At the h-bar and lounge
Basically, the university here supplies the physics undergraduates with our own study lounge. Unfortunately, it's usually full of cigar-smoking pricks with nothing better to do than solve Bezel functions and chat incessantly about undergraduate research. So around the end of the semester, I changed all the auto-correct settings on MS Word. Things like "physics" now read "pyschics" and astronomy read "astrology". Not to mention a crapload of other ridiculous, yet subtle changes.

Heh Heh, I can still remember walking in after class and seeing a group of pricks gathered around a computer, trying to figure out what had happened to their undergraduate research paper. Evidently they had neglected to proofread it before submitting for publishing. Oops. :-)
(junkbot85, Sat 7 May 2005, 10:38, Reply)

Windows fun...
Open notepad/solitaire/internet explorer & porn
Press Prt Scr or Print screen when you are ready. Paste it into Paint, and then save it as a bitmap. Change the desktop to the new image. Watch the user try to close the application.

Not so much nowadays, but you can go into PC world, pick a PC with a password protected screensaver. Reset the PC (unplug and re-plug) and when windows has started, change the screensaver to Marquee. Go to settings and make the message "PC World couldn't make a decent PC if they had a Cray." Password protect it yourself.
(infantile I know, but they are hopeless and wouldn't know how to get rid of it.)
(Rikaitch is full of crap ideas., Sat 7 May 2005, 9:50, Reply)

Gardening fun...
Never had the guts to try this one, but I know someone who did.

Using either strong weedkiller (the sort that lasts a year) or grass seed, late at night write a large message across the local football/rugby/cricket pitch. Normally something along the lines of "Mr. X likes to roger young children" will suffice. You either end up with a nice yellow message in the grass, or a thick area of growth that shows up darker. Either way, there is no immediate way to rid the message. :-p
(Rikaitch is full of crap ideas., Sat 7 May 2005, 9:47, Reply)

condoms and urination
this guy scott rooted his mrs in a friend's sister's bedroom and dumped the used condom in the cd player.

for payback when he had a party we pissed in the cupboards (all over towels and toothbrushes etc) of his parents' ensuite and left a condom in the bottle of orange juice in the fridge.

I got a call in the morning from someone who'd stayed the night sayin scotty's dad wasn't too excited when the franga flopped into his second glass of OJ.
(BadLuck13RiotExtravaganza, Sat 7 May 2005, 9:45, Reply)

Automotive fun...
We've all heard of such delights as sugar in the oil, or pissing in the petrol tank, but due to banger racing in my younger days, I learnt some true retribution

Unbolt the diff: not difficult, normally requiring an adjustable spanner and 4 bolts to be undone. Watch them try and pull away
Undo all four wheels at once: This is difficult, but with practice can be done. The weight of the car keeps the wheels in place, but any shift in any direction on the wheels causes them to fall away.
Castor oil in the exhaust: not malicious, but the heat causes a thick white smoke to eminate from the exhaust for about a week afterwards.
Rolls of caps around an exhaust: Remember rolls of caps for toy guns, the little percussion caps? Wrap an entire roll around the exhaust making sure to spread it out. As different places hit the flash point of the caps, you can imagine.

Loads more, but I won't bore you (I know I know, too late)
(Rikaitch is full of crap ideas., Sat 7 May 2005, 9:42, Reply)

Dipped my evil half sister's toothbrush in the toilet. Daily. For years.
( sosumi, Sat 7 May 2005, 8:58, Reply)

those neon light %$@*#!!!
Back home there used to be this Gravel dump that my friends and I would hang out at. Nice place, good for hanging out, seting off model rockets (I was about 13 at the time), ect... But one day I find out that some company is constucting an single story) office building on the site. Naturally, I was pretty pissed and wanted so compensation. The thing about this office building was that it these annoying bright blue neon lights around the top of the building. So, one night I and *anonymous* snuck out to their building, climbed up a pipe to their roof, and broke the tips off of their neon lights. But we didn't stop there, oh no, we wanted this to be sabotage instead of just vandalism. We put the caps back on the ends, so while their neon lights are failing, they'll be stumped because nothing *looks* broken. Ha.
(lothric, Sat 7 May 2005, 5:20, Reply)

Yet more magnet hysterics
We have these great magnets at the office for pinning up display boards to a perforated steel display area.

They are teh fucking fucking fucking fucking strong.

My favorite game to play with them is to take revenge on noisy mobile phone users on the subway. Wait until the offensive noisy scrotum puts his phone back into his pocket then simply place a few of these magnets in your pocket and stand next to the guy.

That's it, just stand next to him. When he gets of the subway, He'll be minus one phone.

Be careful when sticking these kinds of magnets together, they take your fingers off.

If you put a few in your hand you can disrupt a phone call by standing next to a twat user and pretending to scratch your ear.

Magic.
(batteryoperatedlettuce Soon to be nine b3ta yrs old, Sat 7 May 2005, 4:07, Reply)

The little restaurant down the road from me office,
Run by this haggared little slag from Northern China, once served us the wrong food. My friend and I were the only two people in the establishment and when we complained a large bunch of cleaver weilding chefs ran upstairs and demanded 40RMB from us (less than three quid) for the meal, shouting and spiting out sunflower seeds from their rancid teeth the whole time. I left calmly, my crying girlfriend companion in tow.

Obviously these cunts had never met British people before. I went back there the same night at about three am, armed with a pair of plastic gloves, a big turd in a bag, a D-lock (one of those fuck off huge jobs for locking up Motor Bikes)and a drum of cooking oil. Wearing the rubber gloves, I then proceeded to liberally smear the D-lock with my own feaces before clapping it over the adjoining central door handles of the double door at the front. After that I carefully tipped all of the cooking oil into the crack between the two double doors, where it flowed down onto the restaurant floor, which was set about 12 inches below ground level. Then I threw the key down a nearby drain.

To my sheer delight, they were still closed the next day during the lunch time rush. That ought to have knocked a shade more than 40RMB out of their maggotty little pockets.

Thanks B3TA for providing me another opportunity to relate this charming little anecdote. I'm sure I'll be telling this to my grandchildren in years to come.
(batteryoperatedlettuce Soon to be nine b3ta yrs old, Sat 7 May 2005, 3:48, Reply)

Utter fucktwats in uni.....
My last year in Uni, I was making homemade beer for all the twunts that I hated. I had it so perfectly planned out... "I know we've had disagreements in the past, but howsabout a beer to patch things up?" Yeah, it was cornier than my shit, but the kicker: Piss. I filled it halfway with piss.

Good news is, I haven't met them again yet.
(ChinTheChinchilla, Sat 7 May 2005, 3:33, Reply)

Rat F**ks
Petty sabotage was described as above at our fraternity. Washed, but unrinsed, dishes and pots & pans had all fifty brothers scurrying with only six sit-down toilets. Gross-out Sat. dinner with yellow water, red mashed potatoes and blue meat; humans cannot eat blue meat.

So many more: fires, explosions, drained brakes, peanut butter & bananas blown up all over your room, etc. Pumpkin guts in your bed or a garden hose set off in your groin. Road kill at dress dinner. Unplugged freezer full of meat and ice cream upon return from Spring Break.

Various viscious acts upon the intoxicated, including the Fire Brigade: the passed-out lad is dragged into the hall on his back. A campfire of wooden matches is built and lit upon his chest. The Fire Brigrade would then circle up and pee him out. 2d degree burns, a hole in the shirt and the stench of used ale greeted the victim.

Pizza barfed out three stories onto frozen cars, to be scraped off with with spatulas and boiling water.

Ain't college grand?
(Lister, Sat 7 May 2005, 3:23, Reply)

Bad Food
When I was working my way through school, I flipped burgers. The place was open until 3 am on Saturday nights. So all the drunks roll in after last call to stuff their faces. They would then throw the last of their shakes on the painted concrete walls, requiring hours of clean-up.

George didn't let this just slide. So he would open several Camels onto the grill and fry up the burgers. Extra salt and mayo (vile in itself) would mask the flavor.

"Are you going to the drive-in after we close the pubs?"

"Hell no! Got wicked sick there last week, probably from some turned meat. Still not over it yet."
Genius violence.
(Lister, Sat 7 May 2005, 2:51, Reply)

bored firefighters
an open tin of cat food in the suspended ceiling can cause hours of fun for the day crew and hours of lost sleep for the night shift...
( antmulder Flick your icefloss, Sat 7 May 2005, 2:02, Reply)

bored firefighters
on a night shift you can take the fuses out of the kettle plugs
and on a day shift esp in summer take the igniters out of the strip lights, hide one of the coloured snooker balls, apply pritt stick to the table tennis balls, half remove the bottom of the hole punch so it sprays small paper circles everywhere....schomebody schtop me...
( antmulder Flick your icefloss, Sat 7 May 2005, 1:53, Reply)

Computers again...
Found this lovely bit of busted code in Windows 95 and 98. It's really great for sabotaging co-workers who are on a network.

Assume your victim has file and printer sharing installed, and has shared the C: drive; or fiddle his computer so his C: drive is shared.

From another computer, connect to his drive; say, your drive X: is his drive C:.

Open a command window and type:

dir x:a???????*.*

(that's seven hooks and a star dot star after the letter a). His computer will crash. Hard.

Works with all variants of Windows 95 and Windows 98. Windows ME, it puts up a blue screen saying the server process has crashed and asks if you want to restart it.

After I discovered this in '96, I told Microsoft about it. They never fixed it.
(chazz, Sat 7 May 2005, 1:35, Reply)

I like it when customers piss me off
and we have little security tag detachers on the Customer Service desk, with biiiiiiigggg powerful magnets in them to undo security tags.

Quick wiggle or swipe of someones bank card or Clubcard near them, and *zap*, it never works again in cash machines or shops, and they never know why. Mwuahaha. Muwhahahahaha.

(* Oh damn, just noticed someone else likes to do this too!)
(Dark_J, Sat 7 May 2005, 1:12, Reply)

Along the lines of petty revenge and prank rather than sabotage perhaps
but while on holiday in Portugal there was a very loud set of holiday makers staying in the apartments across from us. Now I was going out a fair amount, but I like a heavy night followed by a relaxed one: this lot kept the partying up every night. At a very loud volume.

And this annoyed me.

A couple of nights later, having clocked their number, and our phone extension, we went down to the pool (we being me and a couple of Irish lads I met), where there was a phone that connected with all phones in the holiday village. I am quite good at the ol' mimicking so my half of the following conversations was in perfect broken Portugese-tinged English:

Me: Hello, is this number apartment 36?

[i]The noisy twats: Yes.[/i]

Me: Hello madam, this is reception, I am afraid to say we have received some complaints about the noise.

[i]The noisy twats: What noise? We're not making any noise! Who complained?[/i]

Me: Erm, I shouldn't really say madam, sorry.

[i]The noisy twats: Right, well I can believe that, ok, but we're not making any noise.[/i]

Me: Ok, so if you could just keep it down, that would be great. Thankyou and goodnight.

Calling No. 38

Me: Hello, this is apartment number 38?

[i]Complete Random: Yes?[/i]

Me: Hello this is reception...
and same again.

I then called number 36 again, who were completely unbelieving, and asked again what number had complained. I relented and told them it was number 38: the lady then said she was sick of this as they weren't making any noise and she was going to see what their problem was. I tried to tell her we would "not like such a, how do you say, altercation". I then phoned back 36 and told them 38 complained once more, which was met with similar disbelief and anger.

We were ending ourselves at the pool thinking about them fighting, and then the phone went. We looked at each other, before I took a deep breath and said in my broken Portugese tinged English.

Hello, this is reception. How can I help you?

almost exactly the same voice replied:
No sir, [i]this[i/] is reception. Please stop using the pool phone.

At which point I put the phone down and we bolted, like true heroes. We were still ending ourselves though.

*Damn, tags don't work. I'll leave them to highlight what they were meant to highlight. Also feel I should apologise about length, and that less people should.
(Lannes, Fri 6 May 2005, 23:58, Reply)

bored firefighters
another good one for the IT illiterate is to fix sellotape over the mouseball...
or else prise off the letters on the keyboard and arrange them alphabetically...
( antmulder Flick your icefloss, Fri 6 May 2005, 23:55, Reply)

bored firefighters
sorry if this has been already posted... but the ultimate act of petty sabotage is to hide the remote controls from the night shift.
( antmulder Flick your icefloss, Fri 6 May 2005, 23:49, Reply)

bored firefighters
wait till your boss leaves his window open on a hot friday evening when he books off, then sneak in, unscrew the top of his desk and fill the hollow legs with mackeral...
this is especially effective if he has a visit from the DO on monday...
( antmulder Flick your icefloss, Fri 6 May 2005, 23:46, Reply)

Hmm
Not so much sabotage, but along the lines...

When i was younger i use to have problems pronouning "F"'s and "Th"'s so my loving mother took me to a speach therapist to get me checked out, upon arrival the man said he was going to hold up several cards and i had to say what i saw, so it started simple; "apple" "cat" and then he came to a picture of a frog on a card, and me being the smartass i was at the young tender age of about 6 said "toad". . . immagine his annoyance of being outsmartened by little old me. . . Tehe
(Aquai, Fri 6 May 2005, 23:07, Reply)

Coke Can
My favourite has to be using something such as a compass or a badge pin to make a discreet hole on the side of a can under the drinking hole so that when people drink, they are efectively purring it down them. Works terribly well when they think they have missed their mouth then go do it again! mwahaha

Edit: Aim for darker areas, its less noticable
(paintboy, Fri 6 May 2005, 22:20, Reply)

Revenge on the Anal-Rententive Ex-Fiance
When my ex-fiance and I split up, he had possession of some of my belongings that I wanted back. I contacted him repeatedly to no avail. One of his housemates liked me and, being sympathetic, snuck me into the house to retrieve my things when the ex was away for a few hours. After gathering my belongings, I took one last look around his room, noting that, as usual, everything was rigidly neat and orderly - a place for everything, and everything in it's place, just as in every aspect of his life. By the way, my ex had a low threshhold for stress. Any change or inconvenience, no matter how minor, usually set off an attack of severe stomach pain and sometimes diarrhea which occasionally required hospitalization to treat. So I rearranged his room. Everything was still neat and orderly, just in an entirely different place. Then I left. I understand he needed almost an entire bottle of antacid to get his stomach pain under control.
(bunnybutt, Fri 6 May 2005, 21:08, Reply)

I was sabotaged!
Or rather, my social life and academic success were sabotaged when last week (the week before my exams at uni) I was mugged and had my wallet and phone stolen!

I took it like a good sport though, restraining my emotial responses to joking about it through my black eye and bruised jaw. But since the phone is on contract to a company who will remain nameless (or.. numberless! - hint) they, despite having frozen the SIM, are refusing to replace it, and their affiliated insurance chimps are refusing to replace the handset as I didn't report the crime to them within 24 hours - well I live virtually alone (no land line either) so I had no way of contacting them!

Still, just sounding off I suppose. Maybe it's a reflection of this multicommunicational modern society, about the reliance on permanent availability and constant conversation potential... Wasn't like this when I was young...
( Quiver Search for FATALISTS on Spotify, Amazon, Apple, &c, Fri 6 May 2005, 19:45, Reply)

Mate who lived down the road ...
When I was younger, walking to go out, I needed a shit and couldn't be arsed to go back home. I chanced that his front door was open, which it was (I live in one of those places). I took a shit in their downstairs toilet. Wiped my arse and left without flushing ...

I've always wanted to lace bread with laxative and dump a large pile of it somewhere like trafalger square ...
(FortyFour, Fri 6 May 2005, 19:36, Reply)

Soap On My Little Sisters Toothbrush
Listen To Her Vomit Before Bed!!!

Brilliant
( Johno says the chances of anything coming from mars are a million to one But still they come on, Fri 6 May 2005, 19:15, Reply)

More magnet fun
I once worked in a branch of a large financial services organisation. One day the cashier next to me was getting a load of grief from a real tosser of a customer, but was being exceedingly polite and controlled in return.

Cashier: So, Sir, it's the end of the week again - will you be going out tonight?

Tosser: Er - yes, for a few drinks, I suppose

(while talking, cashier repeatedly swipes extra-strong magnet, kept under counter for purposes of demagnetizing recalcitrant passbooks, over magstripe of customer's ATM card)

Cashier: Excellent. Have a good time, won't you?

(Hands card back to customer)

I'd love to have seen the guy's face at midnight when he went to withdraw the cash for a taxi home...
(rogerzilla, Fri 6 May 2005, 18:47, Reply)