Why do people want children?
And don't give me that crap about: wanting to create life/to make a family/because it's the next step/ we are ready as a couple.

None of these are reasons to give up your independence, finances and life in general, so why do people do it? There does not seem to be a good answer.

Children are rubbish!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:20, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yeah but....
If your mates parents had thought that who would you drink with?
We need to keep up a steady stream of replacements for future generations of drinkers.
It's only polite.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:23, Reply)

Because
nobody else will have sex with me
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:24, Reply)

Bert: Genius

You shall henceforth be known as Bert Daughtermonkeysex
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:25, Reply)

My thoughts exactly
Now I just need to find a woman who thinks the same and is prepared to be chained to my rails for the next 40 years.
( djtrialprice, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:39, Reply)

Children are ace!
A few years of raising them and you have your own little slave.
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:43, Reply)

my father
says he only wanted kids so his offspring could help 'dilute the dross'

I just have raging hormones which make me REALLY broody, and apt to weep whenever I see a pregnant woman or a newborn child, because I WANT A BABY SO MUCH. bloody mid-twenties. 3 years ago, I'd have seen the same thing and wanted to dropkick the infant from the top of the tallest building.
( ascorbate, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:43, Reply)

Children?
Only if I get a large fries and a coke free.

I certainly don't plan on having 'em. I'd be a terrible parent, and there's a high chance of them getting The Mental passed onto 'em, thanks to the wonders of genetics.
( Cawl, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:46, Reply)

I kind of have to be careful here
as my other half has a child. But I myself have never had any desire to procreate. I'm superficially selfish in that I don't want to have to be responsible for a kid of my own, because it's not a responsibility that always ends as soon as they fly the nest - they can be a millstone around your neck for much of your adult life unless you make a conscious decsion to walk away, which many parents just can't do.

In my general experience there are three types of person that become parents:
- because they really do want to.
- because it's the done thing or the 'next step' in a relationship, or,
- because they are too fucking stupid to know any better.

Obviously, I have to make compromises now because their is a child involved, and that's fine. I knew what I was getting into. But sometimes, events serve to convince me further that I was right to not want my own. It can cause too much heartbreak and anguish.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:46, Reply)

DG,
There's a fourth type.
"Cuz we get moar benefits, lol!"

*twitches*

Make of that statement what you will.
I've got a copy of The Sun here, but I'm not telling you if it's for my reading pleasure, or for wiping my arse on.
( Cawl, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:49, Reply)

Davros
your first point

- because they really do want to.

WHY? this what everyone says and it's not an answer.

I want a new LCD tv, why? Because it has better visual quality, better sound, is biggger etc..

These are quantifiable reasons for wanting something. I can see no quantifiable reason for wanting a child.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:50, Reply)

Biological clock?
I know this isn't true for everyone but sometimes people just have an almost alarm go off?

Plus the passing on of genes or somesuch type scientific talk which I am in no way capable of understanding coz I'm a bit think like and want kids for da benefits...

@KAOL - Is it on page 3?
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:52, Reply)

it was an accident!
Sometimes these things just happen.

It happened to me twice :0(
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:55, Reply)

I think
it is mainly an evolutionary necessity - without procreation, the species will suffer. this is why women (and to a lesser extent men) will often become increasingly broody as they grow older - we have evolved as a species to want to further our species. You're an ape, hopefully you understand this.
( ascorbate, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 16:55, Reply)

Biological Clock
Also known as the reproductive imperative. Obviously the human race must go on (as long as possible, it's what nature is doing) and this must be coded into the genes. But not everyone.

I think people who vehemently do not want children and go happily down that path may be saving the rest of us from suffering at the hands of genetic faults which they may or may not be carrying. Or not. Who knows? This sort of thing is beyond my ken anyway.

Enzyme - what do you think?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:00, Reply)

These basement torture chambers aren't going to fill themselves.

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:01, Reply)

I think children are wonderful.
From a safe distance.

I lived with my sister for a while. At the time she became pregnant and had a little boy. I spent the first 4 years of his life living with him and experiencing the joy of seeing a little un growing up.

But I enjoyed it all the more because I knew I wasn't going to have to look after him for the rest of his life.
( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:20, Reply)

Also
because fucking without a condom is all kinds of ACE
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:21, Reply)

I had my three
for perhaps the wrong reasons initially, but I'm glad that I have them. Two of them post on b3ta sporadically- my oldest son posts pictures, mainly, but my daughter posts to QOTW.

I have to say, taking trips with them now is ace- there is always conversation in the car, we always laugh and joke, and we all know the rules for traveling comfortably (pee whenever we stop, get smallish snacks and drinks, sleep if you can). They've become the sort of people I like to hang out with- though I do have to be careful to maintain a little distance, as I'm a parent rather than a friend.

One day they'll be my caretakers, besides- just as at some point I'll likely be assisting in caring for my parents.

As for specific reasons to have kids... I guess that depends on the person, doesn't it? My ex wanted kids because she was raised to think that This Is What You Do- grow up, get married, start pumping out kids as fast as possible. I resisted her for several years, but ultimately felt the urge myself- it was in a strange way a feeling of wanting to revisit my own childhood, but revise and edit it so that I was on the other side of things, providing a warm and safe place for the kids rather than being kept that way myself. So I caved in to her pressure and we had the three while I was in my twenties- which meant that I didn't have the extended adolescence that most get, but that now that they're old enough to be basically adults, I'm still young enough to enjoy life with them.

Dunno what to tell you, other than that it's a personal choice, and if you're hesitating, don't do it yet.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:23, Reply)

Loon
It's nothing me and the misses are planning soon I was just curious that's all.

Again your reasons for me are missing something. you say that they are all old enough to be your "friends" well all my friends are old enough to be my friends now without having to wait, pay for everything etc.

As for being cared for when your older, imagine if you saved all the money that you had spent on your kids, you could spend your later years snorting coke off prostitutes arses on a yacht in the Med while a Gordon Ramsey makes you a sandwich, for example...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:31, Reply)

NakedApe
I agree. I don't want children. Any argument in favour of them is immediately countered by the amount of money it takes to raise them, about 30k, by the last rock-solid, cast-iron, waterproof, totally unbiased survey by "We Hate Kids Weekly".

Besides, I'm selfish and want to travel and see things. Having a child will kill that dream for years. Perhaps forever.

Also, so many of them are surly, ungrateful little shites. You're not even allowed to hit them anymore, which takes any fun I might have out of parenting.
( Kroney, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 18:00, Reply)

I always wanted a servant and now I have two!
Let's see, why did I have kids considering I had previously always hated children? The first one would be because I was one of the 2%. You see, birth control pills are only 98% effective, while 2% still get preggo.... But, it only took a few minutes of knowing I was with child to fall in love with the little swimmy thing that had taken up residence in my body. Being pregnant was probabally the most fun thing I've ever done. Before she was even born I started planning the second one so they would be close enough in age to play together.

Now I have 2 miniture versions of myself (a scary thought in itself) who are great fun to have around. Not to mention, they are cute as hell. I wouldn't trade them for anything.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 15 Jan 2009, 18:00, Reply)

I wanted them because it was an experience I didn't want to miss out on
and I'm glad I did it.

But it's a personal choice in the same way that someone decides not to have children.

When they were babies I read a great article somewhere about someone who had their child learn to play the viola because apparently it's rarely played alone and he felt that children should learn to be part of society rather than the centre of it. I agree wholeheartedly with that. I'm deeply embarrassed if my sons draw unnecessary attention to themselves or me (how English!). I don't like them talking loudly in public or generally making a nuisance of themselves.
But then I avoid adults who do this too.

They definitely make themselves useful. Some time ago I was in a supermarket with the man and son #2 wanted to run off to get some of the shopping for us so he was sent to get 'cask-conditioned real ale' in the hope that he'd be gone for at least ten minutes and we could get on with buying loo roll and toothpaste. We finally reach the beer aisle and find son #2 (who coincidentally was 10 at the time) surrounded by three members of staff who are all searching for the correct type of beer. He'd commandeered the shelf-stackers.

He'll run the country one day.


So I guess that's why I had children - because they're like me and I think I'm ace!

;)
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 18:59, Reply)

@chickenlady.
I think you alone should populate the country for our future : )
( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 19:19, Reply)

NakedApe
with reference to my first point, yes, some people really do want to have kids, and are great parents.

Re my second point, my sister falls very firmly into that category. She had been married for 5 minutes, and she really did think "I suppose we should have children now".

Third point: how many people out there do the deed with no protection whatsoever and are then gobsmacked when they find out that the biological phenomenon of sperm + egg really isn't a made up fairy story?

I concede that there are other reasons - contraception failing being a good example.

I still don't want any myself, but that's a personal choice, and as I get older I'm getting more rooted to that opinion. Plus I'd be a crap parent. I just don't want the personal responsibility.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 15 Jan 2009, 19:28, Reply)

Ta BGB!
I have to add though that I do think that there is a time for having children. My body screamed at me and I became pregnant on the first attempt. I don't think I have an desire to have any more now mainly because it fucks up your career, your body, your sex life, your social life and you end up smelling of baby sick/poo and only being able to talk to other brain dead parents about the quality of said sick/poo.

Babies are lovely when they belong to other people.

They were lovely when they were mine but I'm not sure I could be arsed to do it all again.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 19:39, Reply)

I often wonder why I never had any maternal urges.
I sometimes used to sit there afraid that one day some little switch inside of me would turn on and the urge to procreate would start. Maybe my switch is stuck or I was born without one.

Maybe I'm defected : (
( girlinthehole, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 19:58, Reply)

Nah, you're not defective
About three years ago I got the urge again and I made 'demands' upon the then Mr Chickenlady. He refused. I got over it. The urge passes.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 20:26, Reply)

I've always wanted kids.
I remember distinctly, at an early age, knowing inherently that I'd be a parent one day, and looking forward to it.

While it came earlier than I'd hoped and with the wrong person (personality-wise, not genetically) I wouldn't change it for the world.

I've been lucky enough to have a daughter who is bright, attentive, no trouble whatsoever, slept through the night from two weeks old, is funny, adventurous and without doubt a future b3tan.

If she'd been a complete nightmare I might be explaining this somewhat differently, but it doesn't change the fact that I've wanted kids for as long as I can remember.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 20:33, Reply)

never wanted 'em either
but I do like children. just knew innately that I didn't want to be a parent, from quite an early age. dunno if this was because I was eager to be an adult - wanted to be independent from my crazy/loser parents. I remember distinctly thinking *never* at the age of 7.

@ big-girls-blouse: I also feared that whole baby-fever that friends predicted would occur at a certain age. but it's never happened. who knows, maybe I never met the right man. (actually, just *confirm* that fact.)

I think some of us females simply don't have that urge. at least that's the story with me, too. and no regrets here. I'm content to enjoy them kiddies from afar. and then go home to quiet (or loud music) and solitude.
( cackers, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 4:32, Reply)

People are animals

And I mean that in the nicest possible way. We are herd animals and in the wild, we live in tribes. We are (most of us) conditioned to find a partner and procreate. If we didn't think so much, that, and foraging for food, would take up most of our day. Sex is enjoyable and without some kind of chemical/surgical intervention, we'd be over-run with kids, because, no matter how sensible you are, the thought of having kids is less terrible than the thought of never having sex again (and yes, I do know that you can have sex without risking pregnancy).

Most people find that, like other animals, you become fiercely protective of your children as soon as they are born - it's called bonding and instinct (and yes...etc.). There is no good reason to have children, and logically, you may well be 'better off' without them. We had a baby when we were head over heels in love and too young and stupid to know any better - living in a bedsit with no real jobs, no prospects etc. Our one child has left us up to our eyeballs in debt as we always put her needs and her future before our own - it's what you do when you're a (good) parent. Between the ages of around 14 and 19 she was a right royal pain and she gave us very little except stress and aggravation. Now, at 21, she is a joy again and we're hoping for some grandchildren in the not-too-distant-future.

I can't give you a reason for having children, except that you are an animal, and animals mate to pass on their genes.

What are you waiting for?
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 10:34, Reply)

@Che Grimsdale
"There are two things that differentiate the human species from animals. One: we use cutlery. Two: we are capable of controlling our sexual urges. Now you might be a notable exception, but don't drag me into your private hell."

Dragnet quotes aside, meta-thinking is what differentiates us from every other animal species. It's obvious why we as a species procreate but there's no reason why any two people have to. Thus it comes back to the original question (a great example of the introspective nature of humans) *why* do people want to do it? What are the reasons?
( djtrialprice, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 10:58, Reply)

I'm sure I've seen chimps using 'cutlery'...
But my reason for having children goes thus: when you meet 'the one' that you want to be with forever, you can't help wondering what a child produced from half your genes and half theirs would be like. You like yourself, you love your partner, the kids will be even better, surely? Who wouldn't want one of them around, or two. You also get to bring them up to have your values and views and so - as someone above suggested - you are adding to the general goodness in the world.

The sad thing is that those people that shouldn't be allowed to have children don't think twice about having dozen of them, adding to the sum of miserable people in the world - it's your duty to try to out-breed them.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 12:30, Reply)