
as her puppet I have no control over my actions
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:11, Reply)

*rubs Bill's beard*
*hears him purr like a cat*

*gets Badger into mischief*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:13, Reply)

*purrrrrrrrr*
;-)
(bill, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:14, Reply)

Morning
To all you sexy chunks of Ethelred Victims!
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:14, Reply)

Gods
Nothing likes me today, it's shite, can we start the day over please?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:15, Reply)

Clendrix
where are you making me put my hands! *pretends she doesn't like it*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:15, Reply)

*squeaks*

( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:16, Reply)

Babe, I'm back again
Back a-gain,
Babe, *babe*
Where have you been?

A lovely 45 minute tea break actually. What did I miss?

EDIT Uh-oh, TGB is here, and she's dirty rotten no-good-for-nothin' filth.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:18, Reply)

You love it Bert
*gropes you up, gropes you up good*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:21, Reply)

*starfishes*
I want you to rub all of it now, you missed a bit last time.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:22, Reply)

Well Clendrix is in control of my actions
*finds herself giving Bert a good rub*

Oh no look what's happening!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:25, Reply)

At least I'm in control of something.
*sighs*
*rubs*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:26, Reply)

Don't be such an Emo, clenders
it can't be that bad. Sometimes it's nice to be out of control, like at a Nazi-themed orgy for instance.

TGB, as much as I enjoy your rubbings, you're going to have to share, everybody else will get jealous. Unless you rub everybody who has ever been on the internet.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:30, Reply)

Internet - form an orderly queue behind Bert.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Drixy, No!
Stop being Emo! Even I've stopped doing that.

*HUGS*
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:35, Reply)

Ok but
They will have to be quick 5 second gropes. Strict time limits people I have the whole internet to get through.

*rubs No3l*
NEXT
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:36, Reply)

Emo! Ha!
I had my emo-sleeves on yesterday. Perhaps I'm feeling some residual self-pity and pathetic apathy.
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:36, Reply)

No3L
I'm not getting in Bert's behind for anything.

:)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:37, Reply)

Dok
I'll line 'em up, you knock 'em over :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:42, Reply)

Sounds like a plan
I'll just get my baseball bat.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:48, Reply)

Oh dear sweet jesus.
She will not stop fucking talking.

I can't take this anymore.
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:50, Reply)

*stands between lusty and the mad woman*
It's ok my dear. My beard will reflect the evil harpy's voice!
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:51, Reply)

Thanks V
*sobs*

She just keeps rambling on and on and on and on and on.

*gets gun*

*puts in mouth*

*pulls trigger*
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:57, Reply)

Lusty
Do you have a letter opener? If so stab her in the eye (wear gloves mind you), then position her face fown on the desk and scream. Claim that she commited suicide.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:57, Reply)

Good morning/afternoon (depending when this gets posted).
What's going on? I'm currently sitting here, in my pyjamas watching "Bloomberg" TV. Unemployment is great! :O)
(The Stig, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 11:59, Reply)

Lusty
Please don't kill yourself because I live far away and someone will probably have already claimed your body by the time I get there
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:01, Reply)

@Dok
That might be a little bit tricky considering the fact that I've just shot myself.

I miss the overseer. :(

This is weird.

TGB, What are you going to do to my body?
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:05, Reply)

Noooooooo
Say it isn't true Lusty. Or are you posting from beyond the grave?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:07, Reply)

What's up lustalicious?
Who's upsetting you?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:07, Reply)

How cold is it near you?
You've probably missed by a couple of days the opportunity to prove that an icicle IS the ideal murder weapon.

Oh well, letter opener it is then.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:10, Reply)

I'm going to
have you stuffed and put you in my lounge so I can have lusty hugs whenever I want. I may get you with movable limbs then when I have parties I can position you in a waitress position and give you a little tray for people to rest their drinks on.

I'd probably also dress you up for various holidays and for my own amusement.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:10, Reply)

With the technology available these days
it probably wouldn't be too hard to fit motors and make a walking dead-lusty-robot.

*mad scientist grin*
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:11, Reply)

Oh Berty.
You know how I love a good moan about people I work with.

There's a new woman who's taking my job so I'm training her up this week. Only I can't BECAUSE SHE'S ALWAYS FUCKING TALKING.
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:12, Reply)

Fucking kill the cunt
kill her in the head, repeatedly.

Insert a jar of angry wasps up her arse, set her on fire, and then kill her, to death.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:14, Reply)

Dash it all!
I can listen to music on my mobile while simultaneously surfing the web using the built-in browser. But for some reason it won't open the Home Sweet Home thread. Or I can surf using Opera Mini but then it can't play music. So I can have music OR laughter but not both. *Sulks*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:17, Reply)

*Hands Lusty a ballgag*
Just don't ask why I have one ok?
(bill, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:17, Reply)

Chains,
Have the HSH thread and just sing - create your own music delights :)
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:21, Reply)

Bert.
I'd love to be able to, but I can't be that mean.

I wish I could. I'm too fluffeh for my own good sometimes.

Edit: She's been quiet for a full minute now. Did I really shoot myself? Is this heaven?
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:21, Reply)

Lusty
Just think, you only have a day and a half to go, then you're free of the both of them!

After that you can burn the building down if you desire.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:24, Reply)

Bill
Can I borrow a cup of sugar? *winks*
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:26, Reply)

Lusty
gimme her name and shoe size, I'll find her and I'll make her pay in the most horribly intricate and devious ways imaginable.

By replacing all of her shoes with identical pairs, but one size smaller.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:31, Reply)

Clendrix
Sounds like a plan. "So we hide from the guns, on a night reconaissance..."
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:34, Reply)

Oh Berty!
You're an evil genius and my hero.

*swoons*
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:36, Reply)

Sorry V
I haven't got any sugar, I'm sweet enough already.
(bill, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:36, Reply)

*stiffles laughter*
If you say so Bill.

Bert that is rather genius.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:38, Reply)

Chains...
*sings*
"In the misty morning, on the edge of time,
We've lost the rising sun, a final sign"*

*dire lyrics for Kaol's special enjoyment...
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:39, Reply)

I do!
I say so twice even! ;-)
(bill, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:43, Reply)

Oh Bill
Are you sure you can't spare some of your sweetness for little old me?

*puts foot on a nearby chair*

*gently slides skirt up leg to reveal garter*
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:44, Reply)

I will scoff at you
twice then.

*scoffs*
*scoffs again*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:44, Reply)

@Captain V
I was right! You are a little strumpet!
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:45, Reply)

Bill
Sweet is not a way I would have described you. I've been called sweet and cute far too often recently, I think I'm neither!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:45, Reply)

I'd agree with you there, Dok
You frighten me more than hasidic jews with lasers.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:47, Reply)

Sees V's garter
*Spluffs*

Sorry!
(bill, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:48, Reply)

Very smooth legs
you have there as well V *strokes*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:48, Reply)

Don't worry Bill
It happens all the time. Come here, let me help you with that.

*pulls Bill in tight*

*gropes his arse*
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:51, Reply)

I seem to have become
the office lackey somehow.

You can have some fresh air! They proclaim. I go because I'm too. Bollocks to plus degrees in winter, just makes invisible ice patches! Damnit.

EDIT: Nice! I'm too nice.. *sobs*
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:55, Reply)

Hasidic Jews with lasers, nice one Bert
But I'm not that frightning, am I? Really?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:57, Reply)

Darras
Your sentences broke my mind.

*cries*
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:57, Reply)

I'm scared of everyone
you all remind me of the people who sexually assaulted me when I was little.

In a good way, obviously.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:58, Reply)

*Runs away*
*has work to do*

*curses timing*
(bill, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:59, Reply)

V
it's my attempt at new age poetry. If it made you cry then that's awesome :D
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 12:59, Reply)

I'm sure
Bill will comfort you V

Aww or not
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:00, Reply)

Oh no
The subject of my affection flees! Somebody stop that man! I love him!

@Darras It just broke me because it makes no sense ='[
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:04, Reply)

*sighs*
Nuffin for the new qotw. Again. Despite my boredom.
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:05, Reply)

V
is poetry supposed to make sense now?


:D But in all seriousness, Ive been asked to do favours for my office buddies all day involving going outside. The lazy fucks. And because it's 1 degree plus this means that a percentage of that lovely snow melts and creates small lakes in the pavement and then freezes again to form pretty much invisible ice patches. Which are unfunny I tell you! UNFUNNY!
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:06, Reply)

clendrix
stop being such a girl, and make something up.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:06, Reply)

My answer to the QOTW
would just be "B3ta obviously as I am posting in this in work time"

Although the QOTW has been adding to my bordom rather than relieving it recently.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:09, Reply)

/all
Made the qotw much, much more enjoyable to read.
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:10, Reply)

Hi Darras
Me thinks that they are trying to get you to fall on your arse. Bad workmates!

V, I thought that you only had eyes for Kaol, he being the father of your unborn and all!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:12, Reply)

Dok
I could believe that..

It may be taking unnecessary revenge on me for being the youngest. Or the prettiest. Or the awesomest. Who knows!
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:13, Reply)

Dok
How did you possibly go so long without realising that I'm a complete and utter slag?

Kaol is the father of my unborn child, TGB has claims on me and I'm trying to sleep with Bill.

If you're lucky Dok...
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:14, Reply)

@Dok
It's like you're Gareth Gates and Captain V is Jordan.
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:17, Reply)

Bert...
lie? On the Internet?
Are you insane?
*wins stupidest question ever competition*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:17, Reply)

Yup V & Lusty
I am a bit slow today, well most of the time really.

V, if I'm lucky what? I'm curious now.

Darras, I've vote for all three of those. Just because I see everybodies workmates as complete tosspots!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:20, Reply)

Lusty
I had to use google to find out what you were on about. I thought Gareth Gates is/was gay?!

@Dok It's a surprise.
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:22, Reply)

Cool, a surprise
When do I get it? Is it rampant hot totty, or a guitar? Go on you can tell me, I promise I won't tell anybody.

Lusty, V doesn't have the breasts to be Jordan, and I don't think I'm gay.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:31, Reply)

Well Dok
Nobody has described me as rampant hot totty before...
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:36, Reply)

I'm curious ancrenne
by pants do you mean trousers or underwear?
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:39, Reply)

Woo Ancrenne!
*snogs*

It's fucking cold in the office because the heating broke. My fingers are a lovely shade of blue :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:41, Reply)

Hi Miss crenne
you can put your cold hand on my face till it turns blue anytime you want. Or you can just steal my heat.

My boiler finally gave up the ghost about a month back so I know just what you mean about the cold!

V didn't you know that you're just sex on legs?*



*may contain traces of bitterness
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:42, Reply)

oo!
under pants that I can wear over my outer pants and pretend to be superman! Woop!

A message! My message line is red once more! I feel loved :D
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:42, Reply)

It was me who said heating was a waste of money
And I stand by it!

Admittedly I have a freakish ability to resist the cold due to a ridiculously fast metabolism. Only stopped wearing shorts all year because I got a job again.

And I'd be very surprised if your flat was as cold as the ship I used to live on. That was the coldest place in the known universe, I even had to wear a jumper!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:44, Reply)

*sniffs*
I smell gorgeousness.
Oh, it's Ancrenne, of course.
*hugs bigly*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:49, Reply)

Woe is me
I'm not the sex on legs I used to be Dok. At the moment I'm just legs ='[
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:51, Reply)

@Sam
Lucky you. I can't stand the cold these days (I used to be a fat bastard so it was OK then).

In fact, it's pretty much got to be 25°C+ before I even wear a t-shirt!

*shivers*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:51, Reply)

I don't believe you V
You are just like most of the people here, Sex On Legs!

Myself on the otherhand just gives people Teh Fear.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:54, Reply)

*sigh*
I wish the ladies thought that.

:edit: How rude of me. I've still not said hello to Ancrenne. Hello Ancrenne!
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:55, Reply)

Buggering hell.
Southampton had better warm up by February, that's all I can say.
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:56, Reply)

I fear no one!
So there!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:56, Reply)

It's cold outside.
Fucking cold. And foggy.

Hmm... I've gotta go to a meeting now too.
Catch you people later.
( Cawl, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:58, Reply)

Southampton
I passed through there twice last week, it was cold, even on the train. Then again it was freezing on the train.

Badger, then I must try harder :)

EDIT V, honestly you're a good looking chap!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 13:59, Reply)

I think I want a
a pet piglet squid

Fear not, Ancrenne. I shall visit whatever the weather :)
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:01, Reply)

Whose cock
is that in the background of that squid picture?

That squid is weird. I don't think I like it *hides*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:04, Reply)

Bert's cock, of course.
It's always Bert's cock.
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:05, Reply)

Dok
I know but there's still only the legs. My luck with women since I became single has been abysmal. Meh, life goes on.

@Ancrenne I'm well thanks. My legs are...hairy. As above the lady side of my life is rather pants but worse things have happened. I'm pregnant with Kaol's baby which is quite exciting.

How are you and your pants?
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:07, Reply)

Miss crenne
Sorry I was in a bit of a rush to get further West. Next time though, I promise.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:07, Reply)

@Dok & Captain V
Gareth Gates might be gay. But him having sex with Jordan when she was pregnant would make me believe otherwise. I wonder if he poked her too hard and that's why her son came out a bit special?

Hello ancrenne!

*cuddles*
*keeps warm*
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:08, Reply)

Lusty, that's the funniest thing ever.
100% FACT.
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:10, Reply)

Well he broke his dwinkydink
so he must have been poking her quite hard.

PPD is MIA and I want a smoke *sulks*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:14, Reply)

@clendrix
Funnier than a mong in a dodgem?!
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:14, Reply)

Hmmm...
My meeting has been "postponed".
So I'm just sitting here waiting for a "Come to the meeting" phonecall.

*offers jacket to ancrenne*
*lurks*
( Cawl, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:14, Reply)

I don't usually read my horoscope
because it's all a load of old cobblers.

But I did today and it says: There's a great deal of fluff around today...time wasting and draining stuff that you don't really need to know about, do or get involved with. Avoid it at all costs.

I know full well what this is referring to:
work.
*casts aside any notions of work*
*continues b3taing*

Lusty - Oh Mong! Where are you?
*cries*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:16, Reply)

*cuddles clendrix*
I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sure mong is about somewhere, if not you've always got wookiee.
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:20, Reply)

Oh dammit!
Meeting time.
*waves*
( Cawl, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:21, Reply)

I googled "Mong dodgem"
And found this.

Very odd.
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:21, Reply)

Miss crenne
Why are you dreaming of B3ta and getting ascared?

Or is that just remembering the picture of my beard?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:25, Reply)

man
I love dire straits.. :) *gets lighter out*
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:27, Reply)

Lusty,
Wookiee is very good at being a mong substitute and I shall remember this in my hour of need.

*scares Wookiee with nature of need*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:28, Reply)

*removes ancrenne's dream memory*
*smashes it to bits with a hammer*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:29, Reply)

@Captain V
I want that bike!

I might have to make one at home.
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:31, Reply)

My golly
I get dreamed about, I hope it was in a good way!

Drixy don't do that, that's bad, and you shall have no biscuits.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:34, Reply)

Dok told me off!
*cries*
*goes on hammer rampage*

I've just started the psychodynamic portion of my course.
Dreams, symbolism...bring it on.
It's all bollocks. Or about bollocks.
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:36, Reply)

I am not
going to touch the symbolism of any part of that dream with a somebody elses as it may make my head go splodey!

Mind the hammer Drixy, I still have a use for my head.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:42, Reply)

*Tells off Dok*
You do not tell off my lovely clendrix!

Do it again and there will be trouble.

*shakes fist*
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:46, Reply)

*squeals*
*feels honoured*
*also feels a bit guilty*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:49, Reply)

Oh Lusty
Don't you shake that fist at me, or I'll have to give you a spanking!

Miss crenne, buzzy thing normally do that kind of thing!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:51, Reply)

Clendrix
your squeal made me feel tingly in my special places
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:55, Reply)

That's not very nice Dok.
:(

I was just shaking, you don't have to resort to violence.
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:56, Reply)

Badger
The thought of tingling you there has made me feel quite light-headed!
*walks round the block to smoke with Wookiee*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Wait
Lusty and Dok!

It's all my fault - I was rude to Dok and he told me off and then Lusty sprang to my aid.

Truth is you're both lovely and I'm just very naughty :(
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:58, Reply)

Noon, OT.
I have been playing with /talk. They seem very nice!

Are we all well and dandy and stuff?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Lusty
I meant it in a nice way, the same way as I was tell Drixy off. No violence, I don't do violence.

Tingling Badger Bits, that sounds like a good name for a drink!

EDIT Afternoon DiT, how's tricks?

Oh Drixy, we're just playing.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:00, Reply)

/talk?
You fucking traitor!

:p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:00, Reply)

Traitor? Moi?
I like to think of myself as the Kofi Anan of B3ta. :)

EDIT: Pla, vladivarvar, noorastock dang fladming, Ancrenne!

I saw what you did, and I enjoyed it! *shows enjoyment* I am fine, and how are you?
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:04, Reply)

Clendrix
I will behave from now on.

Maybe if you weren't such a naughty little scamp I wouldn't have to get my fists out.

That sounds a little bit wrong.
( wanderlust, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:09, Reply)

Tolberone and chocolate orange
are exempt from any normal food rules for being yummy so I think in my expert opinion you are allowed them!

Tingly Badger Bits was going to be the name of my porn film
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:12, Reply)

And I too shall behave
I think that for the rest of the day I shall behave as a Prefect Gentleman. So it'll be a bit of a change for me then!
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:12, Reply)

go for it!
ancrenne. Who needs principals anyway!

Besides.. I heard vegans were unhealthy :p
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:13, Reply)

I heard Vegans are from Mars
and that they have spare lasers under their armpits.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:16, Reply)

Badger
I think as a drink name it would be all of AWESOME, also for an adult movie though.

Vegans, unfit? Good golly, every vegan I know is far fitter than I am.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:18, Reply)

So vegans
are unhealthy yet slightly sexy forward thinking aliens from Mars?

EDIT: And perhaps the ones that Dok knows are their special ops unit.
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:18, Reply)

ancrene
I dunno. Was just quoting hearsay :D

Perhaps it is jealousy. Or a carefully put about false rumour spread by said sexy aliens with a spare laser so nobody will suspect that they are secretly preparing to take over the earth and make people stop shooting each other.
(darras jeg har en grevling i hodet. Grevling, grevlang, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:22, Reply)

I have to admit
that I only know two vegans and yes they are the vegan delta force!

Miss crenne, can I please borrow one of your sexy lasers, I would like to draw something on the moon.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:26, Reply)

I've been doing actual work today
so I've not been around here much.

I have however just posted an answer to the QOTW. My first in a while.

*pimps*

You'll find it just above HLT's two-pager.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:27, Reply)

Miss crenne
Yes you are, as you make up 50% of the vegans I know!

Hello again K2, working huh, that sucks.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:30, Reply)

I don't mind vegans
or veggies as long as they don't give me loads of grief for eating bacon sarnies.

I don't give them grief for making me buy a seperate BBQ for their weird tofu kebabs.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:32, Reply)

*sulks off to pit*
But that's what she has and they taste of feet and are disgusting and I resent having to buy a whole other BBQ for feet sticks.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:37, Reply)

I'm an omnivore
and don't find vegetarian food as satisfying as eating meat. But other people can be vegetarians/vegans/whatever so long as they're not trying to force me to be one too.

It's a bit like religion in that regard.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:38, Reply)

I could never be a vegan
Or even a vegetarian. I don't have any objection though as long as it isn't shoved in my face in an irritating sanctimonious manner, a la my darling sister....!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:40, Reply)

I'll see what I can do ancrenne
I'll look when I get home as the work won't allow me to do interesting things with it's computers. Other than post here of course!

I couldn't give a hoot what kind of lifestyle choices people live by, so long as they don't try and convert me to it.

EDIT I'd love a coffee Miss crenne, but only if it's not too much bother. I've never understood that either, almost everything in sweets can be made artificially now so why still use the animal products?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:45, Reply)

She is so much hassel
it's easier for me just to buy one than have her complain that I am a murderous scumbag who eats poor defenceless animals and can't accomodate her for choosing to live a morally sound and better lifestyle than me.

I'm so glad I don't have to spend any time with her anymore.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:47, Reply)

Ancrenne
Strawberry laces probably contain gelatine, made from Cow bones, which adds to the deliciousness.

TGB are you complaining about vegetablists?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:51, Reply)

Badger
Poor defenceless animals? Where, I have never met an animal yet that was defenceless, let alone poor.

I say fiddlesticks to her, invite her round and eat animals at her!

EDIT Ancrenne, just pour it through the new wireless connection. ;)
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:52, Reply)

Or better yet
Eat her.
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:54, Reply)

Many foodstuffs
can indeed be made artificially. But most people would prefer to eat something 'natural' than something which has been made in a chemicals plant. Hence the use of gelatine in sweets. Of course if you're vegan, you won't want to eat anything animal-derived, so you have to go for the artificial stuff.

Gelatine's probably cheaper too, being that it's made out of bits of cow that you wouldn't want to eat.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:55, Reply)

V
Now what have we told you?

Eating people is bad, you should not do it in polite company.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:56, Reply)

*dips in*
I was born a vegetarian, and didn't eat any form of meat, fish or eggs for almost thirty years.

Then I got bored and went on a massive culinary journey I'm still enjoying. Meat is so, so good :)

*dribbles*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:57, Reply)

Cow is a tasty and nutritious addition to any food stuff
I like to add it to everything I eat.

Particularly pie.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:57, Reply)

@No3l
You may have been raised as a vegetarian, but you weren't born as one. Humans have evolved as omnivorous creatures. And I like my omnivorosity!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:59, Reply)

I like being an omnivore too
because when I eat, I go 'OMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOM'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:01, Reply)

Pedant! :)
My folks turned vege when I was but a foetus.

Aha yes! Nomnivore!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:02, Reply)

So, when you were conceived
you had a bit o' meat in yer?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:03, Reply)

I think that was probably my mum.
Maybe my dad too.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:05, Reply)

You had your mum
inside of you when you were being conceived?

But... but...how?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:06, Reply)

*smells filth*
Oh it's because Bert is here!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:07, Reply)

She was wearing a tiny, tiny strap-on.
*winks at TGB*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:09, Reply)

Why do I get winked at?!
*winks back*

People will start to think I am dirty minded or something!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:12, Reply)

Oh Badger, you winker.
*winks*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:12, Reply)

Badger
Are you trying to say that you're not?
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:13, Reply)

TGB
How can you have the audacity to call ME filthy?

I am deeply offended, and demand more crotch-rubbing by way of compensation. Though this time, rub with your mouth please.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:13, Reply)

With my mouth?
When was the last time you washed the hitler cock Bert? I'm not going anywhere near old cock cheese!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:16, Reply)

OK folks
I am away to go home, to the place where I live anyway.

Might see people later, if I can tear myself away from my bass practicing.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:20, Reply)

I'm circumcised (you've seen the photos, woman!)
so I don't get cock cheese, and it was clean this morning.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:20, Reply)

Mmm...cocks.
Mmm...cheese.
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:27, Reply)

I really want to google
For a cock carved out of cheese but after yesterday's knickers fiasco I'm thinking better of it and I'll have forgotten by the time I get home.
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:29, Reply)

Oh yes how could I forget
I have the photo framed on my bedside table.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:36, Reply)

And formed into a shape
in your bedside drawer...
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:38, Reply)

Ahhhh....
Do you kiss GIGANTACOCK and Hitlercock every night before you go to sleep?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:39, Reply)

Yup
And again when I wake up
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:51, Reply)

Would you like to give it a go
in real life?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:56, Reply)

Bert,
you're a dirty bitch.
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 16:59, Reply)

Will you dress it up
in the little Hitler costume? Because that's what really turns me on
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 17:00, Reply)

Too right I am, clendrix
you can get in on some of this filthy action too, if you want?

I can make a Hitler costume if you like, for my last game of 'dress-up-cock', he was a bottle of beer.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 17:02, Reply)

Home time!
Bye bye sexy people.
( Captain V, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 17:02, Reply)

Bye Captain V
I hope that you have a nice evening, filled with Simpsons and lacking in 'stenders.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 17:03, Reply)

Hmm...dress-up cock.
Can he be Jeremy Clarkson?
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 17:11, Reply)

If you dress it up as Clarkson
There is a risk I will bite it
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 17:18, Reply)

Clarkson?
Curly hair, tight jeans and a flannel shirt?

It's do-able. As is Clarkson.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 17:29, Reply)

Damn right.

( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 17:52, Reply)

You do realise that
I'm now going to dress my cock as Jeremy Clarkson and send you pictures?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 17:57, Reply)

*drums fingers*
*flexes fingers*
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 17:58, Reply)

I can't do it right now
I'm still at work!

Want me to post or gaz it to you tomorrow?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 18:00, Reply)

I'll take it however it comes, Bert.
:)

In the unlikely event of you feeling shy, gaz it to me.

Otherwise, post it in all its glory on OT!
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 18:04, Reply)

Not again
I'm still on the register

:C
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 18:12, Reply)

Bert,
wherever your name is listed, you and your cock will always find a happy home here on b3ta.
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 18:18, Reply)

This thread is not simply pining for the fjords.
It is indeed dead.
But the evening one is alive and well.
( thealternativefact, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 18:23, Reply)