hmm...
hahahahahaha....

Pissed in housemates lemonade cos he was a thieving twunt. Watched him drink it!

Kicked same housemates satellite dish off the roof (again cos he nicked my porn)

He was complete lisping twunt!!!!
(Kayozz, Wed 4 May 2005, 14:45, Reply)

Light Entertainment.
My mate had one of those awful lightguns that came bundled with a Speccy +2. I coloured in the lens on the front with permanent black marker. He didn't twig either, and just put it down to the surrogate firearm being 'shit', and never used it again.
(Green-Alsatian, Wed 4 May 2005, 14:44, Reply)

Blackheads
Not really sabotage but....my boyfriend and I were in a houseshare in Sydney with possibly the most irritating girl in the world. We wanted to leave a "present" for her when we left but didn't want her to get the hump with us (she was going to forward mail etc) and so we couldn't do the usual sewing fish into the curtain business. So instead I squeezed some of my boyfriends blackheads into her butter. How we laughed as we imagined her eating her toast the next day...
(littlebear, Wed 4 May 2005, 14:41, Reply)

Chewits
a guy I used to work with had the annoying habit of "cheekily" nabbing a bit of food from me if I happened to be eating close by to him. He mainly did this with crisps, but also with sweets. To begin with I let it pass, but it turned to hate pretty quickly. On one occasion, he invited himself to a whole finger of Twix, and this caused me to snap I suppose. Although I wanted to tear his face off, I realised it might get me the sack. Instead I purchased a packet of Chewits on my way home, sat down in the kitchen that evening and very craftily sliced each Chewit in half, scooped the middle out and filled it with chilli powder. I melted each sweet back together slightly, so as to keep the chilli powder in, and then re-wrapped the lot. It took fucking ages. Was worth it though, the next day I left them on my desk and the greedy git scoffed the lot before realising something was wrong. That taught the bastard.
( Fictional Emma, Wed 4 May 2005, 14:39, Reply)

0/10
as i confessed in a revenge post... minutes, if not exactly hours, of entertainment are gained from voting on music sites: "0/10 this album sucks mouldy ass and only a moron with no ears would buy it and even then only for someone they hate and want to die a slow painful death through aural bleeding" for the stupid albums released by the stupid flat faced green card seeking so-called see each other once a year "girlfriend" of the man i really should not be seeing any more!!! ok ok i know it's not her fault and i only do it when he pisses me off.

but it is sabotage and it is definitely petty!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 May 2005, 14:27, Reply)

Testicles
Got a bloke drunk and bet him that he couldn't get both his bollocks into a marmite jar (standard sized jar).

This is an easy feat, one simply pops them in, one at a time.

Unfortunately there isn't room for both a plum and a digit, negating the chances of removing said testicles.

Nothing makes Lord Manley happier than watching a grown man's face as he holds a claw hammer and contemplates smashing the glass jar which houses his gonads.

as here

See?

Obvious.
( Lord Manley of Ven www.justgiving.com/manley - please?, Wed 4 May 2005, 14:23, Reply)

When I was
about 12, we were on holiday, and we saw this massive, hells angel type pull into the car park on his big noisy bike, near the beach where we were.

When he left his bike, we removed all his spark plugs. When he got back, he went mental, and we thought it was hilarious. Until he found out who it was from some 'helpful' passers by, located my Dad, and was on the verge of kicking the bejeezus out of him, until we gave ourselves up.

He shouted at us lots, and then left.
(8-Ball, Wed 4 May 2005, 14:19, Reply)

christmas tape
When I was at university, the compsci 3rd and 4th years shared a computing lab. When we were programming in the afternoon (or into the night) we'd generally have the lab hifi on radio 1.

But around the festive season, there was a casette tape that had to be played almost continuously. Imagine it, weeks of crappy christmas songs you're already sick of played ad infinitum.

Until one day the tape wouldn't play. It barely fit in the casette drive and the wheel wouldn't turn. It was certainly warped but no one had a clue what had happended to it.

Simple, I'd microwaved the little fucker.
( djtrialprice, Wed 4 May 2005, 14:17, Reply)

Coffee, mate?
Does sabotaging peoples health count?
I'm the only girl in an office full of men, so naturally I constantly get asked to make tea/coffee. I'm more than happy to take my turn, but over the past few weeks I have been gradually increasing the amount of sugar they all take. I'm up to three and a half big spoonfuls now for most of them. Fatness or diabetes will ensue, and I don't really mind which.
(mookroolz, Wed 4 May 2005, 14:15, Reply)

Camping outside a pub near Skipton with my then-girlfriend
A group of art students were staying in a local barn, and we'd spent the day with them. Everyone had been at the pub together until closing, and then they'd all gone back to their barn and we'd gone to our little dome tent.

About half-an-hour later (when we were just getting 'settled' in the tent) we heard girls giggling and the canvas and poles started to move. The tent then proceeded to collapse as I emerged and the two giggling girls ran off back to the barn. The bastards had taken out all the pegs and thrown them into the bushes!

That was too much, so I stormed off down the road to the barn, and found the front door unlocked. Inside, one of the first things I saw was a fantastic painting done by one of the girls of a friend. I knew that the artist involved was one of the girls who had sabotaged my tent. So.....

...I took the painting and ran back down the road. I took a deep breath, ripped the picture to shreds and threw all the pieces into a ditch.

I still feel guilty now for destroying something creative (it was an outstanding picture, had been one of the talking points of the day), but I was *really* angry. We had to go around finding twigs in the middle of the night to use as makeshift tent-pegs.
( spacehog, Wed 4 May 2005, 14:13, Reply)

Whilst at Uni
somewhere in the North West, I was bollocked for leaving my window wide open and playing very loud music.
And for kicking the bollard lights so that they went out.
And for regularly filling my hall corridor with pot smoke.
And for stealing chemistry equipment and building ingenius devices for generating said smoke.

All of these things I thought were quite acceptable university behaviour but apparently I was wrong. When I came to leave halls, with the help of some friends, we packed one of the ventilation shafts with food (fruit, veg, pilchards, chunks of meat etc.) and stuck yoghurt cartons to the back of radiators. I imagine the smell would've been spectacular, but sadly I was not there to enjoy.
(apple pie - eat me with ice cream, Wed 4 May 2005, 14:06, Reply)

Spiders
I was babysitting for three children when I was around 16, my boyfriend at the time decided to come and pay me a visit, the poor lamb had an extreme phobia of spiders...cue me telling children to find as many spiders in the garden as possible and to make a pretty box...which they were to give to him as a 'gift' when he turned up...
Funnily enough...he didn't see the funny side.
(wormeater, Wed 4 May 2005, 14:06, Reply)

And Sometimes
i dry big dead spiders in the sun and put them on my brothers bed, keyboard, dishes, ... .
(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:58, Reply)

there once was a guy called matt...
...he'd sit in his weelchar and talk crap. he wasn't innocently disabled, but there because he wanted to be and was too lazy to get walking again. anyway. we were all down pub one lunchtime, and matt is there with his pint...now picture this...he frequently goes into some kind of semi-catatonic state...sort of head tilted sideways and half asleep...rainman style. enter 'mosquito'(steve mostini...or something like that), who swiftly leans over into matt's ear with a 'bop!'. Ive never seen people move so fast...the beer must have lept at least two foot into the air before landing all over his numb legs. two weeks later we were all in the cinema. matt...popcorn...bop...same result. was so amusing at the time, some of us sados still to this day greet each other with the salutation 'bop!'
(kx, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:57, Reply)

sometimes
I pick out the little metal pin thingy of my brothers doornob. When he wants to open his door after that he is going to pull the whole thing out of it ... Its nothing exiting but its still a laugh to hear him swear about it ...
(FoxA / DannyWeinkauf, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:55, Reply)

When I was in student halls, back in the nineties,
I bought about fifty blocks of clothes dye and went round putting them in every toilet cistern, so that every toilet flushed in a different colour.
No idea why, just boredom I think.
( Zuowan, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:46, Reply)

this week me and another mate
convinced a mate that he had caught the clap from a girl just by kissing her last weekend. Cue him booking an appointment to the doctors. He's 25.

Size isn't everything.
( Rusty Shackleford www.junt.co.uk / @joeyrobbo, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:43, Reply)

fly swatter
You know those electric fly swatters that look sorta like a tennis raquet? (gadget shop ppl, ooooh the flashy lights) neways, my sister got a hold of mine and decided to make little sparks by tossing a 2p piece otop of it. Of course this enevitably broke, cue me getting very pissed off and heading for my tool kit. ripped apart this fly swatter thing and found inside a nice little inverter, gives quite a shock to the system i can tell u. attached old speaker cable to the end terminals and proceded to attach the other ends to the inside of my sisters bedroom door with the live parts hooked up to the doorhandle. Sister gets out of shower, sister goes to bedroom and tries to open door, gets shocked and jumps back, so does it again, and again, and again. Cue me rolling about on the floor pissing myself laughing. (major bollocking from my mom tho, at least she saw the funny side eventually)
(kramit http://lpjam.blogspot.com/ woo yay, blog spam, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:36, Reply)

This might be a bit wrong....
...but I used to work for a Government Department in Old Trafford, Manchester (Portcullis House) with a woman who we shall, for the sake of argument, call Karen Bryan. Because that was her name. Anyway, she was physically disabled but **allegedly** used it as an excuse to get out of doing anything at all resembling work. There was nothing wrong with her brain, she was **allegedly** just idle and had a chip on her shoulder. Amusingly, though, when she got tipsy, she would generally fall over and approximate that Tiswas favourite "The dying fly" trying to get back up again. As she was unsteady on her feet, yet incredibly vain (and short), she would wear high heels to and from the office then change into some amazingly shite golden "Aladdin" slippers. Which stank. And I hated.

I digress.

Slightly.

One day, she had spent all of her normal working afternoon on the phone to her mum for the regular 1 hour let's not do any ferking work whatsoever skiveathon and fantasising about her step-dad, who's name escapes me. I was called in to see the boss and told I would be working to assist Karen in clearing her backlog of work. Somewhat fuming, and a little tipsy myself from 5 pints of Banks best bitter (surely an oxymoron?) that lunchtime, I waited till she had shuffled crab-like (for she could not walk in a straight line) before hoiking her aladdin slippers into the nearest wastebin. Not realising that the cleaners would indeed empty them into the skip at the back.

The next morning, search parties were combing the building for the missing footwear as my conscience got the better of me and I went round to the rear of the building......to see the dustbin wagon pulling off the carpark (driving off, not tossing off, that is). Guilt turned to sickness as the sobbing woman looked at me and all I could do was......profess to feeling unwell and wagged it for three days.

Double bonus.
(mashman99, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:36, Reply)

Its just not cricket
In our cricket team, we have one player who does the close in fielding, and for this he wears a helmet. When he isnt in close, we put the helmet on the ground behind the wicketkeeper. When conditions are damp, around this area is some sawdust, to place on the ground to stop bolwers slipping over. Every chance we get we fill the helmet up with sawdust, and he spends the next over with it continually falling around his face.

Another one that is now folklore at my club, although I didnt witness it, goes as follows:

A rather large fellow on our team is rather partial to food (Quell suprise). As the ball gets passed around the outfield back to the bowler, one player quickly exchanges the ball for a pork pie concealed earlier in his pocket, and passes that on instead. Everyone pissed themselves, except said player, who by all accounts was not best pleased
(jimmy_stavros, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:29, Reply)

I once bought a box
of party poppers, you know, the ones where you pull the string and the streamers get blown out the end...

Well. I took the little gunpowder mechanism out of about 50 of them and taped them all to the doorframe of my bathroom, taping the strings to the actual door.

Of course, since I was inside and couldn't use the door (for obvious reasons) I had to climb out of the window and walk back into main room from the backdoor.

Then, I invited a friend round to sleep over.

After a few drinks and much xboxing, he asks to go to the toilet. Me, being the kind and generous bloke, say yes.

Is it this room here?

Yeah mate.

Oh, thaBANG!

He nearly shat himself.
(DarkLite swallowed my entire undercarriage, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:25, Reply)

Where do I start.
Ive lived with a number of people in my life, at uni and now I work, some of which were right arse holes. Im not a bad person just prefer to do subtle things as revenge rather than shout. Read on:

- Lived with a deaf guy at uni who was such an arse (not because he was deaf). So we set everything we could to very loud one day in halls (Where they were strict about noise). This included setting his ringtone on his phone to "IM DEAF NOT STUPID" so whenever he got a text it went off (he didnt get any calls as he was deaf) really loudly. Same with any noise on his pc. He also used to sleep with his room unlocked (incase of fire), so we used to all go in his room and do stuff when he was asleep, including moving everything in his room and me getting a bj off my gf, nice!!

- Lived with a posh bird in second year who wanted everything clean and proper, but didnt want to clean anything herself. Toothbrush + my pink rifle + my gf's love hole = nice.

- Lived with a homophobe in 3rd year, so when he was away (I had his keys to play on his ps2) my gay mate and his bf slept in his bed and wore his dressing gown the next morning.

God I should live alone.
(Robble, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:25, Reply)

Smelly pillow
In the summer months, sprinkle milk on lazy flatmate's pillow, resulting in a deeply unpleasent stench. If you live on a farm, as we did, never underestimate the power of filling someone's room with live chickens for a couple of hours.
( Irregular Shed is trying to remember what it is he does, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:24, Reply)

Simple things......
Fill a pint glass up with water, and put it upside down on worksurface using beermat, so when cleaners come to tidy our disgusting kitchen in halls, the get covered. It didnt take much to amuse us at Uni!!
(jimmy_stavros, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:20, Reply)

a few simple, yet effective ones
1) swap someones computer keyboard with the persons next to them when they're not looking

-or-

2) if they have a lot of documents and programs on their desktop, hit ctrl a (select all) then press return

-or-

3) remove the 1,2 and 3 buttons from their numeric keypad and replace with the 7,8,9 - surprisingly more effective than you'd think

I'm sure i know more, and will no doubt post them when i can remember them.

Its as easy as 789 - hang on a minute - whats going on?

/edit

Oh there used to be this club that we went to that if you left your drink on the side, someone would invariably nick it when you were prancing about on the dance floor. It really doesn't take a jenius to work out what we used to do to the drinks in the toilets for a laugh to see if anyone would take the bait. Which they did.

What's more worrying is that very few of them noticed that they were actually drinking lager with about 1/3 piss content.
(well its not going to suck itself yadda yadda yadda, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:16, Reply)

Where the magic never ends..
Whilst employed by a large north midlands attraction. I went through pain to fuck someone over, proper pain.

Me and my minions worked at 3D cinema. We were handing out the glasses and telling people the saftey rules i.e no food or drink in case the super evil film makes you jump and you dump it on some cunt.

I was talking to a lady and advised her that she could leave her sweets with us at the front desk and collect them afterwards. It was all nice with jokey comments such as
"oh you're not going to eat them are you?"
"oh no madam, on a diet see?" (all very jolly, cause i like chatting to the joes)
then dick flaps her fella grunted
"Yeah, looks like you could lose some pounds"
(at this point I saw out of the corner of my eye three of my team freeze and wince as I was known for my vengence on people)
"You are probably right sir. May I take your drink?"
and like the asshair he was he left me his frosty beverage cup.
He entered the show chuckling at his wit. I took his drink to a lockable store cupboard. After five mins, readers wife mag and some tissue, I carefully inserted the rough edged straw down my japs eye, extra careful to get some residue. After carefully withdrawing the straw, i removed some detrius from the outside of the straw (marvelling at the viscosity and shade) and reintroduced it to the drink and run some water down it so it was not complety clogged.

I waited my entire lunchbreak for dickpump to return and almost lost hope. But sure enough in he waddled with his sweet crunching partner. I wished him a very good day as he took three deep drafts from the straw and drained the cup, belched like the gentleman he was and left his spurs top beginning to hum in the heat.

My staff demanded I should be a manager after that cause they wanted to send complaints to me .
Bless
(1st team orc, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:14, Reply)

Uni Fun
13 blokes on the same floor in Uni Halls is always gonna cause the odd bit of entertainment at someones expense!

1. Bloke goes out of his room to lectures, but foolishly leaves door unlocked. Cue a couple of us going in, setting homepage to massiveblackcocks.com, making all colours on desktop, including background, icons, start menu, all the same colour, unpllugging keyboard and removing ball from mouse.

2. Gaffer taping door handle to ceiling, so when pissed hall-mate gets up at 2pm, cant unlock door to get out to piss/chunder.

3. Create a sentance in Word, along the lines of "Im a big fat Twuntish Ape". Paste it till it fills the page, copy that page 200 times, copy that file 200 times, copy that folder 200 times and store it in a hidden place on annoying blokes hard drive.

4. One bloke in Hall (Bit of a Psycho) used to get so pissed off with everyone stealing his potatoes to play football with in the kitchen, that he carefully positioned all of his knifes, and a few razor blades, in his sack of potatoes, so anyone who tried it again lost a finger. It didnt work, but no one stole any more potatoes!!

Im sure I have more. *pushes fingers on temples to aid memory*
(jimmy_stavros, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:14, Reply)

Smarties
We didnt like our mates neighbour so painted small stones Smarties colours then put them in a box. She ate them...
(kerch1ng, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:13, Reply)

Noisy flat-mate's KY
and as much Tobasco as we could get to stay in there, and mixed it with a kebab skewer,

why? His missus sounded like a whore, and it bored us.

It worked.
IT took a long time before he saw the funny side. I suggest you try it. Similar to Figging you know.
(Google "Figging" if you don't know)
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Wed 4 May 2005, 13:11, Reply)

Petty? Sabotage!
Nottingham Trent University Clifton Site 1992 - 10 girls and 10 boys in student halls. Girls regularly take food from boys cupboards. Sabotage - Add laxative to all food on friday night. Result - 10 girls with the worst case of the shits known to man on Saturday/Sunday/Monday.

Leaving job in June 2004. Boss claimed I was untrustworthy and that nobody could believe a word I said. Refuses to write reference despite the fact that everbody else asked me not to leave. Forces me to work every weekend during notice. Sabotage - Download all upcoming project data, company pricing schedules, proceedures and policies from MD's laptop at weekend, send to all competing companies. Result - Company has not won a contract since.

Have since been back to find that office has turned into a badly managed dump, offered old job back.

Edit : Forgot MS rules wizard, create a rule that applies to all messages so that a reply is sent with an inappropriate template or permamently deletes the message. Works best with people who are easily stressed.

I am the lord of evil.
( The Beast can't help looking at womens breasts on the tube, Wed 4 May 2005, 13:08, Reply)