You know what really grinds my gears..
When you can't find the droids you're looking for.

/coat

Edit: Punctuation is your friend.
(ldwater otherwise known as a 'jive turkey', Tue 6 May 2008, 17:10, 3 replies)

Personally, I dislike...
1) Out of office email auto-replies. Good lord, they drive me insane. I don't even think it's the actual messages that I dislike, but more the fact that people seem to consider it some kind of status symbol to have one.

One aspect of my job is having to deal with computer-illiterate fools within the company I work for. I get at least one call a week asking "how can I set up an out of office message because I'm going to be away on my lunch/for an hour/for the afternoon/for a day". It takes every ounce of the little self-restraint that I posess to prevent myself shouting "FUCK OFF PEON, YOU ARE NOT AS IMPORTANT AS YOU THINK YOU ARE" back at them.

They're all fascinated with Microsoft Outlook as well, which is the other thing I cannot stand. God forbid if they have to work on a computer without it.

2) People who can't punctuate properly. I've just been reading down the page and I've seen a guilty party already. While I do agree to some extent with the content of your rant, your use of "driver's" when you mean "drivers" is unacceptable. If I had my copy of "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" with me, I would quite probably put a stickler-sticker on my monitor to show my ire.

3) People leaving progressively more desperate voicemails on my phone, in the mistaken belief that the number of voicemails they leave is inversely proportional to the time it will take for me to call them back. No, your problem is not any more important than anyone else's, no matter what you think, and it will be dealt with in the fullness of time. Until then you're just going to have to sit tight and wait.

4) Madonna. She was good about thirty years ago, and now she's just pushing the limits of decency. Her new song is shite as well. I was going to say that I'm surprised it's got to number one, but come to think of it, I'm really not.
(webvictim is invariably at work, Tue 6 May 2008, 17:05, 1 reply)

Probably mentioned already but...
Skelinton or worse skelington

Its a SKELETON!!!
(superfly78, Tue 6 May 2008, 17:03, 2 replies)

People who lick their fingers...
...before turning pages in a book, turning over sheets of paper etc. Ewwwwwww! The spunkfoot who used to sit opposite me at work seemed to have to put his first two fingers to his lips before touching *any* piece of paper, which used to do my head in.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Tue 6 May 2008, 17:02, 1 reply)

I'm sure
this one has been done before?

But I'll post it anyway.
(Biff..., Tue 6 May 2008, 16:59, Reply)

Specific
It's pronounced 'specific', not PACIFIC. I catch you at it again, I'll get nasty.

You know who you are.
(Mrs Trellis GIN, Tue 6 May 2008, 16:58, 2 replies)

Parents with pushchairs
who think they own the pavement/supermarket aisle/any other public walkway. I've just taken a lovely stroll in the sunshine down the high street to the postbox, only to be shoved into the road by THREE women insisting on walking side by side with their pushchairs. These were well-to-do ladies in their late twenties/early thirties, too, not some teenage chav-scum mums who you'd almost expect this behavior from. Bah!
(teacake, Tue 6 May 2008, 16:47, 7 replies)

"now don't be mad, ok?"
"then don't give me a reason to get mad, ok?"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 6 May 2008, 16:45, 2 replies)

"Can I ask you a question?"
You just did. Go away.
(Axeman Jim, Tue 6 May 2008, 16:43, Reply)

The Driving Test
This may be less of a peeve than a strong feeling of inadequacy, but nevertheless:

I've been trying to pass my driving test for a long time now. I started learning to drive when I was 17. I'm now 22 and have taken then damn thing four - possibly even five - times and I still can't seem to pass. It's becoming quite depressing, especially since the last time I only got 6 minors and just got failed for one error of judgement.

And yet the roads seem to be full of utter twats, who have somehow been allowed to pass. There's something amazingly frustrating to see people executing acts of unrivalled pillockry on the roads and knowing that they were given a driving licence and I wasn't. I can only console myself with the assumption that they must surely have sucked off their driving examiner instead of doing a three-point turn.
(LongJohnBaldry, Tue 6 May 2008, 16:32, 19 replies)

People whistling or singing in public
People bending the cover of a book all the way over when they read.

People who take 100 napkins at a fast food place and then leave most of them on the table when they leave.

/faith in humanity sinks, must go out and yell at random people
( setimret likes his metaphors mixed, not stirred, Tue 6 May 2008, 16:18, 12 replies)

Aaarrrggghhh! Bastards!
I've been reading all these rants today, and I think it's about time I unloaded on to you, my fellow b3tans.


Work:

When I call a someone to help them out, why the hell must they answer the phone by announcing whichever place I am calling, then asking me if it's alright for me to hold! No, IT'S FUCKING NOT!!!! WHY THE FUCK ANSWER THE PHONE IF YOUR NOT WILLING TO SPEAK TO ME RIGHT AWAY! Why not let the bastard answer machine take a message? Why not get someone else to answer the phone?

Also, on the subject of calling people who want help... speaking to receptionists that are complete lazy retards. That really fucks me off. How the hell did you get a job if you can't even take a message... are you that incompetent that you don't know how to use a pen and paper to scribble down a name and number... go fuck ya'sels!

Different subject... a fellow colleague infact. A right brown-nosing fucker who will go by the name of Stain, as his name is very similar to it. He can fuck right off! Everytime he calls someone, he finds the need to do it on the loudspeaker... as if to prove he's doing something useful. You might not think this is that bad, but when he calls somewhere, and gets put on hold, with some shitty plinky-plink tune playing over and over again for a full 10 minutes... there's not a single person in the room who doesn't want to grab his phone of his desk, and shove it up his bloody arse! Fuck off and get a life you utter utter twat!


Driving:

BMW driver's. Need I say more?

Also, people who are either arsehole's/trying to show off to their mates/impatient fuckers. Why the hell do you feel the need to blast up a 30mph road doing 50-60, then rant and rave about me doing the speed limit. If I see you doing this... I WILL go in to "right-fucker" mode, and will slow to 25mph, and I make sure it's when you can't overtake me. Just blantantly find a big rock, fuck off and die behind it.

A real pet-peeve of mine is really specific to me. The lass works at the metrocentre, and it's my job to pick her up, and drop her off. But, heading on the A1 (Northbound), there is a slip road to take you there, which splits in to two lanes; one going straight ahead and left, the other going right. WHY OH FUCKING WHY do people find the need to move to the right lane, only to want to be back in left lane moments later when they want to turn left. WHY? The bloody road is signposted! ARE YOU RETARDED??!! Your not getting there any faster being in the right lane, your just narking good drivers by being a retard. Go run ya'sel over with your stupid bloody BMW or Audi, you sad fuckers!


Pet-peeves:

I agree with the earlier post about toilet roll. WHO THE HELL PUTS TOILET ROLL ON THE HOLDER BACK-TO-FRONT??!!! Just WHY? It's bloody annoying! Infact, it's making me mad now! Grrrrr!

When I'm at home, and there's something boring on TV, and I fall asleep out of boredom. DO NOT WAKE ME UP! If I've fell asleep, it means I need sleep... so let me get some.

ITV Dramas... they all suck! They do mediocre at the hard-sell... but they always suck ass! I've mention earlier on the board about Flood... utter bollocks! There was that one called "He Kills Coppers" or summit. That one pissed me off so much with the advertising... it was on at least twice every ad break. Why? It was utter shit. ITV... you can't write dramas... piss off!


Life:

Charva's - piss off and die, you scum.

Dole-wallers - get off your lazy arses, and get a job!



Right, I think that covers it (for now)!

Sorry about the length, but the lass doesn't tend to complain.
(ShaunyBoi has been surviving fires since, Tue 6 May 2008, 16:13, 1 reply)

Grrrrrr
E hoti et whin sami jakir swops thi vawil kiys avir an my kiybaord.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Tue 6 May 2008, 16:13, 4 replies)

Red+Amber
A pretty irrational driving peeve of mine.
When waiting at the front of the queue at traffic lights, and they change to red+amber, it really annoys me when the car next to me pulls away slowly.

If you are in such a fucking hurry, that you can't wait for green, why do I still beat you to the other side of the junction, when I do?

I'm a pretty smooth, chilled out sort of driver, I don't dump the clutch for phat wheelspins, in fact, some friends have criticised me for my overly sedate driving style. I just accelerate sensibly away from my stationary position at the white line. I don't even drive a car with a great deal of power.
(Rastus P Watermelon, Tue 6 May 2008, 16:08, 4 replies)

Another One
I work in IT Support and I quite enjoy my job. However, there's one thing that really annoys me:

When someone calls me and tells me that their computer is "Broken" or "F**ked". No information regarding what the problem actually is, just that their machine is "Broken".

The conversation generally goes something like this:

-Hi, my computer is broken
Me: How do you mean?
- Well it's not working
Me: Can you describe the problem to me?
-It's just......broken
Me: Well is it on fire? Has it transformed into some sort of mythical beast that is now trying to eat your soul? Is it at this very moment leaking harmful radiation that is causing you to mutate into some sort of flesh eating zombie?
- Well erm...no, not really...it's just....well.....broken
Me: Aaarrrggghhhhhh!

This generally goes on for aroun 5-10 minutes until I manage to ascertain that "My computer is broken" actually means "The printer is out of paper and I cannot print", by this time I have wasted more time than it would take to actually resolve the problem simply because some people are too dense to actually string a coherent sentence together and explain what the problem actually is.

Phew I feel better after that little rant!!
(Cow_Tipping_Samurai, Tue 6 May 2008, 16:08, 4 replies)

Snoring
3 days with no sleep.
My eyes are falling out of there sockets.
My head feels like a cows had a shit in it and some bastard has tried to remove it with a lead
brick but got bored and left it in there.

Why can't they just buy ear plugs and leave me to my midnight shouting.
(shake'n'bake Tally Ho, Biatch!, Tue 6 May 2008, 15:51, 1 reply)

Unnecessary meetings
.
Stupid rules laid down by our management (who couldn't run a bath, far less a bloody department) insist that all the senior staff have a meeting every week. Every bloody week.

I keep "forgetting" to attend, mainly because we're far too busy to waste an hour in a pointless meeting, but more because it doesn't matter what suggestions we make, management ignore them.

Now we know we're being ignored, so the purpose of the meetings has been laid to one side and most of the time is spent in whinging. I can do without a 1 hour "greetin meetin" on a Tuesday, thanks very much. For those unfamiliar with the term, that's "greetin" as in Scots slang for crying, not an hour spent saying hello, bonjour, whatever. Although that might be more entertaining.

This morning, I had to politely listen while my boss told me, again, how important these meetings are. How I have to make time to attend. I decided to fight fire with fire (so to speak) and hit him with some statistics (he's management, he loves statistics) thus:

We have had one meeting per week, for the last two years. Attended by a minimum of four senior staff, a maximum of ten. The minutes of each meeting produce an average of three suggestions for improvements/streamlining (or they did until we started recycling them). Therefore, we have made in excess of 300 suggestions, and how many have management implemented? Well, none.

I didn't even get as far as taking a guess as to how much it's cost the company - none of us are on minimum wage - in processing time. He scuttled back to his desk, looking rather forlorn, and hopefully I can continue to "forget" the meetings without further hassle.

I'm sure it was Indira Ghandi who stated that the Indian Civil Service should have one meeting-free day a week, so they could actually get some work done.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Tue 6 May 2008, 15:45, 1 reply)

Just two for now
I have many many niggling little things that irk me, often for no logical reason. It would take me forever to list them all, so for now I'll just post two.

1) Trainees. No matter how many times they are shown "how" to do something, no matter how many times they practice it, how many times they are told the read the clear as crystal instructions, they still manage to BUGGER THINGS UP the next time they come to do it. OH and when moving files and folders around and the book wants you to do it a particular way, DO IT THAT WAY and then you won't need me to come and reset all your files becuase you've lost them somewhere. I don't know where you moved them to within the vastness of the network and I don't have the time to find them.

2) Customers. If I'm on the phone, don't bother speaking to me. I will ignore you after acknowledging your presence (you can see I'm on the phone). If you take offense to me ignoring you because I'm on the phone instead of seeing to your need immediately, do not be surprised if you don't get the best service. Conversely, if you are patient, I will apologise for keeping you waiting and perhaps even offer you a small discount. Also, learn to read. There is a BIG poster facing you as soon as you walk in the door (impossible to miss unless you're blind) informing you what today's soup is. So when you ask me what todays soup is while standing look STRAIGHT AT THE POSTER that I in no way obscure, do not be surprised if I look at you like you have two heads.

It goes on. These are brief examples. I'm a nice person to my customers and trainess, honest. I can't vent my spleen at them, but I can here.
(Teran Thinks Pogonophobia is funny, Tue 6 May 2008, 15:40, Reply)

Work-related peeves
* People who put their email address in their email signature. You've just emailed me! I have your email address! Moron.

* Girls who are perversely proud of their inability to grasp anything to do with maths, statistics or computers, presumably because it somehow highlights their femininity.

* Baby photos. Ew.

* People who don't take lunch breaks, thus making me look like a slacker by comparison when I take a lunch break because I am actually on top of my work and would like to spend my lunch break doing something other than eating sandwiches at my desk whilst trying to look industrious.

* Facebook ban.

* Having to make small talk with the directors.

* Having to go to events where you stand around drinking champagne and schmoozing, but you don't know anyone and you're too shy to talk to them so you just end up standing on your own getting completely wankered and progressively more despairing of your non-existent social skills.

* The fact that you can't get a decent cup of tea round here.

* The fact that people who don't know my title address things to "Miss" rather than "Ms" just cos I sounded young on the phone. If you don't know a woman's title, it's Ms! Dammit! Or just don't use a title at all, I mean, it's gonna get to me if you just print my name on it.

* People sending me press releases for events the day before they happen and expecting coverage.

* Tramps shooting up outside the office and passing out on the doorstep so you have to step over them to get in in the morning.

* Girls banging on about how they're so fat and talking about their diets all the time. How dare you make me feel awkward about eating cheesecake in front of you!

* No air-con in summer, crap heating in winter.

And this is all from someone who really likes their job.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Tue 6 May 2008, 15:23, 13 replies)

The fact that my wife ends every sentence with....
"Don't you think?" or "What do you think?"

It didn't start to bug me until we had been married a year but FFS woman make up your own mind and stop looking for reassurance that what you think is right! Most of the time its about some plot line on hollyoaks/eastenders/emmerdale/neighbours etc and I don't fucking care! Its not real!

Oh and stop saying bought instead of brought and vice versa! I know they sound similar but they are to totally different words with to totally different meanings no matter what you say! Stop or I will start bushing the floor and plant brushes in the garden to prove a point!

Oh and for the love of science choose a meal, just once, just one time I would love the conversation to go along lines different to these

Mrs PJ - "I'm hungry"
PJ - "What do you fancy"
Mrs PJ - "I dunno"
PJ - "Seriously, anything you like I will hunt , catch, kill, prepare and cook it for you if I have to, anything at all in the whole world!"
Mrs PJ - "I dunno, you choose"

AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH

Hmmm I just read all that and I guess my pet peeve is my wife.

But shes hot so hey ho.
( Peej, Tue 6 May 2008, 15:20, 6 replies)

The Daily Mail
I know this is blatantly obvious, but it is also tried and true.

Whereas I absolutely understand that The Daily Mail does its best to appeal to the piss-soaked underbelly of this oft-fetid isle, why do they try to perplex the racist masses so? The newspaper contains vaguely truthful, mostly harmful fairytales of immigrants, of gypsies, of gay people, of war; but most of their ‘readers’ can’t - nor want to - read, leading them to an unpleasant conundrum. So what I suggest is that they do is this following:

Make The Daily Mail paper a single page long and on one side publish a series of pictures of things that these mutards are supposed to hate. It will save the log-tongued, foreigner-hating cretins time and save The Daily Mail money!

On the other page, there should be a very large target so that those of us with nourished brain cells know where to heave the heavy objects.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Tue 6 May 2008, 15:18, 1 reply)

BBC fecking iplayer
Because of the stupid logic surrounding it.

I have a TV and cable so rarely watch the BBC as it's full of wank like Eastenders and Animal Hospital. Yet I have to pay £124 a year because my TV can RECEIVE BBC and I may get drunk and decide to watch Gardeners World at 3am.

I have a computer connected to the internet that can play BBCs iPlayer. I do not need a TV licence for this. And the iPlayer has the actual decent stuff from the BBC on it, like the yummy Doctor.

So why the hell do I have to pay £124 for the privilege of having a TV when what I am paying to watch I can watch for free on the internet - and watch it legally to boot!!

They should make TVs that don't receive BBC channels if you don't watch them and then I wouldn't have to fork out stupid money for stupid shit and those annoying BBC3 playdoh poos.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 6 May 2008, 15:15, 6 replies)

Like a nana
I left my mobile on the train today.

Thank you, whichever TWAT picked it up and decided to use it to MMS loads of his mates. I will find you, somehow, and hunt you down like a dog for this.

Wanker.

So - Pet Peeves - dishonest tossers.

This QoTW is strangely therapeutic. As well as /talk could we have /rant ?
( I_Was_Mordred, Tue 6 May 2008, 15:13, 5 replies)

FAO people from the West Country
Where is it?

Not a particularly hard question to ask, you may think. Not for those from the West.

"where's it to?" Is not a sentence! I want to stab you for your illiteracy and incoherence!
(acharps, Tue 6 May 2008, 15:05, 10 replies)

People who say:
"It's only a game" when talking about football. Especially when we've just lost.

Someone said "football is more important than life and death to you" and I said "Listen, it's more important than that."
(ScousersPet, Tue 6 May 2008, 15:03, 3 replies)

People making assumptions.
For your information, Mr Anonymous Idiot, I am well versed in the sciences of physics, mathematics and computers, I may even have read Jean-Paul Sartre and I have visited the theatre more than once.

So, just because I have paint on my jeans and plasterdust in my hair, and I have pulled up outside your overpriced Soho drinking establishment in a battered white Transit van, please do not look at me like I am a pleb that has just crawled out of the sewers.

Ta.



At least, that's what I would have said to him if I could be bothered. Instead I gave my money to my local when I got home.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Tue 6 May 2008, 15:00, 2 replies)

Film Four makes me very angry indeed
Now, has anybody else noticed, but the only film *ever* shown by Film Four seems to be Time Bandits.

Regardless of time of day or night, flip it over, and what do you see - little small bearded time bandit twunts.

Sure, they often advertise other films, but has anyone ever actually seen any of them!? Anyone ever switched it over and not found themselves watching time-traveling midgets on some far-fetched magical journey.

Anyone?

No, I thought not.

This is not what I don't pay my license fee for.
( rofl harris, Tue 6 May 2008, 14:58, 8 replies)

Another one
Stupid fucking intrusive bastards who think that it's bloody hilarious to shout out "cheer up love, it might never happen", if you're walking past looking upset. They don't stop to think that you're looking upset because you've had some fucking bad news, do they? No, they just draw attention to the fact that you're crying whilst walking to work, making you feel even shittier and fucked-up than you were before.

Shitty cnuts.


Apologies for the sweariness, a friend was killed in a climbing accident over the weekend. And yes, those chirpy fucking wankers were shouting at me this morning, as their van drove past. I hate them.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Tue 6 May 2008, 14:58, 11 replies)