It being a catholic school...
...assemblies were usually a bit God-themed. Usually this would take the form of some poor teacher desperately labouring to make a tenuous connection between that week's news events and the story of Jesus. Occasionally, though, they'd wheel in the Evangelicals from wherever they were safely confined, just to mix it up a bit.

On this occasion the theme was the evils of pre-marital frottery, and there was already a palpable tension in the room, even before our guest speaker decided the best way to 'connect' with 500 giggling adolescents was to announce that he'd remained a virgin until he got married. At the age of 36.

The headmaster actually facepalmed, as 500 sets of stifled hysterics filled the hall with a haze of vapourised spit.

We'd heard the story of Jesus a thousand times, but it's not every day you get to witness a shiny-eyed, chunky-knit, tambourine-basher* openly admitting to being far less sexually experienced than about half of his audience, and his expression of crushed horror when he realises he's massively misjudged their reaction.

He wasn't invited back.

*Literally and metaphorically.
(Joy Division Oven Gloves Death to false metal, Tue 18 Jun 2013, 10:12, 2 replies)

I like this

(ringofyre, Tue 18 Jun 2013, 20:21, closed)

so do I

(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Tue 18 Jun 2013, 20:22, closed)