Hazardous Waste (of time)
I rented out an old Victorian terrace house. It was full of nice old features - picture rails, high ceilings, plaster mouldings etc., and a beautiful deep original staircase to the upstairs rooms.

The tenants after not paying rent for a bit, and generally wrecking the place, decided to get awkward when issued with 'go away' papers, and called in the council, who promptly decreed the house was unfit for human habitation, a category 1 health hazard (or some such wording) because.... wait for it....

The balusters on the very nice staircase were over 7 inches apart!

A council official visited, made a report, and sent a stern letter instructing me to rectify this life threatening danger within so many days, or the terrible tenants could instruct the council to fix it, and they'd send me the bill!

I am unsure how having slightly smaller gaps in the baluster would offer much protection to hurling yourself down a flight of stairs, or why the tenants didn't put a baby gate up to stop unattended sprats launching themselves through a 8" gap. I bed the National Trust don't get this kind of bother!
(jairzinhor, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 10:29, 18 replies)

alright Albert

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 10:54, closed)

should've just nailed a load of plywood all the way down

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:09, closed)

Prolly curved like those singers came down in old films.
Have to use hardboard.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:03, closed)

Frankly if you're going to let the place out to council tenant scum you deserve everything you get.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 11:43, closed)

How dare they forbid you to rent out an unsafe property!?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:32, closed)

you clueless prick

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 12:53, closed)

*banister

( pemulis, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 13:21, closed)

You thick cunt.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 13:38, closed)

potty mouth

( pemulis, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:58, closed)

Er... bad correction dude.
Balusters are the vertical shafts which, with the handrail, go together to make the banister.
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 13:38, closed)

you slow fuck

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 13:39, closed)

You didn't even correct him you arse.
You simply called him thick.
How is he ever going to agree if you don't tell him why he's thick?
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 13:43, closed)

wordy cunt

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 13:51, closed)

Just because I can spell vocabulary :o(

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 13:52, closed)

thanks i will NEVER make that mistake again EVER
edit: i wondered why no-one else picked upon it
i assumed they were all blinded with rage at this 'story'
( pemulis, Wed 2 Apr 2014, 11:52, closed)

I went to bed the National Trust and apparently having lifetime memebership is not cause for them
to put out. The RHS are far more favourable.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 14:28, closed)

English Heritage is a proper slag.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 14:29, closed)

I can smell their dirty grant money from here.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Mon 31 Mar 2014, 18:30, closed)