Absolute zero
Have a pea...

I used to work as a Saturday boy in a fruit and veg shop.

The local population were an eclectic mix of the well off, alcoholics, the old and infirm and the inhabitants of a local nut house.

We had many regulars all with their own particular quirks. Such as the crazy cat lady who would smoke a whole cigarette in about 10 seconds and who once dropped her knickers and did a massive crap in the middle of the shopping arcade.

There was also the old couple who reeked of piss and who both had beards and the man who put every individual item in separate bags – pretty time consuming when these are sprouts or grapes.

There are too many to recall, but there’s one often springs to memory.

It was Halloween and the shop had pumpkins on display around the till area. I was standing there serving with my boss’s daughter when one of the regulars turned up. He was about six foot eight, always wore shades and was never seen in anything but shorts and sandals.

He came up to the till with his goods and was about to pay when he went quiet for about ten seconds and then said this to the both of us:

“You see that (pointing at a pumpkin).

“I’ll freeze that to near absolute zero and then batter the bitch with it.”

He then left without saying a word and we never saw him again.
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 10:02, 3 replies)

Yes, but
was the daughter of the boss attractive and did you bang her?
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:17, closed)

Apologies.
Yes and no...
(Deskbound You insignificant speck of dust, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 11:55, closed)

I'll have to remember to drop a line like this next time I want to get my shopping for free.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 12:02, closed)