chocolate chip muffin
Like many (particularly blokes) I’m not keen on needles. I was fine as a nipper having vaccinations at school and stuff and I’m not particularly squeamish...

Mrs spimf and I were trying for a baby (we scored in the end he's nearly 2 now and a wee belter) but we had to have a few hospital appointments to get there, one morning we're in the car heading to the hospital and mrs spimf stops at a service station and comes out with a chocolate muffin.

"Here eat this,” she says
I didn’t really feel like eating a muffin right then and was also slightly bemused at her request.
"I’m alright thanks I’m not hungry right now"
"No eat the muffin, you need to eat something"
"Err, I just told you I don’t want the bloody muffin"
"Eat the muffin"
"I don’t want the FUCKING MUFFIN"
"JUST EAT THE FUCKING MUFFIN"
"No"
"You need to eat it, your having a blood test this morning and the nurse says if your blood sugar is low it might affect the results"

Silence

You know that moment in movies when they move the camera away from the subject whilst simultaneously zooming in (yes that’s how they do that 'moment of shock realisation' thing)...

Immediately I felt sick - my stomach dropped through the floor and my mouth went dry.

"What blood test - why didn't you tell me!" I squeaked

Mrs spimf then calmly told me that she had spoken to the nurse and explained my fear of needles. The nurse who had obviously experienced this before advised her not to tell me I was having blood taken, apparently when you get really scared or uptight about something your veins kind of shrink back a bit and it can be a bit of a bugger to get a needle in, which obviously just makes things worse for wimps like me. But my reluctance to 'JUST EAT THE FUCKING MUFFIN' had forced by beloved to blow her cover.

I sat pale and quiet for the rest of the journey

When we got there my usual cheery banter was notably missing. When we got into the nurses little room I started to feel even worse. The nurse was decent about it but we still ended up with me - a burly 36 year old Glaswegian, on a gurney, curled up in the foetal position, fists teeth and rectum clenched tighter than a fat birds shoe - mrs spimf holding my hand with me not so much shaking but almost convulsing with a fear I have never known before.

Of course I only felt a slight prick in the end.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 14:01, 3 replies)

'Tighter than a fat girl's shoe'
I liked this story.
*click*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 14:04, closed)

^
What he said.







(Glesga lightweight)
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 11 Apr 2008, 14:32, closed)

osick
ah i see you are from the far east (edinborin)

you know what they say...

more fun at a glesga chibbin than an edinburgh weddin

aye
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Sat 12 Apr 2008, 0:43, closed)