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This is a question Rock and Roll Stories

My personal Spinal Tap moment came when we got locked into the Festival Hall in London by accident. We ended up wandering the maze of backstage corridors carrying a three foot high piece of cheese looking for the one door that would lead us to salvation.

What goes on tour may stay on tour, but B3ta doesn't count. Tell us everything.

(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 13:47)
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I nearly got fucked by James Blunt
I mean, £40 for a ticket?! You must be joking.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 20:01, Reply)
Only today...
Not much of a story in terms of incident, but whilst at work this afternoon, I met Roger Waters (of Pink Floyd fame) who was flying out with about 15 other people, including his horn section, and then 30 minutes later literally bumped into Anthony Kiedis from the Chilli Peppers. I turned round and the other three (Chad, Flea and John) were stood staring. None of them own laptop computers fact-fans.
Tomorrow night I get to meet The Who. Well, Roger and Pete at least seeing as Keith and John are dead.
By strange coincidence Pink Floyd and The Who are my two most favoritist bands ever and the Chillis are in the Top 5. I'm too cool to ask for autographs or photos though. Unfortunately.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 19:50, Reply)
In 1994..
I was involved with a band in L.A. and we got a cushy pool-side gig at a party for 'Lawyer of the Year'.
In attendance was one Robert Shapiro who was at that time involved in a small case involving one Orenthal J. Simpson. Being blunt Scotsmen we just came right out and asked him if OJ did it. He said no...and guess what - he was right!
Later that night we met the man responsible for the 'Twinkie Defence'. We may also have played some music at one point.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 19:44, Reply)
I went to go see Bob Dylan last night in Bournemouth...
which in itself was amazing! But what topped it off was the violent dwarf who we'd been standing beside for four hours prior to the show starting. Half way through the concert, he got barged out of the way by two "would be" stage invaders who were slightly more then pissed... Enraged at being shoved, the five foot block of rage bust the shovers nose wide open, whilst Bob sung "Just like a women"! Bestest gig evarr!
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 19:19, Reply)
First post, so be gentle and all that...
I have two tales to tell. The first one comes from when my band played our first gig, in Bristol earlier this year. Now, the night before, in our infinite wisdom, we decided it would be a good idea to all wear stained wifebeater-style vests on stage. So, we got our vests, and duly set about destroying them with curry sauce and badly prepared gravy. They absolutely stunk, and after being left out in the pissing rain overnight and then suffering a three hour car journey in our drummer's boot, they were truly horrific, so much so that everyone except our drummer saw sense and threw them away.

So, we played our heroically short set, and in a true rock and roll gesture, Dave the drummer threw his vest to the crowd. We thought nothing of it until a couple of hours later, when we went to get some chips from a takeaway over the road.

You guessed it.

One pissed up metalhead in the chippy, proudly wearing Dave's foul smelling, curry stained wifebeater vest. How any of his mates could stand to be near him I do not know. And I'm told, two months down the line, that he still has it.

Secondly, attending Distortion festival at Nottingham in 2002, watching Green Day (I was 14 at this point by the way), and who should we find ourselves stood next to but two members of crap haired emo/indie twunts, Hundred Reasons. My so-called mates acted like the typical fan, getting their tickets signed etc. I, on the other hand, declined the guitarist/drummer's offer of a signed ticket, and went on to inform him how much he sounded like Tim nice-but-dim. Funnily enough, they didn't hang around us long after that.

Apologies for length etc, but it only has to please me doesn't it?
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 19:18, Reply)
Most Rockstar Moment:
I was filling in the bassist's position in a co-workers band for a couple of gigs. I don't usually play bass, as it felt like a demotion so I was a little angsty about it. Anyway, at this festival gig, I kept getting the odd zap through the strings. Halfway through the set, I got a huge zap which stunned me for a good 30 seconds, stopping the song. After a few words with the singer, I find out that he broke the ground prong from the PA, so every time he touched the mic, I'd get electrocuted - but he was aware of this, and wore shock-resistant work boots. In a fit of rage I smashed the head of the bass into the nearest speaker cab, then tossed it 12 feet into the air, snapping the neck, flipped the singer off, told the rest of the band to fuck off and stormed off to the beer tent while the entire audience stared with their jaws on the floor.

I didn't even like the band's material - the singer was one of those Jerry Cantrell rip-offs, and the songs stunk. Besides, it wasn't metal enough for my liking, was too wussy.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 19:01, Reply)
Oh Victoria...bitter
Johnny Kannis frontman of the Hitmen once threw my mate and I a can of Victoria Bitter from the stage due to our fervent appreciation of his band. We vowed to crack the can at my mate's wedding but this did not happen as he went to jail for vehicular manslaughter and I drank the can early one morning when I found it in the back of my bookshelf.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 18:59, Reply)
Loads of it
In the happy heady early days of the web the company I used to work for did 'webcasts' in return for beer and transport. Sometime around 1996 we started getting jobs at big concerts, leading to many rock and roll anecdotes:

Playing football with Vic Reeves at some early hour, while a lunatic dressed in carrier bags attempted to be goalie.

Watching Noel 'even thicker than Liam' Gallagher doing an IRC chat with his fans and not having a clue who/where/what it was all about.

But, by far the best, we rented a classic rock-star sleeper coach to take us up to the Oasis Loch Lomond gig. Cue much chortling, drinking, and watching spinal tap. On the way back, we are all hungover and knackered and want to get back to London asap to unload all the kit and call it a job. At 7.00am, somewhere outside Birmingham, the coach slows down and pulls into a services. "Sorry guys, I know you're keen to get back, but I'm falling asleep here" says our driver. Not ideal, but fair enough I suppose. "I'm going to have to have a quick stop." He then proceeds to pull the coach to a stop at the side of the slip road. Without leaving his seat, he gets an old VHS tape box, and chops out a great fat line of coke from one corner to the other, and proceeds to snort the lot. Then repeats in other nostril for balance. Then gets back on motorway for another 4 hours. Result.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 18:55, Reply)
Get off my fucking foot
One whilst under the influence of a large quantity of alochol me and some mates stumbled into a small bar in manchester. After a few comady ales all was going well untill some tit steped on my foot and failed to follow it with "sorry mate, didnt see you there". Not one to allow some injustice such as this to go unpunnished I promptly swung round fist clenched, ready to teach the offender a lesson. I promptly got draged off by my now shit scared mates. Turns out I was about to pick a fight with the Levelers. Bugger!!!
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 18:40, Reply)
Not very rock and roll...
I like the local scene. I'm introduced quite a bit to bands I like and some of them already seem to know my name. I'm not very good at playing it cool at all. Especially when a person from a band I like passes me at a gig they've been playing at goes "hey!".

(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 18:30, Reply)
The Pouges
Brandy isn't their only request. A friend's dad runs the festival Guilfest, where they played last year. They demanded a tent be put up right next to the stage at the back, so shane could jack up. Nice.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 18:05, Reply)
the band I manage (Big Strides) were supporting Horace Andy, the regae legend
after them spending 4 hours sound checking the rasta drummer, who was clearly mad, wanted more oomph or Pah or pAH in his on-stage sound. he get's frustrated with the sound guy and shouts "remember the devil is on this stage as well as the almighty!".


we supported him again a year later, he had changed the entire band for a friendly bunch of frenchmen.

I am hoping for more spinal tap moments when we play the festival in Japan in august
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 18:00, Reply)
Working in my Students Union......
I heard a story which happened about 2 years before I started there. Shane MacGowan had been booked and he was refusing to go onstage without a pint of Brandy and a fresh trout. Just before he was due to go on stage he downed the Brandy and slapped the entertainments managers face with the trout, laughed his head off and walked out. Leaving 1000 angry punters hoping to hear some good ol' rebel songs.

Oh and we had some Happy Mondays tribute band who tried the old 'we want a brandy glass filled with brown M&M's' gag. They got a short sharp "Fuck off" and they stropped off like 4 year olds.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 17:50, Reply)
I was never in a band (apart from a pretend one as a kid called 'the screaming airheads')
But I was in a few orchestras during school and college.

Snapped my A- string on my viola (highest tone string)when tuning before a concert and did not have a spare (or knew how to add it). I was playing straight away and had to do 2nd position , which I was still knew to at the time, on the one next to it (D) to hit the notes. I somehow survived and did pretty well although my hand was aching.

I had to play later on that evening but luckily our conducter noticed my string was gone well before the next performance so he gave me a new one and strung it up just intime for my quartet
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 17:17, Reply)
.....I drove my Rover into a paddling pool.



(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 17:12, Reply)
dane bowers
Croydon about 6 years ago and Dane Bowers comes down to Po Na Na's. The guy is a serious twat and proceeded to verbally abuse my mates girlfriend. So my mate pissed into a pint glass and every time Mr Bowers got a drink, half of it was piss. Then at the end of the night he told him, Mr Bowers tried to lunge over the counter and got beaten senseless by the bouncers.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 17:05, Reply)
Caught short at the Levellers concert...
1998. Then gf and friends were mad keen Levellers fans. So when they played our home town of Watford gf & crew made sure they were at the gig hours early to be sure to be first in.
I'd been drinking, so after standing on the steps of the concert venue for about 2 hours I really needed a pee.

So I did what any chap would do, walked round the side and went in an alleyway. While I was happily writing my name on the brickwall and having done the letters rather large proceeded onto the full height window next to it I became aware the curtains were twitching...
...then I realised the whole Levellers band were watching me from the otherside of the glass I was pissing against. :-)

Said something about their music though eh?
Went back to gf and told her I'd just seen the band round the corner. he he :)
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 17:04, Reply)
Night before our first gig, P.A speaker blew, as did the lead geetarists amp head, my mic lead died on me and the drummer managed to break not one but TWO drum skins!! Cue much panic and running around various music shops the morning of the gig for repairs!!

Still played a blinder though!!

Hear us at WWW.ZEDROCK.COM if you like that old skool hayvey maytul!!
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 17:01, Reply)
Most expensive hotel suite in Bangkok....
we're talking whole top floor of the hotel, sauna and jaccuzi, four bedrooms, living room the size of my house and a banquet table in the dining room. Me, my mate, five very high class hookers and enough crystal meth to keep the population of Edinbrough up for a week.

Happy days.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 17:00, Reply)
Which way to the gig...
Few years back went with mates to see the Wannadies play at a small gig, think was Leicester but got sooo drunk I'll never remember.

Anyway, on the way there we'd parked the car and were looking for the gig. Saw some indie looking guys and shouted "Oi!", they turned and waited while I bowled up to them and ask "...you guys know where the The Wannadies gig is tonight?".

They looked rather surprised at me and said "err... yeah." and proceeded to give me some directions.

Mates waiting behind me by this time. After we were on our way mates told me I'd just asked the The wannadies if they knew where their own gig was.
Oh the shame. On the plus side, could say I hung out with the band before the gig.... ok, I'll leave now.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 16:58, Reply)
Frank Black is a fucking cunt!
Frank Black once kicked my shins in all because I was drunk, lary, passive-aggressive and somewhere I shouldn’t have been - his dressing room!!! I also think I tried to get him to come to a strip club... what an arsehole he is.

Doesn't Frank realise that its people like me who steal his records from friends and family or download illegal MP3's from Kazaa and Limewire make him what he is. He wants to take a reality check and remember without people like me he's be less than shit!

Go drown in a bath of cum Frank you fat faced fucking cunt. Just drop dead Frank! Step forward if you want some, c'mon you cunt!
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 16:57, Reply)
Eddy Tenpole was punched unconcious by the head of security at Manchester Uni. He saw Eddy put his hand under the grill at the cashiers office and thought he was a robber. He was actually trying to get the guest list to add someone onto it.

My dog Legless (sadly deceased now) ate John Cooper-Clarkes dinner from his rider the day I found him. He was drunk (Legless not Cooper-Clarke).

Roy Harper - what a fucking legend. Saw him several times in the eighties in Manchester.

No tales about Phil Lynnot though. The fucker died before I was due to see him at ReadinG rock Festival. The replacement band was Slade. Biggest can-fight in history.

(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 16:34, Reply)
Two nights ago
I stage invaded at a gig and my tits fell out of my top on stage.

Does that count?
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 16:31, Reply)
Sex, drugs and sausage rolls...
I was once a gofer in a Rock nightclub and got shouted at most viciously by John Cooper Clark because no-one in Derby had any heroin that was strong enough for him. I had to bollock Edward Tenpole-Tudor as he decided it was ok to help himself to the contents of my fridge and also had a furtive knee-trembler with Phil Lynott down the back stairs of the club. Roy Harper threw up on me once, god I could go on forever.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 16:08, Reply)
Having spent all night and all the next day in dodgy clubs and bars drinking some random guys under the table me an some mates thought i would be fun to get some stuff signed by pulp at HMV so of we toddled beer in hand to the giant store where jarvis cocker very gracefully acceppted the gift of a cruit set stolen from the pub behind Liberty's and a half drunk bottle of beer.
I wish I was still that young!
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 15:50, Reply)
Rock n Roll
Circa 83 some mates of mine were playing at the Merrion Centre, Leeds. Setting up they realised they were missing a couple of leads. As I was in a car me & a mate called round, unannounced, to Andrew Eldritch's house (Sisters of Mercy) who lived nearby to borrow some equipment.
Mid-November, in Leeds. Eldritch opens the door to us in fcukin sunglasses. Quality. I nearly piss3d mesen.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 15:48, Reply)
Rock the Establishment
Hardly original, but I once smoked up a joint in a Buckingham Palace toilet. There was a fellow outside with a sword and a horse-tail helmet - the full works, and there was me inside toking up a fat one. Luckily, i'd dropped my guts just before lighting up so the two stenches sorta mingled, cancelling each other out in the nasty way air-freshner does.

Then, wall-eyed and out of my gourd, I proceeded to mingle with the other guests invited to witness the investitures. I met one of my heroes, Ian Botham, and I swear he was looking at me jealously because he knew I was boxed, and Michael Caine called me a drunk, so I called him a shite-hawk and told him that there are plenty of treatments that can rid a man of the shards of greasy scalp that coated the tired old hack's shoulders.

It got worse - I dropped a fart during the ceremony that could have been heard in Wapping, and when the smell hit I was laughing so hard without opening my mouth that tears streamed down my eyes, I was a right old mess :-D
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 15:42, Reply)
PWEI and Neds
Many many years ago used to 'date' Clint Poppies girlf whilst she was still seeing Clint, she was nice, he was a bit 'if it doesn't help the band it's not worth it', ie a bit of a dick.

Also did the same with Rat from Neds Atomic Dustbin, although getting off with his girlf in front of Rat was a bit of a mistake (waking up in the middle of a club in the middle of a dance floor with blood over my nose, a broken nose, sore mouth and an empty wallet learned me a lesson, be more discreet!).
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 15:41, Reply)
Northhampton, 6am
Pulling up into town, it very early, but myself, the bass player and the lead singer are still awake. The BP is a renown loon, and complete musical genius, and whilst stretching out legs decides Northampton is a sad place, and its inabitants are like its town. He decides to rectify this.

6.05 am. By the bus station at the traffic lights - one bass player, wearing nothing but Jesus Creepers and underpants and an accoustic guitar, chasing what few people were around the town serenading them with guitar and vocal patented "fart-singing". When the pedestrians ran away, he resorted to chasing buses - they also drove away at speed.

I guess it is one of those "you had to be there" moments but rarely have I had to be picked up off of the floor in complete hilaric apoplexy. The guy is a loon of the highest order - anyone who records a Frank Zappa tribute album using just a 1980's drum machine and synth - does all the vocals and overdubs and tortures himself for months to make it, all just to hand out as tapes to his mates, is certifiable. He must be because only loons like that could make it sound so damn good as well.
(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 15:39, Reply)

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