The story of broken legs man
Again, not particularly proud of this and wouldn't do it again, but I wouldn't allow myself to be treated like that again, so it's a moot point.

Broken legs man and I first met when I was an impressionable 14 year old at YMCA day camps. He was tall, handsome and a whole year older than me. Very charming and outgoing, he went to the local posh school, whereas mine was a highly sought after comprehensive 2km away. He was going out with the camp bike and I was left to the role of best girl mate.

We met up again each summer, sometimes seeing each other during school time if our paths crossed, him looking very smart and cool while I was reduced to blushing and gibbering like a freak until I was 17, but then his mother died and with all the best intentions we lost touch for a while until I went to uni.

He spotted me in a pub back home where I had a new found confidence in myself, lots of friends, four years training in kickboxing, a decent haircut can do wonders as well as good skin which had been the bane of my life until then.

We hooked up and all was good for a few months until for reasons unknown he decided to systematically destroy my life. Not by major things that would be noticed by others, but little things like saying I looked fat in some clothes I liked - I was a size 12 at this point, but lost two stone at his behest, pointing out my weaknesses like intolerance for stupid people, how I should be nicer to his friends - not sure why as they were never nice to me and how all of my friends were shit and didn't like me.

Over the course of two years he basically broke down all my defences and made me feel like crap. He then slept with one of his hideously ugly friends and gave me an STI - not one of the horrible permanent ones thankfully, but enough to be pissed off about. I had no idea at this point that was how I'd got it as he made me think that I had it and passed it onto him. So we split up for the summer and missed each other inbetween burning doses of pain administered by nurses. He got back in touch with me and I jumped at the chance of getting back together as although I'd had plenty of other offers, I was infatuated with the little fucker.

Turned out he didn't have any treatment for his dose of nasties and within a week I was showing symptoms again and wondered why. One of his (nicer) friends took me aside and told me broken legs man had slept with another of their friends and then bragged about how stupid I was as I didn't realise. He then went on to tell me that my initial suspicions of him taking smack on a regular basis were in fact correct and the way he mashed up his chin a few weeks before was not in a car accident, but his dealer seeking to teach him a lesson for not paying up on time and sleeping with one of his bitches.

Armed with this information, plus some other stuff that I'm not going to discuss here I went to see him and when confronted, he laughed in my face. A swift roundhouse brought him down, a couple of punches broke three ribs and a few well times stamps broke his legs. One below the knee and one above the knee. The rising smell of fecal matter necessitated my exit, but not before hocking up a greenie and depositing it on his face.

Aside from everything else, if you're going to cheat on me, make it with someone better looking, not a chavvy minger with shit for brains as that's just insulting.

Apologies for spitting as it's just not ladylike.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:17, 71 replies)

That is the best story
That I've read on QOTW for a long time.

*clicks hard*
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:21, closed)

Well done.
Justice served.

A tad harsh, but deserved, I reckon.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:21, closed)

erm...
You scare me...but in a good way.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:22, closed)

holy fuck
at least you didn't kick him in the balls as well, that would just have been nasty!

good skills though, reads like the twunt deserved it.
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:23, closed)

Thank you
I'm not a psycho really. Promise
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:23, closed)

I accept your apologies for the unladylike spitting
As long as you can confirm that the kicking/stamping was done in pretty heels with lots of ladylike sparkly bits.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:24, closed)

@Halfy
If she's strong enough to break his femur with a kick, his balls would have ended up in his throat!

Kaol - careful with this one!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:25, closed)

@K2k6
I like her, she's got a lot of spirit.
Vodka mostly...
*sprangs self*
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:27, closed)

@Bobfossil
I'm afraid I cant confirm that as I refuse to do heels and sparkles as I'm strictly a jeans and trainers girl.

I did however work at Lush for a year and was pretty much coated in sparkles and pretty smelling things for the duration which was a bit odd, but fun.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:28, closed)

Oh wow
Very well deserved I feel and you now have my fear driven respect.

...please don't hurt me.

[edit] Another Lush worker eh? Which one did you work at? :D
(Guilt wants to get in your moist confines, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:28, closed)

"She's got alot of spirit"
Am I the only one that read that with a speech impetament? (sc?)
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:29, closed)

.....
...and now I'm terrified of bekyjsbx.

Good on you for dishing out the justice and all, but broken ribs and legs? Ouch.

When I found out about my ex and my brother, I gave him a huge right hook and a barstool over the head, but I came off worst as my fist connected with his teeth, I've still got a little scar and everything.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:30, closed)

All this violance in one thread...
Kaol's gonna have to nip off to the toilets in a minute.
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:32, closed)

"I like her, she's got a lot of spirit."
I concur, Kaol.

Enough to knock the knife right out of your hand, no sweat...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:32, closed)

Oh crap
Mrs Fireflier's just taken up Ju-jitsu. you've not been giving her ideas have you?
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:33, closed)

You trying to admit that you've been sleeping with other women
and giving your Mrs STDs, Fireflier?
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:34, closed)

Yeah...
And break my wrist.

*shrugs*
But she's lovely really.
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:34, closed)

@Guilt
I was at Reading, then Regent Street. Which one were/are you at?

Honestly, I'm lovely and fluffy really. I even work with fluffy kittehs
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:35, closed)

I'm guessing Becky's career is...
Bikini Waxer!
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:36, closed)

@beckyjsbx
The pic on your profile doesn't make you look like you would be capable of such deeds.

Which means (unless below the neck you are built like a brick shithouse), that there would have been an element of surprise in there too. Top marks!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:37, closed)

@k2k6
LOL, no I'm tall but tiny built.

Oh and currently unemployed veterinary nurse
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:39, closed)

@Becky
Oh, so you do actually work with fluffeh kittens then?

Like these?



*hopes that injection of kitten-ness will calm down some of today's violence*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:44, closed)

*head explodes*
too many jokes to make... Can't decide which to use... noooo
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:49, closed)

More like this


But close enough
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:49, closed)

That cat looks more like a
guinea pig or somet'
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:50, closed)

Awwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!
*dies of acute fluffyitis*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:51, closed)

I'm trying to resist
going out to get a kitten. My girlfriend has firmly informed me that we already have too many pets.

You're not helping my resolve.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:54, closed)

Cute!
*almost joins Bert in fluff-induced death*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:55, closed)

@ Resident loon
Doesn't have to be a ginger kitteh...



Sadly two of their litter mates died several hours before so we weren't able to do a full Guantanamo style pyramid
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:57, closed)

Why do all your kitten pictures
look like rodants?
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 14:58, closed)

@Belgaer
Because they're about 2 days old at the time.



Better?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:01, closed)

Well, I can tell that one's a cat now...
but he looks stoned and unhappy.

I'm hard to satisfy. ;) oi oi
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:01, closed)

He's chilling out
resting on my boob.

Trust me, he's happy.

*god that sounds all kinds of wrong*
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:04, closed)

^
*has sudden desire to be a kitten*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:05, closed)

Ah, that explains it.
So, what are the requirements to be allowed to rest on your boob?
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:06, closed)

I'm a lady
And a lady never tells
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:10, closed)

Pfft, women...
Always trying to make it harder on us.

Hur hur hur.
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:10, closed)

@Belgaer
If you don't know, you never will...
( Cawl, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:11, closed)

Yaeh, but my method probably wouldn't envolve Rohypnol
which means it's different for every woman.
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:11, closed)

@Belgaer
It would appear that some tabby stripes and a set of whiskers would go a long way.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:17, closed)

Damn...
I shaved yesterday. :(

*vows not to shave for a week*
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:19, closed)

shit!
:|
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:22, closed)

*considers his unshavenness and the natural stripes in his beard*
could be onto a winner here!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 15:34, closed)

My ex did karate
Fortunately she only punched me once, jokingly, but it hurt. It turned me on a bit, but I never told her. Probably the right idea though because if I had she might have hit me again - for real.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:04, closed)

*Bludgeons Vipros and adds him to the pile*
When will they learn?
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:04, closed)

Whoa!
"I'm not a psycho really. Promise"

In this case, you should have made an exception.

"saying I looked fat in some clothes I liked - I was a size 12 at this point, but lost two stone at his behest"

I fucking hate cunts that do that!

Anyway, I noticed you were coming to the mini-bash on the 19th. Unfortunately, I'm not but I would have brought you a drink and hugged you if I was.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:10, closed)

A stripey furry male
hmm...maybe
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:11, closed)

well done love, sounds like he deserved it
*clicks*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:13, closed)

Yeah, but... right...
He's a stripey furry male with bludgeon wounds... No-one wants damaged goods...

*starts to sweat desperately*
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:13, closed)

check me out
even with bludgeon wounds!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:15, closed)

Hmm
Belgaer's inflicted rather too many bludgeon wounds today for my liking.

It's been a very violent day hereabouts, despite the kittens.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:18, closed)

*bludgeons Vipros again, harder this time, and puts him back on the pile*
Bludgeon victims don't talk!
Grr
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:18, closed)

@ K2k6
Well, if they didn't try stealing my wimminfolks...

Anyway, I've only bludgeoned 3 people.
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:19, closed)

@Belgaer
Yes, but I have a slightly biased perspective, given that I'm one of them.

Edit - the bludgeonees that is, not the wimminfolk.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:21, closed)

Well, that's not my fault,
if you wanna be biased that's your choice.

*doesn't trust K2k6, bludgeons him over the head and has one of the wimminfolk check*
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:23, closed)

Children
play nicely.

Or do I have to unsheath my samurai swords?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:24, closed)

Samurai swords?
Don't mention them, or you'll have Kaol spluffing his pants.

*falls back into post-multiple-bludgeoning coma*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:26, closed)

Hmm...
I'll behave if you help me re-sheath my sword. ;)

Oi oi.
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:27, closed)

*awakens briefly once more*
D'you know the Latin for 'sheath'?

Vagina.

*lapses into unconsciousness again*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:29, closed)

Aye, I know, which is what I was getting at...
I know this because my dad used it after I said "vagina" in class and offended my teacher, he claimed I meant sheath. :P
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:31, closed)

*clickity*
Sounds to me like he got exactly what he deserved!

(makes a vow to never, ever do anything to piss off Becky... even though she's not a psycho!)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:31, closed)

*click*
Please don't hurt me. I bruise like a peach.

see
( monkeyboyalpha jumping on the bandwagon since, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:33, closed)

*Dunks head in bucket of cold water*
Ah. that's better.

OK peeps. I'm off home. See ya.

*staggers*
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:35, closed)

.
See ya K2K6

@Belgaer, Vipros & Kaol
Instead of fighting each other, you should team up and fight Broken legs man. I'll happily join you.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:40, closed)

Broken legs man is no longer
a threat as alpha male.
(Belgaer is, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 16:42, closed)

Late clickety-meow
Ah, the tale of the worm that turned... And it's got kittens too.

*Clicks*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 6 Jun 2008, 17:34, closed)

oh, well done!
nothing says payback like broken bones! it may have been a bit harsh, but giving you mingeitis and lying about it, then giving it to you a second time because he's too stupid/lazy/selfish to get himself treated definitely deserves such punishment.
*click*
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 21:07, closed)

Wow
Interesting story.

I wonder what the reactions would be if the storyline was the same but the genders were switched?
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 2:23, closed)

Mime.
I suspectthat the police would have had the details of the post passed on a number of times by now.

I don't know what is more surprising. That many/ the majority here view serious domestic violence as either acceptable or at best trivial, or that someone would choose to post details of a crime which they themsevles commited and could potentially get five years for (regardless of whether or not they were proud of it).
(silene, Sat 7 Jun 2008, 19:10, closed)

I would like to know why...
you view an intolerance for stupid people as a weakness?
( Furness, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 0:19, closed)

Woos to you...
...for showing that fecal-stain what he deserved. Yays to you for looking after teh fluffeh kittins!
(magentacock is spunking like it's nineteen ninety-nine..., Wed 11 Jun 2008, 2:26, closed)