I've discovered the secret ingredient to Internet Cake


Now, if only I could get you all to like me, I'd be plied with this stuff day and night.

I've decided to make it my mission in life to earn your respect back, please post suggestions here for how I might go about doing so.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:34, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*points to my crotch*
It ain't going to suck itself, sweetheart.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:36, Reply)

*sucks*
*trombones*
*tickles*
*gargles*
*spits*

Anything else?
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:37, Reply)

a photo
of you sticking your head up yer arse.

Half-way in does not count.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:37, Reply)

Take a long walk
off a very very high cliff
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:38, Reply)

I'll do my best
but I'm not a particularly bendy person.

Would a 'shopped photo of me sticking my head up TGB's arse do?

EDIT Oh TGB, how nasty. Isn't there anything I can do to win your affections?
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:39, Reply)

Nowt like
teh internet lurve!!

Arse burgers.

Make my boss's sodding dinner for me so I don't have to get up off my backside. Do it NOW.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:39, Reply)

Make your boss's dinner?
Why doesn't the lazy fat bastard do it himself?

What does he want? I'll give it a go.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:40, Reply)

Hmmmm...
The shopped photo would be a good starting point.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:40, Reply)

Urgh,
it's part of the job. Don't ask. I won't tell.

Chicken. Roast sodding chicken. Right - while you're taking long walks off short planks etc I'd best stuff some chickens.
(Psyche finishes work at the end of June! Yay!!!, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:42, Reply)

Not shopped
but will this do?


Tell your boss to go fuck his or her self.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:44, Reply)

Hmm
maybe if you stop being a cunt I'll like you
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:45, Reply)

Am I still being a cunt?
I've tried to stop, and haven't been particularly nasty to anybody since the Becky incident.

We all know you're not really an Elephant, you're a lovely young lady.

Isn't there anything specific I can do to make it up to you?
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 16:47, Reply)

erm
stop being boring and whiney?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 17:02, Reply)

Alright fucknuts
I can't win either way, can I?

You all jibber-jaber away like pigeons on meths, chatting to one another about nothing in particular and generally passing the day without so much as a snigger of humour in there.

I come along, I try to amuse myself and break some of the tedium, I get told off and put back in my place repeatedly, it's soul destroying.

Tomorrow I probably won't have time to post, but Thursday I'm going to re-revolutionise OT and make it one trillion percent more funny. So there. Stupidhead.
(Bert's other profile wants to wear your balls on a necklace, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 17:04, Reply)

I've just come back from a weekend rave.
I have lots of tasty toe jam I'd quite like you to be interested in.

Edit: Some of it even SPREADS like jam.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 17:06, Reply)

How about
you go revolutionise talk seeing how you don't like anyone on this board anyway?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 17:07, Reply)

yeesh...
to quote a weeping rodney king, ``can't we all just get along?''
bert, you may or not be a cunt-like person, but at least you're a funny cunt. except when you're whining. and TGB, i thought community shunning was stopped as a punishment some time in the 15th century.
(tuqueboy has been in a medically -induced coma since, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 17:32, Reply)

You called me wanker...
...for not noticing the 'bishop' 'bash' link. I was stoned for Christ's sake - give me a break.

(runs from room crying)
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Tue 28 Apr 2009, 18:48, Reply)