Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome...
to Immingham!

This is a phrase you will never hear from a local. Immingham, primarily populated by chavs, slags and people who have more tattoo's than teeth, is a place I called home for almost 13 years.

It is the home to 2 oil refineries, a gypsum board manufacturing plant and a dock, that brings in coal and titanium dioxide on huge ships. The latter helps select women-folk of the town earn money from semen....this is not a spelling mistake.

The local shopping area, called The Civic, has an historic sculpture on one of its walls, primarily constructed from bird shit and rust. This area is always populated with neanderthal-browed, teenage chavs willing to try and punch you out to gain recognition from the younger, slack-jawed female chavettes.

The estate is a wasteland. I once saw a 4 year old boy emerging from a storm drain. The local shop is built like a fortress. Teenage pregnancy, drug use and horrific violence based on someone beleiving that someone else is a nonce is rife and regular.

The school...jebus. 6 of the people I went to school with are serving time for murder. One of the guys in the year above me was Ian Huntley. The school has been on "special measures" since "special measures" were invented. GCSE pass rates rarely improve, meaning that most of the poor kids that go there end up staying in the area all of their lives. My best mate (who is a gentle soul, but still tough to survive these wicked streets) is still there. Until recently he was living on his mum's drive, in a caravan with his pregnant, teenage girlfriend.

So I nominate Immingham for Shittest B3ta Town 2009.

It really is very, very, incredibly shit.
( Beejay Proper old bastard, Thu 29 Oct 2009, 20:49, 4 replies)

"people who have more tattoo's than teeth"
click!
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Thu 29 Oct 2009, 22:43, closed)

Across t'river...
...we call it 'Immingrad'. I'm not a big fan of insulting peoples' hometowns, but Immingrad is a bloody ugly town, I have to say.
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 9:34, closed)

Double whammy
My nephew was in Huntley's class but he lives in Grimsby so who cares?
(The Jannie, Fri 30 Oct 2009, 14:35, closed)

"a 4 year old boy emerging from a storm drain"
Fux-sake.
Click!
(Connor Lingus is running this monkey farm now, Mon 2 Nov 2009, 15:15, closed)