Human clock
Before they went on a "hiatus" that is currently at 5 years and counting, I used to really like to go see a band from Toronto called Moxy Fruvous. I believe I've been to 14 of their shows.
As the inter-song banter frequently revolves around hockey, I would always wear a particular hockey jersey to their concerts.
Anyhoo, on 12/31/1999, I attended their concert in Buffalo, NY. At about 10:15pm, they had a contest onstage in which three audience members took turns being a "human clock". The one to do it in the most interesting way would be selected to repeat the act several times up until midnight. I was chosen as one of the three, likely because I was tall and perhaps the band recognized me (I had gotten a couple autographs from them at previous shows, and had been mentioned on-mic by one of them for my attire during the show in Chicago a few months prior).
So what did I do to illustrate the current time with my body? I sat on the stage, feet pointed out to the audience's right, and torso and arms pointing up and to the audience's left. Would have worked great if the stage were a normal height, however as I quickly realized, this stage was only about 2 feet (70cm) off the ground. So, the front row of the (standing) crowd was looking down at me like I'm an idiot, and none of the rest of the crowd could see me at all. I felt so stupid that after I lost that little competition I went in the bathroom, took off the hockey jersey, and never wore it to a Moxy Fruvous concert again.
(chase, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 13:23, Reply)

somebody mention cheggers?
Warrenpoint town hall, 1983 "youth" disco.... 4 road shows mixed together for the biggest lightshow ever seen (would have made the Guinness book if anybody had remembered to enter it) enter cheggers 1 hour before it starts, and sits on stage with us drinking harp lager and bass export.. He even signed my copy of Yazoo’s nobody’s diary limited edition 12" therefore promptly devaluing it instantly.. top bloke, even bought us a case of beer when he left...
( TBL I posted this on, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 12:47, Reply)

Punk and Rednecks
Aged 15 me and a mate decide we're going to see the Buzzcocks. In Cinderford (Don't mention the bear). A one-horse town in the depths of the Forest of Dean.

I have never been more scared in my life. The two of us, dressed in teen-goth, alone in redneck country, with an audience consisting entirely of men who may have been punks, a long time ago. Now they all had spikey hair, moustaches and were all wearing white shirts, black trousers, white socks and black shiny shoes. Like a load of clones of the pianist from Sparks.

Egged on by Pete Shelley, it was '77 again. Pogoing like crazy, headbutting each other with looks of joy, blood pouring everywhere, all to a backdrop of piles of old tellys all playing 70's softcore German porn.

Lucky. To. Get. Out. Alive.
(baltax, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 12:30, Reply)

im the most rocky and rolly!
A few years ago,when I was only 13 I proved I was more rock and roll than Brian Molko,by first out drinking him,then he went home with a headache 4 hours before me!

Then my friend told Steve (Placebos drummer) a few things about their petulent cunt of a manager,and he started being a dick to her,and made her cry. My mum then called him an up-himself bastard. He tried to storm off,but ended up accidently sitting on my lap.

Then I ended up having a long chat about hair and sex in public baths with their then-keyboardist,Xavier. Lovely guy.

I did,in all,drink more than each member of the band,and I went home later. AND,the guy who is tour manager to Motely Cru,Metallica,Justin Timberlake and AC/DC gave me a lift back to my hotel at 3 in the morning!
(Miharu, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 12:00, Reply)

ooh
Faithless in Cardiff was amazing. Some skaghead bint next to me was taking the ravey/crazy dancing thing a bit over the top, really started to piss me off with all the fwailing arms bopping me in the head.But then she gave out a lung-draining scream and fell to the floor. Problem solved! She was later rescued by paramedics and it seems she had dropped a few too many sweeties before the gig.

Don't to pills kids. Weed is so much more entertaining.
(Legs 11 last got some loving on, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 11:53, Reply)

My leaving do at uni
Baker's dozen of shots, two pints of Worthington's as chasers, a dirty pint, two rather large spliffs and n bongs, woke up bald and covered in writing. I looked like a graffitied cancer patient.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Sat 1 Jul 2006, 11:48, Reply)

I threw a TV from my 5th floor balcony
Found a TV on the street, and couldn't resist the temptation to heave it off the balcony (5th floor) at 3am. Jesus they make a lot of noise when they hit the pavement.
(se8card, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 8:58, Reply)

Mötley Crüe
It was 1990, middle of the Dr Feelgood tour, when my still all time fave band Mötley Crüe toured australia,
my uncle worked for one of the biggest pyro importers in australia and somehow managed to wangle his fav nephew a backstage pass,
ten minutes to showtime and im standing on the wings, Nikki Sixx walks right up to me with a nearly full bottle of Jack daniels and says: "here bud hold this,i'll be back for it during tommy's solo, have some if you like"
so I'm Standing there with my own personal godds bottle of my favourite drink sipping it as i watch possibly the finest metal concert ive ever seen( At least until last years Carnival of Sins tour)
Tommy's solos Starts, Nikki comes over and has a few swigs of the jack before he gets changed,
brings another bottle and a packet of smokes with him and leaves them with me,
after the show he got the rest of the band to sign my shirt and denim jacket (they loved the kill bon jovi patch) and Gave me some of his picks, a set of tommys sticks and the rest of the bottle of jack,

Still got that bottle somewhere.
(Funkwomble XBL and PSN DangerBoy73, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 8:14, Reply)

Rancid
When my sister was a punk and living in Minneapolis with her even punker roommates (oh, 1994 or so), Rancid slept on her floor when they were in town. It was all very punk. Now she works in a law office and has a baby with her lawyer husband. It's all very, very not punk.

I got kicked in the face by a combat-booted crowd surfer at the very first Lollapalooza. Then during the Rollins Band set I was very nearly trampled to death. That's not really a back-stage story, is it?
( madrabbit is fully prepared, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 6:56, Reply)

A surreal moment
Franz Ferdinand/Death Cab, feat. The Cribs Concert, Pacific Coliseum, Vancouver.

They have just finished a massive drum-off with all the bands, closing the show. They do the traditional thing and toss their picks, drumsticks, shirts, teeth, etc into the audience to be sold on eBay or treasured forever. Alex Capralis tosses his pick in the vicinity of my brother, but as luck would have it another guy grabs it.

My brother plays some guitar, and is interested to see what sort of pick Alex uses. He yells over the applause: "Hey, could I see that??!" The guy thinks about it for a sec, clearly unwilling to give up his prize for even a sec, but thinking my brother might just be curious. Then he decides upon something that makes sense to him.

He reaches out with the pick and rubs it on my brother's face, from his forehead to the tip of his nose. "There!" he announces, smiles at his generosity and disappears into the crowd.

What rock-and-roll does to people.
(Poogle, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 6:01, Reply)

The thanks you get
At one of the Libertines house parties while celebrating our friend Lizzie's birthday we got Pete Doherty and about 50 other people, who had aslo been thrown out on the street by the police, to sing Happy Birthday at the stroke of midnight.

We then poured her into a shopping trolley and wheeled her home.

Ungratefull as she was, she didn't remember it the next day.
(Squash, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 5:44, Reply)

Sorry.
Back in the year 2000 my housemate got free tickets to see a band in Southampton university, near where we lived. I think it might have been Mansun. The tickets were part of a deal where he interviewed the support band (My Vitriol) for the student magazine, so he turned up early to do this, then met us at the entrance. We had 15 minutes free before My Vitriol were due on stage, so we went to have a crafty ciggy in the toilets downstairs. The university is a no-smoking zone, which seemed funny for a place hosting such a large gig. One of my housemates wondered out loud whether they'd turned off the smoke detectors, decided they must have, and demonstrated his theory to us by blowing smoke on the nearest one.
Five minutes later the whole university had been evacuated and a fleet of fire engines were pulling up to the entrance. After the best part of an hour or so the building was deemed safe and we were allowed in again. My Vitriol's set was cancelled. Haven't heard anything about them since.
( Zuowan, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 4:37, Reply)

Let's see
1) Driving over Paul Weller's lawn. He was not best impressed.

2) Playing a pubquiz with a certain ex-guitarist of Blur. Question comes up: "In what year did Blur release 'Parklife'". Silence. Look to guitarist. "S'fucking '94 innit". Applause. He was right an' all, fancy that!

3) I'm not proud of this. Richard Archer (yes, that twat from Hard-Fi) trying to chat me up at his aftershow. Ugh. I hasten to add that he failed miserable and I was rescued. If I'd have been sober enough to recognise him, I'd have been more insulting.. I was only there for the support band!

4) Being rescued from certain death and taken in for the night in a POSH hotel by a member of a band commonly known as "Kaiser Chiefs".

5) Ask me next weekend after I've done my VIP stint at T in the Park.

I'm clearly a very, very rock and roll person. Ahem.
(mercary, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 0:58, Reply)

Dead Kennedy's Busking
Me and a couple of pals went busking in a Mall in town...on a sunday at about 3pm...about 5 people around. I knew all the words to the Dead Kennedy's Stealing Peoples mail and the guys knew mostly all the chords to Rocky Raccoon by the beatles...Nice!. Anyway, i shouted my way through Stealing peoples mail and a drunk gave us $1.38...we didnt even get to smash a tv.
(Dogzilla, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 0:54, Reply)

Johnny Who?
A friend from school i used to catch the train with on my way to Uni used to work for Virgin promotions in Sydney. Anyways, she was a bit of a country girl...she says one day "Listen to this"...i say...hey sounds like Elvis Costello...she says "It's this new guy called Lennie Kravitz...he's going to have a hit song"....this was in about 1989!

On another note she went out for dinner and asked me if i knew a guy by the name of John Lydon, she and the other promotions staff went out for dinner with him when he was on tour..i said "yeah...don't you know him...he's kind of famous..a bit"...She said he was lovely and very polite...I didn't ask if he tried to Gob on anyone.

Usual apo-loogies for length
(Dogzilla, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 0:49, Reply)

Moby broke my toilet
....is a very, very old story. If that was indeed you, auawsha, you have been hawking that one around for years
( fish_kettle, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 0:41, Reply)

Guitar hero
Just last week, while still in my flat at uni, me and my friends were happily playing my mates new guitar hero game on PS2. For those of you who don’t know (with your girlfriends and real lives etc) Guitar hero is a game you play with a guitar shaped controller, very good fun. I was on my first go, doing “I love rock and role” and I was on a bit of a role. I was stood up, singing along, properly strumming away, when past our window walks a tour group of parents and their kids who are considering Huddersfield uni, with the odd grandparent thrown in for good measure. I play on, thinking they wouldn’t notice, despite the fact many were looking in and laughing. If they didn’t notice then, they certainly did when the tour guide leads them into the kitchen, with me still going at it like a pro, and having to turn the guitar vertical to get into rock star mode. They all looked in with clear jealousy of how much fun I was having, and in shear awe of my rock skills. The tour guide however shot me a dirty look and said “I think we should start in the bed rooms.” Had this been really rock and role I might have shagged her senseless on the bed, but alas it was pretend rock and role, so that night I had a pretend orgy, of sorts, well, an extra wank but still. ROCK ON! \m/
(Mong goose, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 0:27, Reply)

Oh yeah
Me and my then-girlfriend were / are in the video for The Darkness' 'Get Your Hands of My Woman'. She throws water over some chap in a bar, and puts money into the pants of a stripper. Just before lunch we were asked to come back and be part of the main crowd. We went to the pub next door with the rest of the paid extras, persuaded them to get right royally drunk for the rest of the afternoon and never returned. \m/ ROCK \m/
(BeardyMat, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 23:59, Reply)

ROK
As a professional tour driver / sometime tour manager, I get to see Tap-esque moments on pretty much a daily basis. I've seen limbs broken, hard drugs taken, hotel rooms trashed, virginity (s)stolen, bands break-up, then reform, then break-up, then reform again, & entire tours get cancelled for the most needless of reasons. And I've only done this for 2 years!

In my current inebriation I've tried racking my brain in remembering the most Spinal Tap-esque moments and have come up with 3:

1) This may be a 'I guess you should've been there' situation, but picture the scene. I've just pulled up outside a hotel in Winterthur, Switzerland. The band have just checked out and are loading their luggage into the van. One of the hotel staff walks out hurriedly with a concerned look on her face. "Hello, er.. I was just checking when you were going to pay for the mini-bar bill."

"What mini-bar bill?" quoffs the vocalist and general business-minded guy of the band.
"You took a few items from the mini-bar last night?" she asks.

"No we didn't, did we?" He asks, turning to the rest of the band. Each one in turn replies 'no' or 'nuh-uh' (they're American). Apart from one bassist who sheepishly makes his way to the reception.

(Whispers) "Yeah, I err.. took i think one bottle of orange juice. I'll just head back up and put it back."

"No, there's no need," insists the reception staff. "You can give to us here."
"No, it's ok - I don't mind, I'll just go upstairs and put it back."
The reception staff then insist he give it to them right there, right then. So, turning a crimson red, he reaches into his bag and pulls out a bottle of orange juice. Then a bottle of water. Then a bottle of beer. And another 3 bottles of beer. Then another bottle of water, then a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine, 2 bottles of coke, 2 bottles of lemonade, a bottle of apple juice and a bag of peanuts."

The smiles adorning the faces of the hotel staff quickly turn into stiffled giggles. "And did you not take a packet of pretzels as well?"

"Yeah, but I already ate those"

I and the hotel staff splurt into immediate bouts of laughter as he quickly zips up his bag and grumpily walks to the bus outside. Quality.

2) Some time last summer I was asked to drive an extreme metal band on tour (seriously, these guys were on the same label as Napalm Death!). Incidentally the same week they were touring France, there was a nationwide arts and music festival going on and the small French coastal town of Pornichet (where they had their next gig) was doing its bit in the form of a week-long music festival throughout the whole town. The band I was driving was down to play as the token rock act in the main square, as part of the celebrations.

As I drive through the sun-baked cobbled streets, past blissed-out trip-hop DJs to the main square we start to wonder whether this crowd will be overly receptive to their subversive grind-core attack. Surrounded by quaint French cafes, parents sipping on after-dinner chardonnays while their children dance playfully to the reggae-ska beats emanating from the modest stage, the petrified looks adorning the faces of the band was priceless.

"Have they even heard us," asks the vocalist sweat dripping feverishly from his brow. Subsequent enquiries reveal that, in fact, no they haven't. Apart from the promoter that is. But he's not here yet.
Incidentally, they played a blinder of a set and were even urged to give an encore!

3) After a successful gig with a couple of stoner bands in Bristol we head to a good friend of ours' pad nearby to smoke, drink jagermeister and crash out. As we're getting out stuff from the van and heading into the flat a strange, disturbingly talkative Asian chap appears out of the shadows and starts asking us all the usual questions about who we are, where we played, how his mate's uncle used to play in some obscure punk band in the 80s etc, etc... 'yeah, yeah whatever', we think to ourselves. The band politely answer his questions while hoping to God he'd kindly fuck off back to the squalid hell-hole he'd come from.

Anyway, after about 15 minutes or so he does. Only to return about 30 minutes later knocking on the door of the flat. "Oh. Hi..." says George who owns the flat, nervously inviting him in. As he comes down to the main room we discover he'd brought us some of his mum's home-made goat (that is, REAL LIFE goat) gepatti. And weed. Nice one. We offer him some Jagermeister in return.

"Well... I don't really drink mate, what is it?"

"Truth syrum," offers a guitarist in the shadows.

"Ah ok.. I'll have some." He takes a shot. Then, another. We all laugh as this previously teetotal and annoyingly talkative asian chap comes to life. 8 shots are taken in total. We wait in anticipation. Anyone who knows Jagermeister knows of the 30 minute rule, as in the time it takes for Jager to truly take affect. Soon enough, this Asian chap just can't stop talking! He's telling us about his trip to Pakistan last year.. we're getting bored very quickly. Just as we start ignoring him and talking amongst ourselves he starts telling us about this one time when he got in a taxi in Pakistan and the taxi driver took him down a dirt-path short cut. He thought the taxi driver was going to rob him, so he decided to get him first - took his knife out, slit the taxi driver's throat, stole all his money, set fire to the taxi then went on his way.

Deathly silence. Eyes wide open. Mouths agape.

"So, how much you wanna give me for that weed," he asks.

Um...
(BeardyMat, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 23:30, Reply)

Ouch
My spinal tap moment was a few years ago when I had suspected meningitis and a Dr took a sample of cerebrospinal fluid.
(Julian Coped, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 22:41, Reply)

Nine Inch Punch
During Nine Inch Nails first British tour, in 1991, they were lined up to play Birmingham Goldwyns (Capacity 600 or so). Despite the fact the drummer was in a cage to prevent getting knocked out by flying instruments, there was still damage. During one song, Trent leaned out into the crowd and started a lame form of crowdsurfing. Not sure exactly who was rolling around on top of me, and not taking well to be kicked in the face, I found my assailiants bollocks, and dispensed a couple of sharp jabs to teach him a lesson.

You can hear it on an old bootleg tape I have, as he stops singing and goes "OOOOF".

It was about then I realised I'd just punched Trent Reznor in the bollocks.
(domesticterrorist, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 22:18, Reply)

Deos anyone know/remember Violent Delight?
Possibly THE MOST underrated band in the history of the world...although they've only gone and fucking split up now :(.

Me and a mate went to see them play at the Soundhouse in Colchester about 3 years ago.

The gig was fucking amazing....absolute quality from start to finish.

After the last song (i think it was "Secret Smile") Rodney the lead singer came down off the stage into the pit and put his sweaty hand on my arm to steady himself from the stampede of rampant punks knocking him around like a ragdoll (he's only a little fella...i'd say about 9 stone).

In a moment of pure musical passion and adoration (not gayness), i licked his sweat from my arm and grinned insanely at him.

He gave me the fucking oddest look ever then burst out laughing.

good fun was had by all.

--RIP Violent Delight--
(BatCountry organised, attended, and was thrown out on, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 21:06, Reply)

School PA system
All the gigs I've played in have either been in someone's garage or in a school hall. The ones in garages were better. The school assembly hall is not very good acoustically and the PA system is shite, as are some of the people who run it.
First time we ever played was at a school talent show and we were doing a cover of some song off Achtung Baby by U2, and we were actually favourites to win rather than the usual girl on a piano singing some nice song about being emancipated. Unfortunately the first band who were on blew the amp doing a Limp Bizkit song (badly) and the sound guy had turned the volume down and forgot to put it back up. So we had bass and drums but no guitar. So I keep playing the intro bassline until it gets fixed, but when it does Iain is playing the song as if the guitar was working, so the guitar suddenly comes on with him half way through the first verse. Eventually it goes better.
Then, the last year we did it we managed to be worse. The singer was wasted, and the sound people had insisted we plug our instruments straight into the PA rather than through amps. This makes Iain's guitar sound like the Jesus and Mary Chain, Creevy's drums are so high in the mix that they drown out most of what Jamie was singing (which was off key shrieking mainly that was so tuneless we had to start a bar again halfway through just to make sure he was still in time) and my bass couldn't be heard. But it could be felt. It sounded a bit like a shite post-rock band. It was meant to sound like the Rolling Stones. My bass solo (which I didn't want to do) made people leave to have a lie down somewhere.
We came last. The other band came 3rd and their singer came 2nd with the Michael Jackson act he'd been doing for 3 years in a row (he just changed hats). A girl on a piano came first, singing a nice song about emancipation. The other band's song sounded like a moany version of the spoof Blur song from Rock Profiles.

Happy days. We once had a song called AD. Because they were the only chords in it. We made the lyrics up as we went along. Annoyingly enough the rest of the band like the music I do since we left school. Shame we all live in different cities now.
(thePontificator, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 20:57, Reply)

Pammy style...
Me and the boyf made a sex tape . Thats fucking rock and roll.
(Miharu, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 20:35, Reply)

Cheggars
Keith Chegwin. The Bassetlaw Show in Worksop circa 1982.

Beat That!
(blaggm, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 20:26, Reply)

Right.
Ok Before i tell i have only ever been to a few staged events of the kind described. A Sooty live performance and a Rolf Harris concert.

At the Rolf concert he finished singing (after getting numorous parents to sing along to sun arise)and there was the normal 'crush everyone in sight' queue to get his autograph - something my sister really wanted though we gave up queueing after 10 minutes.

However though we did get to buy 'Shining Bear' (Rolf's didgeredo player) a pint in the bar and had a conversation with him.

And my sister got an autograph - it was a card that someone had written 'ROLF' on in big letters and lost!
(The lord Boo., Fri 30 Jun 2006, 19:26, Reply)

Live at the Apollo
I ought to start by saying I cant play an instrument. Tone Deaf. The best way for me to get a tune out of a guitar would be to bang it against a wall, but I have played at the Apollo.

I was doing rope access work in Manchester when we got a job setting up lighting rigs for a concert.
We were up in the roof swinging on ropes as the band were setting up…once they had sound checked, the stage was cleared and was strictly off limits to everyone. There were even a couple of bouncers at either end of the stage to stop people messing with the instruments. Too tempting:

I quietly abseiled down onto the stage and got off the rope.

I walked to the front of the stage and picked up a guitar, which gave out a low frequency hum. A bouncer looked over at me.
I approached the Microphone. The bouncer started walking toward me.

In my best Rock and Roll voice I yelled “GOOD EVENING MANCHESTER!” and did what I thought was a good impression of a power chord.

The bouncer ran at me and did a full on flying tackle.
I was ejected from the premises and told not to come back. Ever.
(Joey likes movies with Galdiators, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 19:03, Reply)

Alright, let's jog the memory...
* Cradle of Filth's tour manager had a diva strop at me about the posters I'd put up around the venue. I was an unpaid lackey, I didn't make the fuckers!

* Being taken backstage at a Cribs gig when my mate got hurt (still my favourite gig so far, despite that) and being offered fruit with faces on by Duels' then-drummer, my mate (not the one who got hurt) telling the guitarist from Black Wire that he looks like the love child of Morrissey and Johnny Marr (he still remembered her 10 months later for that), and then watching all of the bands wrestling each other on crash mats. Before my dad came and picked me up.

* Trying to mosh on a wobbly CD rack at an instore gig.

* All the licked faces.

* Making all the members of Duels (except their keyboardist, I couldn't find her) wear some massive blue star-shaped sunglasses for photos.

I'm sure there's more, but they're all the ones I remember. A friend and I are planning to stage gigs (we don't actually have a band per se yet) in her garage. That should come up with some good ones...
(and now for someone completely different, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 18:47, Reply)

Oh many, many years ago
Mr V and I went to see Rolf Harris at the Garage in Glasgow. It was a fantastic set, the crowd being made up of middle-aged couples and leather-clad facially-pierced rockers and all points in between. I got kicked in the back of the head by a stage diver during Stairway, and I missed the end of the gig cos I got crushed during Bohemian Rhapsody and had to be lifted out by a bouncer.

I dislocated my finger once while Slayer were supporting Maiden at Earl's Court and had to go and have that fixed. I'd no sooner got back when Maiden started and I realised I was three rows from the front instead of three rows from the back. I'm only 5'2 and got swept off my feet, had a panic attack and the bouncers three rows in front heard me screaming over the top of Bruce Dickenson. Took several attempts to get me over the top of the 6' barrier though...

Rock 'n' roll
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Fri 30 Jun 2006, 18:38, Reply)