Idiots...
I live with my grifriend in a flat in one of the rougher neighborhoods of Malmö in sweden. Shootings, murders, drugs and muggings, that sort of thing.
The people in our house are not that bad, but we have some really great characters.
There are the "people" in a flat on the first floor who I am certain are dealing drugs out of their apartment. They have visitors many times a day of a wide variety (posh dressed-up folks, scruffy persons smelling of wee, and teenagers).
Then we have the couple living underneath us who go into mad screaming, shouting and crying frenzies. Usually we hear phrazes like "I work all day and you just sit here and drink beer" (from the lady of the house), "You don't understand me!" (from the man), "I'll kill you !" (from the man), "go to hell!" (lady). This can go on for a few hours, usually at between midnight and three in the morning.
Then we have the man living next to us. He works nights, and is a bit irritable. One early morning (at about 4:00 I think) he put his stereo on full blast with a CD by one of swedens most anoying artists (the song title "my sister and the dog" should give you a clue to this genious). He did this as a sort of retaliation against the people living beneath him for being too noizy during the day when he needed to sleep. He must have a pretty good stereo since we have pretty thick concrete walls, and my first thought when it started was that our stereo in the next room must have gone nuts at full volume. One night he left his TV on at full blast with the channel set to cartoon network when he left for work, and didn't turn it off untill he got home at 8:00 in the morning.

we should move, but the rent is low....
( The little pink animal is mostly harmless, except on, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 10:18, Reply)

Maybe they come from here......?
Also, where we are now, a similar thing happened - house left derelict - but instead of squatters moving in, the owner got a seemingly permanent group of live-in builders...from the South of France.

One night, we smelt gas. It got realy strong, and seemed to be coming from outside, so we went to investigate. Out in the garden, we looked over to next door and could hear a gentle hissing sound. We called someone in asap and then all broke in (very carefully) to next door. The house was being pumped full of gas because one of the builders had cut the mains pipe wide open, and had just left it. In rural France they didn't usually have piped gas, it came from canisters so he'd probably reckoned it would just run out at some point! If anything had sparked, the amount of gas present would really have blown up half the street...we didn't sleep much that night.

Our neighbors now are quite nice, even though the eldest on one side is now doing porridge for transporting illegal immigrants in his truck ("It's ironic" says his mum "'cos he hates immigrants, he's practically a member of the BNP!") and the third son is now on the streets and has an ASBO

I feel so normal!
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 9:33, Reply)

All the scary people - where do they all come from?!
The house next door had always been flats, full of people all times of night, but when the landlord got done for dodgy property deals, the house stood empty

Not for long though

Squatters moved in, and at all times of night there would be loud music, shouting, swearing, etc etc. There was a kid around my age there too (about 8 at the time) and she had so mnay piercings you could use her ears as seives, and she had spiky purple hair (which was kinda cool) but they were bloody scary- the police eventually came round and took them away after several months, and we went next door to see that they'd smeared shit all over the walls, dug up some of the trees from the graden and had shoved the roots through the walls, and generally just trashed the place...nice.
( Hampster Squared has stuff at www.tilla.co.uk, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 9:32, Reply)

Scary Neighbours
My next door neighbour used to be a middle-aged woman who was a science teacher at my school. My bedroom window gave me a perfect view of her sunbathing topless in her garden.

Now THAT was scary.
(Fuiru Sting, where is thy death?, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 9:21, Reply)

Bodysnatcher
We have a neighbor, Dave, several houses down that I refer to as The Bodysnatcher (nothing interesting about it -- he actually just helps the local Medical Examiner on weekends with "body pick-ups"). Dave sits in his backyard, always with a beer can in hand, and stares at any neighbors in view. If you dare to make eye contact, he stares back without flinching. Continue to stare and he'll walk up for mindless chatter about nonsense. Last week he told me the neighborhood's going bad. When I stupidly asked why, he replied "It's getting a little dark a few blocks over." One day I was trying to remove some old fenceposts, so he came over (beer always in hand) and watched me dig .... for 20 minutes. Left when I told him there was an extra shovel for him. Strangely, we never see him drink out of the beer can .... he just holds it.

Not as bad as the elderly deaf couple next door. They communicate by yelling as loud as they can .... a lot of "WHA ??? HUH? SAY AGAIN? At least we can have loud parties that they'll never hear.
(Tukatz, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 7:33, Reply)

Not scary..
But closest thing...

Live in an apartment next to an apartment. The aparement has several young people. The loud parties, I can deal with as I'm a late riser, nightowl or whatever you want to call it.

Now, the praticing drums at 4am is something elese entierly.

No bad jokes about length/width/height or how deep it went.
(Bearfoot, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 6:37, Reply)

Wanda Waterbuckets
Scariest neighbor ever? I lived in a rough bit of the city, the part where you could walk one block and have access to anything - drugs, elicit sex, stolen goods, your neighbor's wife. Across the street from my house was a hotel, the rent-by-the-hour type, which had weekly rates as well for those needing cheap temporary housing. One of the long-term occupants we dubbed Wanda Waterbuckets. Wanda had the intriguing habit - almost nightly - of walking from her hotel room with a full pitcher of water to the traffic light, and pouring the water on the base. She would do this for hours. We figured she was watering the light, trying to help it grow. One rainy night, she changed tactics and spent the evening trying to fling a wet newspaper inside the traffic light. She was at it for hours; and it paid off, us watching her, for the dance she performed when she actually succeeded. Brilliant entertainment, that, until one day she fell out of a truck - just fell perfectly straight like a board - on to her face. An ambulance came to get her and we never saw her again.

Godspeed, Wanda Waterbuckets, you entertained us all.
(tragerstreit, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 5:32, Reply)

My current ones are genreally alright,
but occasionally we hear a slam against the wall followed by a man shouting and a woman crying. It is most disconcerting, especially if you're trying to go to sleep.

My old neighbours were absolute nutters. We used to have a woman called Margaret who was quite nice apart from having the telly on so loud you could hear Fifteen-to-One through the walls.

Next door to her we had Bad Bob and Mad Sharon. They had a dog called Gizmo which would chase ice-cream vans. They also had a daughter who stepped on a kitten which my dad then drove to cat hospital (a fucking long way). One time Mad Sharon punched Margaret in the face on her doorstep. I never knew why. But my dad went out to break it up, and Sharon kept telling him she was going to hit him. My dad said, you can try. So Sharon said she would. And my dad said, go on. And she said, "no, I really am going to hit you." And my dad said "well, come on then." And Sharon went inside.

Margaret moved out after that. She was replaced by a family of Albanians. They didn't speak very good english, if at all, but at new year they played very loud polka music. This impressed me quite a lot. I could hear them dancing and on the beat they would shout "WHEYYY!". As far as I could tell it was a similar style of dance to the one used in Cottoneye Joe.

They had to move out too after they let the place out, even though it was a council house. They were replaced by a woman with seven children and an eighth on their way. I don't know what happened with them, but one time somebody else came and punched them in the face on the doorstep. I don't know, maybe the house was cursed or something. Her son is now in prison for the rape of Cushdy Chris, a man who lived across the street and let young boys smoke marijuana in his house. Somebody set fire to his couch and after that the whole thing was ruined. My neighbour's son took the fall for it on an utterly bollocks conviction of rape. I think he gets out next month.

So in short if you live next door to me, you're probably a complete nutter. Don't move to the east end. It's shit.

Reid
( Reid got it going on like Donkey Kong, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 1:10, Reply)

Scary neighbor kid and the lawnmower guy
There is a boy about my age who lives down the road who I was always forbidden to play with. I never knew why until one day all the neighborhood kids were out playing as happy neighborhood kids do. Out of nowhere this kid appears and begins hurling rocks at us and shouting lots of words that we'd never heard before (our parents weren't pleased when we later repeated them).

Fast forward a few years, cue me and best friend/neighbor entertaining another of our friends at her house. We see strange neighbor kid wandering around in the street outside, lots of "Oh God, that kid is so weird!", explanations to the other friend, and giggling at the kid bobbing his head and singing along to the music in his headphones.

Our giggling fun was soon ruined by the discovery that the headphones weren't connected to anything. He was twirling the loose end about and dancing like a spazoid. We promptly locked the door and shut the curtains.


About two years ago a new neighbor moved into a house on the corner. We first suspected something was awry when we saw him mowing his lawn with one of those huge ride-on lawnmowers.

Only his lawn was only about three square yards. Max.

On Satudays the entire neighborhood would be serenaded to The Lion Sleeps Tonight blasted through his stereo from about 10 in the morning until about 4 in the afternoon.

And the bastard cut down all of the lovely blackberry bushes on my property while I was away on vacation because "they were growing into his garage" 20 feet away. I don't give him any blackberry pies now.
(sponch!, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 0:57, Reply)

Grimness with goats
My old neighbours used to sacrifice goats in the back garden.
I say sacrifice... I mean, mutilate on a small slab of concrete then leave out for a few days for the local dogs to come and 'soften' it up. After that the goat would dissapear, just in time for Sunday lunch. Strangley enough my family never accepted their offers to share the roast.
No, I'm being serious. The goat pie was delicious, and the canine saliva added just the right amount of rabies to be palatable. It's a shame I couldn't convince them to join us. Lovley lovely people, those neighbours. Brilliant.
(Anthisan, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 0:47, Reply)

Dog graves in next door's garden
Our nextdoor neighbours left their washing machine on whilst they went out, it went on fire and took out most of the house and their two little jack russells. The strange thing was.. they actually buried the dogs in their (rather small) garden, and THEN got them gravestones and THEN built a kind ofwooden structure around it all and covered it in flowers. After that, if the ball went in their garden we just left it. It was fucking scary.
(carpetburns, Sun 28 Aug 2005, 0:18, Reply)

Oh Gosh Yes
You must understand that I'm pretty well-to-do and live in a very nice listed cottage.

Kevin next door, a "scrap metal dealer" has amassed 65 visits from the police since he arrived in 2002 that I'm aware of, so there's doubtless countless more.

"Von", down the road, recently built a wall across a (nice) neighbour's garden, claiming that he owned the land.

A senile ex-army officer believes that he owns the whole area and struts about proclaiming this loudly.

We paid a SERIOUS lot of money for this house. It should be worth a lot more now. Any buyer meeting one of these three characters will be away like a shot.

I'm posting this on a jocular site, but really this stuff just ain't funny...
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 22:47, Reply)

I attract them...
When I was a tiny baby, mum looked out of the window to see a naked asian man standing in the street, covered in blood, and holding a fuck-off big knife. He was a mentalist and had just cut his toddler daughter's throat.

Then when my parents divorced and we moved we had settled gypsies on one side who then got evicted and left all the taps on when they moved out - they ruined our carpets.
Then on the other side there was a nutcase alcoholic who had seven thug children (and five regretted abortions she used to come over and cry at mum about regularly) who got drunk and high every Monday (Giro) and got abusive. Finally her son (who once climbed through our bedroom window and stole our bestest jar of marbles!) beat up my five-year-old sister the day after she got out of hospital after surgery and the mother *seriously* threatened to kill us all... so we got moved; in a hurry.

(Mum actually saw her a few years ago, she's clean and sober, and apologised for everything.)

The emergency accomodation was the nicest place ever. An isolated cul-de-sac in the countryside where stressed families could relax. It was lovely, until a family of inbred halfwits moved next door - I swear when the West family made the news a few years later they reminded me of them. They were generally just *annoying* and mucky, but haha they didn't get rehoused in a nice area like the rest of us!


And my friend's nanan's neighbours were fucking nightmares, everytime they went into the garden the neighbours (elderly!) used to shoot outside and chuck things over the fence or run their lawn mower on the path!


Not a Scary Neighbour per se, but when my mum moved into a new house as a teenager, they dug up a prototype *fish and chip vending machine*!
(b3ta2, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 22:45, Reply)

Living over a complete fuckwit.
We lived in a council flat over a guy who used to scream and headbutt the ceiling, the wall, the window, anything. If we turned over in bed at 3am, he'd starting howling "AAAARRGGGGHHH! FUCK OFF ! FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFAAAARRRKKK!"

One day, while Mrs Scars was in bed after a night shift, he came up and kicked the door in. Luckily he didn't come in, and when she woke up she rang the law and he was taken away for questioning. No charges were brought.

Two days later, I poured water onto the bathroom floor until I reckoned it would start going through, got a claw hammer and waited. He came up, I showed him the hammer and starting counting down from 10.

Not a fucking peep for the next 2 years.

Mind you, the girl next to him used to set fire to her flat every six months, but that's care in the community for you.
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 22:16, Reply)

Noisey neigbours
When in my old student house with my mates, we could hear him watching porn at all hours, and the noisey yelps she made while they were shagging in the room next door to mine. They soon stopped being noisey when every they shagged i would turn up loud a recording of the birdy song and keep it on loop until they had fininshed. they soon stopped.
Although i was told they started noisey shagging one afternoon while the police where at our house for something.
They also broke into out house and stole an X box, but why didnt they take the controllers next to it? daft shits.
They left the house in the end without paying rent and leaving a mattrrss on fire in the living room. Oh great days.
(funkie, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 20:37, Reply)

One of the people up my street
burnt themselves to death due to depression - their wife got really paranoid after that though and was scared he would come back to haunt her... the good news is they got a new fence on insurance 'cause the old one got burnt down. It's all a bit depressing...
(Alfinch With wisdom comes owls, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 20:35, Reply)

WITCH!
When I was little and living in Essex, an old lady/hag replaced a young family whos Dad had been killed in a car crash. She used to winge that this bit of grass on the side of our car drive was heres as it was at the other side of her fence even though she never cut it.

She also cut a hole in this part of the fence that went into our garden so her cat (her familiar) would shit all over our garden. Me and my sister covered the hole with a bit of wood as my mum got upset about it and this screaching yell followed where we hid in a neighbours side passage. She was waving her stick and in a rather German accent shouting "it iz for der cat to come out!"

A week later my sis got a cardboard 'make a ventriloquists (sp?) dummy head' kit ad we built a dumy at her window that over looked the witches garden. We took shifts of making it look like it was talking, waving a fake arm we had with "go away witch!" written on the window.

We were good kids, honest!
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 20:12, Reply)

Gangster Neighbours..
Not my own neigbhours but a good friends.. One day his kids were playing on the street and one of the kids done something naughty and of course went to dad "Dad little billy just scratched that car" - of course dad responded "Never grass your brother up like that" and promptly got hit around the head.
It was no suprise a few weeks later that armed police stormed the house as he was wanted for armed robbery.
(The_artist_formally_known_as_alz0r, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 19:56, Reply)

A council estate in the 70s...
My otherwise abnormal were made to look normal by the neighbours eitherside of our council house.
To the left was an old boy who would set fire to anything, wether my mother had put washing out or not it didnt seem to matter, also he had a weird voice, he used to call out for his dog 'suzy'.. very comical...
To the right, well, the eldest was handicapped, poor chap, nice enough tho, the others were just weird. The constant screaming, shouting, swearing was horrendous, they was never called by their proper names, they had weird names derived from their proper names.. No suprise that most of them ended going to 'special' school and that one of them attempted to burn down a caravan with the family inside it..
Nice neighbours :)
(The_artist_formally_known_as_alz0r, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 19:54, Reply)

HE'S... PISSING ON MY DOOR...
...my old neighbour pissed on my front door in the night. I hit him with a piece of wardrobe... he ran down the stairs, out of the communal door... and got run over by a police car. I spent a night in the cells... AND I had to clean up the piss! I moved away from the cunt... and made a fat profit!
(cuntymints Cuntymints, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 17:57, Reply)

99 luft balloon
Tuesday night, in my lovely new flat in Berlin, I awoke to discover my new neighbours were in fact insane, they had started singing 99 luft balloon (the original version of 99 red balloons go by) at 3am. If this were not bad enough, they then followed this with simply the best, there is no call for Tina Turner at ANY time, yet alone 3 in the morning
(standardcrow, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 17:51, Reply)

We're sandwiched between them here
On one side there's a 45 year old socially inept nutcase who lives with his mother in the bedroom he grew up in. He's only just recently redecorated his room , sadly stripping down the Noddy wallpaper. He's known to shout to himself quite violently, and oftentimes to his dear old mum who is a bit of a dot cotton type - giving chance after chance.
What perplexes me is the fact that he's a black cab driver. Who'd get in a cab driven by a 6ft, grant mitchell but heftier, sociopath is beyond me. He must ferry rent boys around kings cross i guess.

The chap on the other side of our house is just as crackers. Thankfully he's not done this for a few years but there've been nights where I couldn't sleep for his wailing. Non-stop until the early hours. Crying, shouting, guttural noises the lot. Not to mention the time he was standing in his porch, front door open, furiously bashing his bishop with one hand and slapping his arse with t'other at 2 o/c in the morning shouting "yee-haw", i kid thee not. A few choice words from myself ("get back in your house you fucking cunt") followed by a few golf balls in his general direction for good measure sorted him out and he's been much better behaved since. We think he's a care in the community job, he certainly looks dosed up on something when he see him walking his dog (innuendo at your own discretion...)

And that's the story of my two scary neighbours
( applehead herp derp, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 17:18, Reply)

On the whole I can't complain,
but there is some mad old Irish lady a few doors down who delivers us all her post daily. When we point out thats is her name, she insists its for the 'immigrants' before taking it back and walking home.

Poor thing...
(catfetish, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 17:04, Reply)

My current neighbours are cool!
In number 8, there is a lad I used to get hammered with, and his young lady. In number 6, I know them not, but they are nice and quiet, and have 2 nice cars.
BUT....
.... they have a scary neighbour.
Living at number 7, is an alcoholic, noisy b3tan, by the name of regtf.
Poor bastards.
( the wild elk Freeing excellence affects reality, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 16:51, Reply)

Present ok, but a few years back
I was between houses and staying with a mate.
In the attic of his apartment building were storage areas, one for each of the residents.
They were made like wooden cages so you could see what they contained. Mostly old bikes and boxes of tools.

Except for one.

His neighbour upstairs had lined his cage with plasterboard and calcked up the gaps between panels and the floor and ceiling.
It was completely soundproof and had two huge industrial sized locks.
The neighbours were disturbingly quiet and they would often go upstairs to their storage area at the dead of night.
[I bumped onto them on the stairs a few times]
They also looked a little, ahem, disturbed.

I was glad when I moved out into my own place.
( coder.keitaro I like pies!, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 16:32, Reply)

Mine....
having ripped down the house they brought of our lovely old lil lady ex-neighbour, are rebuilding, they hired the cheapest labour they could find, they are all pervs and cannot for the life of them build a house, they've been at it for a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very long time, really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really have. But i found my own way to place revenge on all their night time drilling and banging, i dug a hole in our garden found same clay made it into small clay balls and pelted their garden and half-house...Was a lot of fun and my mother even joined in but her aim is just shit and she hit me on the head but i did "not" brake one of their windows...!!

They set fire to our fences the bastards...!!



PEace...!!
(Bhougal...hang me upside down from a banana tree and call me BERTTIE BHOUGAL>>>Oh Yeah...!!, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 16:20, Reply)

Five miles from Basildon, fifteen from Southend and soss-slinging South Woodham Ferrers...
Surrounded for miles and miles by chavs. House is on a street corner, so all summer (and winter too, never would have happened in my day (1995)), between the hours of 6.30am and 11pm, the streets to the fore and aft of my house are filled with horrible children whose only method of communication is high-pitched screaming. Anyone know where I can get an air gun?

Scary because I can't believe that any parent would let their kid behave like that- and we all know how much Sovereign-smoking mothers of six love to be given family advice by a pretentious but obviously superior student. Still, I'm not the only b3tan round here, and it's got to be better than halls.
(underachiever, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 16:03, Reply)

Grrr
My neighbour always parks her little Puegeot 106 too far over so nobody can park either side of her! she is about 55 and sunbaths topless in the garden, it spoils my view.
then theres the obvious old couple across the road who put a knife through your football, i got them back by planting acorns in their front garden in the hope that they will grow, but that never happened.
(dani_B Bollocks, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 15:39, Reply)

My neighbour is in the mafia! ...probably.
Well, at least, that's what I think.

I have a neighbour that recieves parcels containing bullets and guns (he's licenced to own guns and stuff though) and he is visited late at night by people with expensive cars and grey hair like that guy out of collateral. He rarely comes out, rarely says hello and is often away from the house for long periods. Business trips? Or maybe he's an assassin? He's slightly fat with the look of a banker, maybe a small part of a larger organisation. Maybe he's funding a terrorist cell?

He has no pets, no wife, his kids are grown up and he lives alone. He collects guns and has far too many bullets for just some gun collector's club. He's up to something, I know it...
(Catfish Ma, why can't I draw? "Because you have fins dear", Sat 27 Aug 2005, 15:36, Reply)

hammers!
my neighbours are always doing DIY, banging away at the wall with their hammers.

Yesterday they called me a paranoid freak. In morse code.

Bastards.
(soma9766, Sat 27 Aug 2005, 15:02, Reply)