Right then, i'll keep this as short as possible to keep you past the opening line below.
I play bowls! Still there? Good.
This contains two for the price of one in the same venue.
About 20 years ago my team mates and i had qualified for the regional finals of the national under 25s two rink ( 8 players) competition representing warwickshire at Bath in Somerset.
The quarter and semi final were on the sunday so being responsible young bowls players we arrived in Bath on friday with the intention of a damn good piss up that night and saturday.
Sat in one of the local establishments ( cant remember the name) early in the evening we were generally having a good time like a bunch of lads do.
Across the bar from our table there was a tv on the wall showing you've been framed with old small hand presenting it. For the best part of 10 minutes i kept diverting my attention to the tv and laughing at select clips.
All good.
A few moments later a bloke of about 40 is towering over me demanding to know what my fucking problem is and why i keep laughing at him. He has ,by now, the obligatory purple face of rage and imminent intent of battering me.
After explaining that i was laughing at the tv above him he just turned round and walked away.
After the long silence between us we decided to move on elsewhere.
An hour or two passed and by now we were getting nicely pissed and a bit noisy to boot.
I needed a piss so headed off to the loo.
Mid stream , i glance to my left to see guess who staring at me.
Fuck i thought.
" I'm going to rip your fucking head off" says he.
I'm still pissing. How do i deal with this?
Answer. I don't
Cue the arrival of my good mate Mat
No questions, no warning,no introduction. Mat wraps his arm around blokes neck and charges at full pace with him into cubicle and buries blokes head into toilet cistern breaking the cistern in the process. Bloke collapses to floor by toilet pan amidst lots of blood and water.
Mat looks back at me and says " I think he's fucking dead"
" Let's get the fuck out of here" I reply.
Saturday was a bit edgy trying to find the quiet pubs for a drink.
Mat is quite simply a monster when he loses it.
For that i am very grateful .
Thanks Mat.
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Sat 28 Sep 2013, 18:45, 10 replies)

I have my doubts
I don't believe there are eight bowls players aged under 25 in the UK. In fact, I don't believe there are eight bowls players aged under 65 in the whole UK.
(ubergeekian, Sat 28 Sep 2013, 22:04, closed)

That is the usual view.
A bit like saying all black people are muggers.
There are loads of old codgers that play the game, but at a competitive level the average age is about thirty. Plus it's one of the only games where you can get shit faced before you even play if you want to .
Happy days.
Give it a go , you might be surprised
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Sat 28 Sep 2013, 22:12, closed)

It's more like saying that darts players are fat.
'Cos it's true.

The notion of bowls even having a "competitive level" just does not compute.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 29 Sep 2013, 12:09, closed)

That's because you only accept the stereotypical view of it.
Just a bit narrow minded really.
There's a pleasant lack of stroppy arse bandits too.
(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Sun 29 Sep 2013, 14:12, closed)

alright Ringo / s0ckpuppet / Misery McUglywife / whoever you are this week

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 29 Sep 2013, 0:11, closed)

Umm, no.

(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Sun 29 Sep 2013, 0:35, closed)

you clicked the wrong link there, the one you wanted was "Tell us your story"

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 29 Sep 2013, 0:42, closed)

Was that aimed at me Gypo ?

(boarders You won't catch me with my trousers, Sun 29 Sep 2013, 1:21, closed)

yes*
* no**
** yes***
*** no
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 29 Sep 2013, 15:29, closed)

Never trust a crown green bowler
under thirty.

The future's so dull...
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Sun 29 Sep 2013, 23:09, closed)