Apeloverage
Did you enter a pun competition where you had to submit your ten best puns? I heard you did and I heard you expected to win.

But you didn't win. No pun in ten did.
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 12:39, Reply)

I knew a punk
who was not only punk as fuck, but also resistant to pouring.

Yes, I knew Sid Viscous.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 12:09, Reply)

therocker
"I'd got the tickets before he was stupidly famous on the radio"

Liking someone as shit as James Blunt "before they're famous" does not make it any more acceptable!

:P
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 11:12, Reply)

The Prodigy
My mate John is the tour manager of The Prodigy and I gave him a copy of a song dedicated to my ex-wife called:

"Too Many Pasties"

It became the bands favourite song on the tour bus... Please,please,please let them make a cover version.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 10:47, Reply)

rock and roll
Fighting little girls in ballet shoes to get to the front of a James Blunt concert!

Gives Ozzy a run for his money.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 10:28, Reply)

I went to see James Blunt (don't laugh, I'd got the tickets before he was stupidly famous on the radio and anyway he was damn good)
I'd been to Reading Festival a bit before that so I knew what it was like to be in a massive crushing crowd, most of them being scary little goth people (Marilyn Manson) or happy headbangers (Iron Maiden)...

Anyway there was obviously a fair crowd at the James Blunt, except, they were mostly chavvy girls. I decide to push my way to the front a bit with my mate, and the girls decide They Do Not Like This. So they decided to try out some pretty laughable ways of getting me to move back, pulling my hair a bit, that sort of thing.

The best bit was at the end of the gig when one girl decided to kick me in the shin. SHE was wearing a stupid soft pair of those ballet shoes or something, I was wearing my big Doc Martens. She went home with a sore foot that night.

Also I remarked to my mates how utterly shite the support band were, turned round and the band were stood behind me, that was funny.
(therocker, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 10:17, Reply)

Myst.
Me and a mate formed a prog-rock band called Myst at school (i'm cringing). This was at the height of grunge (my finger was not on the pulse of popular culture in those days). We only had a keyboard and drums and thankfully never had a practice.

Shame really, if we'd stuck at it we could have been Keane.
(Cousin Walter., Thu 6 Jul 2006, 10:07, Reply)

I went to work secruity at some battle of the bands thing.
I brought my tamberine and asked most of these heavy metal like bands if they needed a tamberine player. They all said no.
( d d, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 9:54, Reply)

jeccy
congratulations - that does rock!!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 9:50, Reply)

Last night had a Rock 'n' Roll moment.....
found out I was going to be a dad :D
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 7:42, Reply)

Nothing rocks more than Kittens
I saved a Kitten yesterday!

We have very deep storm guttering in our town that is six feet deep and a good five feet wide. It's needed for the rainy season (which is now...bollocks)and is infested with snakes and large tropical spiders (southern Japan)

I heard this pathetic "Meeeeeow! PLOP splash splash splash..." when I went across the road the get a beer from the vending machine the other night. Pull out my cellphone and switch on the light to find tiny little kittenness paddling around at the bottom of the open storm guttering. He was trying to jump up the sides but he would get halfway, run out of Kitteny power and slide back down.

Couldn't reach down far enough, so I ran over to my neighbours and borrowed their lads fishing net, scooped him up out of the drain.

When I went back a while later to get my beer I saw his mum carrying him across the road in her mouth.

Off topic, but like, I saved a Kitten!
(feature_wall, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 3:48, Reply)

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends
You know what Joe Cocker said to me once?

"Excuse me, could you tell me where the restroom is?"

Seems like a nice chap really.
(Ennui Kissinger, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 2:21, Reply)

Emily
Probably that he has a little willy and won't be participating in the length/girth jokes.
(chilling, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 1:28, Reply)

I have meat in my cock?
Waynster, Babelfish is telling me that "Ich habe kein Fleisch in meinem Schloß" means "I do not have meat in my lock". What the fuck is he trying to say?
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 1:18, Reply)

Bauhaus
My other half has a cousin who used to do Pete Murphys hair. It sort of crushes any sense of Rock n' Roll when you mother in law is telling you what nice polite young men that Mr Murphy and his friends are.
(chilling, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 1:13, Reply)

I knew this guy who I thought was punk as fuck

but it turned out he just had Tourettes.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Thu 6 Jul 2006, 0:42, Reply)

Er...
What just happened here? \/ \/ \/
( Didyoumissme1, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 23:00, Reply)

helo people of planet b3ta
hello nothing special to say apart from well done france, atleast germany wont win the world cup, next time englandrooney stay at home and spit your dummy there, renaldo you should be ashamed of your self.
(dead-man-walking, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 22:58, Reply)

I used to be a college radio DJ...
...and I had a charming little rock/indie show that usually broadcast very early in the morning. I therefore assumed I had no listeners, as what sort of students would be awake at 8am? Turns out that 8am is prime time for nutters to listen to college radio.

There was this one guy who would call into the radio station and repeatedly request Twisted Sister. I never had any Twisted Sister with me, nor could I be arsed to go into the vast music vault and dig it up. After a few weeks of asking for Twisted Sister, he wanted to extend our phone conversation and have a nice chat. It went as follows:

Nutter: Can you do me a favor?
(Oh no, I think, he's going to ask for Twisted Sister again...)
Me: (hesitantly) OK...
Nutter: Can you laugh for me?
Me: Pardon?
Nutter: Just laugh, into the phone. I want to hear you laugh.
Me: *hangs up*

Early morning college radio groupies with odd requests. I wasn't going to take it, as it were.
(emgee, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 22:51, Reply)

Searchlights rock
Went to a little free party last year - a few old mates from school, a generator, decks and a half decent sound system, in a nice secluded spot in the woodlands.

After an hour or 2 of boozing and bopping away to some techno, we see a police helicopter not too far away, searchlight (doing as a good searchlight does), searching around for something. The music goes off, the lights go out, everyone looks a bit unsure of what to do next. The decision is made to fuck it and stick the music back on. Before long, that searchlight hits us - the DJ pauses, looks around - and promptly turns it up a notch.

Cue the coppers putting their megaphone on, telling the 50ish strong crowd to go home, and the dj to "switch the music off and step away from the decks". It was a good 15 or so minutes before the plod (doing what good plod do best) plodded up to us on foot, the whole time with everyone raving like crazy in the searchlight of the chopper :D

Maybe you just had to be there, but that was cool as fuck.
(sack the chimp, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 21:31, Reply)

I SWEAR ON A STACK OF BIBLES...........
One year at T in the park I was on my way back from the beer tent having just bought drinks for me and my then girlfriend when nature called ( you know how it is )and I had to go use the toilets ( portaloos in front troughs at the back) when I noticed the un-mistakably cheeky grin of none other than Fran Healy lead singer with tragically bland pop band Travis who appeared to be hiding behind a portaloo.

On closer inspection I noticed he was dressed as Gary Glitter and the other members of the band dressed as Michael Jackson ( at various stages of his career ie Billie Jean, Thiller, Bad )were gang fucking Fran viscously one after another shouting CHAMOAN!!! and THE WAY YOU MAKE A ME FEEL !!! I tried to ask WHY? WHY? why are you doing this to cheeky pop scally Fran Healy ? but the band dismissed my questions by going HEE HEE, moonwalking, grabbing their crotches with sequenced gloves and wanking guetures.
(WeeBigMogwai, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 21:26, Reply)

call yourself musicians....?
Years ago.Playing a small gig in York, fairly rough pub, not too bad a crowd, except for an old pissed man that kept shouting to 'play some drifters' 'theyre better than this shite' etc. After being told, mid-song, that we were not going to play any drifters songs, he paused swaying in front of the stage. At the end of the song he announced - "Call yourself musicians? I just call you cunts"
And then wandered off slowly to the exit. Which was locked. So he had to shuffle back across the front of the stage to reach the other door. Pausing on the way to assert - "You're still cunts"

Nicest thing anyone ever said about us, really.
(jameslib, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 20:54, Reply)

When I was a kid...
I was playing merrily on my own in the park one day on one of the swings, when all of a sudden, who should come up behind me and start giving me a push.......it was none other than Gary Glitter.

After a while, and lots of exciting forward thrusting, his arms were getting a bit sore, so Gary suggested we move over to the see-saw. Enthusiastic bobbing then ensued between the two of us as he charmed me with humourous anecdotes involving him and Pete Townsend, and endless tales about his gang.

I listened dumbfounded, and totally in awe of him, and that's when he caught me off guard and totally surprised me by whipping it out....the biggest bag of midget gems this certain 12 year old had ever seen. They were my absolute favourites, but before too long I started feeling drowsy.

I had 5 minutes to get home, and knowing my mum she'd be on the phone to the police demanding a search party be sent out for me if I was just one second too late. I mentioned this to Gary, and with sweat beads starting to run down his face due to the scorchingly hot day it was, he said "Now we don't want your mum ringing the police do we, no, we certainly don't want that".

As we said our goodbyes he gave me a kit kat along with a promise that if we ever met again he'd always have 4 fingers waiting for me.

I found the man to be a pure gentleman and I never saw a hint of anything to support the hideous claims Gary has been accused of.
(Lt Columbo, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 20:03, Reply)

download 06
being the wannabe i am i go to many a pop concert and i thought it would be rather spiffing to go to download festival......

bad points: ill some up the memorable ones as i cant remember half of what happened there

some wanker brought a glass bottle into the prodigy and lobbed it at who else but me!!! (maybe because of my robot dancing)

as i have a emo fringe (im not an emo) i got a weird triangular sunburn across my head

i was crowdsufing in metallica and i get dropped in the mosh pit and smacked in the face (i do hope it was an accident)

good points: i lost my shoes (an ancient pair of converses with no laces) in one of the headliners set while crowd surfing, well i accidentally kicked them 10 feet high in the air. then the lead singer says "how many people here have lost their shoes, this song is devoted to that guy who lost his shoes"

the lead singer of the deftones high fived me, woo yay!!!

and of course i was repetedly on kerrang tv which was sweet as my mate taped it

apologies for lenth and general boring and pointlessness but hey it is my first post
(lollystickinpeehole, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 19:15, Reply)

Eduardo
sweet..
but there's always the chance that my uncle's conversation with Jimmy Page eventually led to the lyric in question. in a sharing of language among the rock community type way.

i can dream cant i?
(L E T S G O "Stop buying into and spreading this shit", Wed 5 Jul 2006, 17:24, Reply)

WOOT!
I put on alot of small gigs, and in April this year I put on a bigg(ish) one with a band called Dopamine, and another called Days In December. Shortly after, D.I.D. played sellout shows with Funeral For A Friend, and Dopamine are currently doing the rounds with the Lostprophets!!

OK so that wouldn't be completely down to me, but it feels nice to have played a small part!
( McBadger COW, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 16:55, Reply)

Prodigy
When I was at uni I used to work in the Student Union cafe...

The Prodigy were due to play there one particular night and arrived a couple of hours early to set up.

Anyway, Keith Flint and the crew were obviously feeling a little peckish and turned up at the cafe wanting some food.

I am pleased to say that they really enjoyed their greasy bacon cheeseburgers - which I prepared specially for them.

How rock 'n roll is that!

Oh almost forgot - when I was a lad we lived in Drogheda (in Ireland) for a couple of years. Because I used to waggle my fingers around when watching Top of the Pops my parents thought I was a natural for the piano and got me some lessons.

My tutor turned out to be a lady called Linda Martin - who was related to the family (the Mahers) who lived next door to us.

Anyway I was crap at the piano - only went to about 5 lessons before I gave up.

But then in 1992 while watching the Rock and Roll fest that is the Eurovision song contest who should I see singing for Ireland?

That's right - my old piano tutor and she even won the bloody thing.

Damn I live an exciting life...
(Hardin, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 16:33, Reply)

QOTW
Rawk 'n' roll (not).
One time I was standing in for a friend who used to get loads of work as local crew when big acts came to Dublin. This particular time it was Bon Jovi. Me and some of the other newbies were helping this seen-it-all, black tshirt and shorts, Cockney tour driver offload flight cases etc from the fuck off lorry he had reversed into a tiny space backstage. He was friendly and I think bemused by those of us who were new to it all. One of the lads was handed what I can only describe as a big silver suitcase to bring with the rest of the gear. 'This must be Jon's peroxide' he says, and we all laugh, the driver included. 'Keep your voice down mate,' he tells the wisecracker, 'unless you want to get fired'. We laughed again, thinking this a good joke about JBJ's ego - except he was serious.
(Sheridan Whiteside, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 16:12, Reply)

you don't get more rock and roll than this
I've met Rolf Harris and Johnny Ball at my school
They were doing it for charity (well not you know "it", but visting schools and stuff, but if they were doing "it" think of the off spring, wow)
(voog, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 15:45, Reply)

Orchestral tours
You probably think classical musicians are genteel types, right?

WRONG!

In my youth orchestra, we went on an annual tour. On the last day of this tour, there would be an award ceremony. Many of these awards were named after legendary past members of the orchestra, the most prestigious of which was "The Gavin Crook Award for Projectile Vomiting".

Gavin Crook played the trombone and was on his very first tour at the tender age of thirteen. On the way back from a concert, vicious quantities of beer were being consumed on the coach as usual, and Gavin, bless his little cotton socks, wasn't feeling too well.

Now, as you're probably aware, the toilets on a coach are usually situated about halfway, leaving a gap of a fair few metres between the toilet and the windscreen.

As little Gavin staggered to the toilet, the coach had to do an emergency stop. The impressive force with which the contents of his stomach made their way back into the world, coupled with the conservation of momentum, meant that he managed to chunder onto the windscreen from a range of about ten metres.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Wed 5 Jul 2006, 15:29, Reply)