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This is a question World of Random

There's a pile of scrap timber, rubble and general turds in the road opposite my work with a hand-written sign reading "Free Shed". Tell us about random, completely hatstand stuff and people you've seen

Suggested by Sandettie Light Vessel Automatic

(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 11:38)
Pages: Popular, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

This question is now closed.

Now most people don't get shouted at
When walking down the street and I’m no exception. However there was a time when I thought it was cool to dress as a hippy, flares, big hair etc. Anyway, I was just crossing a zebra crossing when the driver who stopped for me shouted as loud as he could, ABBEY ROAD!!!!!
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 15:24, 5 replies)
I got a piece of paper from a black bag that had lots of pieces of papers inside it, without even having a quick look at it. The paper I had chosen had the number 2 on it.

Isn't that random! Wow! Who would have thought!
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 15:22, 3 replies)
Random Snog #1
Turning out time at my local pub. I am standing outside with some friends, chatting and wondering whose place we're going to go to for a few spliffs and a hand of cards when it dawns on me that I've left my jacket inside.

The door is closed, but I walk back in, push the door open and come face to face with a short, drunk woman that I don't recognise.

Who immediately reaches up, grabs my face and gives me a big wet kiss, with tongues.

That's odd enough. What's odder is that the guy behind her - a pub regular whom I know only in passing - walks out behind her, turns and whispers ever so gently in my ear "Whatever you do, don't take her home. She's a police informer". Whereupon both of them disappear out of the door.

It took me a while to locate my jacket and by the time I came out they'd both gone. I never saw the woman again. To this day I have no idea whether the guy was telling the truth or whether he'd conceived this as a cunning plan to stop someone else stealing the bird he'd pulled.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 15:21, Reply)
Corporation St. Manchester, 1992
This is the end across Miller Street, going away from the city near the Crown and Cushion. There was a women's refuge that used to be a poor house.

In a morning, there used to be a youngish lady, a lot ragged, who used to stand on the steps and wave at the mostly stationary traffic backed up along it. Some used to wave back. Most, including me, just ignored the loony.

One day while stationary alongside her, she hiked up her skirt, dropped her kecks, and wiped her snatch with a piece of newspaper, and then penguin-walked towards my car and rubbed the newspaper on my passenger side window, re-arranged herself and went back in doors to the refuge/hostel.

I was quite phased/spooked that she chose me.

Following days, she just waved at cars again.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 15:07, 2 replies)
The Incredible Dancing Man
There's a fellow named Paul who lives in sunny Lewes. He's become a bit of a local celebrity for his dancing skills.
Ok, some of the moves he pulls aren't exactly world class, but he will dance, with no shame, to any music provided at any time. Tramp buskers stand slack-jawed in awe at his hand jivving. Entire pub loads of people stop, mid sip, to stare at his move busting abilities. Children ask their mothers "Who is that man, and why the hell is he dancing like a loon".
It's amazing to see an IDM virgin beholding the man for the first time, and I assume it must be slightly confusing to see a grown man suddenly start dancing away in the middle of the afternoon in a quiet pub as the other handful of punters merely get on with their drinking as if nothing strang is going on.
Worth looking him up for the videos.

sorry it's an arsebook linky
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 15:00, Reply)
I saw a man in Walthamstow who was dressed as a chicken.
He was dancing and waving & selling eggs.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:53, Reply)
I put my iPod on shuffle
And heard a selection of my music in an order in which I wasn't able to predict. Though it wasn't quite random, because I had it on a setting from iTunes which makes it seem more random than it is, by actually making it less random, ensuring that two songs by the same artist would not directly follow each other, conveniently dealing with my likely inherent desire to look for patterns where there are none and think that my iPod knows my mood or something.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:52, 8 replies)
Random you ask, well I live in the city of mentalists!
Driving down our local high street in South Birmingham one sunny afternoon, there was a guy grinning like a loon dressed in a 1970’s police uniform… but also carrying a stuffed monkey in a full bridal dress.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:46, 2 replies)
I think this guy should win......
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:43, 3 replies)
as random as any others
I used to do a regular rat run through the back streets of Park Royal. For any of you who don't know the area (and god forbid you should) it's the scrag end areshole of london where stolen cars go to die in bombed out lock-ups.

Among other street theatre props, there was a manky old 70's type caravan someone had been selling kebabs out of up on the kerb. Over time, the kebabs had gone, the rats had gone and even the outer skin of the caravan had gone.

Now, I don't know if you've ever had occasion to see the inside of a caravan wall (and god knows I just spent 20 minutes looking for a suitable image to illustrate this with) but this particular one was made up of a series of perpendicular lathes filled with rectangles of white polystyrene tiles.

One day, in the midst of this tired, seeping wasteland, as I was winging my way on some errand or other, I noticed that some genius had painted the lathes in black and the tiles in reds, blues and yellows; yes, a veritable Mondrian composition blossomed, like flowers in the desert, for two days in that shithole before the council took it away.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:41, Reply)
I was fielding questions from my nephews and nieces on what the young of various things are called.
A baby house is a flat, a baby bicycle is a tricycle, a baby rabbit is a kitten, etc etc.

Then "What's a baby Uncle Vagabond called?"

"Well I don't have any children, so they're not called anything."

"Actually" interrupted the six year old, with strident and impressive, confident authority, "There are other people in the world called Uncle Vagabond and their babies are called Big Fat Chicken, Eric The Heffalump, and Bee-boo Baba."

You think I talk shit? This kid is fluent.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:30, 5 replies)
My three year old was playing
sonic on the xbox beside me whilst I fed his brother. Being three he didn't get to finish the level and after a time I heard the tell tale BUUUBUUMMM as sonic ran out of time to finish the level.

What I didn't expect to hear was my son mutter "Jeezuz Cwist" as he put the controller down and headed off to play with his toy cars.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:25, 19 replies)
A bloke used to occasionally come into the pub with a parrot on his shoulder. He'd have a pint and get it a glass of water, which it would happily peck away at.

We were all used to this, and since he was a fairly taciturn chap, we just ignored the parrot.

One day, a non-regular walked in and took an interest:

'Can your parrot talk?'
'What would you like him to say?'
'I dunno. How about "Who's a pretty boy then"?'

Parrot Man returned a withering look:

'And why the fuck would he say that?'
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:24, 6 replies)
One time I was eating a pack of Waitrose after-dinner mints...
...and on reaching the bottom, I found a tiny silver card with the words 'You are a cunt' scratched into it.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:13, 9 replies)
Milton Keynes BBQ.
I was driving along and saw a family of about 8. Kids, toys, deckchairs the full monty. All having a magnificent BBQ judging by the smoke and amount of beer 6 packs.

What a nice sunny day to have a BBQ I thought, but I doubt I will ever see this kind of scene again as they were having the BBQ on a roundabout in the middle of a dual carriageway.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:12, 5 replies)
Insane Man Lambasts Poultry
Walking to a GCSE exam I was in very real danger of being late for, I decided to take a short cut (a path which cut across a small green) despite the fact that I could see one of the town's mentals coming the other way.

Edging past him, head down, fervently inspecting the tarmac, he stopped walking as I was right next to him, threw his rucksack to the floor and bellowed: 'This fucking chicken is USELESS!!!'
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:08, 1 reply)
In an Inverness pub there are two notable scribblings on the door.

"Bite ma shite"

And, my favourite:

"Feel the spam! (In a non-sexual way)"
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:06, Reply)
Assuming that the question means 'very unusual' (for the pedants below)-pea warning also.
I was out running and a rat jumped from his earth bank under my foot as it struck the ground. His random sense of timing led to his untimely but Darwin affirming death and my bloodied and slippery running shoe for the next mile or so.

Also it's my b3ta birthday, yay, cake for me, anyone fancy a slice?
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:05, 5 replies)
In my hometown, there's a guy called Frank. He wanders around the town, always striding purposefully, occasionally chatting to himself.

He used to drink in the pub where I worked, he's a really nice bloke (and has the strongest handshake I've ever experienced) but due to the abovementioned conversations with himself and the occasionally random (or are they?) things that he said, he's generally known to all as Mad Frank - not behind his back either, it's all good-natured.

My dad bumped into him in town a while back, and said hello.

"Are you still mad?" said my dad

"About what?" replied Frank
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:05, 1 reply)
As I have mentioned in a previous QOTW
I used to overuse the thesaurus feature in MS Word to make my letters sound more intelligent. Such as this job application*:

Smudge O’ Glesey
45 Top Deck Grave
Noodle Valley Technique

Consort Sky-Scraping Institution
Wither Path

Re: Chilling Blacksmith

Treasured J. Buboes

Could you thrill me and dispatch to me rare niceties and a claim skeleton for the judgement of Chilling Blacksmith as suppressed in the Hull Occasional Junk-Mail.

Yours ruthlessly
Smudge O’ Glesey

A few day later, I received a reply**:

*May not be true
** May not be true either

(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:05, Reply)
Is my prediction for the number of dullards who complain about misuse of the word "random".

I say "prediction" ... I read the number from a Geiger counter inserted in my arse.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 14:03, 11 replies)
Various waking hallucinations
During my time in the airport I used to have to work nightshifts. Although I would sleep through these on my handy camping hammock I would still be up early and have to endure a half hour trek home on my moped at 7 in the morning.

Despite my 6 hours kip I would be fairly woolly headed on said journeys and because I wrapped up warm, subjected myself to a few crazy hallucinations.

The first was driving down a Duel carriageway to be confronted by a giant fat Buddha lying across the road. It took a few seconds for this to disperse and I was lucky there was no traffic to smash into the back of me. Another one on the same duel carriageway was when I stopped when confronted with a giant concrete sewer pipe that stretched across the road again taking a few seconds to disappear.

Another one was that guy that was hiding behind every single lamppost on the way home who I was convinced was waiting for the chance to jump out on me. I kept swerving to avoid him swaying wildly all over the road.

The last decent one was when I was Pursued a few miles by an imaginary animal whilst driving by fields and forests.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 13:55, 2 replies)
Strange Girl Walking Quickly
I used to often see a girl of Malaysian appearance walking very quickly around the Archway area in London.

She was dressed in a pair of skimpy shorts, her upper half was covered by a folded scarf tied over her tits and another scarf tied over her mouth and nose bandit style!
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 13:32, 3 replies)
In the gents' loo at The Evening Star in Brighton
There's a graffito, carefully scribed above head height, which reads "What's wrong with your donkey?"
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 13:26, 8 replies)
I saw a large pile of dice, and a tombola.

(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 13:20, Reply)
The Norwich 'Puppet Man'
This is a man who 'entertains' the masses in Norwich by playing with puppets, making them 'dance' to whatever tunes are on his portable radio/cassette player... I remember the first time I saw him the batteries were running a bit low,
so the tape he was playing was gradually getting lower and slower... Bless 'im, true pro that he is, he slowed down the dancing of the puppets to match the music until it reached a stop.

A genuine 'hatstand' chap, with his own fan pages on the web:
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 13:11, 8 replies)
There is a gay club in my town
that proudly has a sign up telling patrons that the entrance is at the rear.....Talk about teaching your gran to suck eggs.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:54, 23 replies)
Surprise Wizzards!
Walking through the woods on the university campus where I earn my daily crust, I stumbled on a wizard talking to a stick-thin lad in a loincloth, whilst a couple of wizards and other dressed up folk looked on. There was also a tea chest with loads of little legs on it.

A week later, there was a production of "The Colour of Magic" on at the Student Union.

There's always a reason for "random" stuff you come across.
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:50, 2 replies)
Hush Now!
About a week and a half ago, I went for a lunchtime wander with my camera. There was a bit of a commotion on Westminster Bridge, and I went to investigate. For no obvious reason, there were 15 Charlie Chaplin look alikes standing in a row facing back to The London Eye.

I did actually take a photo, but as I am work and then straight on a train to go on holiday at the end of today, the question will be closed before I have a chance to post it. But it was pretty awesome.

And also, they were surpringly vocal and not lined up in any adherence to a prior arrangement but in a haphazard way.

Better now, dull twats?
(, Thu 21 Apr 2011, 12:49, Reply)

This question is now closed.

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