Vipros' question of the morning
What is the worst film you've ever seen?

Mine has to be The Assignment

In brief: Guy in the US Navy conveniently looks exactly like Carlos the Jackal. Donald Sutherland gets hold of him to try and trap Carlos the Jackal. To train him he puts him in an abandoned prison, feeds him hallucinagens, pipes in cigar smoke and drives remote-control snow mobiles at him.

This may sound like the makings of a good film, but believe me, it's really not.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 9:45, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pearl_Harbor_(film)
( Cawl, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 9:50, Reply)

.
This pile of wank
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 9:54, Reply)

Pearl Harbour was a bit Gordon Brown
But "My Best Friend's Wedding" made me want to gnaw off my own foot to help numb the pain.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Apr 2009, 9:55, Reply)

One that springs to mind is The Life Aquatic.
Rarely do I not watch a film to the end.

Load of tosh.

Just did not get it at all.

Edit - Ninja edit Vipros.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 9:56, Reply)

I loved the Life Aquatic!
thought it was a beautiful piece of work

I've not seen Pearl Harbour, and I don't intend to
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 9:57, Reply)

Also,
This film is worse than getting a hefty dose of the bad-AIDS:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skinwalkers_(film)
( Cawl, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:01, Reply)

Good werewolves?
WTF!
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:05, Reply)

Pearl Harbour
The script was dire - "I beg you sir, please don't take my wings!" being the worst line since "no, you can be my wingman!".

Not only that that but the scenes featuring an American pilot seemingly single handedly taking on the entire Luftwaffe during the Battle of Britain made me seethe...

...and then they dubbed over the sound of Affleck's Spitire's Rolls Royce Merlin engine with that of an infinitely aurally inferior Allison engine too.

/pedant.

Bastards.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:01, Reply)

Exhibit A: The Ringer

I'm sad to say that I actually went to the cinema to see this, albeit one of those nights where you pick the best from a bad bunch.

I can barely remember the premise as it was so banal but the *zany* Johnny Knoxville had to raise money for some reason and entered the Special Olympics pretending to be mentally handicapped.

All at the same time the film was cheesey, predictable, condescending, boring and the height of the humour was Mr Knoxville hurting himself, perhaps tripping over a hurdle or something equally hilarious.

I suppose I knew it was going to be bad - but THAT BAD!? I still have nightmares and am scared to goto the cinema to watch slapstick comedy.. Just in case.....
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:04, Reply)

re: Skinwalkers
Interesting factoid: I knew Rhona Mitra's brother at uni.

Surprised I haven't seen that film though, I've seen most dodgy werewolf and vampire films.

Kaol: have you seen Ginger Snaps?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:06, Reply)

Ginger Snaps is ok!
In a terrible way.

Hmmm...

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post215565
Hellboy II.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:10, Reply)

The hunt for Red October

( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:11, Reply)

Becky: What!
it's great!

Hellboy 2. I've avoided that based on your review Kaol. I should probably watch it just in case....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:16, Reply)

Most recently: Alien vs Predator 2
Watching this film is like dipping your head in a layer of fermented rancid shit from a bloated herd of diarrhoritic walrus, which is floating on a bath of boiling hot hydrochloric acid, whilst having your buttocks processed in a meat slicer set to 'thin'. While being forced to listen to Michelle McManus and Alan McManus doing a medley duet of Abba hits. On heroin.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:17, Reply)

Oh...
I liked AvP2.
Mostly 'cos a kid got facehuggered/chestburstered.
( Cawl, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:18, Reply)

The Green Mile
was the biggest crock of shite I've ever tried to sit through.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:19, Reply)

Bert, really?
might not be to everyone's tastes, but it's far from bad

AvP2 was shitty. no tension whatsoever, which is what makes the Alien films great
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:21, Reply)

@PJM
You must mean "bullshit, you can be mine"

/pedant's pedant
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:24, Reply)

I thought it was absolutely terrible
I felt like I'd seen it a thousand times before because I've seen far too many low-budget daytime tv american films with similar plots.
Plus, I hate Tom Hanks. It just seemed like a cheesy pile of wank.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:26, Reply)

Superbad
Says it all. Fucking TERRIBLE film.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:26, Reply)

The Dungeons & Dragons movie
Edit: Superbad is fucking AWESOME!!
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:26, Reply)

The Lord of The Rings Trilogy too
utter piss. I could just about watch The Fellowship, but after that it was just silly people in silly ears sword fighting CGI monsters.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:30, Reply)

@VC
I agree with you, thought it was an absolute pile of wank.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:30, Reply)

Bert: fair enough! (about the green mile not LOTR)
I've heard Superbad is great from too many people not to believe it.

Dungeons and Dragons movie: now that is bad. comes to something when the best acting in a film is by Richard O'Brien
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:31, Reply)

superbad is horrible
Oh and while I'm thinking of inane, stupid, senseless, bitchy movies - the whole "Bring it On" series can get to fuck as well - fucking shite.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:31, Reply)

Bert!!!
Yaaaaaaaay! I missed your witticisms and occasional nastiness during the week.
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:34, Reply)

Superbad = win.
I'm struggling to think of other shit movies, my mind always tries to block them out.

Oh, How to Lose Friends and Alienate People was toss. It made me want to punch Simon Pegg, and I usually really like the guy.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:35, Reply)

Sickle
A while back me and some mates had a go at finding the very worst horror film made ever, and this is a very good contendor for the crown. It's badly written, cliche'd, and with acting so wooden that they might as well have scrawled a face on a balloon and stuck it on a broomstick instead of paying the "actors". It's got the obligitory tits scene halfway through as an attempt to appeal to the adolescent male market and the special effects are very "special". I couldn't actualy find it on IMDB, but I did find it on amazon www.amazon.co.uk/Sickle-DVD-Paul-Cagney/dp/B000A6C26O - here. I've got to agree with most of the reveiws (apart from someone who gave it 4 stars?) It's probably one of the worst films I have ever seen.
(Fredz A graveyard of hopes, a dump of ambition, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:46, Reply)

Die Another Day.
Dune
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Coma


Awful, awful, awful, awful.

ADDITION: Snakes on a Plane. Electra. The Incredibles. That Dreamworks thing about fish. Anything with Will Smith.

FURTHER ADDITION: Anyting with Nicholas Cage - with the exception of Adaptation, which is ace.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 10:59, Reply)

Hiya VC!
I done you two pictures, I'll upload them for you this afternoon, but you'll probably be fast asleep by then.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 11:03, Reply)

Worst films that springs to mind for me is
Q The Winged Serpent.
Monster Club, it's so bad, it's fun to watch.

I've got more, but I just can't think of them at the moment.

BTW Dune is great.
(Herr Doktor Lemminge Is bored, so cheer me up!, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 11:04, Reply)

Shawshank Redemption
Three hours of wank.


The actual worst film ever though is Open Water.

A film so bad I would have walked out if I hadn't fallen a asleep.

The two lead characters were so obnoxious I wanted them to die and felt no sympathy for their predicament at all.

It was shark film with 1 shark bite leading to the guy bleeding out slowly and boringly, the woman then can't be arsed any more so drowns herself.

"based on a true story". Bollocks, no one was there to witness what happened!


On the plus side there is a bit of minge...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 11:05, Reply)

oh wow really Bert?
TWO? I feel so lucky. I can stay up. I'm a night owl you know. :)
(Poppet some assembly required., Thu 16 Apr 2009, 11:11, Reply)

Wicker Man remake
with horse-faced balding old 'action hero' 'Nic' Cage.

I've not even seen it, but it's still the worst film I've ever seen.


Honourable mentions: Dead Poets Society, Good Morning Vietnam, Mrs Doubtfire et cetera, oh and every single cell of celluloid featuring whining paedo midget 'Woody' Allen.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 11:23, Reply)

NakedApe
you've left me in a quandry there. Shawkshank Redemption is superb, based on a superb book, but Open Water is indeed fucking shite.

My missus and I left it on while we went to get a chinese, came back and then watched the remainder at double speed. made it almost bearable.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 11:33, Reply)

Adam Sandler
Any movie that Adam Sandler has ever appeared in enters the list of worst movie ever. His photo is next to the word SUCKS in the dictionary.
(barrycounty, Thu 16 Apr 2009, 15:30, Reply)