Regrets
I'd dearly love this post to be funny, but unfortunately it's difficult to muster comedy when reviewing this list of unmitigated dumbassness. These include:

Marrying ex-Mrs PJM, who is in with a shout of winning the "most monumentally selfish and arrogant person who's ever walked the planet" award. Highlights include her having a fling with a mate of mine, having the front to blame me for she couldn't keep her knickers on. Apparently he had a tiny penis - so that's all right then. She bitched to me about the fact that none of my friends wanted anything to do with her after that and suggested they were being unreasonable. Then there was the moment I suggested we get relationship counselling, to which she replied "great idea. As most of the problems in this relationship seem to be because of you, why don't you get counselling?". Married life was a drugdery of more or less constant verbal abuse if I didn't go along with exactly what she wanted, exactly when she wanted it and her habit of making snide remarks at me in front of my friends and family. I actually put up with this shit for five years, blaming myself for it every time before I finally saw sense when I had barely a shred of self esteem remaining.

Not getting together with Georgina ten years earlier. She's pretty, affectionate, loyal and very, very sweet (basically everything the soul destroying twunt referred to above wasn't). Back in the day she was seeing one of my friends who treated her like shit - which set the stage for most of her subsequent relationships. She had a soft spot for me and vice versa but we both kept quiet, however things didn't work out because we were both carrying a good deal of baggage which proved insurmountable. Maybe ten years earlier things would have been different and I'd have not married ex-Mrs PJM.

Coming home from a night on the lash with a very lovely lady it uni (who's name reminds me of something you see first thing in the morning), whom I was crazy about. Anyway, we ended up sharing a bed for purposes of sleep all platonic like. I was doing well until she uttered "Be careful, you might wake up to find me making mad passionate love to you!", whereupon I spent the remainder of the night behaving myself because I wasn't quite sure where I stood but in considerable gentlemanly discomfort. I apparently had a pronounced limp the following morning.

Then there was my failure to phone the lovely Melanie MacDonald, a friend of a girl I was briefly seeing back in the day, who'd actually walked up and handed me her phone number in a club twice (some years apart!) and suggested we "get together". I can only put down my non-telephoning to a bad case of recurring fuckwittage. Mel, if you're reading this it was because I had no idea why the hell a pretty, witty and clever girl like you wanted anything to do with a herbert like me.

Then there was me thinking that my much missed and incredibly chilled out cat, Leonard would be okay after being chucked outside my new place for the day while I was at work. Poor little bugger was four miles from home when he was eventually run over. I still haven't forgiven myself for that one.

Finally, there was the monumental mistake of buying an Alfa Romeo thinking "surely there can't be THAT much to go wrong with it?", not realising that they are assembled out of left over parts from Airfix kits by a factory full of ADHD afflicted 8 year olds.

NB - After reading some of rachelswipe's posts, jeez you're owed some good karma girl!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 6 Oct 2006, 13:42, Reply)