Me ex
She'd had a rough life and I'd known her for years, since I was a kid, but at the point we started seeing each other I hadn't seen her for about 7 or 8 years.

After going out together for a year we bought a place together. Well, I say 'we' but I paid the mortgage and she'd pay the bills, only I always ended paying it all.

The new place was 1/2 a mile away from where she worked, doing a very unchallenging admin job, but I still had a 45 minute commute up the m6. Not long after moving in she started her psycho ways and helped level her previous issues / past by slagging me off in public all the time when we were out with my mates - she didn't have any - and also every time we went to my folks.

Anyway about 6 months in, and I was basically in my first management position where I was a low risk appointment - no previous experience or anything - it was a last throw of the dice for our companies dot com operations and on a shit wage. If I failed there was no doubt we'd go the way of the rest of our companies online departments and be made redundant. So I worked all hours etc etc to keep mine and her's little corner of paradise alive. I got so stressed by the responsibility I had patches of hair fall out!

Anyway, things eased off and the department made profit at last, had a pay rise.

'Why don't you join a gym' said she, 'great idea' said I. So I did.

It was only a couple of weeks before she'd wake me up at 5.30 saying I should go to the gym as it would be quiet, I was looking so much better for the weight loss etc etc. So I'd go and run and swim like fook.

anyway, one of our offices was only 5 miles away from home so, one day, after doing a training session there I popped home for lunch, and there was a car outside my garage with a kids seat in - no strange thing as people often park wherever they can in the close.

She was unexpectedly at home, the key was in the door but I managed to get in. She greeted me wearing her nightdress with her bra still on underneath. She told me she was off sick for the day. I went upstairs to drop the kids off and some fecker was in the toilet. This fella came out without his boots on, exchanged pleasantries, said he had to leave and it was nice to meet me.

The lass told me she was off sick and the fella was her boss who'd come round to present the results of her recent appraisal. I commented on the boots thing and she replied that they have to do that at work as they can't get their overalls down to have a shit otherwise.

Fair enough. Thought no more of it.

Anyway, I ended up being encouraged to go to the gym more and more. In the end I sussed she was shagging around (well not so much sussed but finished work early and went for a pint in the local and the two of them were eating each other's faces off)So I made some enquiries via my bro who worked on the same industrial estate as the lass. Turns out this fella has a wife and two kids as well.

I toyed with phoning his missus and telling all, but backed off as it would cause more hurt than necessary - basically my lass had issues and bonded sexually with anyone who provided her with security. It had been her MO all her life.

I held no bitterness as she'd had it rough (kicked out of home at 15 when she told her jehovah witness folks she didn't want to be one, fucked up all her uni prospects, lived in a squat etc etc) and we made arrangements to sell the house. As things progressed with the sale I decided to buy it myself, as I could just about scrape the money. She took this as me fucking things up and phoned her boss who threatened to beat the shit out of me when I slept etc etc. Didn't enjoy living there quite so much and the last few weeks i ended up kipping with no duvet etc in the spare room (she confiscated the spare duvet off me as I didn't wash the pans up one night and therefore 'couldnt be trusted with her posessions'!)

Anyway to cut things short, the day that she moved out he dumped her, and made her redundant.

She turned to me via her mate who lived next door but one that very night.

I could have had a right 'told you so' rant and laugh but instead chose to point out why she had ended up in the situation, how couldnt she see that her fling was of any meaning and talked around / convinced her that she'd get through it and offered my support in looking for a new job etc.

As she was, in her own words, in no state I drove her back to her new place. She insisted on us having a combined housewarming / heartwarming drink and it wasn't a problem as I could have the couch. After a couple of bottles of wine, the couch wasn't good enough so she insisted on me sharing her bed.

Hands wandered over each other and as my hand got down towards her lady bits, (I could feel the fucking steam rising off it from 3 feet away FFS!) I realised this is exactly what she wanted so I turned over and went to sleep.

The next morning the mood had cooled and she wasn't so keen on showing her body off. Turned out I'd been right so off to work I toddled, stopping off home for a 'settler' on the way.

Cut to the next weekend and she and her mate come round mine and insist I go out. As the night goes on they end up competing for my affections. It was like that old fucking ad for Denim aftershave with hands rubbing me chest etc. Turns out they were after a threesome - well that's what my ex told me.

Again, putting my sensible wurzel head on I go home whereupon I didn't get a shag for three years.

I did however deliver local newspapers to her flat, to help her get a job, for a good two months afterwards, even though she wouldnt answer the door.


Regrets? Them papers cost me a fortune
(spike starski, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 20:59, Reply)

My niggest regret is that more people aren't as honest as digitalaxe

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 20:10, Reply)

That I didn't steal more.
Was quite the thief between 11 & 14 years. During the days of NO video cameras anywhere!

Regret not stealing more and wish I'd broken into homes instead of just 2 businesses.

Was a rank amateur. Only petty thievery now, but I still like it.
(barrycounty, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 18:49, Reply)

My liddle regretty wetty.
I regret baby talking down the phone to my girlfriend, without realising that the biggest wind-up merchant in my company had just sat down behind me.

"Widdle kinky butt" has now been entered into the office lexicon.


Apols for the length of time I'll now have to wait for a promotion.
(MrTea, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 17:59, Reply)

Poor sign, porcine..
Getting up at 4.30 this morning to wrestle steaming swine in a bath of shite. Still, at least I got to go home later, the poor fellows will be part way to bacon by now.

1st postery? Tis but a cherry popped.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 17:19, Reply)

my biggest regret
is posting in here with no funny story to tell :(
(djgalaxe, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 16:25, Reply)

Bye Bye Bi
I regret ever having gone out with this ridiculously stunning bisexual girl, who, despite me thinking we'd been together for 6months, has just broken up with me saying we "were never together as far as she knew" over Myspace because she has been seeing a girl for the last month. So I regret:

*meeting her
*having a Myspace
*spending ludicrous amounts of money on her
*being stupid enough to think I'd found a girl who wasn't a nutcase.


length. she isn't into it anymore.
(A Good Egg, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 16:07, Reply)

after being on here a while...
... i realised that i didn't have a clue what

TubGirl
LemonParty
MeatSpin

was... My biggest regret is typing it into google... instead of just asking someone!

thankfully i'd seen goastse years ago!
(likeajackhammer, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:59, Reply)

NEXT
....................................
(frankspencer, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:43, Reply)

p0zitron
Bt3a saves another life!

Right now you feel good go chuck the bitch out!

New question tomorro? Fucking hope so!
(ruud316, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:33, Reply)

Currently my greatest regret
is that this fricking QOTW is still up
(><(((">, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:30, Reply)

Last Night..
I regret drinking 5 pints of beer, watching Scotland get humped AGAIN at football, then leapfrogging my way down Buchanan Street in Glagsow, only to fall flat on my asre outside a packed chippy beside Central Station.
I have bruises to prove it all happened and it wasn't just a baaaad dream.
If any of you out there know the kind gentleman who laughingly asked if I was OK, thank you for your concern. I no longer drink Furftenberg.
(earplugsdont _work and I'm fed up listening., Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:28, Reply)

yikes
When did B3ta turn into an online support group?
BRING ON THE NEXT QUESTION
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:21, Reply)

Thanks
While I kind of regret posting my story last night, just wanted to say thanks to all B3tans for those comments, came as a bit of a surprise.

:-)
(p0zitr0n - phunarmically charged particle, detected at, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 15:04, Reply)

Latest Newsletter
I regret Wikki'ing "meatotomy".
I didn't need to hear about that :(
(Darth Thump, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 14:59, Reply)

i remember
we used to mercilessly tease this girl at school, she used to come in for a day, go home in tears and not appear for a few months. feel bad about it every now and then when badly drunk and feeling maudlin about life in general

but then i was a right little shit at school.

No great stories of fucking up a possible relationship with a stunning bisexual nympho with money to burn either sorry.

Hohum, first post so total lack of length, girth and other such comments
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 14:49, Reply)

is that you mother?
I'm starting to regret my liquid lunch ..
(flibbley lame balloon man far and wee, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 14:38, Reply)

I regret never completing Sonic 2 on the Megadrive!
Last Boss: Jump on his head, dodge, repeat. It really was that simple but somehow I'd always fuck it up and would have to start the ENTIRE fucking game again!

Dr. Robotnik is a fat ginger cunt!
(Minty Hit, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 14:08, Reply)

Positivity schmositivity
What's all this "look on the bright side" and "live and learn" crap?

Regrets are great because they give us an excuse to whine and bitch and be bitter. That's what we love! I'm not feckin' Oprah Winfrey!
(frankspencer, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 14:06, Reply)

unlawful odour, yep it is!
p0sitr0n, although my situation wasn't as shitty as yours is now cos my ex didn't shag about (I think), I can honestly say that if you leave things as they are and don't take some action to ditch her, she'll walk all over you!

Get rid and get your life back on track, it gets better pretty quickly, honest!
(El Cabron, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 14:00, Reply)

p0zitr0n
For what it's worth I too had a wife habitually unable/incapable of taking any responsibility for the state of a relationship where two people weren't happy and she too made my general existence a living hell. For that of course, I blamed myself as I must surely have done something bad in order for this to happen.

When we split I felt like shit. Really. For two weeks.

All of a sudden I realised how much more interesting life was not to have ex-Mrs PJM around making my life almost unbearable and actually began to take pleasure in being a human being again for the first time in years.

There most definitely is life on the other side. Don't blame the other guy - if it wasn't him it would be some other poor schmuck. Your missus was the one who knew the score and who betrayed you.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 12 Oct 2006, 13:46, Reply)

I'm going to regret not thinking of a really good answer to this QOTW
Until sometime tomorrow. :(
(Pachey, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 13:45, Reply)

El Cabron!
seconded mate... lifes good eh? :)
(unlawful odour i dunno..., Thu 12 Oct 2006, 13:11, Reply)

Several
Well i have several regrets, here is what i can currently think of;

- Not punching Nick in high school. Mentally bullied me for ages. Probably led to me not being able to stick up for myself.

- The obligatory "girl i should have" i was suffering from a breakup with my first love (see below) and a female friend from work (very hot) was very supportive of me. Only to be told a few months later that she really fancied me but i had missed my chance because of taking so long to get over ex. Dang!

- Being a paranoid and emotional fuckwit, falling in love too fast too deep and not being able to "let go". Thereby causing myself huge heartache and mental anguish which often lasts months.

- Being too scared to try drugs after hearing too many "bad trip" stories.

And i wonder why im single, meh.
(Fishbone-didi, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 12:41, Reply)

Not a regret as such, more of a lesson in life!
I spent four years engaged to a girl I thought I was in love with and spent a bloody fortune on and am now living with a shed load of debt!

I don't regret it though because the whole escapade changed me for the better, i'm a much more patient and understanding person now.

Even though it hurt like fuck when we split up, it allowed me to take stock of my life and see that I wasn't living to my full potential.

So I got myself a new job that nearly doubled my pay, did the decent thing of stopping moping and not turning down any shag that came my way until i'd got her out of my system.

I now live with best person I could ever have met, she's gorgeous, funny and incredibly loving.

I know this doesn't really fit in with everyone else's tales of woe but I'm just trying to show a bit of positivity for all those people who get really down on this sort of thing.

Life doesn't stay like shit for ever, just make sure you learn from the crap bits!
(El Cabron, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 12:40, Reply)

I regret not
losing my virginity to that girl that one time.
sounded too good to be true, all she wanted was sex, under the condition that there was no relationship involved. exactly what i was looking for, at the time at least.

but like i said, too good to be true. i figured she'd tear my heart out mid coitus and probably eat it

:sigh: i missed a great opportunity to die, and have sex, and with a memorable death story to boot.
(HalfwayHebrew, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 12:30, Reply)

To 'Let's all have an asbo'
Yeah i suppose it could be seen like that, its just i've been looking at the topic for a bit, and it feels like a fitting closure (for me to get this out of my mind).

I don't feel down about it so much anymore, if anything it feels good to get it public and out of my mind completely.

I appreciate you reading it though!

p.s. i've edited the bottom bit now to explain
(stomm, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 12:22, Reply)

Stomm
In your mind she doesn't exist but you still felt the need to write all that about her?
(Let's all have an asbo, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 12:14, Reply)

Be warned, this is long, but has a happy ending of sorts.
When i was 18 and at college, I met a girl who was pretty, easy going and a good laugh - ace i thought! The only dodgy point i could find is that she had a jekyll/hyde syndrome when it came to drink - she'd be this lovely, warm person and as soon as she was drunk she'd turn into a complete fucking nightmare. To me though her good points more than out-weighed it.

We went out for a long while having some really good times, when one night she came to the pub i was working at. She went out with a friend earlier on in the day and she was completely pissed. This wouldn't be so bad but she couldn't walk properly and she was being abusive.

She wanted a beer, i obviously couldn't serve her so i got her some water instead and got her to sit down, she kept getting back up and screaming what a cnut i was for not serving her. Thankfully and eventually some of my mates turned up and said they'd look after her and took her out of the pub. I said if she needs to get a taxi if someone could foot the bill and i'd square up when i finish.

When i finished i didn't get a phone call so i went straight home, i tried ringing her but it was just going straight to her answering machine. About 1am i got a phone call from her full of abuse and drunken gibberish, i tried calming her down as best as i could but eventually i had to end the call because it wasn't fair and i wasn't getting through - i'd done nothing wrong. It turns out she hadn't gone straight home, she'd gone to another pub, got pissed even more and wiped out her wages. All the while screaming at her mates that someone had robbed her. The poor sods still stuck her in a taxi and paid for it anyway.

About 3am i got another phone call from her mobile so i ignored it, it rang again so i answered ready for another torrent of abuse. It was her mum, she'd come in, argued with her mum and climbed (!) out of the window and run off. She asked me if she turned up at mine would i ring her and i said certainly, i doubt she would though given as she has no cash to get here.

The next morning i was organising a gig in the centre of town, so i had to go up to the next town to get some equipment. All the while i was texting her mates to let me know if she turns up at their doorstep or whatever. I get a phone call about 12 from her mate, they're in the city where they were due to meet (to shop) and she's there, in the same clothes, a bit cold and worse for wear but fine.

I felt better but i was worried about her, where she lived was in the sticks and the city was at least a good half an hours drive at least and she had fucked off at 3am with no money. I felt a bit weird, something didn't feel right but i was glad she was safe.

Later on that night i was at the gig sorting out the bands playing and she turned up looking rough. I found a quiet spot, I sat down with her and explained that i wasn't really chuffed at her abuse i got the previous night and the subsequent warning from my boss. She said she didn't remember properly but that she was sorry. I asked her how she got to the city and she said she hitchhiked and walked around for the rest of the time sobering up until meeting with her friends. I said that she could've been killed, I couldn't believe how things had got like that, I really cared for her and I was just so glad to see she was ok i just told her to forget it.

Time passed and everything was great, every so often there'd be the occasional drunk night but not as bad as that night at all. Then one night she came into the pub again with some friends and she was weirdly quiet. When she left she came up to the bar and told me she loved me before leaving, all a bit too weird - its hard to explain. Something wasn't right at all.

About 12:30am i get a phone call from her asking can we meet up the next day for a 'chat'. My mind was racing a bit, it felt like a break-up chat - "erm well, can't you tell me now what you want." - she wouldn't, she said she'd prefer to say in person. I said i wasn't in the mood to be messed around and did she want to break up. She went quiet, said no but there was something she wanted to tell me.
Eventually i got her to talk, my heart was in my stomach, i really didn't want her to break up with me.

She told me the while ago when she ran off and went to the 'city' (i want to say the name of the place but i want to maintain a degree of anonimity) - she did hitchhike her way there but prostituted herself as payment to the driver. She then had a bright idea of running away to another country and starting life anew with this unique career choice.

You know, its weird to explain but i'm sure there are a lot of people on here that must have felt this at one point - its like a fuse goes inside, not explodes, but like half the lights go out inside your body and you're not quite all there anymore.

I felt dead inside, not angry or upset just dead inside. I don't remember much after that i just remember asking her calmly to leave me alone for the night and i would talk to her the next day. I asked her why, and she said she didn't know, she said "it just seemed like a good idea." - i said "were you still drunk" - she said "no, i was sober then."

I didn't sleep, i went to work about 8am and just sat there (i wasn't working that day) and i text a friend of mine for help. She was the chef there and took me upstairs, i tried telling her about it and i lost it completely. I was hysterical, i was kicking cupboards and i just didn't know what to fucking do. Eventually i just went home and went to sleep. I came back out, told a few of my closer friends to explain why i was out of character and not with her and proceeded to get pissed.

I did meet up with her in the early evening, the dead feeling had come back and it was as if i didn't know her. She asked me if we could still stay together, because in her words "now i've told you you can forgive me because i've told you." - i said the only advantage to this situation is that no-one could fuck me mentally in such a way ever again, and that she needed mental help, she went off her head at that, i suppose securing she fact that she was a mentalist, and i just didn't see it.

I went out and had a 'time', i can't say good or bad because it was just needed. After that it contributed to my depression, i drank heavily, over the next couple of years i took anti-depressents all the while regretting that i couldn't have seen it before to help her. In my mind i couldn't get away from the idea that it couldn't be completely her fault and i must be to blame in some way. Anytime i saw her out though i'd just feel nauseuous and i'd go home.

The last time i saw her properly she was stood on the stairs in a venue and i was walking up, i only saw her at the last second and she looked at me, spat at me and called me a cnut for 'ruining her life'. I sat down with my mates, told them about it and that i wasn't bothered. I was, i was completely crushed.

Over time with help from friends and family i got out of my depression and away from the thoughts that i was to blame. I remember at the time not even talking to her friends about it to protect her afterwards subconciously. The funny thing is the mates she went to the pub with that night she told me decided it was too juicy to keep it a secret, so it was a combination of her doing it and them telling people that ruined her life, not me.

Now i'm 4 years older, i'm with an amazing girlfriend who treats me like i'm worth something. The friends and family i have are wonderful and fantastic supports, and when my depression does start to show it's head, with their help i keep it under control and lead a happy life.

My regret? It used to be that i felt i didn't see it sooner to help her, now, it might seem selfish but i wish i would've never met her in the first place. In my mind she doesn't exist. (edit : to explain 'doesn't exist' - i mean in the way that i don't think about it day to day or that i expect to see her around, this is the first time i've approached this subject in a long time, but it feels like a fitting closure to it, just because it happened so long ago and it doesn't hurt as much, i don't think it doesn't mean any less)

I apologise too about the lack of town names and city names, it felt good to get this off my chest but i'd still prefer a certain level of decorum about it.
(stomm, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 11:56, Reply)

Turkish Delight
I am a Turkish waiter. recently I had carnal relations with an English girl. I am very promiscuous and have had many women. But recently my male member has withered to the size and texture of a walnut and I am unable to pleasure a lady. My doctor says I must face a life of celibacy or risk a shameful existence of people laughing at my shrunken nugget. I regret that I was such a nasty man.
(frankspencer, Thu 12 Oct 2006, 11:20, Reply)