My mum is a paranoid schizophrenic, which is a miserable disease, but not without its lighter moments.

Phone rings at 2am

Mum: “You’re at home!?”
Me: “Yes, it’s 2am, I was in bed asleep”
Mum: “And this is your landline isn’t it”
Me: “Yes…why are you phoning me at 2am to confirm I own a landline phone?”

After a bit of questioning I got to the bottom of it. She thought I was hiding in the tree spraying stuff (poison) into her bedroom, and phoned to check where I was. After about an hour I managed to convince her that the idea of me trying to poison her was delusional and she shouldn’t worry about it. The success of my impromptu therapy session was confirmed with her saying “Yes dear, I know you would never do anything to hurt me” somewhat ruined with “it must have been your brother.”

Or the time she was convinced Al Qaeda had flown over some top operatives from Iraq to rub her out.

Not to mention the private detectives from John Lewis following her due to her returning a faulty cooker.

It’s not all fun and games though. Answering the door to the police and social services because she’d reported that we were allowing our 8 year old to be abused by strangers wasn’t my favourite day.

Everyone I’ve ever met in my life has seemed pretty sane by comparison.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 27 Sep 2012, 17:42, 7 replies)

Is your mum related to my mum?
When I was about five I put some washing-up liquid in the milk (I thought that was what adults did when they were cooking). My mum drank some in her tea, and immediately accused my sister of trying to poison her.

There are other examples. Not as exciting as yours, but phone tapping was one of them, and she never kept a job for long on account of her colleagues always 'conspiring' against her. And the neighbours were all out to get her, of course. Sigh.

Oh, and then there was the time she broke her ankle. She'd fallen on a bit of path at the back of the house, the side where my bedroom window was. Because it happened early in the morning, the curtains were shut, I was fast asleep and knew nothing about it. I heard absolutely no sounds through that window. I only discovered that she'd fallen when someone else found her, but she accused me of lying in bed and laughing while she screamed in agony.

And then there was the time she stopped answering the phone. It was just after she'd separated from my dad, so we were all a bit worried about her mental state. My sister feared the worst, and so started calling around to see if anyone had recently seen mum. Sister called my dad, and dad said "Oh yes, she's just here."

Cue a furious barrage of language from my mum: "You've been stalking me! I can't believe you've invaded my privacy like this! Why are you calling me?!"

And another time when I suggested that she ought not to remain in her marital home post-divorce because of the memories, and she immediately accused me of conspiring with my father to get her out. Ugh.
( Yo 'Ho of Charlie mass-market saucetrepreneur, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 18:52, closed)

Mental illness sucks, bad luck mate

( Jahled Three shades of black, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 20:14, closed)

Yeah it is. Although it makes her behave like the most appalling cunt, a real nasty fucker, it's not her fault.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 27 Sep 2012, 20:48, closed)

That's the hardest thing you have to somehow get through
A mate of mine royally lost the plot and it wasn't fun to be around. To his parent's credit, they didn't get him sectioned, which they really could have been quite forgiven of doing, given he was dressed in his father's Church of England clerical robes at their holiday cottage in the middle of Wales, demanding they fuck off so he can begin his breeding program. He also had a stone that could control time. He really went completely mental.

They got his brother down who slapped some sense into him, before they got him into therapy at some clinic in Harley Street.

Oddest holiday i've ever had
( Jahled Three shades of black, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 21:57, closed)

A breeding program...brilliant.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 27 Sep 2012, 22:22, closed)

If i've ever witnessed a human being who was possessed, that was it
except the 'possession' was a brain that completely broke down. The rest of us were completely shitfaced and out of our minds whilst all this was happening, until his elder brother turned up in the middle of the night and told us all to fuck off; which was probably the best thing really.

To this day I have no idea how we all drove back to London and survived
( Jahled Three shades of black, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 22:42, closed)

at least she's been diagnosed
there's a lot of boderline cases that make peoples lives misery and they don't know why
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 22:02, closed)