D'oh....
It was 1996. I was working for a "national" company (read main office, and offices in London & Birmingham with about 4 staff each).

The boss decides that is time to upgrade the sales computer system, and blow thousands on a network between the 3 offices, and nice new Windows 95 powered machines. Trouble was, as the young "whippersnapper" of the company, I was slightly quicker at picking things up, as far as computers were concerned, and every time anything went wrong, I was the poor soul who had to ring the support desk at the company, to try and get a "DIY" solution to the problem. And then sort it out.

Thus, I quickly earned the title of "IT Support Officer" (without the extra fecking pay, that you would think a post of this nature would attract).

So, as if it was bad enough having to deal with all the self inflicted problems of the staff at Kimbolton, I started to get phonecalls from the Harrow & Birmingham offices too, with dorks on the other end of the phone, expecting me to be psychic, and diagnose and fix the problem before they had even told me the symptoms.... sometimes they werent even intelligent enough to describe them... but I digress.

One morning, I had a phonecall from one of the other offices (names and locations witheld, to protect the dumb).

Me: "Good morning, how can I help you this time".

Twit: "I've got a problem with my PC"

Me: "Yes, ok, nothing new there then, what's the screen showing this time (this was a regular idiot).

Twit: "Oh, it's not the screen.... it's the big bit, that sits under my desk......"

Me: "yes, well, what's wrong?"

Twit: "The little coffee cup holder has snapped off, spilling coffee all over my shoes. I need you to order a new one, as it's dead handy... stops me from getting a ring on my desk"

Me: "Eh?? coffee cup holder? what?"

Twit: "You know, that little thing that comes out... you press the button on the front, and the cup holder slides out......"

Oh dear. Cue one instantly terminated call (I had to, I was about to piss myself!), and fits of near on fatal laughter. On explaining to the rest of the sales office what had happened, the entire sales operation collapsed for a good 20 minutes while the guys and gals recomposed themselves.

Cue the entrance of the MD, who came to see what was going on, as he could hear it from his office down the corridor.

I briefly explained, he went bright red and started seething. A quick phonecall to the offending idiot ensued, in which all kinds of profanities were screamed down the phone. At the end of the call, the MD joined us in our laughter.

The plonker ended up getting a written warning for misuse of company property!

It still makes me chuckle 10 years later.... especially now, as I have a mug of coffee here on the desk, and I've just opened the drawer to put a CD in... yes, it was tempting!

Length? Girth? you love it, you know you do!
(assistant commissioner terra blanche, Sat 23 Sep 2006, 13:46, Reply)