Red rag to a bull
I'm a grumpy old man and proud of it. Here's a starter for ten - don't worry, I'll be back with more.

Voice recognition phone systems: "I'm sorry, did you say (pause) Kings Cross?" "Yes you fucking mechanical moron, of course I said Kings Cross". I actually wind these fuckers up sometimes by mumbling or saying nonsensical words - don't ask me why.

"First class service to the checkouts please" - in case this is just Tesco - this is what they tannoy when it's getting busy. But I've been at the checkout and nearly through it. How come second class service was good enough for me? Huh? As if rogering me two ways wasn't enough...

While we're on supermarkets, Parent & Toddler bays: I park in them if at all possible, why? because they didn't think to have them when we had a toddler, oh no. So fuck 'em.

NHS dentists. As if going to the dentist wasn't bad enough they charge you an arm and a leg and every flippin' time you go for a 'check up' they find something expensive that needs doing. Well, I've not been for about seven years now, and until a couple of weeks ago my teeth have been fine. I don't suppose they are, they're going to cause me agony very shortly, but if I don't go, just think of the millions of people that are going to lose all their teeth because who in their right mind would pay a dentist?

Powerpoint: nuff said? A huge part of my job is dealing with this little Bill Gates mind-fuck. Why reformat the text to 78 point when I wanted it to stay in 14 point? When you moved to XP, all the new stuff you added has made it shite, and no, I don't want you to send an error report to Microsoft because WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT.

Digital TV: what is the point?

Massive fucking coffees. Was forced into a Starbucks the other week on holiday and asked for a small coffee. "Tall?" came the reply "No, fucking small please" I riposted. "Sorry grandad, you can't buy a coffee in here in anything smaller than a builders bucket." Oh yeah, same goes for flippin' popcorn at the cinema. I like small bags of toffee coated popcorn, why do they only sell bushels of salty stuff that would insult a cow if you offered it to them?

And finally for now. Don't you hate tv or radio panel shows when the guests are over-paid journos or actors and they joke about the miniscule fee they get appearing on the show. If it bothers you that much, don't do it. Notice they get very coy when actual amounts are bandied about: "I understand your advance was £500k for the latest volume of your autobiography" "Oh no, it was nothing like that, and anyway, there were huge cost involved in doing the research and I've had to pay a ghost writer and buy a new printer too." Just admit it: you have too much money but you don't care.

Phew...
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 2 May 2008, 9:31, 2 replies)

error reporting is easily solved
support.microsoft.com/kb/310414
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 2 May 2008, 9:53, closed)

Digital TV
it's there to annoy you when some twat on a poorly designed bike/car goes past and disrupts the signal.

It's also there to take up less bandwidth than analogue so they can sell the rest of it off and screw you over with more advertising.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Sat 3 May 2008, 0:29, closed)