An old lecturer
once told me that procrastination is like masturbation. It feels good until you realise you're fucking yourself...

Wise words...

/desmond
( The4thCrystal Wishes he was better at photographamising..., Thu 20 Nov 2008, 17:54, Reply)

I'd suggest next weeks QOTW....
...if I could be arsed.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 17:17, Reply)

Great just great back home from an early shift and no knew QOTW. How very dissappointing.
(runs off to sulk)
(Nahla, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 17:12, Reply)

I wonder...
...if the powers-that-be only picked this topic so they could hilariously delay the next one.

That would be oh-so-funny.

We'd all split our sides laughing.

Oh, yes.

Indeed.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 17:08, Reply)

I'm glad I took so long to decide
between the BNP and NAMBLA.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 17:06, Reply)

What
Aren't we playing the last game today, or is everyone busy doing nothing?
(Lukekull Fuck, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 17:00, 1 reply)

I can't be bothered to write any more...
So I'll just link to one of my earlier posts.

www.b3ta.com/questions/procrastination/post304625

The Image Challenge came a day late, I really, REALLY hope the same doesn't happen with QOTW.
(GONEism, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 16:51, 1 reply)

My facebook status says it all today:
Miggyman is very very very busy at work.
(Miggyman, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 16:37, Reply)

But it might save your life!
When my mates Dad died, they had a whip round for charity rather than going down the route of flowers and stuff.

The money was sat in the envelopes provided by the charity for about 8 months before anyone called the local representative of said charity to come and collect it.

As my mate said, ‘Well, it’s a difficult time – or at least it was, then we just argued over who was going to call the woman’ (it was a 30 second phone call) he went on to say, ‘perhaps even more worrying than the fact neither my or my sister have called to have this money collected, is the fact we are raising money for a charity that is researching a cure for an hereditary illness that killed both my grandfather and my dad.’

I considered that to be fairly lazy.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 16:33, Reply)

Sniffy Sniffy
Aroooooooo...









BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK!
(Police Dog bark bark bark, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 16:06, 9 replies)

Ive been doing well in a dancing competition
but Im doing so well I cant be arsed to continue

Love
John Seargent
(scowners shagged his mum on, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:59, 4 replies)

I've been sleeping on a bed with no sheets for nearly a week
as I can't be bothered to put them back on after washing them.
(bobming, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:54, 1 reply)

I hate it when you b3tarded b3tards procrastinate
and fail to post a new QOTW on time. Get off yer asses!
(lanternchikk hat eine schwere Bohlenallergie, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 15:21, Reply)

Procrastination
I should really have procrastinated about joining the BNP...

As now it's led to eggs on the door and angry mobs outside...

I mean who let all these immigrants into he country?

I blame the gov't personally...and the parents

I only joined cos my mate Leroy joined
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 14:48, 1 reply)

Lost "Carry On" film
Recently, a group of researchers at Pinewood studios have uncovered a long rumored script for an unmade Carry On film. You must have heard of it, it's called Carry On Procrastinating.

HM Government is led by Bernard Bresslaw, who hilariously blunders from one cock up to the next, with predictably mirth some results. You'll giggle sides when he tells poor people to get their homes insulated, you'll laugh as he tells a bunch of rich Saudi Sheiks to pump more oil out of the ground instead of reducing taxes on fuels.

Meanwhile, the bubbly Culture Secretary played by Barbara Windsor gets herself into all kinds of comic japes. Watch the hilarity unfold as hapless Babs loses yet another laptop containing the names and bank account numbers of everyone in Britain!

Kenneth Williams plays Bresslaw's crooked arch-nemesis, who's called back into government to help them in the next election. Williams is seen scrounging for money from a Russian billionaire and cleverly he arranges for a passing public schoolboy toff take the rap instead.

Charles Hawtrey plays the ex-Prime Minister, who is amusingly afflicted with Munchausen's Syndrome and as such is utterly unable to separate fact from fiction. Fortunately for Bresslaw, he's touring the Holy Land pretending to be Jesus.

Hattie Jacques plays the harridan deputy PM who despises men, in particular her flatulent predecessor; Terry Scott who loves pies, Jaguars and risque moments with his secretary.

Finally, we have Frankie Howerd as the Chancellor of the Exchequer, caught with his pants down he decides to spend his way out of a wee spot of financial difficulty and hopes that no-one notices!

This would have been a classic Carry On had anyone gotten around to making it. They don't write 'em like they used to.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 20 Nov 2008, 14:32, 5 replies)

BNP membership
I couldn't be botherd to send my application in.

Lucky old me eh?
(Andy-Bhoy I'm here all week, try the veal., Thu 20 Nov 2008, 13:57, 3 replies)

First!
haaa haa haaa,

oh,

**gets burka**
(Osama Bin Ladin is opening a whole can of jihad on, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 12:53, Reply)

I like the fact that the best procrastinator
who manages to enter this QOTW will not leave any time to amass any clicks, and will thus fail to be on the Best page.

Ob recursive: Yesterday I put off not doing any work by reviewing a paper instead -- I procrastinated doing any procrastination.
(haberman is singing in the changes, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 12:47, Reply)

Just can't be bothered.
My Electric Toothbrush has had no power in it for about a month now.
(Miggyman, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 12:39, 5 replies)

I had a good one
But then I waited until the exact last minute to post it.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 12:31, Reply)

I used to change the QotW every Thursday at 11am on the dot.

In those days, there was none of this ‘First’ and ‘Last’ business, with sadsacks breaking their F5 keys in anticipation of the next Question, as the old one drones on way into the evening…

Quite simply, everybody knew where they stood.

Then, as time went on, I thought – ‘meh, fuck it’.

See you all about 6pm...ish...If I can be bothered

Love Chthonic

Peace out.
(Jam Rasta Geordie JMG's Jamaican cousin, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 12:29, Reply)

You do realise
that the mods will probably delay putting up a new question until about midnight, don't you...?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 20 Nov 2008, 12:18, Reply)

Sperm
My girlfriend wants to have my baby. Yay!!!

She's had a few problems with her lovely lady bits and as par for the course I have to have a few test carried out too to make sure I'm firing on all cylinders. General health assessment - check. Blood tests - check. Semen count - err, well, I actually kept putting that off. Not because I have a problem about wanking in public places, its more because the doctors gave me a number of a clinic on Euston Road to phone and sort out my own appointment. This was back in early September. I only got round to ringing them last week. I was supposed to go down there today armed with a fresh batch of my man juice for them to count, quaff, whatever they do with it.

I slept in. Got up late. Quickly knocked one out. (Your not allowed to cum for three days before giving them your best dairy produce, so that didnt take too long), and then legged it down to the tube with my man juice in a little container under my arm so I wouldnt miss my appointment.

I made the appointment - just, at ten thirty... Only my specimin didnt...

If you happen to be on the Northern Line, High Barnet branch today and see a small container containing what looks like spunk, well, yes, it is actually spunk...

Shit...
( SpankyHanky, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 11:31, 14 replies)

I didn't bother posting until now.
It's a deliberate choice, though, not me putting it off. I wanted to see how many posts would make the same joke about a country full of rude cassiterite miners, that's a "Pro Crass Tin Nation" or scheduler tasks with dreadlocks, accessed through a file system, that would be a "/proc Rasta nation", or similar.

Quite a lot, as it turns out.
(gordonjcp, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 11:26, 1 reply)

Report Writing
So my boss asked me to phone a really dull man about some reports he wants written...

I was meant to phone him on Monday - the reports are needed next Monday...it is Thursday and aI haven't done either and now I am crapping myself...ffs!

Can I say Cock?
( JockyMcSporan has a pointy head but no pointy chin..., Thu 20 Nov 2008, 11:23, 1 reply)

You wanna know what I've done this morning, you salads!?
I've been talking about BOAT.

Not working, just talking about BOAT, voting BOAT, writing BOAT on my head...the list goes on.

And it's not just me - the absolute best b3tans are all doing it.

Paperwork is for people who want to remain in employment - for the rest of us, there's BOAT.
(GONEism, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 10:58, 17 replies)

Jobs are like buses
After months of post-degree job application sloth, I finally manage to rouse myself enough to get a piss-paid job at a large chain of supermarkets.

Then, a job which I actually WANT at a university manages to resurface after months of hovering in the limbo 'twixt in-tray and bin. It's one of those rare beauties that involves a subject you're interested but won't melt your mind or force you to do research in the middle of the North Sea.

However, the first training day of the former and the interview for the latter manage to conspire against me and fall on EXACTLY the same minute. I have to choose between pissing off my current employer for the *prospect* of some job satisfaction, or miss out and actually (finally) earn some money. I NEED to call one of them and postpone/rearrange or I'll end up pissing them both off.

So what do I do? I 'mull it over' by playing Dice Wars, Red Alert and Reversi for hours, consider buying extortionate imported Anime robots, and make various blends of tea.

Length? Depends if I've remembered my rolling pin.
(zeppelin boy, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 10:53, 10 replies)

I procrastinate over absolutely everything
And my procrastination has cost me the single most important thing to me in the world.

Going to try not to procrastinate in future, but I wish I had a time machine.

_{apologies for lack of funny}
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 8:59, 13 replies)

Here is a quote from a book I am currently reading.
Thought I might share it with you all. (It is actually a quote of a quote if you know what i mean)

Ironically I've been meaning to read this book for the last 2 years.

"Get hold of the main thing: That the world and the self are one and perfect. Only your attitude is faulty and needs readjustment."
A faulty attitude creates a faulty world---a world of insufficiency, in which human beings are reduced to the status of things. It is a world of endless distractions, and "distractions from distraction," where individuals feel like voids that need to be filled. It is a world in which the present is devalued, and our hopes and dreams are projected on an empty future.
______________

I thought those lines to be quite fitting to this QOTW.

That is all

/length etc.
(never-right -getting it wrong since '78, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 8:28, Reply)

Those wall-mounted swivelling TV stands're just right for a bedside laptop.
Looks cold out.
That is all.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Thu 20 Nov 2008, 8:05, 4 replies)