I know. Let's talk about boobies!
I have a theory.

It's about boobies and eyes and why men cant help themselves from staring at boobies with their eyes.

I make a real effort not to talk to the boobies. I try to talk to the eyes but there is genuinely a force pulling the eyes downwards towards the boobies.

My theory is that this happens because the eyes are spheres and boobies are kind of spheres and like planets, the sun and moon and all that, there is a gravitational pull of the eyes towards the boobies and perhaps even vice versa.

I was rubbish at science in school.
Can any science bods ratify my theory?

thanks
rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 12:37, 61 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My dad's a science teacher
...so I feel amply qualified to support and endorse your findings, in my official capacity.

If one more person agrees, does that mean we can put it on Wikipedia?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 12:40, Reply)

Science hates you
and your unfounded theories, like a mother with a disabled child.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 12:41, Reply)

I'm a gentleman
I only ever look politely into a lady's eyes when I converse with her. Never do I even sneak a glance south to the holy valley.

Of course, being a gentleman, if the lady were to offer me a look, it would be rude of me to decline.

However, when not talking directly with a lady, all etiquette is thrown out the window, and breasts are duly ogled.

I feel this is a fair exchange, no?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 12:42, Reply)

I agree
the closer you are to boobies, the stronger the attraction to move your eyes (spheres) toward them, but also since your head is a larger sphere it is drawn even more strongly toward them.

Since boobies are spaced equidistantly on a woman chest your head naturally is drawn equally toward both and so chooses to nestle just in between them so it receives equal force on each side. If you disturb this force by trying to move your head then the reciprical feedback effect causes your head to waggle back and forth rapidly, which more often than not causes you lips to stick out and make a waggling sort of noise.

Which is the scientific explanation for motorboating.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 12:43, Reply)

Al
I imagined a chorus of angels as I read your rousing speech just then.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 12:44, Reply)

It helps being tall and standing right over them.
Then you can kind of look down at their eyes and tits at the same time
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 12:46, Reply)

Valid point, Sir
I do tend to end up talking to boobies... which is really bad cuz i communicate using sign language...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 12:49, Reply)

The reason you like boobs
Is because it reminds you of your early days as a kid when you suckled on mums tits. You have a psychological link to tits you'll never break. Case in point is when i have lunch with my mum and often say "mum, can I suck on your tits. Errr...I meant pass the salt please". Its just comes out naturally.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 12:50, Reply)

Well
my mum has got a great set of tits...
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 12:54, Reply)

My mum had big tits
but the kids ate 'em.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 12:55, Reply)

It would be nice to have a lady perspective.
Any b3tan ladies wish to contribute?

Yes, I am aware I am immature.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 12:58, Reply)

It's probably the same reason
that I always look down at the trouser bulge before I decide whether or not it's worth having a long chat with the man.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:02, Reply)

That is so predjudiced chickenlady
I'm disgusted with you.

None of us said we judged ladies on their boobies, only that our heads and eyes were magnetically attracted to their lovely lady lumps.

We'll talk to anyone. Even uggos.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:05, Reply)

So long as they have a decent rack
goes without saying.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:08, Reply)

A few times....
I've been talking to a nice rack and then noticed later it was connected to an actual entire woman.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:10, Reply)

What, with a mimsy and everything?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:14, Reply)

Al,
I said that then I decide whether to have a 'long' conversation with them.

I carry out 'long' conversations in bed.

Or down dark alleyways.

Sometimes in cars.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:14, Reply)

As a scientist*
I have to say that you've gotten it all wrong.... The gravitational feild efect of boobies is in fact relatively insignificant. It's actualy because boobies release certain radioactive ions that are picked up on by special ion receptors in your eyes, which triggers a release of some chemical or another which, in conclusion is why you look at boobies......


*Not actualy a scientist at all
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:16, Reply)

I got ya chickenlady!
I took "long conversations" to mean deep throat.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:17, Reply)

Baz!
I'm shocked at you!

I have deep and meaningful long conversations about Proust, Barthes and whether King is a modern day Dickens!


And then I shag them.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:20, Reply)

The shagging
isn't usually long enough to justify the long and boring pre-amble.

Unless she's talking about Doctor Who.

But that hardly ever happens.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:23, Reply)

'the long and boring preamble'?
You're doing it wrong Al.

The preamble consists of -

*Bloke looks at boobs*
*Woman looks at bulge*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.W I N E.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shag.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:28, Reply)

The only whine
I tend to hear is "if I let you fuck me will you loosen these restraints???"
( SpankyHanky, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:31, Reply)

I wasn't meaning me
I was taking this quote:

"I have deep and meaningful long conversations about Proust, Barthes and whether King is a modern day Dickens!"

And making a humorous comment to the effect that after having a long conversation with you about literature, when we shagged it was over a bit quick.

Not that we have ever shagged, obviously, it was just me trying to be funny.

Sadly that's now backfired horrifically with this reply that makes me look really stupid.





So you think I would stop there, but no, I keep ploughing on in the vain hope that I will eventually say something funny and redeem the situation.




But it doesn't happen.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:32, Reply)

Mehehe...
"ploughing on"

_Sorry...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:35, Reply)

Woo!
result = funny. I win.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:36, Reply)

Well done.
/pats on head


I think I actually know a proper theory about why men are drawn to breasts. It's not that funny, though.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:37, Reply)

Is it because
all the jizz you find on boobies acts like glue?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:40, Reply)

That would be what keeps them there...
Alas, the theory about what draws them there initially is an idea that, back when we were all wild and uncivilised*, and could afford to spend time hunter-gathering and then picking out the most suitable mate, obviously we'd want a healthy-looking one that would be sturdy enough to bear and then nourish our offspring. So males of the species would naturally be drawn to broad, womanly hips (i.e., strong, child-bearing pelvis) and great big pendular norks (adequate apparatus for feeding the sprog).

So yeah...not all that funny. But it gives us an excuse, I suppose...


*_{Not sure why I bother using the past tense, sometimes...}
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:47, Reply)

Crow it is quite funny
I seem to remember reading somewhere that it's because the breasts resemble the twin globes of the buttocks...so essentially a woman's boobs are just like a great big arse.

And as men find arses attractive and generally want to insert their gigantacocks in there, so they also find breasts attractive too.

Women are sneaky - boobs are there to divert men's attention from their fat arses!

Woohoo!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:54, Reply)

Strange
but flat chested women's boobies grow when they get pregnant and I don't think they produce less milk than big boobied women.

Although I'm prepared to admit I could be entirely wrong about that.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 13:54, Reply)

@chickenlady
So you've basically just provided an evolutionary basis for the origin of the titwank...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
_SPLUFFS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@al: I'm not sure about the relative quantities of lactation...I think we may to perform controlled experiments on varying sizes of boob in order to properly verify this.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:01, Reply)

Hmmm
I am a straight female - not even bi-curious. But I do enjoy a peek at some finely cleavaged boobs.
And being motorboated by Lusty.
( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:17, Reply)

@clendrix
pics or isnt true!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:22, Reply)

I have a Master's degree in physics...
...and I wholly endorse your theory. This is not to say that I view it as 'correct' in the classical sense.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:22, Reply)

baz
No one took a picture!

OMG, are you saying we have to do it again.
How awful.
*prepares boobs*
( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:25, Reply)

^Yes, again!
And again,
and again,
and again,
and again....
*cold water*
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:26, Reply)

Boobs are nature's valium.
When your head is placed upon a nice set of squishy boobs, a calm and tranquil state of mind is achieved and all is well with the world.

I sometimes wish men had boobies but then what would I use as leverage in attracting a guy.
( girlinthehole, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:28, Reply)

Crow, Baz,
I'll see what I can do.
( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:29, Reply)

Right, so, with the considerable heft and support of science behind me,
I think I can claim this theory as factual and indeed, my own.

I shall call it, "Bazian Boobie-Eye Gravitational Pull Theory" or "BuhBEhGuhPT" for short.

So, who has a wikipedia account?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:29, Reply)

@BGB
I take your point*. But if men had their own boobs, you'd never see them again.

*_{In a manner of speaking}

@clenders: much obliged
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:30, Reply)

Well...
As the scientist best-qualified in this field (Animal Behaviour, not Boob-studies, unfortunately), I give this two thumbs up.

Although I'd like to do some practical investigation. Any offers?
( Cawl, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:34, Reply)

Did I hear a requirement for men to deal with all these boobs?


Well, here I am.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:39, Reply)

Jizzing on tits is great...
However the moment afterwards where she glares at you and says 'well, hurry up. Clean it up' somehow detracts from the romance of the moment.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:40, Reply)

I think recruitment posters are needed
Anyone up for (in)appropriately 'shopping that old Lord Kitchener wartime recruitment poster?

"Britons: our boobs want YOU"
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:40, Reply)

ahem,
that theory is Irish.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:42, Reply)

@ crow
I'd rather the poster said 'Briton: We want your boobs".
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:43, Reply)

I do apologise.
"Ireland: wants your BOOBS."

Now someone get busy with their photoeditinghappyfuntime.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:44, Reply)

@wanksock
this is terrible but i once blew a load on my ladyfriends bottom after some doggy-based fun then wandered off to the jacks to give the chap a wipe. When I returned, she was still in the position in waiting for me to give her a wipe,

I says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "Waiting for you to clean up your mess"

I says, "The jacks is that way - off you go".

Dunno why she hasn't dumped me.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:45, Reply)

I find the moment
when she says "you got it in my hair! Get it out. Get it out!" and then, in a hysterical fashion tries ineffectually to wipe it off, to be both distracting and funny.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:46, Reply)

Hows this?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:51, Reply)

@baz
I once managed to jizz in my GFs eye. Its hard not to laugh even though she's crying in pain - literally. It went very very red and bloodshot and so she was freaking out, 'Fuck, fuck,fuck - I have to meet the girls for lunch in an hour. What the fuck am I supposed to say happened to my eye'.
'Umm, tell them the truth. Just say you're a filthy whore who wanted jizz all over your face and some went in your eye. I'm sure they'll appreciate the honesty'.
'Just fuck you. OK, fuck you'.
Cue more hilarious laughter after that. She too didn't leave me. haha...
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:53, Reply)

@al
Oh, yes! Sign me up.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:55, Reply)

My boobs are happy to sign up to the b3ta regime.

( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:57, Reply)

Can your boobs use a pen?
That is a trick I would love to see.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 14:59, Reply)

Nope...
I shall use the 'white ink of breast milk', Simone de Beauvoir style.
(Need to get pregnant first - bear with me.)

Edit: actually, I imagine they could use a pen.
( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:15, Reply)

Can I assist?
*mounts*
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:16, Reply)

Well, this is an enjoyable turn of events!

( thealternativefact, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:18, Reply)

*squawks of joy*
*stops for breath*
*more squawks*
*envisions al in goat suit with Bert attached*
*doubles speed*
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 15:19, Reply)

Supreme Crow

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 23 Jan 2009, 17:40, Reply)

/glees
That is truly beautiful.
(LongJohnBaldry, Sat 24 Jan 2009, 9:40, Reply)