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This is a question Rock and Roll Stories

My personal Spinal Tap moment came when we got locked into the Festival Hall in London by accident. We ended up wandering the maze of backstage corridors carrying a three foot high piece of cheese looking for the one door that would lead us to salvation.

What goes on tour may stay on tour, but B3ta doesn't count. Tell us everything.

(, Thu 29 Jun 2006, 13:47)
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More band name stories
A friend of mine spent his first year at camp in a band called Cripple the Orphans. I suggested it be changed to Cripple an Orphan so it sounded like a service to your country.

The next time I saw them play, they were AIDS. Armed Infidels of Democratic Spain.

He was a fuckin genius on the drums too.
(, Mon 3 Jul 2006, 6:33, Reply)
the first gig I ever did
I was the drummer in a band called Boy's On A Raft, which dealt with cover versions and other peoples songs in a unique and slightly reggae way. Anyway, after the show we went to a nearby club for a night of drinking, where I was subsequently evicted from the building for "throwing up on the bouncer" and the lead singer for "shagging his missus in the corner".
Picky bastards
(, Mon 3 Jul 2006, 3:34, Reply)
The 'ol school show job...
The show in question was an award show, so we were to put together a band who would 'compete' in the (winner pre-determined) category of 'Best Rock'. This is what we came up with.

Bass Player - An old friend of mine from primary school and a jolly decent bassist. Unnaturally obsessed, however, with Iron Maiden and the blues.

Guitar - Me, having failed Higher Music the previous year and been forced to drop my intended guitar grade a notch just to get a pass.

Other guitar - Another decent musician, this one obsessed with the Eagles. Personally, I thought that alone made the bassist look sane, but they were both minor Trekkies. He ended up playing "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" on his own for this bit.

Drums - Anxiety-prone goth girl who never even got round to handling any drumsticks in our little bandette. Well known for hair colour choices on par with Stevie Wonder on acid, after having somehow been able to become colourblind.

Singer - My ex girlfriend. Whom I had cheated on. And had been avoiding. Whose aunt had just died.

It did not last.
(, Mon 3 Jul 2006, 2:03, Reply)
I tried to start a band..

Called DJ Judas and the Inflatable Fun Popes.

Which is a good name I feel.
(, Mon 3 Jul 2006, 1:55, Reply)
I was once stood next to James Dean Bradfield from the Manics at a gig
The gig was The Vines, supported by the then equally-unknown Libertines. Venue capacity: 110.

James Dean Bradfield is very short.
(, Mon 3 Jul 2006, 0:11, Reply)
The legend
During the early 90s I worked at a well known department store known as House of Fraser. One day the boss of my area asked me to remove a scraggy haired trampy looking bloke that had wondered on to the department and was checking out all of the expensive hi-fi equipment.
No promlemo I said
I walked towards him and noticed it was Geezer Butler from Black Sabbath.
I told the boss that the trampy looking bloke can spend as long as he wants looking at what we have for sale because he could quite easily buy eveything we have. Unfortunatly Geezer left before I could go up and see what he wanted :(
(, Mon 3 Jul 2006, 0:10, Reply)
My band
Despite playing numerous gigs in my band, I'm finding it hard to think of a decent rock 'n' roll story. Before deciding on our current name "The Shrykes", we had suggestions such as:

"The Chainsaw Sex Vikings"
"King Michael and the See-Saw Gang"

Anyway, it's all going well and we're supporting a band from the USA called "Quasi" in August at the Birmingham Barfly. Woo.
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 23:21, Reply)
Chemistry class, the beginning of year 10:

Me: "Hi, I'm Alex"
Mike: "Hi, I'm Mike"

[random getting-to-know-each-other-type discussion]

Mike: "You play guitar? I play drums! We should form a band!"

This band consisted of five members including a chap named Kyle on vocals. I had suggested him as I was under the impression he had had some singing training. Although I was wrong, he was an alright singer, but he was so totally not committed. So much so that he never bothered to learn all the lyrics. At this point I'd like to point out that we, as a way to get playing together, started playing cover songs, mostly of the Offspring, and ended up not writing our own stuff and playing gigs of covers. I'll never forget the first gig, when in the second verse of "How You Remind Me" by Nickelback, Kyle dropped the piece of paper with the words on it. As if the fact that he needed them in his hand wasn't embarassing enough. That's too bad even for Spinal Tap.
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 21:52, Reply)
Road Crew
More of an Anti-Rock n Roll story really.
Was part of a local crew around the Newcastle area that acted as extra Roadies for groups that came to the North East.

We got a job to go and do our job with one of my all time Rock Gods Metallica. Up at 5am and working though to 7pm fitting stages, testing lights etc, too knackered to watch the gig I went and found a quiet hole to sleep in till I was needed again. Sure enough the time came, and we went to collect the wardrobes from Metallicas dressing room. Expecting to find naked nymphettes hanging from teh rafters like some kind of perverse decoration we were greeted with Metallica in full cowboy suits sitting with thier wives drinking tea, that night Rock and Roll died for me
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 21:30, Reply)
black sabbath drummer son!
i went to uni with the drummer from sabbath's son. that is my story. appalling i know. he was quite rock and roll though.

also did a gig a while ago when i dropped my bass on an audience members leg. it broke. i went white. gig ended. as did my rock and roll career. were werent good anyway.

apologies for length and girth? f*** off you twunts (now that's rock n roll)
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 20:27, Reply)
Adolescent health problems
When I was about 13, a schoolfriend, Ken, had a jazz-funk (in retrospect, rather sad for a teenager in 1984) band called "Phase 3". One Saturday evening he invited a load of us round to a concert at his house. Rock 'n' roll, we thought, as we went in clutching bottles of Woodpecker cider and Coke-with-aspirin (no, it doesn't work).

Halfway through the first song Ken got a nosebleed and we were all packed off home early. As we were going out one of the Iron Maiden fans present muttered wistfully, "I can't imagine Dickinson letting his fans down like that".
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 20:25, Reply)
so three fridays ago, i was backstage at the eric clapton gig at hampton court palace. i just happen to know his trumpet player especially well, and was chaperoning his 13 yr old son who was too young to be gigging alone.

it was pretty exciting, being about 3 metres away for signor clapton in the back garden of some georgian house, chatting to one of his guitarists and supping a duchy original (damn good beer). that was a funny evening.
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 19:48, Reply)
Bob Catley
Hey, remember that 80s rock band, Magnum? No, of course you don't, and I wouldn't either if I hadn't snogged the lead singer, after one of their shows, while my boyfriend watched.

I made my boyfriend buy me the album.

The lead singer was grim.

I think I'm done here.
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 19:19, Reply)
The Scorpions are wimps
When I was in Cologne in 1997, some colleagues and I ended up staying in the same hotel as The Scorpions, of "Winds of Change" fame. We were all hoping to get a glimpse of the band, but all we saw was boxes full of their kit and speakers and roadies etc. We thought they'd be keeping themselves to themselves and we'd never see the mullet-ed German supergroup in the flesh- but we werent to be dissapointed. That evening we stayed in for dinner- and so did the Scorpions! Since they were sitting on the next table to us, I, admittedly having sampled a few German beers by then, thought it would be nice if they treated us to rendition of Winds of Change on the Baby Grand piano that was in the dining room. At first the band politely smiled when I shouted "hey Scorpions, give us a tune" but their smiles dissapeared when I started, by way of encouragement, to do the whistled first few bars of their big song. The louder I whistled, the more they frowned. Eventually, they sent a waiter over - "Ze Scorpions ask you not whistle their song." When I kept on doing the, by now annoying whistling, but which had our table in stitches, eventually the band got up off their table and trooped out, off to get room service or somewhere without pesky noise harrasment. I was proud as punch.
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 18:16, Reply)
rolf harris
I supported him at morcambe dome he asked me when we where on and I said 8 oclock later he drew a rolfaroo on the bass drum.
it was fucking wild yeah yeeeee ha.
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 17:36, Reply)
Bodger and Badger
Bodger and Badger came to our uni to do a kooky student show in the union bar. It all went well, until after the show when someone nicked Badger from Bodgers van, and over the course of the next few days posted up ransom notes with pictures of Badger held over a lighter. Bodger was furious, as it was his only Badger puppet.
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 15:39, Reply)
When Rock'n'Roll is noise Pollution
To keep it short
used to work for a Council taking minutes at committee meetings - so far so dull

Turn up to a meeting to find Judas Priest, some of whom live nearby, have booked the room next door for a week of rehearsals prior to their next world tour.

Meeting starts, Priest keep rehearsing, meeting adjourns whilst i am sent next door to tell them to shut up so the councillors can here themselves bathering on about nothing important. When i go next door Priest and crew can't understand what the fuss is about as they were only using the monitors and not the full PA. They are distinctly unimpressed at being told to shut up (i decide that was not the time to ask about free tickets for the tour)they eventually slope off to the pub for an hour before returning a prolonged period of guitar tuning until i can give them the all clear that the meeting has finished. Oh and if anyone is interested this was about five years ago before Rob Halford had rejoined the band
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 15:36, Reply)
John Peel played my single
Err, that's it.

Oh, and I married one of our groupies - rock and roll or what?
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 15:18, Reply)
I saw Jimmy Eat World free in the basement at Virgin
Not that I like them or anything, I just saw advertisements for a free gig and went along.

I got the singer to sign a copy of Max Payne that I just so happened to have on me.

I told him I liked his hair. He told me to shut up and that I was holding up the line.

He's a cunt.
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 14:53, Reply)
You'll all be jealous....
....went to vist a mate at Abber uni in wales one weekend. Naturally we moved on to the Student Union to get ratted on cheap, watered down cider....

....waitin at the bar to be served. Who should appear next to me and order a pint?

Only Timmy-Fucking-Mallet.....fookin ace! With WKD as a promotional tour or something.

Nice bloke....bloody short though.

Length and Girth? Non...he was tiny. As for his mallet though......
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 14:49, Reply)
Keith Richards
My father was working in Antigua and most nights he used to frequent a local bar, one evening he didn’t join his co workers and the next day they told him how Eric Clapton had been there chatting away and buying drinks for everyone. My father called in a few nights later wondering if he might run into Eric but instead sat down at the bar and within half an hour was asked if the seat next to him was taken by Keith Richards, being a massive Rolling Stones fan my father said no and offered to buy him a drink, instead Keith bought my father drinks all night, regaled him with tales of rock and roll debauchery and they even exchanged phone numbers (to this day I proudly own an autographed beer coaster signed by the man himself … even though I much prefer The Beatles).

Also last summer my father was at a boat show in Monaco when Bono walked merrily past him, my father asked if he could have his picture taken with the Irish, political pop star, Bono said he couldn’t and kept walking so my father grabbed onto the short arse and basically made him pose next to him. My father has the picture in his study and it’s great if only for the fact you can clearly see how uncomfortable Bono looks in it and how my father is holding the fucker in place whilst they both grin for the camera. My father also gave Bono my bands website address and the miserable bastard still hasn’t signed our guestbook
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 14:09, Reply)
Rock and Roll stories
It was a few decades ago, back in San Diego California. I was at a Cramps concert. My first. There I was, right in front of the stage. Lux Interior took out his over sized wanger, and waved it at the crowd. I was terrified that he was about to piss on me. I guess, in retrospect, that he had better things to do. He just waved it at us, then put it back in his leather britches.
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 4:04, Reply)
Rock and roll!
I met Herbie Flowers at a concert he was special guesting a few years ago. He played a tuba.

Live the life.
(, Sun 2 Jul 2006, 1:13, Reply)
Oh yeah...
The guitarist from British Sea Power broke my nose.
It was the end of the gig, he jumps and swings off a lighting rig right above my head, I look up, he drops.
(, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 23:11, Reply)
Fun Lovin' Criminals
I used to DJ at a shit club in Putney with two of my housemates. Got paid next to nothing and the place was almost empty. In a desperate attempt to attract more people, the venue booked Huey from Fun Lovin' Criminals to do a set with the understanding that we were still the 'resident' DJs (as if we gave a shit anyway as pissed students).

So Huey turned up with his entourage of a fat bald guy in a Led Zep tshirt, and 3 or 4 semi-hot girls dragged off the street, and they all sat in the corner drinking Crystal, whilst we were resigned to perching on band equipment supping beers.

Huey played his (honestly, terrible) set and we were due to go on by 12, but he refused to leave. Wanker. In a fit of pissed-revenge and deliberate 'don't you know who i am?'-ness, we robbed up his champagne, started chatting up the girls he was with whilst pointing at him and smirking, nicked two more bottles of spirits from behind the bar, and yelled "Cuuuuuuuunnnnttt!!!" at Huey before storming out smashing bottles and walls vowing never to play there again.

We never did.
(, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 21:42, Reply)
Sorry Malchick...
But someone already did the Wayne's World 2 joke.
(, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 19:41, Reply)
So there, I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o'clock in the morning,
looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweets shop on the edge of town. So - we go. And - it's closed. So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop, eh. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopkeeper and his son... that's a different story altogether.
I had to beat them to death with their own shoes.
Nasty business, really, but sure enough I got the M&Ms, and Ozzy went on stage and did a great show.
(, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 18:15, Reply)
Where to start...
With many years of Rock and Roll behind me, I can tell a few, but I'll start small, since this is the most 'Tap'.

Sometime in the early 80's, and my band 'Psi-Storm' are playing a big charity gig in Kent. There are four of us in the band: Clarkie on guitar, a genius who makes all his own gear, Jim on Bass, a solid if uninspired player, Paul 'The Gob' on drums, his mouth being the only thing louder than his kit, and meself on shouting. We're kicking off our act with a new number in our shouty-industrial-punk set, so amidst the gathering gloom we take the stage before the hundreds of adoring and/or indifferent fans.
Jim kicks things off with a rumbling bass line of the type made popular by The Cure on their Faith album. A few bars in Paul takes up the rhythm, and for once manages to play what he's supposed to. (Paul rates himself as a 'jazz artiste' so the rhythm machine pattern he's supposed to be playing seems to offend him. Clarkie waits for the momentum of the rhythm section to build until he starts laying a few noises over the top. This intro session relies on atmospheric sounds over the rhythm, so I pitch in with some curious farty noises on Clarkie's home made synth. So far so good.
Up to the mic then, and I shout out the first line.
I shout the second line.
A roady dashes on in that half crouch they do that they think makes them invisible. He changes the mic.
I shout out the third line and it works!
Signalling the band to go 'round again', we restart the intro.
More wibbly and farty noises.
Clarkie's amp starts to speak.
He's picking up the local mini-cab company somehow. (His guitar leads are made out of cb cable.)
Much waving and shouting and fiddling with amps.
I try and pick up the guitar riff on the synth, but it's monophonic, so not a chance.
Paul starts inserting 'jazz improviations' into the rhthym.
Jim loses the beat as a result.
Suddenly there is a flash and a bang from the backline, and the audience applauds the 'pyro'.

Clarkie's home made amp has just exploded!

Somehow we carried on and finished the gig. During the encore I was struck on the head by a thrown hippo. (Plush luckily.)

The band split up after that, though Clarkie and I kept on going, and there may be more tales from some of those gigs.
(, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 14:35, Reply)
Not quite rock and roll
Got free tickets to go and see Eminem (at least i didnt pay!) at the astoria.
Actually ended up leaving because the warm up act, Xzibit, was so sh1t.
Anyhoo there i was standing in the middle of this whacking great venue when i hear something along the lines of "yo, were here wit da sounds of the illest hip hop, dawgs"...etc
Then i see that its none other than Tim Westwood. Hes taking requests before the warmup.
i cant help myself but go up to him and give him my request.
it was something like "id like to request that you stop acting black you son of a vicar. just f off Timothy!" he wasnt impressed and returned with "why you hatin me bro?"
long story short(ish) Timothy Westwood is a c0ck

More rock and roll than that though, my mums english teacher was Mark Knopfler.
and my old man, in his yoof, drank in the same bar as Noddy Holder. no, i said NODDY not Nobby!

and thats all i have to say about that
(, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 14:26, Reply)
my last band...
i used to play bass in a three piece shite-rock band, i was only in it for the ride and tried to fit in some joy division rip off bass lines into the singer-guitarists placebo rip off songs... this singer guitarist also went out with my sister, and cheated on her with someone she knew, and so things weren't great to start with... the trouble was this bloke and the drummer really thought we were going to be huge, so i let them live in their little fantasy world, as if any french band singing in english (oh and ATROCIOUS english as well, mee being english it was hard not to listen to what was coming out of the singer-guitarists mouth, i mean what the fook does "when you came alone, i can feel you feel" mean??... but we were picked up to play in cannes at a festival, at the same time as some big media thing down the road, so the other blokes in the band thought THIS IS IT. So i proceeded to get way too drunk on wine and lager, and when it was time to play, i was incapable of playing a single note in tune or in time... anyway after our 45 minutes of fame, we stumble off stage, the others have a right go at me, tell me to piss off, i start shouting incoherantly about my sister, grab my bass, thinking i can leave the venue... unfortunately the only way out is across the stage, and another band is playing... i spot a small passage-way by the stage, but i have to clamber over the lighting rig, and i'm in view of the audience, more or less, i'll never know, so i manage to get out with no dignity whatsoever, and i start wandering the streets of cannes which is at least 500km from home, i get a taxi back to the hotel i'm staying at but the singer has the key to the room, so i have to convince the bloke on the desk that i might be drunk and babbling but i need my stuff... then taxi back to the train station, the next train is early morning so i check into a sleasy hotel who charge me twice for a horrible room... and then i take the train home. Hmmm, is that rock n roll? i'm not sure, i wasn't very proud of myself, i can smile about it now but at the time it was terrible.
(, Sat 1 Jul 2006, 13:23, Reply)

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